Holding On
by New Decade
Summary: Just when everything seems to start settling into place, a bump in the road can change it all. When things get too hard and your hand is slipping from all you hold dear, do you choose to continue holding on or to give up and let go?
1. Disappointments

I've had this story on my mind for some time and hopefully it's half as good typed as it is in my mind.

This will contain tons of angst/drama/romance, fair warning for those who have an angst phobia. If you are a nut for this stuff then I hope you enjoy this story.

* * *

Chapter 1

Disappointments

Calleigh paced up and down the length of bathroom, wringing her hands as she refused to look at the sink countertop where it lay. She checked her watch for the thousandth time; she had a minute and a half to go. She sighed in frustration as she ran her fingers back over her hair, pushing it out of her face. This waiting was agony; she'd thought that with all the new inventions coming out these days, they would be able to make a pregnancy test that could give you a result in less than three minutes.

Calleigh knew that she didn't have to go through this waiting alone, that she could have always told Eric she was taking yet another test. But she didn't want to take the chance of disappointing him again, besides, she'd be disappointed enough for her and her husband.

Time ticked by slowly, seconds felt like hours and minutes felt like days, the way it always was while she awaited these results. Calleigh's heart was starting to race as time drew nearer. She finally conceded to looking at her watch again, time was finally up. Sighing again, this time in relief, she rushed back over to the sink. She took a deep breath before picking up the white stick.

_Please, be positive, _she prayed, inwardly. _Please, be positive._

She looked at it for less than one second before slamming it against the cold granite and turning away from it. The only thing the test read was a single thin blue line. Negative. Calleigh rolled her lips and blinked back a few tears, staring at the ceiling, as disappointment washed over her. She should have known this would happen, she had only been two days late it wasn't like that called for a rush to the drug store to buy this test, it could merely have just been a coincidence. Calleigh closed her eyes and exhaled sharply through her nose, who was she kidding? She had gotten her hopes up higher than the Eiffel Tower and she knew it. She really thought this time…that it had finally happened.

The again, she'd been saying that for the last two years now. Month after month, it seemed hope came knocking at their door, then it seemed to be shot out from under them just as quickly.

"Cal! You almost ready?" called Eric from down the hall.

Snapping back, Calleigh grabbed her purse from behind the sink and shoved the negative test inside it, she'd dispose of it at work so Eric wouldn't accidentally stumble upon it here. She quickly blinked away the tears and masked her disappointment, something she had become quite familiar with over the recent years. Either on the days she took a pregnancy test to have it come back negative (like today) or the days she got her period when she'd be hoping she'd miss, hiding disappointment was a great skill needed to dodge a load of questions and looks. Like she was trying to do now with the one person she thought she'd never have to hide anything from.

Calleigh had one last look in the mirror, making sure she had hid all evidence of any tears that may of spilled over. Her face was clear and she took a deep breath before calling out to Eric, not completely trusting her voice.

"Coming!" she called back, her voice sounding normal, she must have been better at concealing emotions than she thought; even the emotions hardest to bear alone.

* * *

Calleigh drove in her car on the way to work as Eric drove his, grateful for a few extra minutes of alone time as a subject she didn't want to think about crashed through the walls of her brain.

Two years, twenty-four months and month after month came through with an indescribable disappointment. Calleigh had tried everything she could think of, diets rumored to make women more fertile, she exercised regularly, she stayed away from any alcohol, she had sat down to figure out the times she was most likely to conceive, but nothing seemed to work.

Maybe it was time to admit the bitter truth, something was wrong.

_No! _Calleigh thought, trying to reason with herself. _You just haven't been trying that long._

She groaned at herself because she knew that was just a bitter lie.

The truth was Calleigh thought that there was something wrong. Maybe she had some kind of genetic disorder or something, but she tried to focus on the positive. Both she and Eric were young, it'd happen for them evidently…right?

The question was when was it going to happen.

* * *

"Twenty-year-old Sam O'Donnell, took a bullet to the chest. I was able to retrieve the ballistics evidence for you," Tom said, handing over the nine-mil bullet, in an evidence bag, to Calleigh.

_Ballistics. _Yes, Calleigh thought.

There was nothing like a good few minutes in her firearms lab to try and make her forget all the worries harboring over her.

"Thanks, Tom," she said, taking the evidence with a smile before turning to leave the morgue. She was thankful that today she and Eric had to work separate from each other, him at the scene and her at the lab, she wasn't ready to speak to him. He would be a reminder of that morning and mornings like it. She couldn't endure that just yet. Luckily, she now had her beloved firearms to keep her mind busy.

She pulled out the suspected murder weapon to do a few test shots so she would have something to compare the bullet Tom found in the victim to. She put on the safety goggles, filled the magazine and pulled the slide as she prepared to shoot.

Guns had always been simple to Calleigh. To some, they were too complicated, but for Calleigh they had been easier and had come more natural to her than any other skill she had ever learned. She knew this was a huge oxymoron, but she had always found peace with guns. Calleigh knew if the gun was cleaned and put together correctly, that it would work efficiently and fire the bullet. Guns were simple, life was too. Only, life could be cleaned, changed and rearranged as many times as you wanted but it still wouldn't always work out the way you wanted it. When you pulled a trigger on a gun you knew a bullet would come blasting out the barrel, when you pulled a trigger on life you didn't always get what you wanted. Life was simple, but that didn't mean life was easy. Guns were easy; Calleigh wondered why life couldn't work as easily as a gun did.

And with that, she pulled the trigger and a bullet came shooting out. Just like she knew it would. Calleigh fired again, taking out all her anger and disappointment with every squeeze of the trigger. She stopped when she knew all the bullets had been fired and lowered the gun. She put the gun on the table, pulled off the safety goggles and placed them next to the gun. Calleigh continued to stare at the table.

Calleigh realized what was happening, she was reaching her breaking point. How much more disappointment was she able to take? How many more times could she handle looking at a blue line? How many more times would she have to wake up to cramps, which told her there was no point in taking a test? How much longer were they going to try until they just gave up?

Calleigh bit her lip as she tried to control her emotions; eyes never leaving the table.

She then felt a hand, _his _hand, slide across the small of her back. She gathered herself up, quickly, as she remembered that Eric didn't know about the negative pregnancy test that was now sitting at the bottom of the trashcan in the lobby.

"Hi," she looked up at him, smiling the best she could.

"Hey, you all right?" he asked, he hadn't missed the haunted look in her eye's.

"Yeah," she said, lightheartedly. "I've just got bullet's coming in by the bucket load and I just needed to…pause a second. Did you guy's get anything else at the scene?" she asked, subtly changing the subject.

"Nothing, we searched the entire scene and couldn't get as much as a print…so all we've got is this gun," Eric sighed.

"Well," Calleigh said, picking up a pair of pliers and walking over to the target. "Let see if that gun is the murder weapon, run the bullets through IBIS and, hopefully, we'll get lucky," she said with her false smile as she yanked out the test-fired bullets.

Eric had known Calleigh long enough to know when she was truly okay and when she was just putting on a mask. From the anguished look she had when he walked in to the now forced cheer she was projecting, he knew she was concealing something…something she didn't even want to tell him. Eric could venture a guess on what it was and he knew he'd probably be right.

It was the third week of the month, the one time of the month she always grew especially anxious about, and now she was putting up this brave front that wasn't there for the past two days. If anything, the last two days she seemed to be nothing but smiles with a hint of joy and excitement in her dark green eyes. Now it was like suddenly that light had been unplugged within the course of twelve hours. That could only mean one thing, he had seen Calleigh like this before, countless times at around this time of the month. It meant they hadn't succeeded…yet again.

Eric became slightly disappointed as Calleigh's behavior made the truth known. He and Calleigh had both been hoping to have kids ever since they got married almost five years ago. At first, they didn't try too hard and thought it would just happen naturally. But after two and a half years and Calleigh still wasn't pregnant they decided to try…really try.

Yet they were still in the same position they had been then…childless.

Eric was disappointed, but he knew his disappointment was nothing compared to emotions of that of the woman who he had pledged his life and love to until death separated them. Calleigh sat comparing the two bullets under the microscope, acting like nothing was wrong, as Eric watched. He wanted to just take her in his arms and talk to her, but he knew this wasn't the time or place.

This also wasn't the right time for his phone to ring, but it did. He sighed and glanced at Calleigh one last time before answering his phone.

"Delko?" he addressed himself to the person on the other line.

Calleigh rotated one of the bullets under the lens of the microscope to see if any of the striations matched the bullet pulled from the vic as Eric talked to someone on the phone about the case.

"Okay, I'll be right down," Eric said, hanging up before speaking to Calleigh. He knew Calleigh wouldn't want him to know about the revelation he just made, here of all places especially not so, so he decided he'd delay the discussion for later at home. So, he simply acted like he was none the wiser. "Wolfe said found something interesting at the crime scene, he wants me to come check it out."

"Okay, I'll call you when I get these results," she said, glancing up from the microscope for a second to speak to him before looking back down.

Eric couldn't just leave her like this without some words of assurance or something. He felt the need to help her get through the rest of the day in someway, shape or form without telling her what he had just discovered.

He walked over to her at the exam table.

"Hey," he whispered, softly as he placed one of his hands on the side of her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb. He had changed his voice to a more personal level than it had been a few seconds ago when they'd been discussing work.

She turned to look up at him, his face inches from hers. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers, she returned his kiss. She needed this, a distraction from all that was wrong for a mere few moments. She didn't question why he did this; for once, she didn't want there to be questions and answers or why's and ifs. She just wanted things to be there without even putting in an effort.

Knowing they couldn't do this for too long, he gently leaned away from her, the kiss breaking.

"I love you," he said to her, softly.

Calleigh could feel emotions building up inside her that just wanted her to hold onto Eric and never let go, but she knew that wasn't an option, so she continued to act like nothing was slowly eating her alive.

"I love you, too," she whispered back, but her voice cracked. Eric didn't seem to notice, or so she thought, but he saw the sadness in her eyes that she couldn't hide by putting up cheerful dialogue or fixed smiles.

"I'll see you later," Eric said, knowing that he had to go because even though at times it seemed like their world stopped spinning, they knew the outside world wasn't going to stop and wait for them to catch up.

"See you later," Calleigh echoed.

And with that Eric walked out the door.

* * *

No matter what she did the rest of the day, whether it was run trace, lift a fingerprint or drive home, it had all been mechanical. Her mind wouldn't one hundred percent move to another subject other than the depressing one she'd carried all day. This was all just so unfair. Everything that seemed so simple for everyone else seemed so much harder to get for her and Eric. Like for her to admit that she actually had fallen in love with Eric, something most women can admit so freely. For her it was difficult to let someone in on such a personal level, due to the fear of getting hurt like she had in the past. Then with the laws and regulations from IAB about officer fraternization, they feared that they could never move beyond the step of hiding. But maybe something good did come from the Russian shoot out a few years ago; it revealed Eric and Calleigh's relationship and they didn't lose their jobs because of it, Calleigh could of swore they had a future in hand. Then Eric left and things between her and him crumbled, but that was only a short amount of time, he eventually returned to CSI and they had been able to work things out. Once married and settled down, Calleigh thought it would be an easy road, that maybe God was giving them a break. Now, though, that they wanted to have kids, they had been thrown another curveball and they were striking out.

Eric walked into the kitchen as the sun started to sink below the horizon line to see Calleigh with her arms resting on the countertop as she watched the coffee brew in the pot, but Eric could see her mind was elsewhere.

Eric knew he had to approach the subject he couldn't bring up earlier, she shouldn't have to go through this alone. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into his chest. She began to lean on him instead of the edge of the counter, arms folded in front of her chest. Eric gently put his lips to the crook of her neck.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked, gradually opening up the floodgates.

Calleigh nodded.

"Yeah, I'm just tired," Calleigh replied, trying to maintain her strength so he didn't have to hear the truth.

"Cal," Eric said, gently, as he tried to coax the truth out of her. "What's going on?"

_Damn_, Calleigh thought, maybe she wasn't getting better with the hiding of her emotions.

"Nothing," Calleigh lied, but her voice rose an octave.

Eric slid one of his arms from around her waist and up her back until curved over her shoulder and gently ran his hand up and down her forearm in a soothing motion. Calleigh was slowly feeling herself come undone under his touch.

But she couldn't get the words out, luckily she didn't have to.

"You took another test, didn't you?" he assumed in a comforting voice, hand still rubbing her arm.

Calleigh let out a shuddering breath.

"Am I that obvious?" she asked.

"No…I just know you," Eric reassured her.

Calleigh let her head drop into her hand for a moment. This wasn't fair on him; he shouldn't have to deal another failure and watching her fall a part. Calleigh wasn't normally like this, she was usually so strong and things didn't normally affect her too much, this was probably the only exception.

She took a deep breath before and looking back out the window, folding her arms back over her chest as she did so.

"It came out negative," she admitted, she knew he'd already figured that, but she said it aloud anyway.

Eric could hear the heaviness in her voice as the words escaped her lips. He pulled her closer.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Eric asked.

Calleigh's shoulders stiffened, they were going way too deep into this conversation and it was making it hard to keep the tears at bay.

"I just didn't want you to get your hopes up and for you to end up disappointed, like-," her voice broke on the last bit, knowing that once again she had deprived both of them of the family they wanted to have.

Eric knew what she would have said if she hadn't stopped.

"You got your hopes pretty high, didn't you," this wasn't a question, but a simple fact that Calleigh couldn't deny.

Calleigh closed her eyes and nodded.

"I was late, I've been more tired than usual lately…" Calleigh started to list before shaking her head and opened her eyes. "I just thought that it finally happened."

Eric gave her arm a gentle, reassuring, squeeze.

"Someday, it will," Eric promised her.

Calleigh honestly wanted to believe him, but that was what he always said. He would always say _"There's still time," "We'll figure something out,"_ or _"We are going to be alright." _Basically, a series of one-liners that used to give her some ray of light at the end of the day, but they were recently starting to sound more and more like false hope.

Calleigh looked at the floor.

"What if it doesn't?"

Eric didn't know whether this question was rhetorical or not, but he answered her anyway. He put his lips to the top of his wife's head and whispered into her hair.

"It will."

Calleigh watched as the rest of golden orb, which was sun, sink below the surface of the Earth. Another day had ended, and another one-liner refused to offer her comfort.


	2. Dreams and Reality

Chapter 2

Dreams and Reality 

_Almost five years ago…_

Calleigh walked into the house for probably the thousandth time in the past month; she knew it basically by heart. She and Eric would normally spend their lunch breaks together in this soon-to-be-home, but today Eric had to go diving in the Everglades in the hopes of finding more evidence for a case, giving her a chance to walk through the house alone.

The two had mutually decided on this house together, it was the perfect place to move into and start their knew lives together after they got married in two short weeks. The house was in a safe neighborhood, close to both the lab and a local school. It wasn't like the all too extravagant houses in Miami, but more like a comfy home that could have belonged on any street of America. With brown bricks, a front porch and a green backyard, the two-bedroom house was perfect in every way imaginable, almost as though it was sculpted specifically for them to stumble upon and buy.

It all was so perfect, Calleigh thought. The house was beautiful, not too big, but not too small. The expense was in their price range, it was centered in a place safe enough to raise a family and start re-writing her family history, one certain to be better than the one she had with her parents in Louisiana.

The clanking of Calleigh's heels resonated through the empty house as they hit the wooden floor. An automatic smile graced her lips as she took it all in, her hand running across the pale painted wall, familiarizing herself with the houses comforting warmth as she walked down the hall to the bedrooms.

Across from the master bedroom was another room, which was there for one purpose and one purpose only, a purpose their realtor had guessed dead-on as she took the two on a tour through the house.

"Here's the second bedroom," the woman smiled as the engaged couple walked into the room, which was lit up by the sun that flittered into the bedroom. "This space can be used as an office, a guestroom, or you can just use it as a nursery if you two decide to have children."

Eric and Calleigh exchanged a smile at the idea as they took in the room. The room was a good size, plenty of room for a crib (which could be switched out for a bed later on) and room for a few other additional pieces of furniture.

Walking back into the room now, Calleigh could see the image of this being a baby's room clearer than ever. The room was empty for now, but Calleigh had the feeling it wouldn't be for long. Ever since she found out about Eric wanting to have children and him wanting to settle down with her not too long ago, before they were together, the idea at the time seemed nothing more than a fantasy. But now that she had an engagement ring on her left hand and was standing in a room planned for a child, it suddenly seemed as though things were falling into place. Calleigh's heart raced with excitement every time she thought this. The idea of holding a child that was half her and half Eric melted her heart, not the easiest thing you could do to Calleigh Duquesne (soon to be Delko). In all honesty, Calleigh wouldn't be surprised if in about a year this room would be complete with a baby boy or girl asleep in his or her crib.

_Present…_

Calleigh now stood in the same room, reliving that moment. If the dreams she had then had come true, she and Eric would probably have tucked their son or daughter in bed hours ago as the moon rose higher and higher in the darkness. Instead, she stood in the room, which was still just as bare as the day the house was bought.

Back then, the idea of not having children together didn't seem to be a problem, because it never seemed to be a possibility. They never considered the idea of _not _becoming parents; it just wasn't an option. But after years of disappointment and a still empty room, the idea seemed very real. It hurt Calleigh to admit that to herself.

Calleigh would never, and she knew Eric would feel the same way, do anything to this room that wasn't its intended purpose. Turning it into a guestroom or a place for storage wasn't going to be possible, not after being able to see this as a room for a third Delko so clearly. She would much rather stand in this room remembering what they could've had, instead of erasing the dreams completely from existence.

Calleigh tried to remember that, even though it didn't seem so, there was hope. She realized she was thinking as though all possibility had vanished, while it still lingered. Eric still seemed to be holding on after years of disappointment and still thought that it could happen one day.

_Maybe I should take a page out of his book,_ she thought. Calleigh did wonder, however, how much more disappointment Eric was going to be able to take. Her threshold for disappointment had been dropping for quite sometime and kept sinking, she pondered how high or low Eric's was.

Calleigh walked over to the window and glanced out into the night, resting her palms against the wooden frame. It was a beautiful night; a full moon hanging in the sky was surrounded by thousands of shining stars. The glow of the moon set a pale look over the block, giving it almost a black-and-white movie persona. If only they were a black-and-white movie, where things normally had a way of working out for the better. God, Judy Garland and Lucille Ball made life look so damn easy in those days. Life didn't work out for Calleigh and Eric the same way it seemed to do for Dorothy Gale or Lucy Ricardo. Then again, that was TV; in other words, fake, an illusion. Just like the moon right now, making everything seem okay, when it wasn't.

Calleigh knew she had to get out of here, it had been a long day and sleep was gaining on her. She had been lying in bed for a few hours but couldn't sleep. Calleigh dared herself to look at the moon a final time. The illusion of simplicity the moon cast on the Earth below may have been fake, but the moon itself was still beautiful.

"This room is yours whenever you want it," Calleigh whispered into the night, knowing she was talking to the child who had not yet able to be created. But, reading between the lines, it was a prayer.

A prayer, she wished more than anything, would be answered.

Sighing, she turned around and headed for the door, her bare feet not feeling the coldness of the floor or the coldness of the brass doorknob as she pulled the door closed behind her. When they first got married they left the door open, thinking it wasn't going to be so for too long and saw no problem with it being open. But after three years and several months of disappointment, Calleigh didn't want to have to wake up and see the empty room thrown in her face. So, one morning, she stomped out of bed and pulled the door shut. She glared at it for what seemed like an eternity, sadness and anger spreading through her.

From that point on, Calleigh only went in the room twice every two or three month's.

So the door was now closed, as it would stay, and Calleigh walked back across the hall into her and Eric's bedroom. Eric was sleeping, just as Calleigh had left him when she had gotten up to embrace the hollow room. Calleigh smiled a sad smile as she approached him, the man she loved more than life. If Calleigh had ever lost him, she wouldn't know what she would do.

With that thought, she was taken back to all the times she could have lost him; when he was shot in the head, when the crane struck the building the two were in, the odd shootout or with the trauma a few years ago. So many close call's, more near death experiences than probably anyone else on the force, yet here he lay, peacefully asleep.

Calleigh was suddenly scared she was going to lose him, something she wasn't going to be able to handle. The fear was irrational, especially knowing he was safe, but Calleigh was scared. She was scared of losing family. Her mom and dad were still alive, but she had lost them years ago, as far as she was concerned. With the idea of her parents being gone and the growing possibility of never having children coming into the light, she was frightened she was going to lose the only true family member she had left…him.

Not wanting to have any space between the two of them, Calleigh climbed into bed next to him. She laid her head against his bare chest and wrapped her arm over his torso, pulling herself closer to him.

Eric awoke at her touch, his eyes flicked over to the digital clock. It was one-thirty in the morning.

Eric lifted his hand to move some of the stray hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. He tucked it behind her ear, his fingers continuing down her neck, across her collarbone and traced down her arm and back up.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Calleigh asked, she didn't turn to look at him, she didn't think she could take it if she did.

"That's alright," he whispered, his fingers still running up and down the invisible line on her arm, which was exposed by the tank top she was wearing. "Having trouble sleeping?"

Calleigh nodded, but she knew his mind would automatically jump to the conclusion of it being about her not being pregnant, and she didn't want to open that drawer again.

"I slept for a few hours, but then I woke back up," she replied. "But I'm pretty tired, I should be asleep again in a few," she said as she stifled a yawn, which added more of an effect.

Though she wasn't looking at him, Eric could see her tired face and that her eyes were drooping slightly. He couldn't blame her; she had had a rough day. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and hugged her as close as possible.

Sleep did find Calleigh as she slept in her husbands' arms, his warm skin heating her up. Calleigh thought back to the night before and how she was anxious about running over to the drug store to buy a pregnancy test, certain that it would be positive. Last night, she thought that she and Eric would be smiling at the fact they had finally gotten what they had been trying to achieve for years. Twenty-four hours later and no such luck, just another illusion of their hearts.

* * *

What do you guy's think, to mushy? Like i said, this probably was better in my mind. If you think I should stop soon, tell me.

Hoped you like it and please review!

P.S. Does anyone happen to know _why_ Adam Rodriguez is decided to return for season 9? I'm just curious.


	3. Things Change

Hey, I'm back! Thank you _**SO**_ much for the reviews! Hope you are enjoying this FanFic, I'm having a great time writing it!

To just clear the air on something's, I've got a few e-mails (not reviews, private emails) asking why I set this in the future. Well, I just don't think the Calleigh we know would be anxious about being pregnant, but her being anxious is the only way this story would work. I'm not saying she would hate it if she got pregnant this season, but it wouldn't be her #1 concern to have a baby in this and next season. Besides the future is the best place to hold things, right? The future has endless possibilities (why do ya think my name is New Decade? lol)

With that all said and done, here comes chapter three. It starts off like any Miami episode, but slowly drifts into my fantasy thing…hopefully, you don't mind a bit of crime fighting.

* * *

Chapter 3

Things Change

One week later…

CSI's had to deal with gruesome scenes 25/8, it just came with the job…doesn't mean they had to like them. This was just a new low for any bomber, Horatio had seen a lot of bombings in his time but this one was always going to stick out in his mind. What was this sick bastard thinking when he decided to bomb a playground?

Pieces of metal from the monkey bars and swings were strewn across the cool grass, still wet from the morning dew. The mulch that surrounded the jungle gym was scorched from the blast and the plastic had either flew out in multiple directions or had melted. A few nearby trees had also been hit and had fallen to the ground. The worst part, however, were the casualties. Luckily, if you could really call it luck, there hadn't been very many people at the playground at the hour of the explosion, but there were three killed. One was a little girl, who was probably not even six years of age. The second a teenage boy, who was suspected to be with the first little girl. The last was a woman, thirty or so and according to witnesses, she had been with a baby boy. He had miraculously survived the bombing and was rushed to the Dade Memorial to check for any injuries.

Horatio glared at the place where the worst that was to happen was a scrapped knee or, possibly, a broken wrist, defiantly no a place of death and pain.

Horatio heard Frank's footsteps approach him from behind.

"What did we get on the victims, Frank?" Horatio asked, solemnly, not taking his eyes off the crime scene.

"The little girl's name is Kayla Witworth, the teenage boy was her brother, Jacob," Frank sighed, not liking the crime scene as much as Horatio didn't like it.

"Have the parents been informed?" Horatio asked, knowing the hardness of telling parents they had lost not one child but two.

"Yeah," Frank said, sadly.

Horatio nodded, pulling out his sunglasses.

"And the woman?"

"Her name's Stacy Franklin, the boy she was with was her nephew. She was watching him while his parents went to a friends wedding, they're on their way back," Frank said, reading out of his notepad. "Who sets a bomb off on little kids?" Frank asked in disgust.

"Someone," Horatio answered, darkly, pulling on his sunglasses. "Who doesn't have the right to be call themselves a human being."

* * *

"We get anything off the victims?" Natalia asked Tom when she entered the morgue.

"Yeah, they were all killed from typical injuries associated with a bombing; internal injuries, severe burns, the works. The interesting thing is what I found lodged in Jacob Witworth's arm," Tom said, picking up a clear evidence bag and handing it to Natalia. Natalia recognized its contents.

"That's the pin from a hand grenade," Natalia nodded. "So we know the device used."

"Can you get any evidence off of it?" Tom asked.

Natalia shook her head.

"From the blast and being stuck in this poor kids body, all prints or DNA from the bomber would be compromised. But, if this was thrown, we may be able to get something back at the scene."

* * *

Ryan, Natalia and Calleigh were surveying the collection of trees and bushes where the bomber could have taken cover while throwing the grenade. They were hoping to find something, otherwise it would be a dead end for the case.

Some of the debris, they noticed, had found its way back into the shelter of the trees. One piece held something that could possibly crack the case. Ryan bent down by a piece of scrap metal that had blown over and on the corner was a red substance. Ryan snapped a picture, swabbed the red substance and tested it. The substance was positive for blood.

"I've got something!" Ryan called over to the two women as he collected the evidence.

"Finally, one of us did," Calleigh said, they had been out here for awhile and had ceased to find anything useful.

"Whatcha get?" Natalia asked.

"Blood on a piece of metal, hopefully we can get a hit in DNA," Ryan said, sealing the brown envelope with the red tape before signing it with his initials. "You guys find anything?"

"Nothing," Natalia sighed.

They all heard a sudden _snap!_ Like someone had stepped on a twig. Their heads turned to the direction of the noise. There stood a boy, about sixteen, who looked shocked as the others turned towards him. The thing was, he was the one on the wrong side of the crime scene tape.

"Hey!" Ryan shouted at him, but before Ryan could get another word out the kid was sprinting through the trees.

"Great," Calleigh said, sarcastically, as the three took off after the boy.

The kid was constantly looking behind him, only to see that they were gaining on him. Ryan was closer, then Calleigh was, Ryan again with Natalia not far behind him. Finally, Ryan was able to get a jump on him and pin the guy to the ground.

"Trying to outrun Miami Dade PD," Ryan huffed as he cuffed the kid with his face in the dirt. "Is probably top ten of the stupidest things you can do."

Ryan pulled the guy to his feet.

"What's you name?" Ryan asked.

"Brain, Brain Oakland," the kid breathed, out of breath.

"Why are you in here?" Calleigh demanded.

"No reason," Oakland shrugged.

"You sure it wasn't to steal evidence from a crime scene?" Natalia asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What? Hell, no!" he rushed to get the words out. "My two of my friends just dared me to see if I could get in here! I swear, I didn't do anything!"

"Let us be the judge of that," Calleigh said, pulling a swab from out of her pocket, she always carried one with her for moments like these. "Open wide."

Oakland did so as Calleigh swabbed the inside of his mouth before sliding it back into its container.

"Oh, and by the way," Ryan said. "You're friends are coming to the station with you…so at least you won't be lonely."

* * *

Back at the lab, Eric was approaching Valera at DNA.

"We get a hit on the blood found at the scene?" Eric asked her.

"Well, I ran the blood through CODIS, no hits. I'm now comparing it to the samples from Brain Oakland and his friends, Sean Orlando and Ricky Byrd," Valera said, matter-of-factly as the computer compared the sample. After waiting a few more seconds, the computer bleeped.

"We got a match…"

Calleigh walked into an empty interrogation room to find Ryan looking extremely panicked and to hear loud sobs coming from the baby carrier he was leaning over. Inside the carrier was a baby boy, only about eight months old, he had curly blonde hair, was dressed in a green coverall, and was crying his little blue eyes out.

"Who's this little guy?" Calleigh asked, smiling at both the baby and the crazed look in Ryan's eyes.

"His name's Mike," Ryan explained. "He's…um, he's the one who was with his aunt when the explosion occurred this morning."

Calleigh became concerned.

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, the doctors gave him the all clear. He's just staying here until his parents arrive," Ryan said. "But, until they do, I have the job of watching him. I have tried everything but he—won't—stop—crying!" Ryan was obviously losing it.

Calleigh looked down at Mike; a sad smile graced her lips. The poor kid had to know that something had happened, even though he was way to young to comprehend any of it. Something else incomprehensible was how Calleigh seemed to know exactly what to do.

"He's probably just scared, Rye," Calleigh said as she bent down to pick Mike up under his arms before placing him on her hip, she rocked him gently as he buried his face in her shoulder. Calleigh ran her hand up and down his back, soothingly. "It's okay, your safe," she whispered to Mike, who's cries subsided, little-by-little until their were no cries at all.

Ryan was obviously flabbergasted.

"I-incredible…I been trying to make him calm down for the last thirty minutes, you got him to calm down in thirty seconds," he stammered.

Calleigh shrugged.

"Maybe it's a woman thing."

"Yeah, maybe," Ryan nodded.

"Why don't you take care of the case and I'll stay here?" Calleigh suggested.

"Okay, sounds good," Ryan said as he headed for the door, anxious to get out of there. Before he walked out the door, he added. "Who knew you had maternal instincts?"

Then he was gone.

To most people, that last comment may have been offensive, but Calleigh just smiled. She couldn't blame him for being surprised, most of the people in the lab probably would have been. In all honesty, in the beginning, Calleigh hadn't seen herself as the mothering type either. She hadn't ever seen herself falling in love with someone, getting married or raising a family. She always had thought it was a nice fantasy, but never thought it would happen. She never really thought any guy would go for the girl with a messed up past, who loved guns and threw criminals against the wall for a living, let alone want to have children with that girl. Besides, Calleigh thought after living with a drunk father and having a mom around who never acted like a mom to show her how a mother should be, Calleigh thought all of her maternal instincts had been squelched out of her at an early age.

Yet, now, here she was. She had fallen in love with someone who didn't care about her past, and all but adored her love for guns or her crime fighting ways, one of the three things she had never expected to happen. On top of that, she had also married this person, happily married too, if that wasn't enough. Now, if only her body would cooperate, she could go three for three and raise a family.

Calleigh supposed that somewhere between being raised in Louisiana and falling in love with Eric, something had changed and that fantasy started coming true…for the most part.

With that thought, Calleigh looked down at Mike. He was starting to drift to sleep in her arms, his curls scratching against the exposed skin around her collarbone. She sighed, sadly, the thought she and Eric may never have what Mike's parents had almost broke her heart. According to Ryan, she had _some _maternal instincts, she knew that Eric would be an amazing father and the two of them were ready to have a child, but one wouldn't come. This was the closest Calleigh had been to a child since she discovered she wanted to have kids…it was wonderful and cruel at the same time. Mostly cruel, considering the odds weren't looking so great, it was almost like God laughing at her? The sensation she got from holding Mike made her feel warm inside, which just made things worse.

Mike squirmed and let out a cry against Calleigh's shoulder.

"Shh," Calleigh shushed him, tenderly, her hand still rubbing his back. "It's okay, don't worry…your mom and dad will be back soon…everything's okay."

But Mike had already fallen back to sleep, his fist gripping the hem of Calleigh's shirt.

* * *

Horatio and Frank stood across from the three suspects, Brian Oakland, Sean Orlando and Ricky Byrd. They all looked tense, waiting anxiously for someone to start talking.

Horatio broke the silence.

"The three of you were at my crime scene today," Horatio said. "And one of you, set off the grenade that killed three innocent people."

He looked at the three boys with his ice cold death stare.

"Brian, you're under arrest for the murder of Stacy Franklin, Kayla Witworth and Jacob Witworth," Horatio said as one of the patrolmen near by took him out of the room.

The other two began to get up, but they didn't get too far.

"Not so fast," Frank snapped at them.

The two froze and sank back down into their chairs.

"Brain may have thrown the grenade, but I think, all three of you were in on the bombing which makes you two accomplices," Horatio continued.

"You got any evidence to back that up?" Byrd scoffed.

"Not yet," Horatio said, coolly. "But, believe me, I will."

"Well, until you do," Orlando said, standing up with Byrd, again. "We'll be going now."

"If I were you, I wouldn't leave Miami," Horatio warned.

* * *

The first part of their plan was now completed as Ricky and Sean started to make their way through the halls on the first floor. They knew they had to search quickly before anyone suspected anything, so they walked slowly as possible, looking at the rooms available. They had seen Mike in here not too long ago, with any luck they were still going to find him in the same interrogation room.

Ricky had his eyes wondering one side of the hall while Sean was looking at the others. They didn't know the walls at MDPD were made of glass until they were first brought in that day. It made their job easier and a bit harder, but they'd deal. Ricky felt Sean tap him on the shoulder, Ricky turned in the direction where Sean was looking. Jackpot!

Through the glass Ricky saw a woman with blonde hair, the same woman who had been at the crime scene, supporting a baby on her hip…Mike. Ricky looked over the small size of the woman. This would be easy.

The two looked around, no one was watching, they began to make their way to the room. They were four feet away from the open door. The woman had her back to them; this was probably going to be too easy.

The two heard her cell phone ring; Mike stirred in the woman's arms and blinked his eyes open, lazily.

"I'm just going to put you down for a second, okay?" the woman smiled down at Mike as she set him in the baby carrier on the table, but Mike's eye's closed the second she set him down. They heard her chuckle, softly, before answering her phone. "Delko?"

The two stayed back from the door, they knew if they attempted to do what they were going to do while she was on the phone, they would get caught. Sean had waited eight month's; he could wait a few more minutes.

"So the blood was Oakland's?" they heard the woman ask the person on the other end of the line.

There were a few seconds of silence.

"Well, I'll be up to help in a few I'm still waiting for Mike's parents to pick him up," the woman said, turning to look out the window in the small room. "Yeah, he's fine…ha, ha, funny Ryan," they saw the woman role her eyes at something the person on the other line, someone named Ryan, said. After a few more moments of listening the woman spoke again. "Okay, I'll see you in a few," she hung up the phone. This was the time to make their move.

Sean and Ricky approached the room. The woman noticed them walk in, they could tell by the look in her eyes that she recognized them. She stepped in front of Mike, as if she were trying to protect them. The two of them gritted their teeth; she had no right to do this. The two surrounded her like a pack of wolves cornering their prey; the only difference was the woman didn't back down, even though they both towered over her in size.

The woman opened her mouth to say something, but they weren't here to talk and no one was looking. They had to act now.

Sean punched the woman right in the center of her abdomen, she doubled over as a reflex but her hand went straight to her holster as she went to pull out her gun. Ricky saw her attempt and grabbed her arm before she could pull her gun out. He twisted her arm and pulled it behind he back, making her move away from in front of Mike. The woman gasped in pain, but it was clear she wasn't going down without a fight. With her good arm, she elbowed him in the ribs as hard as she could, it knocked the wind out of Ricky and he loosed his grip on her arm a bit. If that wasn't enough, she kicked her foot back, the heel of her boot hitting his knee. His knee defiantly cracked as he let of her arm on reflex to hold his throbbing knee. She turned to face him, drawing her gun as she about to shoot him. But before she had the chance to pull the trigger, Sean hit her on the back of the head as hard as he could, Mike sleeping in his arms. She stumbled down, head hitting the edge of table before hitting the ground.

She lay on the floor unconscious; her blonde hair swept over the floor, except for the few stands that stuck to the sticky red blood, oozing out of her forehead where she hit the table.

Ricky was still gripping his knee in pain; the woman was tougher than they thought.

"Damn bitch cracked my knee," he hissed, attempting to stand.

"We'll take care of it later," Sean said. "Right now, we need to get the hell out of here."

They rushed out of MDPD, leaving the blonde on the floor, getting out unnoticed. How they got out without being caught was nothing less than amazing.

* * *

I know this chapter wasn't full of angst, this was sort of a set up for all the angst for chapters to come. Besides, I thought it would be interesting to have feelings come up in a case instead of having tons of the "woe-is-me" scenes back-to-back and it was an opportunity to make this like CSI: Miami and not just have it focused totally on Eric and Calleigh. But if you didn't like it, I'm sorry and there will be plenty of E/C moments to come.

Please review!


	4. Refusals

Thanks again for the reviews! I put a bit more angst in this chapter; hopefully you all like it.

* * *

Chapter 4

Refusals 

Calleigh's head was killing her. That was the first thing she noticed as she drifted back into the world. She heard muffled voices surrounding her; she couldn't quite make them out at the moment. She then became conscious of the rest of her body. Someone had their hand on her shoulder, rubbing their thumb against it. Someone was applying pressure to her head, she wanted to tell them to stop, but she hadn't yet found her voice or opened her eyes.

"Doctor?" she heard Horatio's voice ask as the voices became clearer.

"Her pulse is normal, but I can't be sure if her brain has been damaged at all because of this," she heard Tom's voice reply. She felt someone take her hand, she recognized the hands warmth and how it felt against hers. It was Eric's hand.

"She'll be fine, Eric," Horatio said, trying assuring, though he didn't have that same certainty he had when arresting a murderer. "The paramedic's should be here shortly."

_Paramedic's? _Calleigh thought, she wouldn't have any part of it.

"That won't be necessary," Calleigh mumbled as she blinked open her eyes. Eric was on one side of her, looking relieved as she came to. Horatio was next to Eric, also relaxing as she awoke and Tom was on her other side; he was the one applying pressure to her head.

"Cal," Eric sighed in relief.

She smiled at him, slightly, and gave his hand a gentle, reassuring, squeeze. She tried to raise herself up, Tom took off the clothe he had been using to apply pressure to her head as she did so, but Eric gently pushed down on her shoulder, making it impossible to move.

"You need to stay down," Eric said, Calleigh saw the sure fear in his eyes.

"I'm okay," Calleigh said.

Calleigh had been through worse, a few moments of unconsciousness and a slight headache wasn't going to slow her down.

"Are you sure?" Tom asked.

"Positive," Calleigh said.

"Any blurred vision?"

Calleigh shook her head, but stopped almost instantly, that wasn't helping her headache.

"Calleigh, I think it's a good idea for you to wait for the paramedic's," Horatio tried to convince her.

Calleigh knew they were just trying to make sure she was safe, but this was annoying her. She, for once, wanted control of her body and what it was able to do. It should be her choice if she wanted to produce children or not, it should be for her to say if her head was okay or not and it should certainly be her choice if she wanted to go to the hospital or stay at work. Calleigh broke passed Eric's hand on her shoulder and rose herself up, her head started to throb more, but she ignored it.

"I'm fine," she said, firmly. The others just gave her an exasperated look. If MDPD had a dime for every time Calleigh said "I'm fine" when she wasn't, the crime lab would have more money than Bill Gates.

Horatio and Eric looked at Tom, both looking at him as though he should be saying something medically relevant to get her to stay down. But Tom didn't seem to have anything to say. It was times like these when Alexx would become especially missed; she wouldn't have even let Calleigh move an inch until the paramedics arrived if she were here. Unfortunately, she was gone and they could all but hear the gears in Calleigh's head cranking.

Calleigh was thinking back to before the incident, it was a bit cloudy at first but it soon came flooding back to her. She remembered Mike. What happened to Mike? She turned to the table to see the empty baby carrier on the table. Her heart sank and her stomach started flipping.

"What happened to Mike?" she was almost afraid to ask, but she did anyway.

The three looked at her, apprehensively, as they were inwardly debating whether or not to tell her something. Calleigh made it easier on them.

"They took him?" she inferred.

Not looking at her, Eric nodded.

Something inside Calleigh began to hurt, how could she have let this happen? She was supposed to be watching him and…now he's gone.

Guess Ryan was wrong, her mind kept repeating to her.

"Then why the hell are we standing around for?" Calleigh asked, wanting to get to work ASAP, the pushed herself off the ground as Eric slowly pulled her up. Vertigo hit Calleigh, a result from having her head being hit. She stumbled slightly as everything spun before it started to return to normal. But as she stumbled, the three became more anxious to tell her to wait for the medic's, Eric wrapped his arm around her shoulders to keep her from falling back down. She put her hand on his, to try and reassure him before sliding out of his touch as she headed out the door.

"Stubborn, isn't she?" Tom stated the obvious.

Well, Calleigh may have been stubborn, but she wasn't an idiot. She knew she had been injured and needed to take some medical precautions, once they found Mike she'd go to the doctor. She walked into the break room and opened the drawer that held the office first-aid kit. She put it on the counter next to the sink as opened the lid. She pulled a large bandage, anti-bacterial gel and a packet of Tylenol out of the box before closing it and putting it back were she had found it.

She saw Eric enter the break room out of the corner of her eye, knowing he was there to convince her to go to the hospital, she didn't look up. She picked up a nearby spoon and turned it so the convex side was curving out towards her, using it as a mirror, she saw the dried blood around her wound. That was defiantly not going to help the healing process. She tore a piece of paper towel off the roll over the sink; she ran water over it before beginning to clean the black with time blood.

Eric was at her side and opened his mouth to speak, but Calleigh cut him off before he could say anything.

"Has an Amber Alert been issued?" Calleigh asked.

At first, Eric seemed reluctant to tell her anything, but in the end he did.

"Yeah," he nodded.

Calleigh looked at herself in the spoon's reflection, being sure she got all the blood before getting another piece of paper towel to dry the water on her face.

"Did we get any video footage, a description of the suspects car? Anything?" Calleigh asked, hopefully as she began to apply the anti-bacterial gel to the gash, wincing slightly as the alcohol seeped into the tender flesh.

"The car was found four blocks from here, they must have known we were coming after them and decided to find other means of transportation. We brought it back here, Wolfe is getting the evidence from it now," Eric said, looking over Calleigh with worried eyes.

Calleigh nodded as she picked up the white bandage and removed the paper from around the edges to reveal the stickiness of the tape around the slab of gauze.

"We get anything else?" she asked, as she awkwardly tried to hold the spoon and apply the bandage at the same time, not wanting to miss any of the ugly cut.

Eric took the bandage from her and gently turned her to face him. He brushed the hairs from her face and tucked them behind her ear. He laid the gauze across the fresh wound.

"We're watching for any activity on credit cards, hopefully, we'll get something," Eric said, smoothing the tape, gently, with his fingers to get rid of any air bubbles. "We…um…also have footage of the bastards who did this to you and took Mike. Nice kick, by the way," he said, sliding his fingertips from her forehead to along her jaw line.

Calleigh looked down before turning back to the counter.

"If it were nice, they wouldn't have gotten away and we wouldn't have a problem right now," Calleigh sighed, eyes focused on opening the Tylenol packets.

Eric slid over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she filled a glass with water.

"You know this isn't your fault, right?"

"Eric, I was the one watching him," Calleigh said before popping the pills and taking a gulp of water.

"That doesn't make it your fault," he attempted to comfort her.

Calleigh sighed and put the empty glass next to the sink, hoping the pills would take effect soon.

"What about the bomber, have you guys questioned him? He may know something," Calleigh asked, changing the subject.

Eric looked down at Calleigh, she obviously felt guilty about Mike being missing and that she was wanting to help, but Eric was worried that she was going to overwork herself and cause herself more harm.

"Eric?" she asked after she waited for an answer that never came.

"Calleigh, please, just go to the hospital," Eric reasoned.

"I'm fine," Calleigh said for what felt like the thousandth time.

"You can't know that," Eric said. "You can have a concussion for all we know."

"And it can wait…I'll go to the hospital once we find Mike," Calleigh tried to compromise, guilt was swimming through her veins at the thought of him with those people.

Eric looked at her, worriedly.

"You'd probably work better if you went now," Eric said, but the words sounded more like "_I'd be less worried if you went now."_

"I'll go later," Calleigh promised as she walked out of Eric's arm around her shoulder and made her way for the door. If Eric wasn't going to answer her questions, she was going to find somebody who will.

But Eric was able to slide his hand down to her wrist, before she was completely out of his arms, and gently pulled her back into him. Calleigh's eyes met his brown ones. They were full of the comfort and understanding, which part of Calleigh knew she needed, but she didn't want to except. Not right this second.

"At least go home and rest for a couple of hours," Eric tried to convince her, again, to just take it easy.

"I don't need to rest," Calleigh said, softly yet determined. "I need to get to work."

Sliding out of his grip, she made her way towards the door. "This kid is in danger, I'm not just going to sit around," she said, not turning around as she opened the door and walked into the hall.

* * *

Natalia and Frank were sitting in front of Brain Oakland; he had in brought back in for interrogation because he had to know something…hopefully.

"You three've got a pretty good scheme going, don't you?" Natalia accused as she slid into the chair across from Oakland.

"What are you talking about?" Oakland scoffed.

"You know exactly what we're talking about, smart-ass," Frank growled.

"The bombing wasn't just a bombing was it?" Natalia asked. "It was a plan for a kidnapping."

Oakland didn't say anything; he just starred at his handcuffed hands on the table.

"Listen," Natalia warned. "You've killed three people in one day, now you are with holding information in a kidnapping and, those two kidnappers, beat up our ballistics expert pretty bad. That makes you an accessory to kidnapping and the assault of a police officer. Unless you're lucky, you can looking at death row unless you want to help yourself."

"So, if you had the sense of a sock puppet you'd start talking," Frank said in his Texan way.

Oakland hesitated for a second, but then he took a deep breath and started talking.

"The truth is," Oakland started, he hesitated again and continued. "The truth is…Rick and Sean are half-brothers."

"And?" Natalia asked, knowing there had to be more to this story.

"And…they think that Mike is their brother too," Oakland admitted.

Natalia and Frank exchanged the look, the look CSI's normally gave each other when they had found either A.) Motive, B.) A curveball, or C.) Both. Right now, the answer was C.

"And what would give them that idea?" Frank asked.

"Sean and Ricky both grew up without a dad, Sean became curious and got his birth certificate. His father's name was listed as Keith Walters, Sean did some digging and found out about Ricky," Oakland obviously was desperate to not dig his grave any deeper.

"How long ago?"

"About a year-and-a-half, maybe…anyway, they found out as much about their dad as they could…somehow, about three months ago, they found out he was living in the gables and that he had a son …Sean, especially, seemed determined to get close to Mike. They knew that Walters probably wouldn't even get close to him, so we came up with this plan."

"The plan being _you_ blow up a park and _you _go to jail?" Natalia asked, questioning this guy's sanity.

"It wasn't supposed to go down exactly like that."

"Then how was it supposed to go down?" Frank chimed in.

"You know what?" Oakland rose to his feet. "I've said enough…if you want to know more talk to my lawyer."

* * *

"I'll run DNA," Natalia said to Horatio as they talked aside in the hallway as she informed him of the interrogation. "See if we get a paternal match on DNA from the kidnappers and Mike."

"Do that," Horatio said. "Did Oakland happen to say where they'd be taking him?"

"No, but Ryan is still in the garage, I'll call and see if he's got anything," Natalia said as she started and to pull out her cell phone. Horatio was looking past her shoulder as the elevator door opened in his sight, Ryan stepped out and came towards the two. "I'd put a hold on that, Ms. Boa Vista…what did we find Mr. Wolfe?" as Natalia turned to face Ryan as he came closer.

"H, Calleigh and I ripped that car a part and we found nothing," Ryan sighed.

"Okay then, this is what we do," Horatio said, becoming anxious by the lack of evidence they had on this case. "Eric is keeping an eye out for credit card activity, Calleigh may get lucky in the garage, lets run this DNA to confirm Oakland's story and run from there," Horatio said before walking toward the elevator.

"What about you?" Ryan asked, knowing Horatio to be up to something.

"Mr. Wolfe, I," Horatio said as he pressed the button to the lobby. "Am going to catch up with Frank before he leaves without me."

The elevators closed as Horatio put his hands on his hips.

"Frank leaves without him?" Ryan asked Natalia.

"They're meeting Mike's parents at the airport," Natalia said, the words burning with emotion at the thought of his parent's faces when they get the news.

* * *

The faces were in fact terrible to witness. Horatio tried to be gentle to inform the parents, whose plane had left before they had gotten the bad news. One of the airport workers escorted the distraught parents, Frank and Horatio to an empty conference room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Walters," Horatio addressed them by their surname, tenderly. "We are going to do everything in our power to get your son back."

Rebecca Walters just continued to sob into her husband's shoulder, the poor woman had already lost her sister and could lose her son all in the same day. They did have a few questions for Keith Walters; he was the assumed biological father of the kidnappers, after all. But he was comforting his wife and he too seemed lost. Now wasn't the time.

* * *

"So, supposedly, they're all related?" Ryan tried to get his facts right as Natalia ran the DNA from Byrd and compared it to Orlando's.

"Supposedly being the operative word," Natalia nodded as the results printed out, she looked over them for a few moments. "Oakland was right, the paternal DNA is a match…the two of them are related."

"And what about Mike, is he related?" Ryan asked.

"I don't have any DNA from Mike to run it against," Natalia sighed. "I guess we have to wait for his parents to get here so we can get one of the possessions from the home or get a warrant."

"Both of which will take to long," Ryan said, crossing his arms and thinking hard. "You know, I don't get how Oakland got in this scheme," Ryan mused, hoping to get some sort of epiphany.

"I know, I've checked and he has no relation to anybody in this case but he is willing to throw a grenade and go to jail."

"Maybe he was trying to be a good friend and didn't think he was going to get caught," Ryan guessed.

There were a few moments of silence, looking and feeling down, until Ryan did get an epiphany.

"We do have DNA," Ryan looked up.

Natalia looked at him.

"Um…we do?" she asked, confused.

"We might," Ryan grinned, pulling out his phone.

* * *

She looked in the glove compartment, under the seats, in the engine and everywhere she could think of ten times, Calleigh still couldn't get anything from this stupid car. Hopefully, someone was doing their job better than she was doing hers. In one day she had been assaulted, lost someone else's child to kidnappers and now couldn't find any evidence. This was becoming, no it all ready was, a rotten day.

Her phone began to ring; it hurt her head a bit. The painkillers had helped numb it, slightly, but the underlying pain was still there. She pulled her phone out and looked at the caller ID. It was Ryan.

Her mind went back to the last time Ryan had called, moments before Mike was taken.

_Calleigh chuckled as Mike fell back to sleep as she placed him in his carrier on the table. She had no idea how long she had been cradling Mike, but it was a good feeling. A feeling governed somewhat by the sadness she had felt with every home test for the last five years. Shaking those thoughts out of her head, she answered her phone before checking to see who was calling._

"_Delko?" she answered._

"_Hey, Calleigh, its Ryan. I just called to tell you that this case has closed," he said, she could almost hear the smile in his voice at the knowledge of putting another killer behind bars._

_"So the blood was Oakland's?" she inferred, thinking of the only blood sample they had._

_"The one and only…but Horatio thinks that his buddies may have something to do with the bombing, so I'm going through all the evidence to see if I can get anything else," Ryan explained. "It's going to take me awhile though, there is too much debris for one person."_

_Calleigh got the very subtle hint that he needed help, but she couldn't leave Mike here alone and she couldn't take him up to the lab. _

_"Well, I'll be up to help in a few I'm still waiting for Mike's parents to pick him up," Calleigh said, their flight had been delayed for some reason at the airport and still hadn't been able to come back to Miami._

_"He doing okay?" Ryan asked._

_"Yeah, he's fine."_

_"Well, Marry Poppins, whenever you are ready to switch back to Sarah Connor feel free to join me in trace," Ryan joked, obviously still getting a kick that beneath all the steel, hidden emotions and gun skills that made any felon cringe, Calleigh somehow was able to have womanly instinct's. _

_Calleigh did have a soft, nurturing side; she just didn't let many know about it in fear of them using it as weakness. She took comfort in knowing that, on the out times her guard did fall, that Eric wouldn't think her weak or hold it against her later. It had taken her awhile to reach that level with him, but they were there now and she was comfortable with it. _

_"Ha, ha, funny Ryan," Calleigh rolled her eyes at the two characters who couldn't be more different yet Ryan somehow seemed to think summed her up perfectly. Calleigh worried about the way his mind worked sometimes._

_"Nice to know I can make you laugh…even if the laughter is fake," Ryan chuckled. "I'll see you once Mike gets picked up."_

_"Okay, I'll see you in a few," Calleigh smiled as she hung up her phone._

She had no idea how disastrous the minutes to follow would be.

Calleigh snapped her mind back and answered the phone.

"What's up?" Calleigh asked.

"You find anything new?" Ryan asked.

"What do you think?" Calleigh sighed, exaggerated. Calleigh had been doing this job long enough to know that every minute, every second, counted. She also knew that they didn't have much to go on and that time was wearing thin.

"I think if you come up to DNA right now it could be helpful," Ryan said.

Calleigh's ears perked up at this; her system felt like it had started to run on jet fuel it was thinking so fast.

"What do you mean?" Calleigh asked.

"I'll explain once you get up here," Ryan said.

"I'll be there in two minutes," Calleigh said, hanging up her phone, snapping off her gloves and putting up lab coat as she rushed out of the garage.

* * *

"How's she doing?" Natalia asked Ryan once he closed his phone.

"She's fine," Ryan shrugged.

Natalia gave him a look as if to say he was crazy for buying that, no one is one hundred percent fine after being slammed into a table, especially not under these circumstances.

Ryan noticed the look.

"Well, so she says," Ryan amended.

"Poor Calleigh," Natalia sighed.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed, softly.

They both knew that if Calleigh had ever figured out they said that she would show them some of her classic "Southern Hospitality" but she wasn't here right now, and she'd never have to know.

"So, would you mind sharing with me this flash of genius you just had?" Natalia suggested, getting down to business.

"Oh, yeah," Ryan said, snapping back. "Well, Calleigh was holding Mike before he the…um…" he cleared his throat. "The incident and so maybe a few-."

"Hairs could have fallen onto Calleigh," Natalia nodded. "But do you really think it clung to her for the past," Natalia looked at her watch. "Two-and-a-half hours?"

Ryan shrugged.

"It's better than nothing," he said.

"Hey," Calleigh greeted as she came into DNA. "What did you guys find?"

Natalia and Ryan explained everything as fast as possible, from the information from the interrogation to Ryan's idea.

"…Hopefully, the hair is still stuck to your jacket," Ryan said.

"More importantly, the DNA," Natalia said.

Calleigh nodded.

"It's worth a shot," Calleigh said.

* * *

Frank, Horatio and the Walters's were driving to MDPD where they would be able to ask Mr. Walters some questions, and where they would hopefully get some answers.

"Do you have any leads?" Mr. Walters asked from the back seat, his wife's head against his shoulder, her face scrunched with only the deepest of emotional pain.

Horatio and Frank both knew that they couldn't give too much information, not when a key component of the case could potentially be sitting in the back seat.

"A few," Horatio said, solemnly from the passenger seat. At that exact moment, ironically enough, Horatio's cell phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket to see he had a new text message from Natalia.

The message read: _H, they are all related._

Horatio nodded towards Frank, who nodded back in understanding. So, the man in the backseat was father to Ricky Byrd, Sean Orlando and Mike Walters.

"Quite a few," Horatio answered again.

* * *

Back at MDPD, Eric and Horatio finally had their chance to talk to Keith Walters in one of the interrogation rooms while his wife waited outside.

"Do you recognize these two?" Eric asked, sliding the mug shots of Ricky Byrd and Sean Orlando across the table for Mr. Walters to see. He glanced at them for a second or two, before looking up.

"No, I don't," he said, his words running over one another. "How is this going to help get my son back?"

"Those two, actually, took your son," Horatio replied, looking at the table.

"What? Then why the hell are you talking to me?" Mr. Walters shouted.

"We don't know where they are," Horatio said, matter-of-factly.

"But what we do know is," Eric said. "Is that you are their biological father."

There was a moment of silence as Mr. Walters starred at the pictures.

"Care to explain?" Horatio asked.

* * *

Calleigh walked passed the interrogation room next to the one she and Mike had been in earlier that day, inside was Horatio and Eric talking to Mr. Walters. He was the father, no denying it, the DNA didn't lie…it never did. This guy had to know something; at least they were hoping. Ryan and Frank were monitoring credit card activity, but Calleigh had very pessimistic feelings towards that panning out. These guys may have been total assholes, but they were smart and Calleigh would bet all her guns that they weren't going to use credit cards anytime soon.

Tearing her eyes away from the interrogation, Calleigh began to walk down the hall towards yet another interrogation room, this time she was going to help Natalia take a crack at Oakland.

* * *

"What did Walters say?" Ryan asked as Horatio and Eric approached each other in the hallway when their interrogation had finished.

"All he had to say was that he had one too many one night stands during college," Eric shrugged.

"Is that true?" Ryan asked.

"Tripp's contacting their moms, so we should know soon," Eric said.

"And Calleigh and Natalia are still trying to break Oakland, did he find himself a lawyer?" Horatio asked.

"No, he didn't," said the voice of Natalia as the two female CSI's approached the others. "And he gave up the right to have one appointed to him, so he decided to be his own lawyer."

"And how did that go?" Ryan scoffed at Oakland's stupidity.

"For him, not so well," Calleigh said. "For us, great. We were actually able to get something from him."

"What?" Eric asked.

"He said the reason that he helped out on the kidnapping was because Byrd and Orlando claimed to have tons of money and after they told him their sob story he was willing to help and they would bail him out later-," Natalia started to say.

"Wait, you mean they knew he was going to get arrested?" Ryan asked.

"They knew Mike would be here eventually. He threw the grenade, made sure we saw him at the scene, the other two stood outside the tape, wanting to get caught so we could drag them in," Natalia said.

"So we were pawns in their game," Horatio inferred.

"We played right into it," Calleigh sighed.

"But we checked their bank accounts and they don't have what you would call 'tons of money,'" Ryan said.

"They lied to Oakland, too," Calleigh shrugged.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

The sound of Horatio's cell phone rang out; he pulled it out of his pocket and put it to his ear.

"Caine?" Horatio asked into his phone the same time Frank approached the group.

"Walter's was telling the truth about the creation of Byrd and Orlando," Frank said.

"Well, that means we know everything except for where they are," Natalia sighed.

"That's where you are wrong, Ms. Boa Vista," Horatio said as he started to march toward the elevator.

"We know where they are?" Eric asked as they all followed Horatio.

"Sure do," Horatio said. "Frank, get a unit and tell them to get to Dade Memorial ASAP."

"I'm on it," Frank said as he made a left and pulled out his cell phone.

"Dade Memorial?" Natalia questioned.

"Apparently, someone matching their descriptions just checked in with an injury," Horatio said as the five loaded the elevator.

"What injury?" Ryan asked.

Horatio pulled out his sunglasses and held them in his hands.

"Bruised ribs…and a cracked knee," Horatio said, looking over at Calleigh. Calleigh couldn't help but smirk at the fact she had landed one of those bastards in the hospital.

* * *

Thanks for reading!

BTW: Extra special thanks to **eric-calleighfreak **for giving me the idea to type in the word "interview" on Google. I've been searching constantly, but didn't type in that one keyword...much thanks! Adam is returning because of the fans (yeah, us, that's right! lol) and because he and CBS were able to agree on a contract. And get this, he there is a possibility he might write and/or direct an episode next season! Can't wait!


	5. Irrationality

You guys are so sweet with your reviews! I wish I had time to send PM's thanking every single one of you, but I can't so here's a huge thanks for all of you: **THANK YOU! **

Sorry for the wait on this, I couldn't think straight enough to really think of anything for any of my fic's.

* * *

Chapter 5

Irrationality 

The Hummer sped down the causeway, zipping past any cars ahead and of them. Horatio was giving orders into the radio to lock down the hospital, hoping it would be enough to keep the felons from escaping. Horatio finally pulled up to the hospital, Frank with some of his men and SWAT already making their way for the door leading into the hospital. Horatio pulled off his sunglasses as he and everyone else unloaded the Hummer.

"Search the cars for Orlando," Horatio ordered, pulling his gun out of his holster. "I highly doubt they would have taken Mike inside or left him out here alone."

With that, Horatio made his way for the hospital door, he was going to try and capture Byrd.

"We'll take the parking garage, you guys get the outside," Eric said to Calleigh and Natalia. In situations like these, Eric and Calleigh never worked together unless they had no choice. That was a decision made by them mutually to begin with, but later made a rule by the department. They knew if something ever went wrong, it would effect their better judgement.

"Got it," Natalia nodded.

Calleigh and Eric shared a quick glance, the way they always did before entering dangerous situations. They very well knew that, if something ever went wrong during these procedure's, there was always the possibility of never seeing each other again. The possibility may not have been very big, but nothing was ever routine in times like these and no one could predict what the outcome could be, which made the anxiety worse.

Eric's eyes looked over the bandage over Calleigh's eyebrow. Though it was faint, he could defiantly see the beginnings of red seeping through the white gauze. This didn't calm Eric's nerves about her going to hunt down a kidnapper, who could have acquired a gun by now and could very well not be afraid to use it, while she was injured.

They normally didn't speak before going their separate ways, but he made an exception this once.

"Be careful," he told her.

Calleigh could see an emotion right on the borderline of pleading in his eyes. She hadn't missed his glance at her head; she knew exactly what he was thinking.

"I will," she promised.

With that, Eric and Ryan started to hurry for the parking garage, all four of the CSI's getting to business.

"Make sure all openings out of the parking lots are closed," Calleigh demanded to one of the patrolmen.

"Yes, ma'am," he said as Natalia and Calleigh pulled out their guns and started searching the parking lot. They had absolutely no idea which type, color or anything about the car they were looking for, a blind search.

"You take East, I'll take West," Natalia suggested, knowing time was limited.

"Sounds good," Calleigh called over her shoulder as she approached the first row of cars. Most of them had black interiors, which made it hard to see inside the cars. Thankfully, Calleigh had the flashlight from her kit with her. She shined the light inside each car at different angles, trying to be fast but thorough. It took her a few seconds to realize no one was in the car, she moved to the next one.

* * *

All the patients seemed shocked and/or scared as SWAT members, police officers and Horatio Caine started to fill the halls of the ER. Thankfully, the doctors were all but willingly to give them directions to the exam room where Byrd was, not knowing that MDPD had come for him, Orlando and, most importantly, Mike.

Horatio reached the door to the room, Frank at his heels and a few members of SWAT surrounding them, each with their guns raised. Horatio kicked down the gray door and, with the wood out of the way, Ricky Byrd was now before them. He seemed stunned as the group of officers rushed into his room, he grabbed the crutches next to the exam bed he was sitting on and attempted to stand up, probably trying to make himself look like an innocent kid with a bad leg…no one was buying it.

Horatio stood with a gun in Byrd's face.

"If I were you, I wouldn't move," Horatio warned.

"Officer Delko sure messed up your knee pretty bad, didn't she?" Frank sneered as he spun Byrd around and pushed him onto the bed as Frank slid the silver handcuffs on him, crutches falling to the floor.

"We know everything, Ricky," Horatio said, gun lowered, as Frank pulled Byrd back up. "We know Mike and Sean are your half brothers."

"Yeah, what's it to you?" Byrd spat through clenched teeth, glowering at Horatio.

"I want to know where they're at," Horatio said, darkly.

"Not gonna happen," Byrd scoffed.

Horatio put his hands on his hips.

"Frank, I don't think he quite appreciates the gravity of the situation," Horatio said, looking down.

"Let me rephrase for you, princess," Frank hissed from behind Byrd. "If you don't tell us where Orlando is hiding with Mike we're going to send you to a place where Basic Training looks like a Girl Scout camp."

"Get the picture?" Horatio asked, glancing up.

* * *

Eric and Ryan were searching the bottom floor of the parking garage, but were coming up empty. They had been about to call this floor clear and move onto the next one when Eric's cell began to vibrate. Eric read the caller ID and saw that it was Horatio calling, only then did he answer it.

"H?" Eric asked.

"Eric, fifth level parking garage, silver Mercedes, row G," he heard Horatio give him the location of Orlando and Mike.

"On our way," Eric replied, thanking God they had a lead.

"Eric…I don't want any shots fired, it's too risky," Horatio said, more solemnly than usual.

"Got it," Eric nodded, with just as much intensity, then hanging up.

Sean was starting to get nervous waiting in the car, the only company he had was Mike, who had cried himself out, once he had awakened after leaving MDPD, and was now asleep in the back car seat. Their friend who had gave them the car thought they might need it, turns out she was right.

He drummed his thumbs against the steering wheel, Ricky had whined about his knee so freakin' much that Sean conceded into driving him to the hospital. Sean didn't like this one bit. He was alone, with a kidnapped child and, he wasn't certain, but he thought he heard police sirens, but he was probably just paranoid.

"Hurry up, Rick," Sean said to himself in a singsong voice.

He looked up in his mirror to see Mike, his baby brother, still asleep in the backseat. Sean smiled a bit, thinking about family he wanted but never really got because his dad wasn't there. His mom had once said that his father didn't even know he existed. He just didn't find it fair that Mike would get the life he and Ricky only prayed for. They, the three of them, could be a family together.

There was a tap on the outside glass on the driver's side window. Sean jumped and saw there was a tall man with dark skin, pointing a gun at him.

"Miami Dade PD!" the man yelled at him. "Step out of the car!"

The damn cops had tracked them down.

Sean looked to his other side, there was another man with a gun, only this one was slightly shorter, had dark hair and light skin.

But Sean wasn't going down without a fight, not when he was so close to having a family. No one was parked in front of him, and he knew the cops wouldn't shoot at a moving vehicle with an infant in the back. He revved the engine before stepping on the gas and zooming away from the men. Adrenaline pumping through his body, he went driving at eighty miles per hour, making it impossible for the cop to catch him on foot. Sean took a left and began to drive towards the first exit, but he stopped when he realized it was blocked. There stood a woman with brunette hair with her gun raised. He did a full U turn before he got close enough to possible give her a clear shot, knowing she wouldn't hesitate if he did give her one. He tried driving towards the last exit, his last chance. Sean sped up to one hundred twenty in attempts of getting there before any cops did, but when he pulled up, yet another cop was standing there. This one he recognized as the woman who he had knocked out and had given Ricky the injuries. Sean could see he gave her one battle scare on her forehead, not that would keep her from shooting, Sean realized. He pulled into another U turn, did the same thing he had done with the last cop, only he didn't know where to drive this time.

He twisted and turned through the parking lot, praying he'd find a way out.

He stomped on the break when he saw another gun being point at him by a man with red hair and sunglasses. Before he knew what was happening, more people were arriving in the garage. They were from SWAT and MDPD, and they all surrounded his car.

"Let's try this again!" the redhead shouted through the glass. "Step out of the vehicle!"

The game was up and Sean knew it. He pursed his lips, anger and self-pity wrenching his body. He looked up in the rearview mirror to see Mike, who was now awake, starring back at him with a confused expression on his face.

"Sorry, little bro'," Sean sighed, regretfully before sliding out of the car with his hands raised. It didn't take the cops all of three seconds to slam him against the hood. He looked at the redhead, who was looking straight at Sean as he slid on a pair of shades.

* * *

"Thanks," Calleigh said, hanging up her phone before heading back to the hummer where everyone else was standing, she had been talking to a judge about the details of the case for trial aside from the rest of the team.

Horatio was talking to a few members of patrol about the case and about Orlando, who was now in cuffs and in one of the cruisers. Natalia and Ryan were on their phones, no doubt explaining the case to Stetler, the DA or someone. Calleigh saw Eric holding Mike, who looked very confused at what was going on, against his chest. Calleigh felt her heart strings tug a little. Calleigh hadn't seen him hold a child since before they were married, he seemed so natural holding Mike against him. The scene laid out before her just seemed, she didn't know how to describe it…right, was the best word she could come up with. He seemed happy, comfortable, with Mike against his side.

He would be a great father, no questions asked, there was only one thing depriving him of that—her. Calleigh felt the familiar sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as that reality hit her, but she shrugged it off before her mind could linger on it. She approached Eric, a faint smile on her face.

"How's he doing?" Calleigh asked, nodding towards Mike.

Eric looked up and returned her smile, adjusting Mike against him.

"Fine…his parents are on their way to pick him up," he said, then he looked her with deep concern. "How about you?"

The truth was Calleigh's head felt worse. The little relief she had got from the Tylenol was fading fast, the full pain returning. Her head hurt inside and out, she could hear her heartbeat in her ears and she could feel her pulse in the gash, which was also stinging pretty bad. May have been a pain, but it was nothing she couldn't handle.

She shrugged one shoulder in response to his question.

"I do remember you saying that, once we got Mike back, you'd go to the hospital," Eric reminded her.

Calleigh should have known he'd remember that and she knew that her head probably needed a few stitches, she figured that she may as well face the music and get it over with. But first, she wanted to make sure Mike got back to his parents. She was still feeling a deep sense of guilt for Mike being kidnapped in the first place.

"Let's just hold off for a few more minutes until his parents get here," Calleigh tried to compromise.

Eric nodded.

"Fair enough," he agreed.

Calleigh watched as Mike looked over at her and started smiling, almost as if he remembered her. He stretched out his tiny hand and began to clench then unclench his fist out to Calleigh. Calleigh couldn't help but smile, she heard Eric chuckle.

"I think he wants you, Cal," he said.

Calleigh reached over as Eric passed Mike to Calleigh. She set him on her hip and smiled down at him.

"Hey, buddy, how you doing?" she grinned, bouncing him slightly on her hip, Mike laughed a little at the motion.

Calleigh let her mind get the better of her for a moment as she let herself wonder if this was what parenthood would be like. It didn't take her long to draw a conclusion…no. Parenthood would be different, stronger. How much stronger? Calleigh and Eric wouldn't know until they had their own baby in their arms with deep brown or emerald green eyes. Yes, parenthood would be stronger, and parenthood wouldn't have a car pulling up to take the child with them to his real home; the Walters had pulled up in their silver mini-van. Mrs. Walters was climbing out of the car at the sight of Mike before the car had even stopped. She rushed over to the CSI's, who met her halfway, Mr. Walters not far behind her after he stopped the car.

Once Mrs. Walters was close enough, Calleigh handed Mike over to her.

"Oh, Mike," Mrs. Walters cried, happily, as she held him against her. Mike wrapped his arms around his mother's neck. Mr. Walters wrapped his arm around his wife's waist and kissed his sons curls, just as happy and relieved.

Half of Calleigh's heart melted into a pile of mush, the other shattered like a rock against a stain glass window. She was glad to see Mike was with his family and that they were bubbling over with joy at the sight of him. The family was happy, safe, whole; just like every family should be. That's exactly why part of Calleigh broke. The fear that she would never be seen holding her and Eric's child with Eric by her side had suddenly become too real with a visual aid laid out in front of her. Calleigh had to remember that she had to be professional, she was still an on-duty CSI, after all. She held herself together, acting as though the scene in front of her didn't affect her in any negative way. She just did what she always did, smiled through it.

Eric hadn't missed the haunted look in her eyes through the smile she wore as he observed how Calleigh looked upon the Walters family. He could clearly see the happiness she felt about being able to give Mike back to his parents, but he could also see the minor heartache behind the smile.

"Is hurt or anything?" Mr. Walters asked, worriedly.

"No," Calleigh reassured them. "He's perfectly fine."

Mrs. Walters allowed herself to look up from Mike for a few seconds with teary eyes.

"Thank you," she choked out to Eric and Calleigh, everyone else wasn't in hearing range.

"No need," Eric said.

Mrs. Walters shook her head.

"There is," she disagreed, then she looked at Mike. "Yes, there is."

With that, the Walters turned away. They only looked back when they reached their car to wave and smile at the Delko's a final time, which they returned.

It's funny how a few short hours, minutes, or even seconds, could change the course of a persons life. The most unexpected things could make you see life differently in a way you've never seen it before. Unfortunately, some of those times are bittersweet. Calleigh had somehow found her nurturing side and was able to feel completely natural within it, but even those disappeared when she let Mike become kidnapped. Somehow, in these few hours, Calleigh's vision had shifted. Maybe she had been looking at the past years all wrong; it wasn't that she _couldn't _have children, but maybe she _shouldn't_.

_Maybe it's a sign, _Calleigh thought to herself for probably the thousandth time that day. The reasonable Calleigh was lost somewhere within herself and was unable to tell Calleigh that that was ludicrous. But even then Calleigh could see the irony in all of this; having hopes of a child to have them lost, then the incident today hit just a bit too close to home not to take into consideration.

They watched as the family drove off into the distance and even a few moments after. The whole atmosphere seemed to turn heavy, but Calleigh and Eric were the only one's that felt it. They probably only sensed the change because the two of them were the only ones who saw a dark side to the situation, a dark side the others couldn't even begin to understand.

Eric would never tell Calleigh, not wanting to make her feel worse than he knew she already did, but he to felt a hint (maybe more) of joy holding Mike and he also wished that they could have a child of their own. Ever since getting shot all those years ago, not long after Marisol's death, things became different. He had realized that his life had almost been taken from him and he had not really experienced it. He never really took advantage of everyday nor had he thought about the things he had wanted in life.

Then, that faithful day when Calleigh kissed him on the cheek, he found what he wanted out of life. To get married, settle down and raise a family. More precisely, he wanted all those things with Calleigh. Ever since that thought crossed his mind, he couldn't help imagining having children with Calleigh. She was smart, funny, strong, and beautiful, everything he had ever wanted in a lover and more, but he had been too blind to see until a bullet cleared his vision. Miraculously, Calleigh had also found what she had been looking for in Eric and things just fell into place. Well, all things except one.

Eric looked down at Calleigh. She seemed to be doing a good job of composing herself and to everybody else she may have been fine, but everyone else didn't know Calleigh like he did. He could see how there was a metaphorical shadow casting over her face, making her eyes slightly sadder than they normally were.

Making sure the rest of the team wasn't looking over in their direction before doing so, they had to be professional at work, Eric laid his hand on the small of Calleigh's back.

"Let's get you checked out," he said to her, softly.

Calleigh nodded for two reasons. One, she knew she couldn't delay this appointment anymore nor that Eric wouldn't allow her too. Secondly, she didn't want to have to stand in this spot with that saddening image in her mind anymore.

* * *

There was only one good thing about any of the CSI's going to the hospital and that was seeing an old friend. Calleigh was sitting on an ER bed in the surprisingly empty ward, Eric standing next to her, when Alexx Woods walked in. Alexx couldn't put her finger on it, but something was defiantly up, and not just the fact they were in a hospital. She shrugged that off for now as she walked in and closed the door, Alexx gave them a look of false exasperation.

"Listen, you both know that if you want me to visit to just call, you don't need to go getting yourselves hurt as a reason to see me," Alexx teased, seeing that this problem was nothing compared to the situations she would every now and then see the team in.

"We'll keep that in mind," Calleigh chuckled, it felt good to laugh a little.

"Good," Alexx smiled before getting back to business and pulling on a pair of latex gloves. "So, what's the problem," Alexx's eyes automatically traveled to the bandage on Calleigh's forehead, identifying the main problem.

"A suspect beat her up pretty bad and slammed into a table a few hours ago," Eric explained, hand running up and down her back.

"How bad?" Alexx asked, slowly removing the bandage from Calleigh's head who winced slightly as the flesh and skin that dried to the gauze was slowly being torn away.

"Bad enough for her to be knocked out for about ten minutes," Eric said as Alexx pulled off the last of the bandage.

_Ten? _Calleigh thought in slight shock, she thought she was only out for two minutes tops. She couldn't linger on that thought for long though, she knew that Alexx was going to have it in for her.

Alexx tossed the bandage in the bin and stepped back to look at Calleigh, a disapproving look on her face.

"And you're only just coming in?" Alexx questioned Calleigh's sanity.

Calleigh shrugged, not wanting this speech again.

Alexx rolled her eyes, "What are we going to do with you?"

"Patch me up and send me home, I hope," Calleigh smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

Alexx attempted to continue to glare at her for a few seconds until giving up and cracking a smile.

"Point taken," Alexx nodded, stepping back over toward Calleigh to examine her wound. Alexx's gloved fingers gently ran over the gash, blood was already seeping out of it. "Yeah, Calleigh, baby, that's going to need a few stitches," Alexx sighed, walking over to the doctors station to dig out a needle, thread, sewing scissors, antiseptic liquid and a cotton ball. "I'm also going to order you an MRI scan to make sure you don't have any brain damage."

Calleigh nodded her head but shuddered as the movement inflicted pain on her head and stopped, Alexx noticed.

Alexx shook her head as she applied antiseptic liquid to the cotton ball and began to dab the cotton ball along the gash. Calleigh tried to ignore the burn as the alcohol burned her cut for the second time today.

"Bullet wounds, fires, fights with kidnappers," Alexx sighed. "We really should start charging you room and board."

Eric and Calleigh chuckled a bit. The sad fact was that hospitals had been a big part of their lives in the last few years and it was becoming a bit too familiar, even for two cops.

Alexx threw away the cotton ball and began to stitch up Calleigh's wound. Eric had one comforting hand on Calleigh's shoulder and the other holding her hand, she kept hold more for his support than for refuge of the slight pain she felt as Alexx fixed her up.

She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to see Alexx's arm movements as she pulled the needle towards her so the thread could pull the two severed pieces of flesh back together in one tug.

The soft metallic _snip! _of scissors let Calleigh know the sewing had been completed on her head and it was safe to open her eyes.

"We'll get that MRI done before putting the bandage on," Alexx said. Alexx would have normally of taken care of the MRI before the stitches, but she didn't like the way the gash kept bleeding and decided to nip that in the bud before it got out of control.

"Okay," Calleigh said, remembering not to nod.

Alexx picked up the phone hanging on the wall and ordered the MRI for Calleigh. Like clockwork, a nurse was there a few moments later to give Alexx the forms for the procedure.

"Are you currently on any medications?" Alexx asked, clicking her pen to begin writing down the information.

"No," Calleigh answered.

"Have you had any operations in the last six months?" Alexx asked as she checked off the answers that Calleigh gave her.

"No."

"Any chance you're pregnant?" Alexx asked.

Calleigh didn't answer right away, Alexx looked up at Calleigh to see her rolling her lips together and looking at the floor. Alexx recognized that look. She had seen it from Calleigh when she was trying to hold herself together, but she had seen it more often in this hospital from various women after she asked that question. And Alexx also saw how Eric squeezed her hand, comfortingly, when Calleigh didn't answer. Alexx put two and two together very easily.

"No," Calleigh finally answered a few beats late.

Alexx knew Calleigh hadn't meant to delay answering, Calleigh was never one to draw attention to her problems, so Alexx acted like she hadn't noticed and continued.

* * *

Eric was sitting in the waiting room as Calleigh got her MRI. Eric wasn't sure if it was because of all the past experiences within the walls or because his wife was getting a simple MRI, but he was getting very anxious sitting here. He knew that odds were that the worst Calleigh could have was a concussion, but that didn't explain why he felt a bit queasy.

Alexx had entered the waiting room after handing Calleigh was situated in the MRI lab; another doctor was now with her. She saw Eric and saw him drumming his fingers on the plastic armrest of the chair he was leaning into. Chuckling at his nerves, Alexx walked over to him and took a seat next to him.

"Aren't we a bit nervous?" Alexx said, looking at his hand.

Eric let out a hollow laugh and automatically stopped the rhythmic motion of his fingers.

"Let me ask you, Alexx, how can you work in this place?" Eric asked. "It's so…"

"Nerve-wracking?" Alexx suggested. "Baby, I've been around dead bodies and sick ones most of my life. I'm a pro at nerve-wracking."

"True," Eric nodded.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Alexx gently began to approach the subject.

"Eric, I…I saw Calleigh's reaction when I asked her if she could possibly be pregnant," Alexx said, gently.

Calleigh and Eric never discussed the problem with anyone, but Alexx had always been like the mother of the team when she was at CSI and she still used that same motherly tone that made you want to spill your guts to her.

"Should have known you'd notice that," Eric nodded.

"I did," Alexx said. "I've seen that look before, honey, and it only means one thing…how long have you two been trying to have kids?"

Eric didn't know why he started to talk about this to Alexx, part of him even felt a tad guilty about talking about this without Calleigh around, but the words were being said.

"Technically," he sighed, not looking at Alexx. "Over two years."

"Technically?" Alexx coaxed him to tell her more.

"We…um…we at first thought it would just happen, like it did for most people. But three years later we still weren't…" he shook his head, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Two and a half more years of really trying and we're still at square one."

Alexx felt her heart ache for the two of them, it was clear the two of them were truly hoping for a baby but not getting one.

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry," Alexx whispered. "Has she gone to see a specialist or anything?"

Eric shook his head again.

"She's…reluctant to go," Eric explained. "I think she's too afraid of how the results will come out."

Alexx understood.

"She'd rather live with knowing there was some hope than none at all," Alexx inferred.

Eric nodded.

Alexx pulled out one of her business cards and a pen. She flipped it over to the blank side and began to write a name and number down. When she was finished, she handed it to Eric.

"Dr. Howard Benson, he's one of the fertility specialists here and one of the best," Alexx explained. "If Calleigh changes her mind, give him a call."

"Thanks, Alexx," Eric said, he looked up at her and smiled.

But Alexx noticed the smile didn't touch his eyes.

* * *

"Calleigh, baby, you were extremely lucky," Alexx said, looking over the x-rays. "No concussion, no brain damage, nothing."

Calleigh shot Eric up a look that said, _"I told you, so."_

Eric rolled his eyes.

"But," Alexx said, sharply. "That does _not _mean you can start hunting down kidnappers again anytime soon."

Alexx jotted down a prescription.

"I'm going to give you some Motrin, take one a day. I know it's just a pain killer, but I want you to take _all _of them," Alexx warned. "Don't give me that 'oh, I'm fine' crap you and the rest of the team always give me. Come back if the pain increase or if you develop blurred vision."

"Got it," Calleigh nodded, a bandage was now placed over her stitches.

"And I want you take it easy, alright?" Alexx ordered. "Take at least a week off so you can just relax, stay off your feet and rest your head."

"What if I go to work and I just stay in the lab?" Calleigh suggested, knowing she'd go stir-crazy in the house not doing anything while Eric was at work.

Alexx turned to Eric.

"Make sure she stays home even if you have to barricade the door," Alexx told him.

"Will do," Eric nodded, earning himself a glare from Calleigh.

"Alexx, you have turned my own husband against me," Calleigh sighed, sliding off the bed.

"It's for your own good," Alexx shrugged, tearing off the prescription from its pad and handing it to Calleigh. "You can pick up your pills at the pharmacy."

* * *

Not my best work, sorry, I thought this chapter would be better. Thanks for sticking through it!

Please review!


	6. Trapped in an Escape

Just saw _Avatar_ and it was really good! The graphics were so…whoa! Man, _Titanic, The Terminator, Avatar_…James Cameron is a genius! Sorry, I had to say it. I'm a major movie addict. If they had a M. M. A (for Movie's and Miami Anonymous) my friends and family would have checked me in years ago.

I couldn't think of anything for this chapter, so this is very short and may not be very entertaining…but I'll let you be the judge of that.

* * *

Chapter 6

Trapped in an Escape

"What part of Alexx telling you to relax," Eric sighed, putting his hands on the counter on either side of Calleigh, trapping her between the marble and his body as she put up the recently cleaned plates. "Is so difficult for you to understand?"

"I understand it," Calleigh shrugged. "I just choose to ignore it."

Eric rolled his eyes. He slid his hands over to grab Calleigh's and intertwine his fingers with hers. Calleigh knew this was his way of trying to convince her to relax, something she couldn't seem to do, but he wasn't going to convince her that easily, even if she was leaning into him. That was the thing about being married to him, even when she acted like she was fine and everyone else believed it, he could see through her.

"You've had a hard day," Eric whispered, moving their folded hands so they rested on her hips. "You deserve some rest."

Calleigh laughed without humor.

"What?" Eric questioned.

"I let a someone get kidnapped and I deserve rest?" Calleigh asked in disbelieve.

"It wasn't your fault," Eric told her for the thousandth time.

"I had a weapon-."

"They attacked you before you had the chance to use it," Eric pointed out. "Besides, you could have had serious brain damage, it wasn't smart for you to wait and go to the hospital after the case was closed, let alone not resting when you got home."

"I feel fine."

"Because of the med's Alexx gave you, you still need to rest," Eric said. "It's important you don't push yourself too hard after getting injured so severely."

Calleigh turned her head towards Eric and raised an eyebrow, not believing what she was hearing.

"What?" Eric asked, curious of why he was getting the stare.

"You came back to work two weeks after getting shot and you're telling _me _not to push myself?" Calleigh questioned.

"And look how that turned out," Eric said, reflecting how they almost let the killer go free because of his mistake.

"My injury wasn't as bad as yours," Calleigh pointed out.

"What are you keeping score?"

"I'd rather there not be a score," Calleigh snapped, her tone coming out harsher than she intended, she could feel the day's event's taking a toll on her normally optimistic attitude.

Calleigh turned away from him and tried to remind herself that Eric was just worried about her and, having brain trauma before, knew what could happen if someone overexerted themselves, even if hers was miniscule compared to his. She gently unthreaded her fingers from one of his hands, which he then rested on her hip, and ran her hand through her hair, in her Calleigh-like fashion, before setting it on the counter. She took a deep breath and softened her tone.

"But I guess it's inevitable," Calleigh sighed, her voice sad as she ran her fingers along the smooth surface of the countertop. "I know I should rest," Calleigh admitted. "But this helps me keep my mind off things. I just…I don't know."

Eric could see how badly this case had gotten to Calleigh. Every CSI knew the feeling of when a case came up that wasn't just another case. There were certain scenes that held more than just prints and fibers, but had a soul. The case would start off normal until one fact, one small fact, sent the mind of that investigator into a kaleidoscope of thoughts and emotions they had to keep under wraps, in fear they may get thrown off the case because they were taking it too personally. All day that person would be faced with an inward battle against their inner demons while trying to stay professional. Then, nine times out of ten, when the day was over, that person would be looking at their bedroom ceiling until the early hours of the morning, going over every single detail and trying to make sense of it all. Those times were rare, but when they hit, they hit hard.

Eric was pretty sure the last case that had really hit Calleigh was the Patrick Dawson case years ago, but this was a personal on a totally different level. Eric remembered how she had gotten the doctors permission to leave the hospital for a few hours that day to go and say goodbye to the kid she had tried to save. That night, Eric took her back to the hospital and stayed with her. All the while, seeing the look that had plagued every law enforcement officer at least once.

And he was seeing that look now.

He knew Calleigh well enough that if he let her have time, she would start talking. He gently squeezed her fingers as she took on the process of untangling her mind.

"I was supposed to protect him and I let him down," Calleigh sighed, sounding like she wanted to say more but couldn't find the words. Eric slid the hand on her waist to her forearm. He gently ran his hand up and down her arm in a comforting motion, coaxing her to speak.

"I'm sick of constantly letting everybody down," Calleigh muttered, frustrated, stepping out of Eric's touch, not thinking she deserved any comfort. She crossed her arms and walked to the other side of the kitchen, back to him.

Eric approached her.

"You're not letting everybody down," Eric promised.

"Really?" Calleigh wheeled around to look at him. "Did you see Mike getting home today without chaos? Do you see any kids in this house? Do you see my dad sober?"

Calleigh let out the three things she felt most guilty about. In her mind, it was her fault Mike was kidnapped, her fault they didn't have children and her fault her dad had started drinking a few years after returning to Darnell. Calleigh had always wondered what would have happened if she dragged him to rehab one more time or if she had gone and talked some sense into him. She was letting down victims, the family she had married into and the family she was born into. And, this just in, she felt like she was letting Eric down for not being the strong woman everyone thought her to be. Calleigh knew she could confide in Eric about anything, but when she let it get to her like this, she felt something within her die. Almost as though with every pathetic break down, even if it wasn't big, she was losing some of who she knew herself to be.

That feeling of losing herself had only popped up in the recent months. Before then, she never felt ashamed about talking to Eric or feeling as though she was being stripped of her identity. What was happening to her?

"Those things are out of your control, Calleigh," Eric attempted to reassure her as he put his hands on her hips.

Calleigh wanted to be able to move away from his loving touch and away from the comforting look she knew he was giving her. She didn't want this, she didn't want to feel vulnerable and she didn't want anyone else to see her being so. But, once again, she was sucked into her husband's cornucopia of comfort, which always gave her at least a bit of strength to keep her going.

The gospel truth was that Eric was right. Mike, the family they couldn't seem to create and her fathers continuing alcoholism, they were all beyond her power. So why did she feel so damn guilty? Calleigh's abused mind started doing a number on her as it, once again, try to sort it all out. Unfortunately, it wasn't doing a very good job.

She needed to escape.

And she did. Calleigh needed time away from the house, memories and even Eric, basically, any holder of comfort and love. She needed to go somewhere unbiased, a place that wouldn't care that she was there, a place had never met the eyes of Calleigh Duquesne Delko.

Calleigh knew Eric would kill her if he knew that she was going to attempt to drive, so she slipped out of their bed around midnight, leaving him asleep. She pulled on a pair of jogging pants and a matching jacket over the white T-shirt she had put on, certain that she was in good enough condition to drive. Calleigh had to admit, she felt a bit guilty sneaking around like this, but she needed to breakaway for at least an hour and nothing was going to stop her.

She grabbed the keys and slipped out of the house, not making a sound.

The road she drove down was quiet and lonely, only illuminated by the streetlights. But to get where she was going, she needed to drive through some of the city. Once inside the mass of buildings and skyscrapers, more cars became visible and the neon lights of business signs illuminated the area. Calleigh could hear music blaring from the odd club and strip bar she passed.

"And they say Vegas is the city that never sleeps," Calleigh muttered as she focused on getting to where she wanted to go.

After a good fifteen-minute drive, Calleigh finally pulled up at the beach. It was deserted and quiet…absolutely perfect. She got out of the car, the cool night air touching her skin and the smell of sea salt and sand filling her nose, calming her. A light breeze sent a cold chill through the air, making her shiver, she hugged the jacket closer to her body. She walked onto the sand and sat down, pulling her knees in and resting her chin their as she watched the small waves wash upon the sand before slowly dragging back out.

Calleigh had never been to this section of the beach, nor had she come to any beach for enjoyment. Every time she had made her way over here, it was always for her job. Some teenager killed during spring break would be in the sand, someone would wash in from the ocean, the beach was the source of a body dump; the list was endless.

But she was ninety- nine percent sure that she had never been to this section of the beach before for a murder scene. And if she had, oh well, it didn't exist in her memory and that was enough for her.

Calleigh brushed some stray hair out of her face; her fingers brushing the clean bandage she put on before going to "bed." That simple touch made her close her eyes and made her mind flicker through the day's events. Ryan's panicked look as her held Mike, Calleigh holding Mike against her side and Ryan's shocked expression as a new side of Calleigh came into the forefront. She saw the two kidnappers, the faces of Eric, Horatio and Tom as she woke up and how Eric attempted to talk her into going to the hospital in the break room. Calleigh saw them finding Mike, Eric with Mike and finally Mike with his parents. Calleigh remembered Alexx and the questions she asked for the MRI.

Calleigh opened her eyes; the day's events had been played in chronological order like a bad movie, the kind that the critiques would hate and the audience would run back to the box office to get their money back. However, this wasn't one that could be trashed, she knew this would be in her mind forever. True, time would make it less potent, but something's were just unforgettable. Today was one of those things.

Calleigh shook her head, she knew this whole thing was becoming a mess. She knew the cause of the stress and all the doubts planted in the heart. It wasn't Mike, who was home safe with his family and would have no memory of today, though every other person who worked that case was sure to. And she knew it wasn't her dad. In all honesty, she had no idea why he had inhabited her mind. Kenwall Duquesne was too old and stubborn to change his drinking ways, no matter how much he and his family wanted him to, but Calleigh gave up believing he would sober up years ago. When John Hagen had found him in the bar that one night, so many years ago, Calleigh was hardly surprised because it was expected. She gave up believing in him and had knew he shouldn't be a cause of stress in her life, but Calleigh knew her mind was so jumbled up that it was only a matter of time before he would make an appearance in it. She knew that it was just a matter of time before that worry faded into the background, actually, she could say that for Mike as well.

The cause of all this was the same thing that had been making her mind hell for the last few years, but why this stupid problem even there? Why so it so hard for her to conceive?

_For God's sake, _Calleigh thought. _Women who are older than me get pregnant, women on birth control get pregnant, teenagers get pregnant, so why can't I also get pregnant?_

She knew one simple doctor's appointment would answer that question once and for all. But the results could be devastating, and that's what scared her most out of going. At least if they didn't know, then they would never have to be disappointed and they could keep trying, with a little light at the end of the day in which she and Eric could think, _Maybe it'll work out this time._

Though Calleigh's light was getting dimmer and dimmer, it still had a tiny glow through the cavern of darkness.

Calleigh glanced at her watch and saw that it was almost one in the morning, the time had gone by so fast. She knew that it was only to be a matter of time before Eric would roll over in bed and feel nothing but cooling sheets. But Calleigh had gotten her moments of refuge and that would be enough, for now. She got up and brushed the grains of sand off the back of her pants the same time another breeze rustled the leaves on a nearby palm tree.

Calleigh wasn't sure if she was sleep deprived or if this was an effect of her hurting her head earlier, but she heard the voice she hadn't heard in over a decade.

The words were so clear, she could have sworn he was right next to her.

The two had thought she was out of hearing distance, but she heard him say, _"She's way too cheerful."_

And here she was, hearing his voice, hearing those exact words.

Calleigh looked up at the sheet of black above her, looking at the brightest star she could see.

"Well, Tim," she sighed. "Am I glum enough for you now?"

Calleigh stood there, almost as if she were waiting for him to answer her. But she knew a response, which, knowing Tim, would have been something sarcastic, would never come. Calleigh exhaled and shook her head as she made her way back toward her car.

* * *

Like I said, short chapter.

Don't be surprised if I don't post any knew chapters for this anytime soon. I'll try to type as much as I can but I'm going to be pretty busy the next few months. I do have another chapter of "Slowly Realizing" in the works right now (for those who read it) so I may get that done in the next few days. And I may get another chapter of "Shakespeare Sun" done, but don't hold your breath.

Sorry for posting other story info on here, but I don't like making chapters of only authors notes, but I still wanted to get the word out and putting with this was the only sure fire way to do that.

Thanks for reading and please review!


	7. Heaviness

I saw Toby Keith live a few days ago and I'm still on an adrenaline high because of it (seriously awesome concert!). And I also found out that Eddie Cibrian won't be back next season and that CBS wants to, since Adam is back, focus on the old team (H, Cal, Frank, etc.). So, I'm feeling good about next season. Since I'm in a great mood, I decided to try another chapter of this.

* * *

Chapter 7

Heaviness

Calleigh felt the sun against her skin as it creeped through the blinds of the window. She blinked her eyes open but squeezed them shut again as the sun's glare made her see spots. She moved her head away from the sun's beams and blinked her eyes repeatedly to make her vision clear. Calleigh saw, once all the annoying blobs were gone from her sight, that Eric wasn't in the bed next to her. She vaguely remembered him brushing his lips against hers when he had left a few hours ago for work. Calleigh thought she'd be annoyed, maybe envious was a more appropriate word, that he was going to work and she was being forced to stay home. But she was actually grateful, somewhat, that she got to sleep in. Her moment of refuge at the beach had deeply effected her sleeping pattern and she would have been very sluggish if she had been forced to wake up at the usual time.

But now it was nine in the morning and she was more than ready to move. She slipped out of the sheets and stood up. She stretched her stiff arms in front of her and flexed her fingers, though the stretching did little to loosen up some of her muscles, it brought discomfort the arm that had been twisted and held behind her back. Thinking a shower would cure that inconvenience, Calleigh made a beeline for the bathroom, moving almost mechanically due to she was thinking about being stuck in this house, by herself, for a sure few hours of boredom. A boredom routine she would have to face every day this week.

Not wanting to think about that right now, she turned on the water to the temperature she was used to, well, actually what she and Eric were used to. As the sound of water hit the tiled floor of the shower, Calleigh turned to her reflection to gently remove the bandage still on her forehead; the constant removal and replacement of the bandage was getting very tedious, very quickly. Calleigh looked at her stitches and hoped they wouldn't leave too big a scar, the last thing she needed was people staring at a scar on her forehead like she was Harry Potter or something. People already worried about her when anything involving smoke came up in a case, especially if there as the chance of her inhaling amounts of it, a scar was the last thing she needed.

Calleigh pulled out another bandage and her medication from the medicine cabinet and placed them on the countertop of the sink, so she wouldn't have to pull them out after her shower, before stripping out of the tank top and shorts she had worn to bed. She had been about to step into the relaxing shower, the light steam starting to arise from behind the shower door making the invite of relaxation more promising, before she noticed something about her reflection.

On Calleigh's bare stomach were four bruises, each separated by a crevice, Calleigh knew exactly where this had come from. The bruise of where Orlando's fist had collided with her abdomen. Though the bruise was light and pain only became noticeable when she applied pressure on the darkened skin, it was visible and she knew Eric would overreact if he saw it. She made a mental note to try not to reveal it to him if she could help it before finally being able to step into the long awaited shower.

* * *

Eric had to admit that he felt a bit guilty leaving Calleigh alone. Not so much because of the injury she had endured yesterday, he knew damn well she could handle that, but more of the emotional turmoil yesterday's events had caused. He didn't care how any times she said 'I'm fine' or 'Don't worry about me' Eric _did _worry and still didn't believe she was fine. But, no matter how bad he felt about leaving her, he knew she would've killed him if he had offered to stay home. Knowing Calleigh, she may have said something along the lines of: "It's because of your and Alexx's worrying I'm stuck here in the first place, you'd better go make up for my absence."

Eric could almost hear the playfulness in her tone and the teasing smile she may have worn.

Eric let his mind switch back over to work as he approached Natalia in DNA.

"Hey, did we get a hit on the DNA from the glass?" Eric asked her, they were investigating a homicide of a professor at MU.

"No hits in CODIS," she said. "But the DNA did come back as XX."

"So a woman was with him in the room at sometime before the janitor found him."

"But, unfortunately, we can't get her name," Natalia sighed. "But the good news is that we still have that security camera, Ryan was looking at the footage earlier."

"Okay, I'll see if he's got anything," Eric said, turning away.

He had been about to make his way towards AV, but then…

"Eric one sec," she called after him.

He made his way back and she met him halfway.

"How's Calleigh doing?" she asked, snapping off her gloves.

"Um…she's fine. She needed a few stitches, but she didn't have any brain damage," he said, still grateful that the stitches were the worst part.

"That's good," Natalia smiled.

"Yeah," Eric agreed. "But Alexx prescribed her some med's and a few days off, so she won't be back until next week."

"Day's off until next week? Bet Calleigh loves that," she said, sarcastically.

Eric chuckled, lightly.

Natalia seemed hesitant about what she was about to say, as she chewed on her lip, thinking of an appropriate way to go about this.

"Okay…Eric…you know the last thing I want to be is intrusive…but, I'm concerned," she admitted.

"About?" Eric coaxed.

"You and Calleigh," she sighed. "Now, maybe it's just me, but you guys have been acting…"

Eric waited, so far not liking the direction of this conversation, as Natalia searched for the right word.

"Different," she settled for.

"Different?" Eric raised his eyebrows, questioningly.

"Yeah. For the past few months, you two have been getting more and more closed off…I mean, when was the last time you two came to grab a drink with us after work?" she asked.

Eric didn't say anything. When Natalia realized he wasn't going to, she continued.

"And Calleigh…I've known her for about ten years now, and I've noticed she's recently become…almost haunted," Natalia said, becoming more hesitate with her words. "And there was something about that case yesterday that kept getting her…I saw it."

"Natalia, she was assaulted," Eric pointed out, hoping to distract Natalia from the haunting he had also been noticing in his wife.

"But passed that," she tried to explain, but Natalia was realizing she was approaching territory that she had no business being in and she started to draw up the ending to this conversation. "But, like I said, it's probably just me…but is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," he lied, slowly moving his feet so she could get the message he was trying to get away.

Natalia looked at him, skeptically, before taking a deep breath.

"Okay," she sighed. "But you guys call if you ever need anything."

"Thanks," he nodded, gratefully. "But everything's fine."

Natalia watched him walk away. She sighed and walked back to the DNA table.

"Delko, you are the worst liar," she whispered, frustrated.

* * *

Calleigh walked into the kitchen, her hair damp and feet bare. She saw the message light was blinking on the machine, the phone probably rang when she was in the shower. She hit the playback button as she made her way towards the fridge.

"Hey, Calleigh," Alexx's voice spoke through the speaker as Calleigh pulled some eggs out of the fridge. "I just called to make sure you are staying home and didn't sneak out somehow," Calleigh rolled her eyes at that as she pulled out a skillet and applied some non-stick spray to the cast iron bottom.

She waited for the message to end or Alexx to continue, but Alexx seemed to have paused and was trying to think of a way to continue. Calleigh turned up the heat on the stove and put some bread in the toaster, then she heard Alexx take a deep breath.

"And, baby," Alexx finally continued, Calleigh was taken aback by her change of tone. "If you want to talk about anything, call me. My cell is always on, day or night."

Calleigh's eyebrows knitted together in confusion as she cracked the shell of the egg and let the yolk and white fall onto the iron. What did Alexx mean by that? Sure, it was a nice gesture, but why was she giving it?

"I'll talk to you soon. Bye," then the message ended.

Calleigh cracked another egg as she puzzled over the meaning in Alexx's words. There was something in her tone that was almost too reassuring, even for Alexx's standards. Besides, first she had called to see if Calleigh was following doctor's orders, but then she suddenly switched to a personal level of conversation? There was something defiantly fishy there. And that pause, it seemed like Alexx had been using that time to have a personal debate whether or not to speak something aloud.

Calleigh thought this over as she flipped her eggs onto a plate and grabbed the toast as it popped from the toaster. She sat at the dining room table as she contemplated what Alexx's concern was.

She began to eat her breakfast when she sighed, frustrated with herself. Calleigh realized she was reading way too much into the message. She had been beat up yesterday, bad enough to be knocked out for several minutes, so of course Alexx would call and be concerned. Maybe she thought that they would need to talk, woman-to-woman, completely understandable. But Calleigh had managed to take a perfectly normally phone call and turn it into something suspicious.

Calleigh shouldn't have been surprised; she was reading too much into everything nowadays. She would call Alexx later and assure her that she was fine. Meanwhile, as she finished her breakfast, she was going to have to think of ways to entertain herself or risk the possibility of trying to decode normal things, again.

* * *

Eric sat in the break room, needing some time to re-think his discussion with Natalia. She had noticed the change in Calleigh, a change that had been drifting in on her, slowly, so slowly that Eric thought he was the only one that had noticed it. He figured he would be the only one noticing the change because he had been with Calleigh practically everyday for the last five years and knew the reason for Calleigh's stress, but he had been wrong.

Whether he liked it or not, Calleigh had changed. She still had Calleigh's usual attitude, but her optimism seemed to be slowly draining from her. It almost seemed as though she was there, but her heart was somewhere else and her soul was diminishing. But how could that be? How could the strongest woman at MDPD be in such despair? Even with everything they had been through the last few years, the normal Calleigh would still be able to find some of herself in the mess. Calleigh was normally able to maintain composure at work, letting her emotions spill out a bit when she was in the comfort of home, but her pain was starting to effect her everywhere she went and that was defiantly unlike Calleigh.

He wasn't sure if this was his overprotective instinct's coming out, but Eric felt the need to do something, to attempt to fix this. He knew the main cause of this mess, the cause that could have triggered a load of negative thoughts in Calleigh's mind, and he had the key to taking the first step towards possibly finding an answer. Eric pulled the number Alexx had given him yesterday out of his wallet. He didn't talk to Calleigh about the number the night before; it wasn't exactly appropriate timing. In all honesty, he wasn't sure if it would ever be appropriate timing. Calleigh had made up her mind about going to the doctor's years ago and if he pressured her she would defiantly not go. But it was clear that this was getting out of hand and he had to try.

Eric would talk to Calleigh about Dr. Benson in a few days, maybe a few weeks. After yesterdays assault, Alexx's question and their discussion at home, Eric knew that bringing it up at this moment in time would be less than helpful.

His mind made up, he slid the card back in his wallet and walked out of the break room and on his way to interrogation.

* * *

Noon approached and Calleigh sighed in defeat as she clicked off the television; absolutely nothing was on, adding fuel to her very bored fire. The only thing that seemed to be on at this time was the pointless, melodramatic, soap opera's and the mindless sitcoms, the kind in which you could feel your IQ dropping as you watched. Not wanting to expose herself to more drama or ridiculous jokes, Calleigh just looked at the black screen as she was consumed by boredom.

She picked up one of the pillows and put it against the arm of the couch. She put her head against the pillow and closed her eyes, feeling tired, despite the fact she had slept most of the morning away.

The ringing of her phone made her jerk up in alarm, she looked at the nearby clock to see that it was almost five-thirty, she had slept most of the day. She let a smile come to her, the first she had all day; Eric would be home in about an hour. She reached over for the source that yanked her from her dreams and looked at the caller ID and answered.

"If I die from cabin fever, I can hold you responsible," she joked when she answered the phone.

She heard Eric chuckle, but it was halfhearted.

"Well, if you would stay out of danger there would be no reason for you to stay home," Eric pointed out.

"I'll keep that in mind," Calleigh grinned. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay," he said, innocently.

"I'm fine," she assured him. "And, before you ask, I'm sure I am...well, except for the fact that I'm bored out of my mind."

Calleigh expected him to say something, but she only heard the sound of light static on the other end.

"Still there?" she asked.

"Yeah, sorry," he said, hurriedly, as though she had pulled him back out of some trance

"You okay?" she asked him. "You seem like something's bugging you."

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…I need to talk to you about something," he sighed. "But it can wait until you're feeling better-."

"Eric, we can talk about it, I'm fine. Is everything okay?"

"That depends…"

"On what? Did something happen at the lab?" Calleigh asked, his tone making her anxious.

"No, no. It's nothing like that, its…we'll talk about it when I get home, okay?"

"Okay," Calleigh nodded. "I'll see you then…I love you."

"I love you, too and remember to-."

"Stay off my feet, rest my head," Calleigh rolled her eyes.

"See you later," Eric said, Calleigh could hear the smile in his voice.

"Bye."

* * *

The next chap is already in the works, so the wait for how their conversation goes won't be too long. Please review!

P. S. I hope y'all are enjoying your summer!


	8. Things that Matter

Chapter 8

Things that Matter

Calleigh felt warm lips gently brush against hers, enough to awaken her from the slumber she had fallen back into. Her eyes fluttered open to see Eric kneeling next to her. Calleigh grinned, tiredly, up at him.

"Hi," she smiled, stifling a yawn.

"Still tired?" he asked, light amusement in his voice.

"Not really," she shrugged. "I've been sleeping most of the day."

"I know."

Calleigh raised her eyebrow, questioning how he knew that.

"You were asleep when I came home on my lunch break," he explained.

"You could've woken me up," she smiled.

He had come home to see Calleigh sleeping, peacefully, on the couch. She seemed so content within her dreams that Eric didn't have the heart to wake her up.

"No," he shook his head. "You looked like you were enjoying your rest."

Calleigh grinned back at him and he smiled back, half-heartedly. Ever since his conversation with Natalia, his mind had been in constant battle, debating whether or not to bring it up with Calleigh that day. He knew they'd have to talk about it eventually, it was just a matter of when.

"Are you okay?" Calleigh asked, she wasn't getting a very good vibe from him, the same she had gotten over the phone. Eric wasn't usually reluctant to tell her anything and him being so now made her feel uneasy, like she always did when something like this came up. On the odd occasion Eric acted as though he was hiding something, she would remember back when he had been looking into the CSI's when he was working the stolen evidence case with Rebecca Nevins, the case that almost cost him his life. He had been hiding something from her then and it almost ended with the worst of consequences.

She knew that Eric would never hide something like that from her again, but her mind always went back to then and anything associated with her almost losing him always made her anxious, even if there was no rational need for it.

"You're the one who's been ordered to stay home due to a head injury and your asking me if _I'm _okay?" Eric asked her, incredulously.

Calleigh gave him a mock glare before standing up.

"Yes, I am," she nodded before making her way into the kitchen.

"Should you really be standing up?"

Calleigh rolled her eyes at his concern.

"If I lay down anymore I'm going to have to go back to the hospital because I've lost function in my legs," she joked, walking into the kitchen. She pulled a glass out of the cabinet and walked over to the sink, Eric leaning against the doorframe.

"So?" Calleigh asked, getting herself some water. "What's on your mind?"

Eric shook his head, "Nothing big."

"But nothing small, either," Calleigh assumed, taking a sip of her beverage.

Eric said nothing, but he didn't need to. Calleigh knew that she was right and that he wasn't going to say anything. She put her glass down on the counter and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his middle.

"I have ways of making you talk," Calleigh quoted, playfully.

Eric saw it again at that moment. Here was Calleigh; smiling and being the person everyone knew her to be. But passed the smile and the tone of her voice was a woman concealed, her hurt hidden by the mask she felt she had to wear for everyone around her. But Eric knew it wasn't only him seeing this in Calleigh now, but also Natalia and probably the rest of the team, though they didn't say anything.

Seeing this in Calleigh tugged at his heartstrings in a way only she could do and it made him want to say something about today to take a step towards hopefully healing those wounds.

"I know you do," he half-smiled at her. "But it can wait."

"Don't you find it a bit strange that _I'm_ the one trying to get _you_ to talk?" Calleigh asked; the scenario was indeed different. "Eric, come on, it can't be that bad."

"It's not exactly bad it's just…I don't think you-."

"I can handle it, you know I can…God, the way you're acting its as though someone died," Calleigh shook her head. Her anxiety was building; Eric wasn't normally secretive, not around her anyway. "C'mon, what's up?"

Eric knew there was no eluding her questions, Calleigh could get any suspect to crack and he knew she could, she was already, cracking him. He knew the best he could do now was gently ease into the conversation.

"Okay," he sighed in defeat. "Natalia and I were talking…"

"About?" she urged him to continue.

"About how things have changed…how we've become closed off and how you've started to act…" he searched for the right adjective to describe her. "Melancholy."

"Melancholy? She said I've been…melancholy?" Calleigh raised an eyebrow at the odd word choice.

"Not exactly, that's just the best way to describe it."

"And do you agree with her?"

Eric didn't answer, but he did give her a serious look and she rolled her eyes.

"I wish everyone would stop worrying about me I'm-."

"Don't say your fine," Eric cut across her.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Calleigh asked, her voice getting harder in frustration.

"You know why," Eric said, giving her a meaningful look.

Calleigh finally caught onto where this conversation was going and leaned out of Eric. She instantly regretted not heeding to his advice and holding this off. She rolled her lips and nodded her head in understanding.

"Because we've yet to have a baby," Calleigh sighed. Calleigh moved her eyes to the floor and ran a hand through her hair before leaning against the island, now a few yards away from Eric.

"Calleigh-."

"Eric, listen…it's upsetting, I won't deny that, but I haven't changed because of it," Calleigh tried to convince him.

"Calleigh, you wouldn't see it in yourself, but I have," Eric said, moving to the opposite side of the island to look her in the eye.

"Well, why bring it up now?" Calleigh asked, her temper rising.

"Because this is getting out of hand, Calleigh. Maybe if you-."

"Eric," Calleigh interrupted, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I know what you're going to say and you know my answer is no."

"Calleigh, it may be a simple problem that could be fixed."

"The problem is that we got married when I was thirty-eight, already three years after the so-called 'best time' to get pregnant. My age is a major issue, not to mention we have very stressful jobs, and then there's-."

"And what if it's not? What if this is something medically relevant and fixable, but we never confront it?"

"Or maybe it isn't fixable and we are just better off never knowing about it."

"Your telling me you don't even want to consider going to figure this out?" Eric questioned, his words coming out harder than intended.

"What's the point? You know, if it is fixable, it may take years to fix and by then I'll probably be menopausal and…"

Calleigh paused, getting her thoughts processed in her mind, before taking a deep breath through her nose and continuing.

"Odds are this is just a matter of trying over and over-."

"For five years, Cal?"

"It's not unheard of."

Eric gave her a look, a look Calleigh didn't appreciate.

"You know what, this is already putting a strain on us, you want to go to a doctor and probably cause more problems?" Calleigh snapped.

"Maybe it'll fix something's."

"And maybe it won't and make things worse."

"We'll never know unless we give it a shot," Eric attempted to convince her.

"We've had this conversation before, Eric," Calleigh said. "And my answer is still the same…I'm not going to the doctor."

Eric sighed and pulled out his wallet from his back pocket. He took out the card and slid it over to Calleigh, Dr. Benson's number looking up. She picked it up and looked over the information.

"What is this?"

"A number for a fertility specialist."

Calleigh opened her mouth to say something before Eric cut across her.

"Just think about it," Eric reasoned.

"Who gave you this number?" she asked, still shocked about what she was looking at.

"Alexx."

"Alexx?" she looked at him in disbelief. The phone call from Alexx earlier hadn't been to talk to her about her getting hurt, but about her problems of having yet to conceive a child. Calleigh's uncertainty about what Alexx had said on the phone had made complete sense, she knew there was something wrong. But she never thought Alexx would know about _this._

"You told Alexx? When?" she demanded.

"The day you got your MRI."

"And you didn't feel the need to say anything?" Calleigh asked, in complete disbelief Eric would do this.

"You had had a long day-."

"If I can't control my body, I would at least like to control who knows about what's going on with it! My reproductive system is for you and I to know! Not Alexx and not this Dr. Howard Benson!" she vented, getting more and more heated.

"It's just something to think about," Eric responded, trying to remain calm, but getting a bit annoyed that Calleigh wouldn't at least consider going.

"Then I'm obligated to say no," she glared, almost slamming the card on the counter and heading towards the bedroom.

Eric heard the door close, forcibly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep composure but it was getting harder. She had been delaying this appointment for the last few years and they had been delaying this argument for the same amount of time. He had been respecting her decision for all those years, but it was getting so time was becoming the enemy and it couldn't be stopped.

Eric made his way towards their bedroom and opened the door to see Calleigh putting folded clothes in the drawer's, acting as though she was unaware that he was watching her. She braced herself for another round of convincing, not wanting to hear it.

"Calleigh-," he started to say.

"I'm not calling," she said, closing the drawer before turning to him.

"It wouldn't kill you to think about it."

"I have, constantly, and I think I've made the right choice," she retorted, crossing her arms.

"How is living in denial the right choice?" Eric asked, angrily.

"I'm not living in denial," Calleigh attempted to convince him, but also herself. "I'm just trying to remain optimistic about my body, I honestly think that if we just keep trying-."

"I know you, Calleigh, and I know you don't believe that. And you know what? I think part of you wants to figure this out, too," Eric admitted.

Calleigh pressed her lips in a firm line; sometimes she hated that he knew her so well. Part of her _did _want to, but Calleigh saw more losses than benefits in making an appointment, though she knew she could possibly be wrong and that benefits could come with the appointment.

"It's not worth the risk," Calleigh shook her head.

"You don't think having a child would be worth having a few tests run?" Eric scoffed.

His accusation made Calleigh feel as though a bullet had shot her dead in the heart; they hadn't shared this many hurtful words at once with each other in a long time. Calleigh began to feel her tear ducts kicking in; she blinked to pause them for awhile longer.

"That's not fair. You know that's not what I meant!" she defended herself.

"What's not fair is the fact we have been waiting for us to get pregnant for years, it's not happening and you don't feel the need to see someone about it!" Eric's voice began to rise with each word.

"I've told you my reasons! You know why I don't want to see any doctors!"

"Well, this isn't just effecting you, Cal!"

"Damn it! Don't you think I know that? I know what I'm depriving _both _us of, I don't need to be constantly reminded!" she almost shouted, tears finally breaking through to fill her eyes with moisture.

Sadness and heavy guilt hit Calleigh. She turned away from Eric as she attempted to control the tears. Eric had instantly hated himself for letting his temper get the best of him. He remembered now why he hadn't pushed her to go so hard before, Eric knew she felt incredibly guilty for them yet to have children and he knew he shouldn't have pushed her like that, especially today. Her mind was probably still consumed by the events of the day before and the last thing she would want to think about was the children they had yet to have. He should have just came up with an excuse and held up this discussion for a few weeks, if not a few days, and not have handled it this way.

Eric stepped in front of Calleigh, who had her arms crossed and was staring at the floor, tears welling up but not sliding down her face. Eric put his hands on her elbows.

"I'm sorry, Calleigh," he whispered.

Calleigh seemed a bit reluctant, but she gave in and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Yeah, me too," she sighed.

* * *

They never exactly made a decision the night before, nor did they discuss it anymore that night; too many words had been exchanged to even begin to think about making a decision or attempting to restart the discussion. However, Calleigh had been up a good portion of the night, going over and over all that had been said between them. She knew most of what Eric had said had been from care, pain and anger, but there had to be some underlying truth in what he had said.

_"How is living in denial the right choice?"_

"_I think part of you wants to figure this out, too."_

"_This isn't just effecting you, Cal!"_

"_Maybe it'll fix something's."_

Her mind had been tossing and turning his words and the facts she already knew in her mind all night, each of them making more and more sense as they replayed. Calleigh hadn't even noticed she had fallen asleep until the alarm went off, which just reminded her that she was going to have to spend another day alone and bored.

The alarm clock had stopped, Eric having hit the button, and Calleigh felt his arms wrap tighter around her.

"Good morning," he whispered, his lips against the nape of her neck.

"Good morning," Calleigh mumbled her voice thick with sleep.

She felt Eric's lips gently touch her temple before he slowly unwrapped his arms from around her, having to get ready for work. Calleigh's eyes followed him as he left the bedroom and turned out of sight. She heard the shower running in the bathroom down the hall as she prepared to tell Eric about the decision she had come to during the night.

After hours of debate and complicated thoughts, Calleigh had finally reached her choice. She wasn't sure if it was Eric's words, the number, what he told her Natalia had said, or all a mixture of all, but she had finally made the realization Eric had been waiting for her to reach.

Calleigh heard the running water stop and the sound of the shower door opening then snapping shut. Calleigh sat up, knowing that Eric would be coming back into their room at any moment. Calleigh knew telling him her decision was her second step on this long road, her first step admitting to herself that she was going to have to walk down the road.

Eric walked in, towel tied around his waist, a small grin touching his lips when he saw her; it was apparent their argument last night was still on his mind too. Eric changed and got ready for work, Calleigh building up the courage to speak. She probably shouldn't have been apprehensive about speaking this aloud; it was the _right _choice. But as she, Eric and everyone else at MDPD knew the right choice was normally the hardest thing to do, especially if it had been on hold for years.

Eric came to the bed and sat on its edge so he was looking right at Calleigh.

"I'll see you on my break," he smiled. "If your not asleep."

Calleigh chuckled, lightly.

"I probably won't be, but you never know," Calleigh shrugged before taking a deep breath. "Before you go, I want to talk to you for a second, " she whispered as she leaned against the headboard.

"Okay, about what?" he asked.

"About last night," Calleigh sighed.

"Calleigh-," he breathed.

"You're right," she admitted. "I know that five years is…it's way too long and…I'm forty-three for God's sake," Calleigh shook her head. "We…we need to do something, I know that…I _have _known that, it's just…"

Eric took her hand and tucked some stray hair behind her ear, his knuckles brushing along her jaw. Calleigh took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I've thought is through and…if the next test I take is negative, I'll call."

Eric squeezed her hand, seeing that she was being completely serious.

"You sure you want to do this?" Eric asked, hoping she wasn't just doing this because of the fight but because she really wanted to sort this out.

"Yeah," she nodded. "And I know, no matter how this end's, we'll figure something out."

Eric smiled down at her and nodded in agreement. He reached up to cup his hand around the side of her face.

"We're going to be okay," he whispered.

Calleigh didn't say anything or nod her head, but she did lean into brush her lips against his.

He kissed her back, knowing that her mind was probably in a whirlwind of negative outcomes and nerves. Eric hoped with all his being that this test would come out positive or if there was a problem it was easily fixed. Not just for the dream of them finally getting the baby they had hoped for many years, but for the sake of his wife's heart.

"Take it easy," he said when their lips separated.

Calleigh didn't roll her eyes or say anything about his over-protectiveness. For once, she didn't argue and just nodded as she settled back into the sheets.

* * *

A few days later, much to her relief, Calleigh was allowed to go back to work. However, the happiness of freedom was short lived. Just as Calleigh got back into the routine of getting back to work the promise she had made to Eric, and herself, was becoming closer and closer to having to be fulfilled. Either she would be pregnant or she would have to make an appointment to find out why she was not so.

Calleigh knew with every fiber of her being that Eric was right and that five years had been long enough. Though the reasons of possibly being able to go were rational, it didn't make going any less nerve-wracking.

_Come on, Calleigh, _she thought to herself as she drove down the road. _What's the worst that can happen?_

Calleigh sighed, frustrated. That was the least reassuring question she could have thought. She had tried to make herself feel more optimistic about this, but it was impossible and the place she was driving to really didn't help.

She had just left the hospital, finally getting those retched stitches removed, and decided to go ahead and buy one of the pregnancy test's that gave results five days sooner. She convinced herself to just find out soon instead of keeping the anxiety rolling for a few more days and just take it when she got home. Calleigh wanted to buy the test before she went back to work, afraid that if she waited until she clocked out that she would chicken out and not buy one at all.

Calleigh parked her car outside the store and walked inside, purse resting on the crook of her arm as she made her way to the aisle she knew had the tests. She walked passed the various names and logo's of all the EPT's until she found three that seemed promising, all of them saying information along the lines of 'most reliable test' or 'learn sooner with clearer results.'

Satisfied, Calleigh walked to the self-checkout, trying not to think about how this could be the last time she ever bought these tests and how it would be the results of these tests that could predict their fate.

* * *

Eric hadn't said anything to Calleigh about her vow to take another test, not wanting to push her. He knew this was getting harder and harder on her and he didn't want to make her feel anymore pressured.

Eric was lying on the couch, looking over some notes for court the next day, as Calleigh walked in. She sat on the arm of the couch and looked over his shoulder.

"This for the Sanders case?" she asked, recognizing the crime scene photos of a woman who was sawed in half inside her home.

"Yeah," Eric nodded, closing the folder and putting it on the coffee table next to his wallet. "I think we've got enough evidence to convict him."

Calleigh grinned as Eric wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her so she was seated between his legs and snuggled against his chest. He felt her twine his fingers through his as she took a deep breath.

"I took…I took those test's today," she breathed, looking at their hands, her hands looking small as they rested over his larger ones, their skin tones in contrast.

"And?" he asked, gently, trying not to sound too anxious.

Calleigh sighed and shook her head, sadly.

Eric would never admit it out loud, but he a part of him knew that the results would come out negative. He had hoped that his intuition had been false, not wanting to see the defeat and disappointment in Calleigh's eyes he was now seeing.

Eric kissed her hair and squeezed her fingers, reassuringly.

"It's okay," he whispered.

"No, it's not," she disagreed, her voice quiet. "I'm going to call Dr. Benson and make an appointment. Hopefully, if there is a problem, its nothing too serious and not…"

Eric untangled one of his hands from hers and wrapped it around her upper arm, gently rubbing it.

"However the results come out, good or bad, we'll get through it together," Eric promised. "Okay?"

"I know," Calleigh nodded, a sad smile forming across her face.

Eric pulled her closer as she grabbed his wallet from the table and pulled out the card, the card she prayed they'd never have to resort to. Calleigh flipped open her phone and dialed the number, her heart thumping, knowing this could be the start of fulfilling their dreams…or it could potentially be the beginning of the end.

* * *

There is a time when everybody needs a helping hand and my time has come.

I know very little about the medical field and I don't want to sound like an idiot when I explain medical situations, so I'm going to need some good information for the next chapter. If anyone is interested in giving me a hand, please, let me know and I'd greatly appreciate it. Be warned I'm going to have to give you spoilers for the next chapter and possibly chapters to follow. Please and thank you.

Thanks for reading!


	9. Against the World

I'm not sure if y'all have heard or not, but Emily Procter is pregnant, but they aren't putting the pregnancy in as part of the story line for season 9 (maybe because Adam only just came back and/or they aren't ready to show Calleigh in that light, but that's just my educated guess). Hopefully, soon the writers will decide to give Eric and Cal a baby and I know I'm not the only one hoping that.

Extra-special thanks to **isabela. tonks **and **zurfer-csimiamifreak-girl **for helping me out with all the medical situations in this chapter (along with one or two things I happened to catch on Discovery Health)! :)

* * *

Chapter 9

Against the World

Calleigh and Eric were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital. Her tests and examinations had been completed, now they just had to wait for the results. Calleigh had her hands in her lap, constantly folding and unfolding them as she rolled her lips. Eric rarely saw Calleigh nervous, especially to this extent, she was normally too confident or too fearless to let something like nerves get to her. But today wasn't a case of something that could be effected by nerves or anxiety; it was simply in the hands of fate and out of everyone else's control.

Eric reached over and took one of Calleigh's hands in his.

"I don't remember the last time I saw you so nervous," Eric commented, squeezing her hand. Truth be told, he was getting as anxious as Calleigh was, but he was doing a better job of concealing it at this moment in time. He knew that this had to be harder for Calleigh, _she _was the one who was being diagnosed.

A small smile hinted on Calleigh's lips.

"I haven't really had a reason to be this nervous until now," Calleigh sighed.

"I know, but it'll be okay," he assured her. "I promise."

Calleigh nodded, knowing that he couldn't promise that the doctor had good news but that they would get through this together, no matter what the doctor said.

"Delko?" the nurse opened the door and called for them.

"Oh, boy," Calleigh sighed as she and Eric stood, her nerves coming into the forefront.

"We're going to be fine," Eric whispered to her, putting his hand on the small of her back as they followed the nurse to Dr. Benson's office.

"Make yourselves comfortable, Dr. Benson will be with you shortly," she smiled, sweetly.

"Thank you," Calleigh nodded as the nurse left.

The office was about the size of one of the smaller labs at MDPD; certificates hung in frames on the walls, a bookshelf and filing cabinets along the walls, with an oak desk in the center of the room, in which two chairs sat in front of. Eric and Calleigh took a seat, anxiety growing. The room was silent as they waited, the only sound coming from the traffic outside and the ticking of the clock on the wall behind them.

Calleigh jumped when she heard the door creak open and Dr. Benson walk inside. He was around his late thirties and had a friendly face, which was only slightly comforting. He seemed nice when the two had talked to them when they first arrived, but no amount of kindness would soften the blow they may have to feel.

Dr. Benson took a seat as Calleigh reached over to take Eric's hand, her heart feeling as though it were about to go into cardiac arrest due to it was racing so much.

The doctor opened the manila folder in front of him before looking up at the anxious couple.

"We have your test results back," he said, sounding a bit regretful. "Mrs. Delko, you have a condition called endometriosis, it's a condition when the tissue that aligns the uterus is found elsewhere in the pelvic cavity. In your case, the scan of your uterus found these endometriosis lesions on your ovaries and in your fallopian tubes."

There it was, the answer, what they had come here for. Calleigh had proof something was wrong with her body, she let it fully sink in before letting her mind wonder if the problem was fixable.

"Is it possible to perform surgery to remove the lesions?" Calleigh asked, hoping she wasn't sounding too desperate.

"In most cases, that would be possible," Dr. Benson nodded. The words and his tone made Calleigh's heart drop.

"Most cases?" Eric asked, knowing Calleigh had probably lost her nerve at this point.

Dr. Benson looked right into Calleigh's eyes; she could almost see herself reflected in his hazel eyes.

"I'm sorry to say Mrs. Delko that the endometriosis is quite severe, especially around your ovaries. If we attempt to remove the lesions there is a high chance something could go wrong, risking a complication that would force us to remove all your eggs," Dr. Benson explained.

Calleigh considered this, taking in all the details he had just given them. She felt an uncomfortable knot form in the pit of her stomach and her chest, so tight she was surprised she was still able to breathe.

"If you were to remove the endometriosis from my fallopian tubes, would that make any difference?" Calleigh asked, her voice a bit heavy, like all the hope was slowly being squelched from within it.

Dr. Benson sighed, sadly, it was clear he was about to deliver the final blow and he didn't prefer this part of his job.

"I have consulted with another Gynecologist about your case already and she and I both agree that, even if the lesions were removed from your tubes, the chances of you conceiving are very slim. Unfortunately, the quality and quantity of the eggs normally start to decrease at the age of thirty-five in most women. Even if we tried other infertility treatments such as in-vitro or attempted insemination, your age piggybacked with the endometriosis which would still be surrounding your ovaries, would probably still prevent you from conceiving," Dr. Benson explained. "And I know you may want to try the surgery and either in-vitro or insemination, but odds are it would be a very drawn out process in which your body could already begin to start its natural changes."

"You mean if I started menopause while going through these treatments?" Calleigh assumed, her hand holding tighter to Eric's with every bitterly answered question.

"Exactly," he nodded.

Calleigh looked at the ground, lips pressed in a hard line and the feeling of the pad of Eric's thumb drawing circles on her hand. Calleigh knew that Eric and Dr. Benson were both looking at her, but she couldn't look back up. She knew looking at Dr. Benson would make her want to search for another loophole that would turn out to not be a loophole at all; she knew that if she looked at Eric she would feel the heaviest and probably worst emotions possible.

"So…" Calleigh closed her eyes, took a deep breath and released it before opening her eyes as she looked up. "So even if we attempted the surgery and the treatments…odds are I still won't be able to… get pregnant?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, sympathetically. Calleigh looked back at the floor and nodded, trying to let this sink in.

"I know this is hard. My wife and I went through the same exact thing not too long ago and take it from me, knowing the facts that you know, I wouldn't put yourselves through anything that would just cause you more emotional pain than necessary…"

The doctor's voice faded out as Eric looked at Calleigh and he saw, though she was trying to fight exposing it by looking at the pattern on the carpet, that she was heartbroken. Eric himself felt as though the world had suddenly been shaken out of order. He thought he had braced himself for this possibility, knowing there had been a fair chance this was how the outcome would be, but he was realizing that nothing could have fully braced either of them for this.

Dr. Benson's voice stopped flowing through the air and Calleigh found it as their cue to leave.

"Thank you for your time," Calleigh said, barely any coherent sounds coming from her tight throat as she stood up and walked out of the office.

* * *

They said nothing the whole way home, both in sadness and slight shock; they really had nothing to say at that moment in time. Calleigh stared out the windshield, not seeing the road or the buildings as they passed them. She looked down at her folded hands as they rested on her lap, thinking about how she had been living a lie all her life. She had always thought, save for her lungs, that her body had been in good shape; she could walk, run, and function in every way possible. Calleigh had never dreamed growing up that something would prevent her from bearing a child, but now she wished she had known back then. It certainly would have saved her and Eric some disappointment.

Passed the thought of never being able to give birth to a baby, Calleigh had another thing to feel terrible about…Eric. She had known, even before they got together, that he wanted to raise a family with her. In the course of one afternoon, all those dreams had been crumpled and he was stuck with her and her useless body.

They pulled up to their house and sat in the driveway. Eric looked over at Calleigh and was about to speak, but she was already getting out and heading towards the house. Eric sighed, sadly, as he saw Calleigh dig her set of keys out of her purse and unlock the front door; it was clear she wasn't going to want to talk about this, but they both knew they were going to have to.

Eric tried to ignore the aching within him, for Calleigh's sake, knowing she would feel even worse if she knew about it. But Eric couldn't hide from himself that he was disappointed by the news. For the last few years he couldn't deny he had dreamed about a family with Calleigh. Even when she was with Jake he couldn't help but picture Calleigh in a wedding dress or pregnant (in a wedding dress to get married to him and pregnant with his child, of course). He saw so clearly her walking down the aisle, looking as beautiful as she always did in a white dress and them joining hands at the alter to their exchange vows. But when the wedding played out in real life it was better than he anticipated it to be and he thought the pregnancy would play out the same way, back when they both thought there weren't going to be complications. Eric could see Calleigh with a rounded belly as the baby grew within her and he could see him gently laying his hand over it as he held Calleigh close. He could even see passed that to Calleigh gently rocking the baby and smiling down at him/her.

Unfortunately those images had only ever been in his mind and, according to Dr. Benson, that's how they would stay and it was painful to admit. But if it was painful for him to realize that fact, he couldn't imagine how Calleigh must have felt.

He got out of the car and walked towards the door, which still stood open as Calleigh knew Eric was right behind her. He walked inside to see Calleigh's purse sitting on the table by the door, but not Calleigh herself. He walked down the hall into their bedroom to see Calleigh sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling off her stilettos. She looked up when she heard him come in, but quickly dropped her eyes back down. Calleigh knew what he wanted to talk about, what they _needed_ to talk about, but she wasn't ready to talk about it just yet.

"Um…" Calleigh sighed, searching for a topic that didn't involve the news they got forty minutes ago. "You want to just pull out that leftover lasagna for tonight?" Calleigh asked, truly not caring, as she picked up her heels and took them over to place in the closet.

"Cal-."

She knew that tone he was using. She recognized the patient, gentle, tone in his voice and she couldn't handle hearing it right then.

"Or we can just order in," Calleigh shrugged as she turned away from their closet.

"Calleigh," Eric whispered as he stepped towards her and put his hands on her hips, she looked down to try and avoid eye contact with him. "We both know what we need to talk about and it's not what we eat tonight."

Calleigh closed her eyes and nodded.

"I know," she sighed. "But…I…" Calleigh cleared her throat. "I still need to…to wrap my head around…I'm just going to take a shower," Calleigh mumbled as she walked out of his touch, not knowing what to say or how else to escape.

Eric could see she wasn't going to talk right then and there was nothing he could say that would make her change her mind.

"Wait," he said, softly, as he reached up to touch her forearm.

Calleigh did stop and looked at him, actually meeting his eyes. Calleigh only saw understanding and comfort in his eyes, giving her heart another tear.

He slid his hand into hers, intertwining their fingers, and reached up to gently cup his hand around her face.

"I love you," he whispered. Eric needed her to know something, even if it wasn't the best time to tell her…he wasn't angry with her, he didn't blame her and he wasn't going to even think about quitting them because of it. He knew that those three words, the one phrase he had told her many times over the years, could sum that all up.

For a second, Eric thought he saw Calleigh's eyes mist over, but she quickly blinked away all evidence of the possible tears.

"I love you," Calleigh breathed, her voice weaker than she expected it to be.

She met Eric's glance one more time and needed to escape the second his eyes met hers. She gently pulled out and walked down the hall.

Eric heard the bathroom door lightly shut and the lock click as she closed herself from him and the rest of the world.

* * *

Calleigh was still awake passed midnight, slowly watching the numbers on the digital clock change. The pain Calleigh was feeling was like nothing she had ever felt before. She felt so empty inside, so how could have pain found its way in? She didn't know how, but she knew the pain was there, making a crescendo back in every time she thought it was about to dull, diminishing her hopes of sleeping. Instead, she was left to look at Eric, to feel his arm wrapped around her torso and hearing his heartbeat beneath her ear while her head rested on his chest.

She thought about how he was still here comforting her, while she knew this effected him as much as her. Calleigh also knew Eric could be throwing away his chances of becoming the father he wanted to be by staying with her and that there could be some other woman out there who could give him that, but he was still here with her.

Calleigh sighed and allowed one tear to roll down her cheek as the pain hit her, this time with a bigger side dish of guilt.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to Eric.

* * *

The sun had risen, just like any morning, and it would set again that night. The same thing would keep happening until the sun burned out, the same constant rotation. What happened to human life being that way? For most people, it was be a kid, grow up, have a family, work and then go to Heaven, Hell or wherever you were said to go in the afterlife. What happened to that basic predictability? CSI: Miami seemed like a place for all individuals who didn't fit the quota of that basic "predictability."

Every member of the team had been screwed up in someway, some worse than others. Horatio had had that whole deal with his family growing up and then all the troubles on his adult life. Calleigh had her father and his drinking problem, Eric had Marisol's death and the truth behind his father. Ryan had his OCD and gambling problem, Natalia had been married to an abusive man and Frank had his ex-wife. The crime lab in Miami must have been the troubled people capital of the world, and it just wasn't fair. Whenever things seemed to be looking up, something would come along and cruelly yank it out beneath them. It just seemed to be a tradition at MDPD, so why hadn't Calleigh known that the words 'can't bare children' would come out of Dr. Benson's mouth?

She got up and got dressed, the whole time questioning that, just trying to find some sanity in that question. That's why she was going to work, her brain was overruling her broken heart and it was telling her that work might help her find that sanity; something she was in desperate need to find. Even so, Calleigh wished she could have stayed home, but she knew that wouldn't do anything but knock down her self-esteem.

Besides, this was no different than any other situation she had ever been in before when she had been hurt somehow. The day after Speedle was shot everyone that was close to him took one of two routes. Half of them took the next day off, the other half returned. Alexx and Eric took time to themselves while Horatio and Calleigh tried their best to get through the work. Calleigh did admit she let a few tears fall at work that day, Speed's memory still too fresh. But she learned years ago that being upset got you nowhere in life. It was okay to feel pain, as long as she didn't wallow in it. Was she upset that she would never bear a child? Yes, this was the worst pain she had known in a long time, but breaking down in front of her husband and hiding herself from the world wasn't going to fix her screwed up reproductive system. She tried to push her newly discovered diagnosis out of her head, trying and failing for the thousandth time that day, blinked away her tears and continued to watch the coffee brew in the pot.

Eric was surprised to awake to an empty bed, they had agreed to take the day off if the results had come out sour. But Eric supposed he shouldn't have been surprised, Calleigh always went back to work the next day after the going got tough. She returned after Hagen's suicide, whenever she got out of the hospital and after her kidnapping.

Eric remembered seeing her the day after she was kidnapped, she walked in like everything was normal. He asked her countless times that day how she was or if she was sure she wanted to be there. She would always roll her eyes, playfully, and give him a smile to reassure him she was fine and she wanted to be working.

He got out of bed, hearing Calleigh shuffling about down in the kitchen. He pulled on a tank top and some jogging pants, hoping he would be able to convince Calleigh to stay home as he made his way toward the kitchen. She was by the counter as she stirred the sugar in her coffee, dressed perfectly for work; she had on her black jacket, her heels, the whole nine yards. Though it was clear her mind set on anywhere but work.

Eric walked over towards her, heart aching to see her this way and knowing she was going to try to hide this side of her at work. He walked behind her as she set her coffee mug back on the counter; he gently wrapped his arms around her waist and put his lips to the top of her head. In most cases when he held her like this she would lean into him, allowing him to hold her and comfort her in the simplest of ways. She didn't lean into him this time.

"Calleigh, what are you doing up?" he asked, gently.

"I'm going to go to work," she shrugged, her voice sounding the opposite of how she looked. She was attempting to sound cheerful, however her voice was had a sad undertone to it. She looked up at him and gave him a strained smile, one that looked almost painful to wear on her face. It hurt Eric to see her trying so hard to act like everything was normal and that she wasn't thinking that all their attempts to get pregnant in recent years had been in vain.

"Calleigh-."

"You want some coffee?" she asked, trying to steer this conversation into a more casual one instead of a heart wrenching one.

"No, I'm fine," Eric shook his head, noticing that her tone had become even sadder in the last phrase she had used. "Calleigh, come back to bed. You know you don't want to work today."

Calleigh pursed her lips as she cupped her hands around the coffee mug, the heat warming her hands and the steam rising from the liquid could be felt on her face. She fought to keep composure, knowing she was going to have to explain herself.

"Eric, apparently, nothing can be done about this. Me taking a day off to rest isn't going to cure it," Calleigh sighed, all cheeriness evaporated now. "I wish that were the case, but I'm not going to stay here thinking about it all day."

"Cal, avoiding this isn't going to make it go away," Eric whispered into her hair. "We need to talk about it."

Calleigh could feel herself becoming more tempted to stay home, to stay with Eric. But she knew that would mean subjecting herself to a day in which she would have to constantly think about the endometriosis and how deeply it effected them. The fact of the matter was that she wasn't prepared to face that, especially knowing Eric would be comforting her the whole time while she knew that this had too be hurting him as well.

"We will talk, later," Calleigh nodded, sadly. _Much later_, she added to herself. "You stay home if you want but I'm just going to work."

Eric pulled her tighter, a knee-jerk reaction he had every time she was hurting. They needed a day to reevaluate everything and wished that she would stay home. But him holding her tighter made Calleigh want to leave even more as she felt more emotion brew inside her.

"I'll see you later," Calleigh sighed, gently pulling out of his touch and making a beeline for the door, grabbing her keys and purse on the way out; she closed the door before Eric had the chance to say another word.

He let out a heavy sigh, not knowing what to do. There are some situations when there is no right or wrong because there is no solution, unfortunately those were the hardest to face. They had to face this problem, they would have to eventually, even if Calleigh was unwilling to right now. They couldn't act like these years, especially the last two-and-a-half, never happened. They couldn't pretend the one thing they had been praying for hadn't been cruelly snatched away.

Eric looked down at the coffee she didn't drink; very rarely did she leave the house without some form of caffeine in her system. The last time Eric remembered her not drinking it was about six or seven months back when she thought maybe if she cut out all the caffeine it may increase her chances of conceiving. But she realized quickly that the lack of caffeine wasn't helping and she went back to drinking coffee in the mornings.

Eric knew her not drinking her coffee today was a message screaming that she wanted, maybe even needed, to get out of the house. Based on how early she left, Eric knew she'd probably beat everybody to work…maybe even Horatio. She would be there alone and emotionally detatched.

Bearing this in mind, Eric went to their bedroom to get changed.

* * *

Calleigh walked straight to Firearms. She didn't notice anyone's eyes if they were following her; she didn't care about the looks if she was getting any. She only felt one emotion right now and that was anger...and she had become possessed by it. The whole world seemed to be on pause as she opened the door to Firearms and she slammed it shut again. She pulled out her own gun and aimed at the target. She knew she wasn't supposed to be doing this, using the lab's range for her own personal gain. But she didn't care; she'd deal with authority if they had anything to say later. She was also compromising her ethics a bit, she never advised using guns to take out anger, but her ethics weren't exactly a standout in her mind at this moment as she squeezed the trigger.

The only thing she had been thinking on the ride over was how unfair life was, she was no stranger to that, but this was a whole new low. She and Eric had their fair share of pain in their lives, she had her dad's drinking growing up and he had Marisol's cancer and her death as a burden. Calleigh had witnessed John Hagen's suicide, she had been kidnapped and had a fair few brushes with death (mostly due to her lung condition). Eric had his severe brain trauma, he had found out his birth certificate was a fake and that led him to Alexander Sharova, which caused a domino effect set off a situation too awful for words. Even her and Eric's relationship had crossed one or two rough patches before they were finally able to wed.

They had gone through so much and had known more than the average amount of pain. Most would agree, they deserved a small break from the chain of pain to experience something wonderful they had hoped for and have something come easy for a change. But apparently they still hadn't earned that right, nor had they seemed to earn the right to hold a baby of their own and just have a normal life for once. Instead they were left with no hope and pain…same old story.

With those thoughts constantly replaying in her mind, Calleigh pulled the trigger and a gunshot rang out.

She was too busy shooting to realize she was no longer alone, Eric had walked into the lab the second she started firing. He watched, knowing from her demeanor and lack of safety gear on her person this wasn't for a case. This was Calleigh letting out steam in her own way. He let her have her space as she fired.

She put the gun down on the table, eyes glued to its surface. Her frame shaking slightly with hurt, anger, sadness, disappointment and every other adjective for living hell. Eric approached her and put his hands on her hips. Not resisting for a second, Calleigh leaned into him.

"Let's go home, Calleigh," he whispered. "You know you need a day off."

Calleigh couldn't think straight enough to argue, so she just nodded, all her movements mechanical.

Once again, Calleigh avoided all the eyes that were probably on them as they walked through CSI. She knew that she was only a few miles from letting this all out. She needed to talk and she needed to let tears fall, there was no way around it.

Calleigh was thankful Eric had caught on that her walls were going to fall before she did, if he hadn't been there after she had finished firing, Calleigh didn't even want to think about how today would have ended.

* * *

They didn't know what led them back to standing in the kitchen, but they were. Calleigh was leaning against the counter and Eric was standing in front of her, silence filtering the air between them. The silence wasn't awkward or heavy, it was just there and begging to be broken.

Calleigh was biting her lip, wanting to get this conversation started so it could end. Calleigh wanted to get the tears, the embraces and comforting words from both their lips out of the way. She wanted them to move on or try to in the very least.

"Um…" Calleigh wracked her brain for something to say, hoping it would jumpstart the conversation. "Does Horatio know we're aren't coming in?"

Calleigh couldn't believe she had used that as an icebreaker. They were home to talk about her newfound fertilely issues and she was talking about _work? _Thankfully, Eric didn't comment on her question and just answered it.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I called him and said there was a family emergency."

"At least its not a complete lie," she sighed, looking at her feet.

Eric took a step towards Calleigh, gently placing his hands on her elbows.

"We will figure this out, Calleigh," he promised, his voice gentle.

This was why she hadn't wanted to come home; she didn't want him to be understanding or comforting about this. That being the case, Calleigh stepped out of his touch.

"What's there to figure out?" Calleigh asked, looking up at him. "I can't bear a child," she sighed, the truth harsh as it escaped her lips. "We can't have children together, that's basically all there is to it."

"This is just a setback," Eric pointed out.

"A permanent one," Calleigh grumbled.

"Calleigh," Eric whispered. "There are other options."

"Like what? Adoption?" Calleigh asked, her tone becoming hard to conceal her pain. "We would be at the bottom of the list. Think about it; give a baby to a healthy, normal married couple or two CSIs? CSIs who have had history of brain trauma, respiratory complications and then if they go digging into our backgrounds…No judge would give a baby to us."

"You never know…maybe if I quit at MDPD and then-," Eric tried to say.

_No! _Calleigh's brain screamed in protest as she took another blow to her heart. He was already giving up enough and Calleigh wasn't going to let him give up anything else up.

"How much more are you willing to give up to stay with me?" Calleigh asked, her voice rising in volume, trying to hold in the tears that threatened to spill. "This isn't how it's supposed to work, you shouldn't have to sacrifice the job you love because my damn body malfunctioned. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your job or children or anything else just to stay with me," she stated, softening her voice.

She had picked up the cold cup of coffee she had made earlier that morning and poured the liquid down the sink, then let the mug slip into the empty sink from her numb fingers.

Eric heard how heavy her voice was and how she believed what she said was true. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her torso, gently pulling her into him. He inclined his head so his lips were inches from her ear.

"I would sacrifice _anything _to be with you," Eric whispered, honesty burning in his voice.

"But you shouldn't have to, Eric," she sighed, shaking her head. "Especially when you've been right all these years."

"Right?" Eric asked, confused.

Calleigh took a shuddering breath and turned towards him, leaning against the sink and his hands sliding to hold her waist.

"You were right…if I had gone to the doctor the second we realized something was wrong…" Calleigh trailed off, speaking her thoughts was more painful than she expected, but she took a deep breath and continued. "Maybe they would have been able to do something since I was younger. Maybe they could have tried something-."

"No," Eric cut across her. "There is nothing you, the doctors or I could have done. It's not your fault."

Eric hated hearing her blame all this on herself. It had been one thing when they looked down at a negative pregnancy test and hear her put herself down about it. But they had always been able to turn to the thought that maybe next time it would work out. This time, however, that option wasn't available and she took the liberty of beating herself up about it.

Calleigh bit her lip, tears now forming in her eyes. She wanted to believe this wasn't her fault as easily as he seemed to, she wanted to think that this had been out of her hands. But she just couldn't see how this wasn't her fault and how he couldn't see it that way as well. Rationality wasn't playing a very big part in her mind right now. All she knew was she was a woman, who is made to bear children, and she wasn't capable of doing so. Due to this, she had failed her husband and herself.

She hoped to one day see Eric's side, but for now…

"It sure feels like it," Calleigh breathed, crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking at the floor, her hair falling to either side of her face to cause a curtain of gold to frame her face.

"It's not," Eric reassured her, reaching to tuck some of her hair behind her ear and place his hand on the side of her face. "You didn't ask for this, Calleigh."

Calleigh blinked and a tear fell from her eye, Eric gently brushed it away with the pad of his thumb.

"I just wish we had known about this five years ago, so you knew what you were getting yourself into," she sighed, all her emotions spilling out now and were unable to stop.

"Hey," Eric whispered, cupping her chin and lifting her head up to look at him. "If we had known about this five years ago, I would still have married you."

Calleigh attempted to smile at him, but it came out more like a grimace and gave up.

"I know," she nodded. "It's just…this isn't fair on you. Your healthy you can still go and have plenty of children if you wanted."

"You never know," Eric shrugged. "There might a problem with me."

"Eric, I know your girlfriend at the time of the radiation in the lab made you go get checked out and you were perfectly healthy so…I appreciate the attempt but we both know the truth."

"How did-?"

"Speedle," Calleigh sighed. "He told me."

_Speed_, Eric thought, darkly, in his head.

"I'm sure she was very happy, you'd probably would've been better off with her," Calleigh mumbled under her breath, thinking she was speaking so low Eric couldn't hear… but he did. More than anything Eric wanted her to quit doing this to herself, to stop punishing herself for something she couldn't help. Honestly, he couldn't even remember the girlfriend who Calleigh was referring to and he wasn't about to think about life with anyone else but Calleigh…that was the only life he wanted.

"No, I wouldn't," Eric corrected her. "I would rather it be just you and me for the rest of my life than have tons of kids with someone else."

Calleigh would have thought the words would have made her feel better, but instead they had the reverse effect and made her feel worse. He was willing to give up the children she knew he really wanted to have just to continue what they had. She felt like another fist had hit her in the abdomen, this wasn't fair and he shouldn't have to suffer this. As far as Calleigh were concerned, Eric and children were special and she wasn't. She couldn't have one so why should the other be damned to stay.

She took a shuddering breath and turned away from him, arms still folded tightly over her chest.

"Calleigh, think of it this way. If this was the other way around, what would you do?" he asked, using the Reverse Psychology method on her.

"I'd stay with you," she sighed.

"And I'm going to stay with you," Eric promised.

"I kind of figured that out," Calleigh attempted to joke, but her tone faltered at the end and didn't sound humorous at all. "But we both wanted kids so bad…"

"Adoption is still possible, Calleigh," Eric said, softly.

"You aren't leaving CSI," Calleigh told him firmly.

"Well, maybe someone out there is willing to give a baby to two cops. Besides we don't have to figure it out now," he whispered, knowing that it was probably too soon for Calleigh to truly discuss adoption.

"True," Calleigh nodded in agreement, her voice getting heavy.

"For now, we could just focus on us. Maybe take a few days off and go somewhere together," Eric suggested.

Calleigh chuckled, weakly, tears slowly starting to brim more and more.

"Sounds good," Calleigh whispered, her voice breaking with each syllable.

"And in a few months, a few years, we can try adopting if you want. If it works out, it works out and if not…" Eric trailed off, the silence speaking for itself.

"Then if it doesn't work out, it'll be okay. When you think about it this infertility is probably for the best, anyway," Calleigh sighed in a weak attempt to rationalize this. "I mean if we had a baby now I'd be fifty by the time he or she is seven and by the time they'd graduate I'd be sixty. Who wants to be a mom who would normally be the age of a grandmother?" Calleigh's voice wavered.

Eric put her hand on the small of her back, seeing that she was kidding herself and making her tears flood down her face.

"I did," she choked, slightly.

Admitting that was when she couldn't take it anymore, the tears fell like rain as her heart began to shred. Not just break, but shred into multiple pieces. She turned toward Eric and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, moving one of his hands to stroke her hair. Eric could feel her shaking with tears; he could hear the light shuddering breaths she took and he could feel the warm tears soak through his shirt.

Eric held her, hoping the tears she shed would lessen her guilt and give her a bit of peace.

"We'll figure this out," he promised. "Everything is going to be okay."

Calleigh wanted to believe him, but she couldn't bring herself to fully believe it right now. She figured if she acted like she did, maybe she would start truly believing it.

Calleigh expected herself to sob, but none came to her, only silent tears rolled down her face.

* * *

Okay, okay, I know most of you weren't hoping for this type of turnout and are probably annoyed that I did that to them. But there are tons of E/C baby stories on here and I wasn't setting out to write one like them. This adds a dynamic that isn't the usual ease through life tale. But this is just the beginning of the story and hopefully people will continue to read and review, despite the depressing moments. You'll have to wait and see what I have in store next.


	10. Flags Waving

Thanks for the reviews and I'm sorry for the wait. I try to make a point of updating a fic once or twice a month, clearly I failed since for this fic September and most of October heavily lacked updates. I had a tad of writer's block. I was trying to get to point A to point B with this fic, but to do that I had to get to A point 5 and that's were I got stuck (I'm sure someone out there understood my insane logic). But now I've got a stupid cold, hopefully it doesn't change into something worse, and so I'm working through writers block while congested…not easy to do.

* * *

Chapter 10 

Flags Waving

Calleigh had wished tonight with all her heart that she and Eric had just stayed at her old house in Bal Harbour. At least then she wouldn't feel subjected to wearing this ridiculous hat and sitting on her front porch with a jack-o-lantern bowl, filled with pumpkin shaped Reese's Cups, in her lap. In Bal Harbour, she would sit out and hand out sweets and such on Halloween if she wasn't working, but the neighborhood was so big that most of the time no one made it out to Saratoga Avenue. Then when she and Eric got married with plans to build a family, they needed a new house and they found it in the cozy neighborhood. Unfortunately, now it was anything but cozy. Any other year, Calleigh wouldn't have minded digging out the velvet witches hat and hearing the phrase "trick-or-treat" or "Happy Halloween" time and again. But she was alone, Eric having to head back to the lab an hour or so ago, and with the endometriosis diagnosis still fresh in her mind, Calleigh wasn't opted to celebrating a holiday that children mostly enjoyed. Still, she felt that she had a certain responsibility to staying outside until the last costumed child passed; it was a commitment she couldn't explain.

So here she sat, watching the various children in their numerous costumes come up the path. Some costumes were that of classic taste, such as witch, fairy and cowboy. Others were bit more original, such as the Terminator or a food product, she had even seen two siblings that attempted to imitate Fred and Wilma from _The Flintstones_. Under ordinary circumstances, Calleigh may have found the costumes amusing in the sense the children seemed to be having fun in their ensembles, but her own smile was a costume and it drained the enjoyment out of the others she was seeing. A fortnight had passed since the despicable endometriosis had been diagnosed, but the disbelief of the sentence had yet to vanish. The grim cloud had yet to fade from the air surrounding them, no matter how buoyant the surrounding atmosphere could have been.

Calleigh attempted to keep her emotions in check, not wanting to have the emotions brewing inside her to accidentally come forth as children came up to her. She was successfully able to keep back most emotions that could have negatively effected her mind; she would simply have to worry about them later. Calleigh tried not to think about the bleeding in her heart or the pain her body had forced her and Eric to endure and achieved without fail; except when one emotion came up that her mind couldn't help but process anytime it flared.

When the children came up with their mother standing at the end of the path, out of Calleigh's line of sight, she would be fine. However, when a very young child came up they normally were grasping their mothers hand as they hobbled up the path. Calleigh would look at the mother with a certain amount of joy and envy, strange considering she very rarely envied anybody about anything. By all accounts, except for her childbearing upset, she was living a great life that she was thankful to have. She had a nice house, a job she adored and had found a husband that she couldn't see living without. From an outsider's perspective, Calleigh would be the one envied. But tonight she envied all the mothers who were walking hand-in-hand with their child or children, thought she never showed it on her face.

Calleigh looked up then to see yet another duo coming up the path, irony once again rearing its head; once again it was a child with his mother. The toddler was dressed like a pumpkin walking along side his mother, who wore a long black dress and a hat identical to Calleigh's. She tried to be nonchalant about seeing the woman, but many mothers had came up by this point and it was taking its toll. She just couldn't keep thinking to herself _"I'll never be her" _each and every time they would come up the path and it was getting harder and harder to contain herself.

"Twick-o-tweat," the little boy quoted to her, his little arm holding out a plastic grocery bag in front of him. Strangely enough, Calleigh couldn't resist at smiling back at him as she dropped a Reese's Cup into the bag. Just like it had been with Mike, there was a certain joy and sadness that overcame her when she held him and the same bittersweetness returned as she smiled down at the boy who had trouble with the letter "R."

"What do you say?" the mother asked, her voice gentle.

"Thank you," the boy grinned, shyly, up at Calleigh.

"Your welcome, sweetie," Calleigh smiled at him before he and his mother turned away, the envy flaring again towards the woman she didn't know.

"Stop it, Calleigh," she whispered to herself, tipping her head to talk to herself. "You are being irrational, quit it."

Calleigh looked up in time to see the pumpkin boy and his mother walking down the street to the neighbors' house. Looking at them now from this angle, Calleigh noticed something about the woman she had failed to observe a few moments ago. The fabric had covered it for the most part, but now Calleigh noticed the slight bulge that stuck slightly out of the woman's torso, her hand resting lovingly on the side of her pregnant belly as the other held her child's hand.

Calleigh's eyes almost misted over, but she stopped them before they could develop into actual tears. This wasn't fair, it was as though someone was sending this holiday and all these fortunate women up in front of Calleigh just to laugh at her, to rub in the fact she would never have what they did.

Calleigh now frustrated, she pulled as Reese's Cup from the bowl and unwrapped the plastic that concealed the chocolate, hoping something within its sweet taste and soft texture would soothe her.

"Trick-or-treat," Calleigh sighed before taking a bite off the end.

* * *

At last the three bags of Reese's Cups they had bought ran out and Calleigh felt no guilt now heading back inside. She pulled herself off the step and walked back inside, pulling off the witches hat the second the door shut, storing it and the jack-o-lantern bowl on top of the single shelf in the storage closet, where they would sit collecting dust until next Halloween.

Calleigh closed the curtains and turned off the porch light out front, hoping that no one would disturb her now that it looked like no one was home from the outside. All she wanted to do was forget about this unpleasant night and the assortment of emotions that came with it. All the sadness she had tired to conceal the better part of the evening now came at her with deadly force, the heartache so heavy it was almost physical.

Hoping to elude the agony for awhile longer, she lay on the couch and flipped on the television. She passed every horror movie that was on; they never played the classics on TV anymore, just the senseless grotesque ones that used a redundant amount of blood and brutal killings as a scare tactic, she simply couldn't stand them. Instead she turned to the first show she enjoyed, well she used to enjoy, at least, she wasn't sure if she would anymore…nothing else seemed to.

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offences are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated..." The narrator of the introduction to _Law and Order: SVU_ began to speak as the show opened, but the monologue drifted into the background as sleep overcame Calleigh. Her head rested on the cushion that padded the back of the couch and the remote slipped from her hand, the slight thud it made as it made contact with the floor didn't stir her, as she slipped into her subconscious. The misery that seemed to constantly increase with every given day followed her into her dreams and kept them dark, almost as though a lens cap was blocking any envisions her mind could have offered. Even if she had noticed, Calleigh wouldn't have cared about the absence of her dreams…she didn't care about much these days apart from Eric, work and the sadness that she wished would vanish.

When this started, Calleigh thought that the diagnosis had brought this constant pain about, but she had been lying to herself; she had been in pain for years.

* * *

At last Eric was able to shut his locker the final time that evening and head back home. Graveyard shifts had called him in for his expertise in automotive technology, their expert conveniently calling in sick for the evening and insisting (almost to the point of begging) that Eric would come back to MDPD to help them. Eric had had the phone to his ear as he looked over at Calleigh as she poured the chocolates from their bag into the container, apprehensive about leaving her alone. Her heart wasn't in the Halloween spirit at all; the smile she used to wear on this evening as she performed the task of handing out candy was absent. The reason why he clearly understood, but that just left him caught between a rock and a hard place. Either not offer his assistance, which would possibly let a killer escape, or leave a distressed Calleigh by herself as she did a job she was not completely in the mood to do.

But in the end he reluctantly headed back to the lab, knowing Calleigh would have objected to him staying home when a murderer was on the loose. Eric knew she would have lied and insisted she was fine, putting on a fake smile in the process and would of kept telling him to go until he gave in. He had went back and did his part, now pulled into the driveway of his home where he finally felt himself relax for the first time in hours.

He took a moment to look at their one story house, the blinds were drawn and the porch light was off, giving the house a feeling of tribulation that contradicted the positive mood it used to withhold. The house was no longer full of smiles and joy, but had disintegrated into a place of emptiness and silence. He was exaggerating about the silence either; the house was literally quite the majority of the time. Calleigh barely spoke nowadays, except while working, but at home she was silent and if she did speak it was normally because she was asking a question. _What's the date today? Have you seen my keys? _and other questions of that nature, but other times Eric would be the one to start the conversation, a conversation that wouldn't last long.

Their conversations didn't last long, their embraces even shorter and any trace of a smile that would etch itself onto Calleigh's face would very quickly vanish. The only time Eric saw her smiling now was in the pictures around the house, one particular always standing out in his mind.

There was a framed picture on the chest of drawers in their bedroom, its contents a memory that never failed to bring up a certain amount of joy in him every time he looked at it. Though the picture only captured from their waists up, it would be apparent to anybody what that day was. Anyone could tell that Eric was wearing a tuxedo and that Calleigh was wearing a white bridal dress, but it was their smiles and aurora that surrounded them that made it clear it was their wedding day. Calleigh had her arm wrapped around Eric's as Valera, who had been almost too caught up in the moment at this point, took yet another picture in the midst of the small reception, which was being held at Eric's parents' house.

The particular feature on Calleigh was what his eyes were most drawn to when he looked or even thought about the picture was Calleigh's breathtaking smile. It was the same smile he had known since she walked into the garage when they first met, only increased and almost brighter. He had been looking forward to seeing that smile everyday for the rest of his life, it's glow never once decreasing. But Eric had been well aware for sometime that that wish was, at this point, nothing more than a pipe dream. This smile hadn't been on Calleigh's face for years, he just thought it had been and that any stress she was feeling had been due to yet another failed attempt. Perhaps the years of hope had been enough to keep her strong enough to keep her cheerfulness, but that hope had burned out and now the last amount of happiness was slowing fading from her and he was losing the woman he loved.

Eric got out of the car, getting tired of dwelling on the negativity that had been surrounding them lately. He had to remind himself that, as difficult as it had been for him to hear about the infertility, the news had to be much harder on Calleigh and that she wasn't going to have to deal with this in her own time. Things would get easier as time progressed, but Calleigh wasn't going to move on from this easily and all he could do was be there for her when she wanted to talk about it, not that she had since the day after they went to see Dr. Benson. But the day she did, Eric would comfort and hold her as willingly as he did on that terrible day.

He walked inside, hearing the TV on from the living room, advertising what sounded like yet another diet plan commercial. Eric approached the couch to see Calleigh leaning against the back of the couch and fast asleep, he smiled at how peaceful she looked as she slept.

He picked up the remote from the ground and turned off the television, placing it on the coffee table as he stood behind Calleigh. Eric gently put his hands on her shoulders and tenderly rubbed them as she stirred in her sleep. Her heavy eyelids opened to reveal her dark green eyes, devoid of any emotion except tiredness.

"Hi," she greeted Eric, her voice faint.

"Hey," he grinned at her, sliding his hands over to massage her neck and, for the first time in days, Eric felt Calleigh lean into his touch.

"That feels good," she breathed, her muscles loosening under Eric's touch.

"Yeah?" he smiled at her. "How was your night?"

"Okay, I guess," Calleigh sighed, though her expression suggested otherwise. "How about yours?"

"Not too bad," Eric shrugged, softly applying pressure to the tendons in her neck. "I saw Walter, he says 'hi.'"

Calleigh let out a weak chuckle before stifling a yawn.

"Tired?" Eric questioned, not at all surprised.

"Yeah," Calleigh nodded, reaching up to lay her hand upon his. "I'm going to hit the sack."

"Okay, I'll be back there in a few," he promised. "I'm just going to take a shower."

Calleigh nodded, her fingers gently squeezing his hand before rising up from the couch and walking towards their bedroom.

* * *

The world simply doesn't make sense, no matter how hard scientists try to uncomplicate it. If the world made sense then there would be no need to find cures for things such as cancer and AIDS, people wouldn't feel the need to start wars with one another and one of the strongest CSIs ever to exist wouldn't find herself in this situation. Calleigh was a woman that found good in hurricanes and most other things people would find unpleasant. She was an optimist, despite any horrors of her Louisiana past and any hell she had been put through, so why now was she unable to pull herself out of bed? She wasn't feeling sick, just tired, but a dash of caffeine would have taken care of that and she knew it. But when the alarm rang and ripped her from her subconscious, Calleigh didn't see any significance in it other than it had disturbed her. She squeezed her eyes closed and tried to block it out, wishing it would stop.

Finally, the ringing ceased and silence surrounded them, Eric having turned it off. Calleigh her body become surrounded by the arms she had eased out of the night before. Eric had held her when he came to bed the night before, something that had simply become natural for the two of them. But last night Calleigh had subtly shifted her weight to wriggle herself out of the arms she used to find so much peace in after he had fallen to sleep. She didn't want to feel the warmth produced by his skin, she didn't want him to feel that he had to protect her and comfort her when all of it would end in vain. The only thing that could offer her even moderate comfort was when her eyes were closed and her mind had drifted into sleep. But once again she had found herself in Eric's embrace, longing to pull back out to drift back into her numbing slumber.

Eric noticed Calleigh and her forbearance of the alarm, her eyes had yet to open, but Eric could tell by her lack of steady breathing that she was awake.

"Calleigh," he whispered, she mumbled something incoherent in response. "Babe, we have to get up."

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Calleigh sighed. "You know…um. I think I'm just going to stay home today."

Eric was taken aback by her statement, he was so surprised he wasn't sure if he heard her right at first, but by the way she nestled her head against her pillow, he realized that he was not mistaken what he just heard. This was the same woman who had been angry about being forced to stay home for medical leave, now she was _opting_ to stay home.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," Calleigh nodded, her eyes still closed and voice detached as she racked her brain for an excuse to give her husband. "I'm just not…I don't know, I just don't feel like myself."

"Are you feeling sick or…?" Eric questioned, concerned by her very uncharacteristic behavior.

"Not exactly sick," Calleigh sighed. "Just really tired, it has been a long week. I may come in later."

Eric wanted to believe that it was that simple, that she was just rundown and needed to recuperate some strength then she would be fine. But he knew Calleigh better than anybody and he knew that her missing work was not normally an option she liked to accept, her sudden change of heart made him worry. Eric wondered if he was reading too deep into this, maybe she actually _was _tired and his protective instincts were simply elevated due to recent events, though he highly doubted that was the cause of this.

Calleigh seemed to sense his hesitation and placed her hand on his arm.

"I'm fine," she promised, hoping it would be enough to convince him to go. "Really."

Eric exhaled, she had clearly already made up her mind and his worrying wasn't going to change anything.

"Okay," he nodded as his lips softly kissed her temple. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Calleigh mumbled back as she, once again, allowed her mind to be eclipsed by darkness.

* * *

I'm sorry this chapter sucked, like I said, it's sort of a transitioning/filler chapter for the story. But I'll have a bit more free time now to write. Since when I'm not busy I like to spend time outdoors and the weather has recently dropped to 30-50 degrees now (I hate it, wished I lived along the Equator!) I spend most of my free time indoors now and I'm not much into TV viewing (CSI: M and House, M.D are the only exceptions) so I'll be reading a book or writing a lot more…hopefully writers block doesn't get me again or I'll probably die of boredom.

Please review and have a Happy Halloween!


	11. Striking the Match

Chapter 11

Striking the Match 

There weren't many qualities about her friends that Calleigh didn't like, through the years they had all formed a virtually unbreakable bond that made them all feel like they were part of one big family. Unfortunately for Calleigh, with care for another came concern, and concern brought questions. She was certain as she approached the crime scene outside a local high school, which consisted of a young girl found stabbed in her car, that her appearance after she missed yesterday was going to have a few questions be raised.

"A student was able to ID our victim as Kendra Carter, she's seventeen-years-old," Frank reported, sadly.

"Tom have any thoughts before he took her to the morgue?" Calleigh asked, opening her kit.

"Stabbing, wounds appear to be from a kitchen knife, maybe a pocket knife," Natalia explained, adjusting the camera strap around her neck. "We haven't found the murder weapon yet."

Calleigh nodded and pulled on a pair of gloves before opening the driver's side door. Right by the brake pedal was a blooded pocketknife; the blood couldn't have been more than few hours old.

"We do now," Calleigh said to Natalia. "There's a pocketknife, we maybe able to get some DNA or prints from our killer."

Horatio approached the vehicle, seeing Natalia, Eric and Calleigh processing the crime scene. Horatio had had a very uneasy feeling about Calleigh's absence the day before, Eric had said she wasn't feeling well and Horatio didn't believe it for a second. Calleigh _never_ missed work and it had become a recurring pattern as of late. The unusual behavior caused Horatio worry, very rarely were the Delkos this secretive.

"Feeling better?" Horatio asked Calleigh as she took a snapshot of the pocketknife.

"Yeah, much," Calleigh smiled up at him, though the smile didn't meet her eyes. Horatio nodded, not sure if he completely believed her and that fact that he didn't trust her almost hurt.

"I've got a wallet," Natalia said, pulling it out of the console and searching through the wallet's contents; Natalia's eyebrows furrowed. "That's weird. ".

"What?" Eric asked as he pulled out a schoolbag from the back seat.

"The drivers license in here isn't Kendra's," Natalia shook her head. "It belongs to a Michelle Dawn."

"We'll have to bring her in, she could be our best witness," Calleigh said as she put the knife in an envelope. "Or our best suspect."

"Hey!"

The group of CSIs turned toward the sound of the voice, a voice that could have belonged to any of the male faces in the crowd and they couldn't identify where the cry had resonated.

"Hey!" The voice shouted again and a teenage boy ran under the crime scene tape and towards the car, patrolmen holding him back. His eyes were worried and hit voice panicked. "Let me go!" he screamed at one of the patrolmen.

"Gentlemen," Horatio said, taking off his sunglasses and stepping towards the boy as the patrolmen took their hands off of him. "What's your name, son?"

"Liam. Liam Carter," the teenage boy said.

"Carter? Do you know a Kendra Carter?" he asked.

"Yeah, she's my baby sister," Liam nodded. "Are the rumors true? Is she the one who's…?"

Horatio nodded, sadly.

"I'm afraid so," he sighed.

Tears filled his eyes and he shook his head, as though he was trying to clear it.

"Liam, did your sister have any enemies?" Horatio asked, softly.

"No…I mean, I don't think so…I mean-," Liam stuttered, frame shaking; it was apparent that he wasn't in the frame of mind to discuss anything.

"You know what," Horatio cut across him, voice gentle. "Why don't you go with this officer and I'll talk to you later. Okay?"

Liam nodded as one of the officers came by, gently placing a hand on Liam's shoulder and escorting him to the car.

* * *

"Why was your wallet found inside Kendra Carter's car Michelle?" Natalia questioned the young woman across from her and Eric. Michelle appeared extremely nervous, constantly fiddling with the sleeve of her sweater.

"I don't know," she shook her head. "It went missing from my gym locker yesterday. Maybe she took it."

"Why would she do that?"

Michelle shrugged, looking between the two officers.

"Did you know Kendra well?" Eric asked.

"No, I only knew her through Liam."

"Liam Carter?" Natalia clarified. "What is your relationship with him?"

"We've been seeing each other for over a year. Kendra and I hardly spoke, she wasn't one to get involved in her brother's love life, I guess," Michelle laughed, nervously.

"When did you two last speak?"

She hesitated at the question and looked down at the table, biting her lip.

"Michelle?" Eric coaxed.

"Last night," she sighed, reluctantly. "We got into an argument over the phone."

"Can you prove that?" Natalia asked.

Michelle nodded and pulled out her iPhone, bringing up her recent calls and slid it over towards the CSIs. Natalia picked up the phone, raising her eyebrows at the call time before handing it to Eric.

"What were you arguing about?" Eric demanded.

"Nothing."

"You argued over nothing for two hours and forty-two minutes?" Natalia asked, incredulously.

Michelle pulled on the cuff of her sweater again, making a mental note not to say another word to the CSIs.

* * *

"She's back," Valera smiled in a singsong voice as Calleigh entered DNA. The pocketknife had nothing but smudges, the lack of ridge detail making it impossible to run, their next best shot was DNA from epithelials and blood. "How are you doing?"

"Better, it was just a twenty-four hour thing," Calleigh lied with a shrug.

"When Eric told us you weren't coming in yesterday, I was certain the Bubonic Plague had returned," Valera joked, placing a few samples into the centrifuge.

"Is that the DNA from my pocketknife?" Calleigh asked, changing the subject to something unrelated to her absence.

"No, I already got your results. I ran the epithelials concealed in the knife through CODIS and got nothing. So I compared them to the elimination samples from the case, the victim's and Liam Carter's. Liam was a perfect match," Valera explained, handing the printed out results to her.

"Well, that doesn't prove too much. Liam was her brother, it could have been his knife," Calleigh sighed. "The question is if he was the one who put in the car."

"That's what I was thinking, so I ran the blood on the blade and in the hilt. There was blood that wasn't Kendra's," Valera said, handing Calleigh another printout. "There wasn't a match in any database, but the chromosomes were XX."

Calleigh nodded as she looked at the results, they were looking for a female stabber.

"Thanks, Maxine," Calleigh smiled as she exited DNA in time to Eric and Natalia unloading from the elevator. "How did it go downstairs?"

"That girl is defiantly hinky," Natalia sighed. "We are getting her prints and DNA now."

"Good, we may get lucky. Valera found a foreign female blood sample from the pocketknife, could be Michelle's. Did she appear to have any motive to kill Kendra though?" Calleigh asked.

"Well, they got into a fight over the phone for almost three hours," Eric shrugged as they headed towards the Layout Room.

"About what?"

"She wouldn't say," Eric sighed as he pulled open the door for the two women to walk into before him. "But if we find out we can pinpoint her motive."

"You guys want motive?" Ryan asked, looking through the crime scene photo's and evidence as the others pulled on their lab coats. "I may have found it."

"What've you got?"

"A business card I found inside Michelle's wallet," Ryan said, holding it up. "It's the number for an abortion clinic, with today's date written on the back."

Eric's ears perked up at the words and his eyes automatically flew to Calleigh, who didn't appear to taken aback by the newfound evidence, though Eric was certain she had pressed her lips into a harder line. Figures when she came back that the case would involve something related to the only thing she wanted to escape.

"Abortion clinic?" Natalia asked. "Well, a teenager only has one of two reasons: either she wants an abortion or she's friend's with someone who wants an abortion."

"If it was Michelle wanting it and Kendra found out, that could show Michelle motive to kill her," Eric pointed out, still glancing at Calleigh occasionally.

"If Kendra was going to stop her, that could explain the argument last night," Ryan nodded. "You okay, Calleigh?"

Calleigh looked up from the ground, not realizing she had zoned out, but her mind had traveled to the same dark cavern she had been she had been trapped in all of the previous day. Now she looked at the faces looking at her, Eric was the only one that seemed to understand while the others looked at her concerned and confused.

"Yeah," Calleigh reassured them. "I was just thinking maybe one of us should head over to the clinic to see if it was Michelle scheduled an appointment today or if it was someone she knew."

"We'll probably need a warrant," Natalia sighed.

"I'll find Frank," Calleigh grinned, removing her lab coat before heading out of the lab. Eric's eyes followed Calleigh out the door and towards the elevator, where she ran a pair of frustrated hands through her hair as she waited for the elevator to arrive.

* * *

Eric saw Calleigh sitting alone in the silent break room, pushing the fork in her hand into the lettuce and tomato of the salad she had brought to eat for her lunch. Just observing her through the glass sent a wave of concern through him, as well as a certain sadness. It didn't feel so long ago when he would see her at work and a warm feeling would spread through his veins, a sensation he felt just by remembering he was in love with one of the strongest, intelligent and most amazing women he had ever been privileged to meet. He looked at her now, the same love still existed and she still had the same qualities he had fallen in love with, only now she was hurting behind the pillars of strength.

Eric knew that the diagnosis was going to hurt her on a level he, being a male, could never fully comprehend. He knew it was going to take time for her to heal, but was certain things would get easier as time progressed. But here they were almost a month after the fact and things hadn't improved, almost as though the dark cloud that had been growing in Calleigh even before the endometriosis diagnosis had intensified as well as darkened. The same mass wasn't allowing any of the cheer Calleigh used to have to escape; Eric realized that he couldn't remember the last time he saw a full, genuine, smile on Calleigh's lips.

He continued to watch her eat, lowering her fork to spear some vegetables before bringing them back to her mouth. Every move was robotic, the movement of her arm followed the exact pattern each time and her chewing was mechanical. The same fear struck Eric as he watched, it was the same and worst fear he had had since he realized that he loved her; the fear he was losing her. He prayed these thoughts were just his over protective instincts taking effect and that he wasn't losing Calleigh to a force outside his power, losing her was something he wouldn't get through. The news of the infertility had been hard on him, but he still had Calleigh and that was enough to make him survive that pain; he just hoped Calleigh felt the same way as he pushed the door open.

She looked up when she heard Eric enter the room, a warm grin gently touching his face when he saw her. Calleigh tried to return with a smile, but it felt wrong on her face so she let it fall as Eric came over to her.

"H and Frank just got back from the clinic."

"What did they find?" Calleigh asked as she took a sip of her Pepsi.

"Michelle had an abortion just moments after Kendra's body was found," Eric explained.

"That can't be a coincidence," Calleigh sighed, taking the last bite of her salad. "All the evidence is pointing to her."

"All we need is Valera to confirm if the foreign blood on the knife is hers," he nodded as Calleigh's cell phone began to ring, she picked it up from the table and looked at the caller ID.

"Speak of the devil," Calleigh sighed, pressing the button to accept her call. "You get something?"

"I did," Valera reassured her. "I ran the DNA from Michelle Dawn against the blood on the knife. Not only is the blood a perfect match, but the blood contained HCG."

"The hormone found during pregnancy," Calleigh nodded. "This defiantly puts Michelle down as the killer. Thanks," she added before ending the call and turning to Eric. "We've got our girl."

* * *

"Kendra was going to tell Liam you were pregnant, wasn't she?" Eric asked Michelle in Interrogation.

Michelle looked at the table, eyes filling with tears.

"I'm not pregnant," she whispered.

"No, not anymore," Calleigh amended, sliding across a picture of her name on the clinic sheet. "You had an abortion, an half hour after Kendra was murdered, that's why you weren't at the scene when the cops arrived."

Michelle took a shuddering breath. "In Gym, I was in the locker room and I dropped my wallet. She saw the card and…we went to class and the next time I went to my gym bag it was gone…I called her last night to…to ask her not to tell Liam," Michelle sighed.

"Because you knew that he wouldn't agree?" Eric assumed.

Michelle nodded. "I'm not ready to be a mom and the kids at school wouldn't…wouldn't understand if I carried until it was born and put it up for adoption."

Calleigh gritted her teeth at the term "it."

"So you found out abortion was legal in Florida?" Calleigh asked.

Michelle nodded, again.

"Well, also in Florida, we call all this motive," Calleigh said.

"We found your blood on Liam's knife, the one you took from him and used to kill his sister," Eric explained, sliding the picture of the bloody knife over. "People who commit murder by stabbing usually cut themselves in the process."

"Roll up your sleeves, Michelle," Calleigh ordered.

Michelle glared at them before reluctantly rolling up her sleeve to reveal a cut on her wrist.

"You wore gloves while you stabbed her so your prints weren't on the knife, but you didn't count on cutting yourself, did you?" Calleigh raised her eyebrows.

Michelle bit her lip and pulled her cuff back over. "I knew the second she told Liam he would give me the same lecture as she did. All she would talk about on the phone was how every life is sacred and how tons of women would love to be me so they could have a baby," Michelle began to vent. Eric glanced over at Calleigh, knowing they were approaching dangerous territory. Her face seemed well orchestrated, but her hand was balling up into a fist under the table. "But I didn't want to hear it…maybe if I were one of those women who couldn't have a child, none of this would never have happened."

"Guess we'll never know," Calleigh shook her head, gathering the pictures on the table before looking up at Michelle. "And you may not realize it now, but you are lucky to be one of those women who can have children."

Michelle gave her a confused look at her statement.

"Get her out of here," Calleigh said to the officer, though she never looked away from Michelle. The officer escorted Michelle out of the room, Calleigh's eyes following her until she was out of sight; Eric's eyes, however, stayed on Calleigh. He was certain that was Michelle's last statement that really did it in for Calleigh and the rebuttal Calleigh offered had been the first time Calleigh had said anything about her sterility in weeks, even if it wasn't a direct statement.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked as Calleigh put the pictures in the manila folder.

"Mm-hmm," she mumbled, nodding her head but not making eye contact.

"That wasn't right of her to say," Eric sighed. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."

"I know, she's a kid who hasn't been alive long enough to understand how lucky she is," Calleigh said, a bit heatedly, as she rose from her chair and left the interrogation room, her hand once again clenching into a fist.

Eric got to his feet to catch up with Calleigh as she headed down the hall.

"You shouldn't have continued this case," Eric whispered.

"I was and still am fine," Calleigh shrugged.

"You know you can't fool me, Calleigh," Eric said, gently pulling her to the side of the hall, hoping they wouldn't attract attention. "I saw the way you were looking at her."

"We all give suspects and criminals looks like that every now and then," Calleigh pointed out.

"That was the most lethal one from you I've seen in awhile."

"Yeah, because _you've _never wanted to lunge at a suspect," Calleigh scoffed, sarcastically.

"And who tells me to back off when I do?"

"One lethal look doesn't mean I can't handle my job," Calleigh reminded him, putting her hands on her hips.

"Just this case."

"It was either stick through this case or go and explain to Horatio why I couldn't work through it. I didn't have a whole lot of options," Calleigh snapped, she wasn't about to explain to her boss slash close friend that she had to stop working on a case because of her _emotions _and the cause of them_. _Horatio was already suspecting something and she really didn't want to put a neon light that could have alerted any problems he thought they were having.

"Calleigh, this isn't like you-."

"I'm going to get Valera's report for the DNA, I'll see you later," Calleigh cut him off before turning on her heel and walking away from him, leaving a frustrated Eric behind her.

The two didn't know Horatio was across the hall seeing the two exchanging words that didn't seem very much in character for either of them. He wasn't close enough to read their lips, but close enough to know that they were talking about something personal before Calleigh had walked away, Eric walking in the opposite direction moments later.

Horatio looked at the now vacant spaces in the hall. He hung his head and put his hands on his hips, deep in thought. Something wasn't right, that famous Caine instinct got a hold of him and was going to constantly remind him of that until it was resolved.

* * *

Eric made his way towards DNA the following day, though the newest piece of evidence wasn't what he wanted to dedicate his mind to. He had been on edge for a good hour or so and he couldn't put his finger on why until he passed Firearms. Just looking at the door that led into the lab where his wife spent a good portion of her day reminded him that he hadn't seen Calleigh since she got the call-out to the scene in the Gables. He looked in Firearms, QD, Toxicology and any other place else Eric thought she could be. Eric had thought about calling her, but if she answered while busy in the lab and he didn't have any newfound evidence to report that she would take it as him "checking up on her" and he would be on very thin ice. Thus, he was left worrying about her for no logical reason other than he didn't know where she was.

"Hey, Eric," Valera smiled up at him as he entered her lab. "CODIS is still processing that blood you collected, shouldn't take much longer."

"Okay," Eric nodded. "Valera, have you seen Calleigh anywhere?"

"No," Valera shook her head. "I haven't seen her all day. What about you, Natalia?" she asked Natalia as she came into DNA, pulling on her lab coat.

"What about me?" she questioned, adjusting the coat on her shoulders.

"Have you seen Calleigh since the crime scene?" Eric asked.

"Yeah, didn't she tell you. She went home. I think she said that she wasn't feeling so good," Natalia recollected.

"Well, knowing Calleigh she must be feeling pretty bad to go to the extend of going home early. I bet she's getting that nasty flu that's been going around. Poor thing," Valera sighed before turning to Eric. "Has she been okay lately?"

Eric seemed to have gone deep into thought.

"Depends on your definition of okay," Eric sighed, mostly talking to himself, before turning around and heading out of the lab.

"Eric, don't you want your-." But Eric was already out of hearing range. "DNA," Valera sighed, lowering her voice. "Am I missing something here?"

"I don't know. They've just been acting very odd lately," Natalia shook her head.

"Odd how?" Valera asked.

"Well, I went to Firearms a few weeks ago…there were bullets in the target," Natalia sighed.

"Natalia, it is _Firearms_," Valera pointed out.

"I know, so I ran them. Maxine, they were a match to Calleigh's gun," Natalia explained, frowning. "She and Eric weren't at work that day."

"That's weird," she nodded in agreement. "But what does that have to do with anything? Is Calleigh a suspect in a murder?" Her eyes went wide at this statement as she jumped to the first logical conclusion she could think of.

"No, that's the thing, she was there for a few moments, but Horatio said that Eric had called and said there was a family emergency-."

"Well, that seems reasonable. If that's the case, Calleigh may have been here to take out aggression," Valera shrugged.

"I don't know," Natalia shook her head, doubtfully. "Something is just not right."

* * *

The next few chapters are when we get to the really angsty parts of the story, you have been warned :). Before I go, I just wanted to say something about Calleigh's age in this fic. When I first started typing this, a website said that Calleigh would be 38 in 2010, making the age of 43 appropriate for 5 years later. That website has recently been updated and her birth date changed leaving me with an incorrect age that I'm too lazy to go back and change.

BTW: Happy 2011! (Hopefully I'll actually keep my resolution this year. lol)


	12. Speaking Before Thinking

Chapter 12

Speaking Before Thinking

On his lunch break, the first thing Eric did was get into his car and drive, going a few miles over the speed limit. His foot gradually edged onto the gas pedal more and more, an irrational fear arising in him. He used to be overprotective of Calleigh, but not to _this _extent, not so that when she took time off he felt the indescribable need to rush home to check on her; Calleigh hated being babysat.

Upon arrival, he opened the front door; the ominous creak of when he opened the door was eerie, especially for a house that had at one time been so full of life. The closing of the door was just as menacing, the door literally cut the rest of Florida off and seemed to have trapped him within some other realm.

"Cal," he called out, placing his keys on the nearby table.

"In here," she replied, hardly any liveliness in her once cheerful voice. But the tone didn't worry Eric as much as it probably should have, he was just glad he _had _heard her voice, it gave him a sense of relief.

He stepped into the kitchen, the sight a classic reincarnated. Calleigh sat at the dining room table, various handguns spread out in front of her; nine mils, three eighties, forty-fives. He saw Kimbers, Glocks, Rugers and an old twenty-two Smith and Wesson Revolver that had been handed down to her. Within her reach was her gun cleaning kit, one she always kept stocked. When Eric walked in she was placing all of the brushes and oils back into the kit, he noticed that every gun in front of her had been cleaned to perfection, he was certain the insides were the same.

"Hey," he smiled as he came to stand beside her chair. "Natalia said you came home because you weren't feeling good."

"Yeah," she shrugged, picking up the Revolver and looking inside the cylinder for one last inspection. "I just wasn't feeling myself."

"Maybe you should be in bed getting some rest," he suggested, tucking some hair behind her ear; he couldn't help noting how she froze at his touch, but she relaxed once he retracted his hand.

Calleigh shook her head. "I took a decent nap when I got home. I just got to thinking about how I hadn't changed cleaned these in awhile and, well, you know how I feel about gun maintenance," she partly grinned. "I'm fine, don't worry."

"No, I'm going to worry, Cal," he insisted. For the first time since he arrived, Calleigh looked up at him, clearly taken aback by his change in tone. He heavily sighed and pulled out the chair beside her to take a seat. "You haven't been yourself lately, babe, and it's starting to worry me."

"Well, Eric, what do you expect?" she asked, putting down the gun. "Everyone's been under stress lately with budget cuts at the lab, I have tons of court cases and-."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about, Calleigh," he cut across her. "You know exactly what I mean."

The saddening in her eyes confirmed that he was correct, that she had more on her mind than she was letting on.

"Cal, what happened yesterday-."

"I don't want to talk about yesterday and I don't want to go into anything related to it. I don't want to have this discussion for the ten thousandth time."

"Ten thousandth time?" Eric asked, appalled. "We never talk about it."

"But every time you think I'm upset, you automatically assume it's…you know," she sighed, voice saddening on the last phrase.

"And am I wrong?"

Calleigh angrily pursed her lips, packing the remains of her supplies into her kit, making an effort not to look at him.

Eric exhaled, heavily, trying to think of how to maneuver this conversation in a way that would get her talking to him other than her pushing him away.

"Calleigh, I know all of this has been hard on you," he whispered, sympathetically. "And I know that your hurt, but shutting yourself away isn't going to help."

"I'm not shutting myself away, I came home because I didn't feel good, that's what most people do when they feel sick," Calleigh explained, hardly, still yet to meet Eric's eyes.

"Most people would also not come straight back to work after a fire, most people would take time off after being kidnapped and remember two years ago when you had severe food poisoning and you stayed at work all day, most people wouldn't have done that," Eric pointed out. "You aren't one that comes home just because you feel a little under the weather, you're not like 'most people'."

"You're right, most people can have kids," she breathed, softly, under her breath, clearly not wanting Eric to hear what she was saying, but he did and it caused his heart to sink to hear her voice so full of pain. This was the first time Calleigh had actually admitted that her agony of the previous weeks had all been the result of the endometriosis and it was killing her on the inside, morphing her into a different person. The instinct to help her, to comfort her, overcame him. Unthinkingly, he reached up to place his hand on her shoulder, but she automatically flinched away from him when his hand made contact.

"You know, I'm going to take a shower," Calleigh stated as she got to her feet, needing to get out of the room for a reason she couldn't fathom. "I'll see you when you get home."

Before she let Eric respond, Calleigh had scooted out of her chair and was heading towards the bathroom. She closed the bathroom door and locked it, opening the shower door to turn on the water. Calleigh listened carefully for sounds from outside the door, praying Eric wasn't going to sit at the dining room table until she emerged. But she let out a sigh of relief when she heard the front door opening and then closing again, followed shortly after by the sound of his car starting and pulling out of the driveway. She turned off the water and let herself out of the bathroom, knowing the house was empty.

Calleigh crossed her arms, her hands gently massaging the aching muscles of her biceps. She looked ahead to their bedroom door, her eyes stinging but the tears never formed, they never seemed to these days. Had they been able to form, however, Calleigh was certain they would have rolled down her cheeks. Yet another knot of guilt tied itself in her stomach, securely within the others. Within the course of a few minutes she had managed to hurt her husband, lie to her best friend and shut out the person she was closest to.

She slumped into the bedroom and laid down on the bed within the sheets, but they didn't provide her with enough heat to warm her. Calleigh pulled Eric's pillow towards her and wrapped her arms around it, burying her face into the soft material to inhale Eric's scent. This was the closest she could have gotten to him without it hurting her in any way, shape or form. Looking at him hurt, hearing him was the equivalent of being slashed with a knife, but him touching her and trying to comfort her may as well of been someone sending repeated volts of electricity through her body. She longed to be able to be with him without the agony, but being with him hurt more than missing him at this point, which left her with the option of pushing him away.

She grasped the pillow closer, breathing in Eric's natural fragrance coupled with his cologne, as she allowed herself to be subdued by mindlessness in which she watched the numbers change on the digital clock until sleep overcame her.

The numbing agent of a dreamless sleep held her over until she heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. The noise indicating her husband's return was enough to make Calleigh want to evaporate on the spot. She knew Eric's first stop would be their bedroom, she could already hear him opening the front door and walking down the hall. Calleigh wanted to close her eyes and pretend she was asleep, in hopes Eric would merely stay away from her until she "awoke." But to feign sleep could result in him sitting on the bed beside her to watch her sleep, something he admitted to doing on more than one occasion. Calleigh would have much rather endured his company for a brief moment as opposed to him watching her for longer.

Eric came into sight as he walked over the threshold of the door and towards the bed; Calleigh took a deep breath to steady herself.

"Hey," he whispered, getting on his knees beside the bed to be at eye level with her, resisting the urge to touch her.

"Hey," she replied, her voice holding a surprising resemblance to Eric's, for they were both sad and monotone.

Eric had spend a good part of the day (when not chasing down a suspect and analyzing evidence) thinking about how to try to talk to Calleigh about this again, praying all the while she would listen.

"Um…I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk about anything, I'm here," he said, renewing the same promise he had made before they were married, but even then he didn't think he'd have to remind Calleigh of that. "But if you don't want to talk to me, Cal, at least talk to someone."

"Like who?" she asked. Eric dropped his eyes, clearly not wanting to say who he thought aloud; Calleigh caught on to his silence immediately. "I don't need to see a therapist, Eric."

"Maybe it'll help."

"Yeah," Calleigh scoffed, sitting up against the headboard. "You said the same thing about going to see Benson and looked how that worked out."

"Listen," he sighed, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, ignoring her previous comment. "You don't have to, but this isn't normal behavior, Cal, especially not for you."

"It's been a tough few weeks, I'm a bit upset, big deal," she shrugged.

"I think you're more than a bit upset."

"Either way, I'll be fine, I just need everyone to leave me alone and let me think."

"If that were the case, I could respect that. But, Cal, this is really starting to scare me," he admitted.

Calleigh's defensive walls rose up, she had already hurt him by not being able to give him a child, now she was scaring him and she would have given the world to change that. But her brain redirected itself into a different way of thinking, which resulted in her defending her actions other than altering them.

"I'm sorry my deciding to take a few days off is an inconvenience," she said, sarcastically.

Eric held his tongue at her statement, even though it was below the belt.

"You're not an inconvenience, Cal, but…"

"But what?" she demanded.

Eric hesitated before letting out a sigh to say, "But you aren't the same person you were when I married you."

Calleigh's eyes instantly filled with pain, lightly misting over to make her eyes have a rainforest quality. She pressed her lips into a hard line, the stinging water in her eyes arriving once again.

"Calleigh-," Eric whispered.

"Please," she interrupted him. "Just leave me alone."

"Cal-."

"Please leave me alone," she repeated, her voice just as soft.

Eric could see trying to get her to listen was a lost cause, she had always been too stubborn, and knew trying to make her listen would only make things worse. He got up from the bed and walked towards the door, pausing at the threshold.

"I love you. You know that," he whispered.

Calleigh didn't look up from the sheets, she didn't move her lips, but she did nod her head in the smallest motion.

* * *

In their almost five years of marriage, Eric only recalled sleeping on the couch once and his staying hadn't been a result of an argument. They had been wed for about a month; he had merely fallen asleep while working late on a report for a case, Calleigh having already gone to bed by that point. He distinctly remembered waking up in the middle of the night to someone lifting the papers off him. He opened up to his eyes to Calleigh smiling at him, wearing nothing but a tank top and matching cotton pants.

"Not even married six months and we're at that stage when one of us is on the couch," Calleigh shook her head in mock disgust. "Are you sick of me already?" she asked, playfully.

Eric grinned up at her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to lie on top of him.

"Never," he promised, kissing her hair. Chuckling, Calleigh rested on his chest and his arms held her tighter as they slept soundly on the couch together, thinking that everything would be just fine and not knowing the pain or horrors that awaited them.

But they were now stuck in what appeared to be a never-ending struggle. He found himself caught in the typical tale of how a husband is left to sleep on the couch because his wife didn't want to sleep next to him. He had went back in their room to check on her at around ten-thirty PM, when he finally felt tired enough to call it a night. He found her asleep and with a few light traces of tears on her cheeks, trembling slightly in her sleep due to the slight coldness in the room. He pulled one of the quilts higher up to cover her; she subconsciously wrapped the blanket around her and became visibly relaxed in her sleep.

"I do love you, Calleigh," he breathed, softly so he wouldn't wake her. "More than anything."

With that, he quietly left the room and headed for the couch, hoping that a night apart would be beneficial to them. He stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, setting the alarm on his phone for the following morning before settling on the sofa, using the afghan that was draped over the back to cover him.

Eric awoke often during the night, always praying that whenever he opened his eyes, Calleigh would be there, standing over him with the smile on her face that he had missed so much; needless to say, his prayer wasn't answered that night.

When the alarm rudely woke him when daylight began, Eric felt as though he had only received an hour of sleep. He reached up to rub the tiredness from his eyes as he prepared for, he was certain, another stressful day.

He knew the odds were that Calleigh probably wasn't going to be up yet, but maybe she would want to come to work today, that was at least what he was hoping as he got up from the couch and headed down the hall. Eric walked into the bedroom to see her still asleep, hugging his pillow against her chest. He let out a light, sad, sigh and came towards the bed.

He stroked her hair; the locks still felt smooth and silky despite the few light tangles that formed during her long periods of rest.

She blinked open her eyes halfway and met his.

"I'm sorry about last night," she mumbled, tiredly.

"It's okay," he assured her. "I'm sorry, too. Um… are you feeling up to going to work today?"

She shook her head, the movement made his heart sink, but he nodded anyway.

"Okay," he whispered. "I can stay if you want me to."

"No, I'll be fine," she promised.

Eric nodded, but something inside told him that she was anything but fine.

* * *

See, I told you there would be more angst.

BTW: Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, they really give me inspiration.


	13. We All Bleed Red

Sorry that I haven't updated this in months. I'll try not to do that anymore.

* * *

Chapter 13

We All Bleed Red

They had more or less fallen into a routine; one Eric couldn't say he was happy with. Depending on how the morning was, Calleigh would either go to work or stay home. More often than none, she would stay home. When she did go to work, she was able to construct a mask that would make her avoid questions from the team. That was how they survived the holidays; Calleigh shielded her emotions from their family to dodge any worries they may have. Eric had thought that being with family for the holidays would lift her spirits and, for an instant, believed that life would return to normal for the two. But as soon as the New Year came, it was as though the mask had never existed.

Everything went back into its downward spiral slowly. The first few days after the holiday season, Calleigh returned to work for a week. Then one morning Eric woke up at the alarm, Calleigh ignored it but eventually got up and drove to work, even before Eric had finished breakfast. The following day, however, she didn't get up from her bed and remained there the majority of the day. January was now drawing to a close and Calleigh hadn't been back to work since. Questions at work were arising, but he couldn't find himself able to tell any of his friends the dilemmas of his home life, but they still covered for Calleigh in the way that only true friends would so authorities from a higher level wouldn't get suspicious.

When Eric came home at night, he had more or less discovered a way to determine how the night would be, very much like how sailors watched the color of the sky to predict how the weather would affect the seas. If Calleigh was up cleaning guns, washing dishes or just out of bed then she would talk to him a little, unless he attempted to comfort or talk to her about the situation, then she would isolate herself and not utter another word the rest of the night. But if she wasn't up when he came home, he knew no matter what he said or did, she would remain completely withdrawn from Eric, barely acknowledging him.

Unfortunately, the "good days" were seldom seen and were Eric to touch her or talk to her, the result would be an invisible brick wall constructed between the two, any communication impossible.

Today was Eric's day off and he woke up with Calleigh in his arms after a night in which she allowed him to hold her. But she was only somewhat aware of someone holding her as she sank into the pain that had drowned her all these months had no means of easing anytime soon. She closed her eyes and fell back to sleep, where the emotional pain numbed slightly to minimize itself to an ache.

By the time she awoke it was close to three-thirty, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew Eric was no longer in the bed next to her, but didn't pay it much mind. She hugged her knees to her chest as she prayed sleep would overcome her once again to ease this pain that was swelling in her chest.

Eric walked into their bedroom to see her curled in a fetal position beneath the sheets and her eyes closed. Eric now saw what she did everyday and how deeply she had fallen into depression. She hadn't eaten or moved from the bed the whole day. He took a seat on the edge of the mattress and stroked her hair. Calleigh stirred in her sleep and blinked her eyes open; a small smile hinted on her lips, a very small smile.

"How are you doing?" he asked as casually as he could, though there was nothing casual about this.

Calleigh shrugged her shoulders, not looking in his eyes.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, wanting at least a syllable out of her, but she merely shook her head. Calleigh hardly noticed hunger these days. She wasn't eating, but it felt like _she _was slowly being eaten.

Eric rolled his lips as he tried to hide the fear that was flooding through him. "Let me know when you do get hungry and I'll fix you something, okay?"

She mechanically nodded, Eric realized that maybe he should just be happy to receive any kind of response from her. He leaned down and kissed her hairline, her skin was cold. "I love you," he whispered to her.

Though her voice was barely audible, her lips were able to form around the words, "I love you," before she closed her eyes.

Eric sighed in defeat as he lightly stroked her hair before leaving the room, the emptiness suffocating him. He leaned against the wall outside their bedroom door, taking a moment to think, he had been taking a lot of those moments lately, mostly to attempt to find some light in this awful situation, never finding even a remote spark. Instead, the darkness seemed to become all the more horrendous as ghastly thoughts plagued Eric's mind. He often worried if Calleigh was going to do something that could harm herself; it killed him to admit that possibility. Eric never would have looked at Calleigh in such a light, thinking she was too in control of her emotions to succumb to such an act, but that was a different Calleigh, the one who hadn't been tormented everyday for the last few months to such an extent.

There was only one person he felt he could call who might just have the ability to lend a helping hand in this situation. He made his way into the living room to pick up the phone and dial the familiar number.

Eric heard the ring all of one time before he heard the woman say, "Hello."

"Hey, Alexx, it's Eric," he sighed. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I need your help."

Alexx could hear the strain of light ache in his voice. "What's wrong, baby?"

* * *

He had tried to tell Alexx about the situation, but he wasn't able to find the words. Alexx was able to notice there was something wrong with Calleigh from the few phrases Eric had been able to say. She kindly suggested that he come over to her house and they could talk about it; Eric gratefully accepted her invitation and hoped that talking to her face-to-face would make this easier.

Eric scribbled a note to Calleigh, who was still asleep, saying he was with Alexx and would be back soon. Eric supposed he could have woken her up, but that would risk seeing the emptiness in her eyes once again and he couldn't handle that, especially when he was about to talk to Alexx about this. Thus, he left the note on her bedside table, grabbed the keys to his car and headed towards the Woods residence.

Eric prayed with every fiber of his being that Alexx would have some advice, some way to aid the painful situation they found themselves in. Eric would settle for just about anything at this point…as long as he got his wife back.

He pulled up into Alexx's driveway and headed towards the front door. He raised his fist to knock, but Alexx pulled the door open before his knuckles could even make contact with the wood; she gave him a warm half-smile.

"I saw you pull up," she said, standing aside to let Eric in. "Make yourself at home," she sighed as they headed into the living room. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, thanks," Eric shook his head as they took a seat on the couch, his voice heavy with sadness and distress. "But thanks for letting me come talk."

"Baby, you know you're always welcome. Now, what's going on?" Alexx asked, patiently.

He took a deep breath, held it as he fought to keep his composure and exhaled. "It's Calleigh. She's…she's different."

"Different how?"

With that one question, the floodgates opened. Eric told her everything from the endometriosis to the arguments they had had. He mentioned how Calleigh had withdrawn herself from everything and how whenever he tried to offer any words of comfort she would pull away from him, sometimes even get angry. Eric tried to explain how scared he was, but words couldn't express it. All the while, Alexx listened, never interrupting or passing judgment. In truth, Alexx found a piece of her own heart begin to ache for Calleigh, because she could only imagine the agony she must have endured every single day, and for Eric, who was too worried for words and who felt utterly helpless.

"I mean, I've tried trying to convince her to talk to someone who can help her, but when I do, she gets angry and we start fighting. But normally she barely talks, she doesn't eat, she stays in bed most of the time. She hasn't been to work in weeks and doesn't care…" Eric trialed off, his throat tightening before he quietly sighed to himself. "Alexx, she's been heading down this road for years and I feel like I should have realized this would happen or-."

"Stop, right there," Alexx interrupted him, firmly. "Blaming yourself isn't going to do anyone any good."

"I just feel like I'm losing her and I can't do anything about it," he admitted, his voice solemn and thick with pain.

Alexx gave him a brief sympathetic grin as his eyes observed the pattern of the carpet. She realized the situation with Calleigh was a painful one, for both of the individuals, but also knew Calleigh needed help and only one person would be able to convince her of that…Eric. However, persuading Calleigh was going to be easier said than done, especially if she was as distant from him as Eric had mentioned. Not to mention the fact Eric felt so utterly powerless and worried at this point, he probably didn't know how to go about convincing her.

"I know it must hurt, baby," Alexx sighed, sadly. "But if _you_ are hurting this bad to see her like this, imagine how she must be feeling."

Eric had imagined that on several occasions and it would cause his heart to burn with agony to have knowledge the woman her loved was in so much pain she found herself tortured.

"You know, Calleigh changed after she fell in love with you, she was so much happier," Alexx smiled at the memory. "And maybe she felt that since you've given her so much, she wanted to give you something."

"She does every day," he whispered. Eric was too much happier after he fell for Calleigh, her merely existing managed to bring a smile to his face and cause his heart to skip a beat. Even though they were going through hell today, he still found a small piece of his heart swell with happiness to know this woman was his wife.

"We know that, but…" Alexx shook her head, thoughtfully. "Being a woman is a complicated thing, especially in matters of maternal instincts. Calleigh knew you wanted to be a dad and she knew that she wanted a family with you, now she feels that she let you and herself down."

"She didn't," Eric said, a bit of frustration in his voice. "She doesn't have control over-."

"I know that, you know that and, in the back of her mind, Calleigh knows it too. But, honey," Alexx sighed, reaching up to touch his arm. "Her life hasn't been a cakewalk and maybe she feels her opportunity to have a new beginning with a real family has been yanked away. Maybe this was the last straw and she may have hit her breaking point."

Eric let out a heavy exhaled and let his head fall into his hands. "You know, that crossed my mind, I just didn't want to believe it," he mumbled into his hands. "She's so strong, I never thought…"

"Honey, strong people hurt too."

Eric nodded before dropping his hands and sighed. "What can I do, Alexx?

She withdrew her hand from his arm, running it through her hair as she figured the best way to handle this situation…the very delicate situation. "Go home to her. Talk to her, be patient and suggest she at least _consider _making an appointment to talk to someone. That way she won't feel pressured, but she's thinking about it," Alexx explained. "And, maybe, since the thought is in her mind, she may actually consider."

"And if that doesn't work?"

Alexx sighed, sadly, wishing she could guarantee the suggestion she offered would work, but as a friend and a doctor, Alexx knew she couldn't. Instead she was going to have to inform the already troubled man that plan B, if it came to that, would not be a pleasant move. "We may have to take drastic steps to make certain she does get help…But," she added, "let's try to remain optimistic for now. Go home, talk to her and call me in a few days to let me know how she's doing."

Eric nodded, his expression somber as his stomach twisted itself in knots, praying Calleigh would listen and find someone to help her. He was afraid of what the results would be if she refused and they would have to "take drastic steps" to get her help.

"Everything is going to be okay, baby," Alexx reassured him as they hugged one another goodbye, but for the first time, he found himself unable to believe Alexx…no matter how much he wanted to.

* * *

I'm really sorry about all the sadness bumming some out, but I'm trying to incorporate real human feeling into the story, plus the fic needs the sadness to give the story more intensity (you'll see why in later chapters). The last thing I'll say on the matter is there will be some more sad moments, but there will also be happier ones, I promise;) And if I ever take forever updating again, y'all feel free to send me death threats.


	14. It's a Sin to Kill a Mockingbird

Chapter 14

It's a Sin to Kill a Mockingbird

Eric had been parked in front of their house for almost twenty minutes, just staring at the sandy brick and the light blue roof that matched the shutters. He was having difficulty believing this place was once a home of lovingness and joy, of laughs and smiles. Now it had morphed into a continuous holder of pain and isolation, of frowns and tears. He could remember the Eric from five years ago—their fifth wedding anniversary had come and gone, hardly acknowledged—who had had many fantasies and was naïve enough to believe there would only be good memories in this new home of theirs. He had originally thought the house would one day be full of children resembling himself and Calleigh, nothing but smiles being seen and laughs echoing off the walls. He had assumed that Calleigh's optimistic spirit would never dwindle and that they had by this point passed the phase of the two of them putting up walls. But now that perfect little fantasy of his had been demolished, slowly destroyed brick by brick and that only prolonged the agony Eric experienced by watching his world fall around him, until to stop it. But now was his chance, he hoped, to try to rebuild some of what had been brutally destroyed.

Finally, he opened his door to step out of his vehicle. His eyes had been so transfixed on the house, he had neglected to notice that a light sprinkle of rain had begun to fall from the sky; ironically appropriate for the unpleasant atmosphere that surrounded their lifestyle nowadays. Eric rushed to the door to avoid the rain, the size and speed of the drops quickly increasing.

Once the dryness of his house, Eric took a deep breath, making certain that he would be able to hold his composure, before heading down the hall. He stepped into their bedroom, seeing exactly what he expected. Calleigh was lying in bed, wrapped in a heap of blankets. She was now awake, but her eyes were dull and dead, slowly moving from the ceiling to Eric as he walked in. Eric noticed the daily paper on her bedside table with the Sudoku and most of the crossword completed; she had to have gotten out of bed at some point during the day and, for some odd reason, gave him more confidence to approach this subject yet again.

"Hey," he whispered to Calleigh, who have him a small smile in return. "Can I talk to you?" Eric asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Sure," she nodded, her voice barely audible.

_Here we go again_, Eric thought as he reached up to tuck some hair behind Calleigh's ear, testing the waters. She flinched slightly, however she didn't pull away from his touch entirely, her eyes just stopped meeting his and traveled to a place on the wall behind him.

"Cal, I-."

"You talked to Alexx, didn't you?" Calleigh asked, her voice monotone and distant, but her eyes strayed back to his face. "About everything."

Once again, he felt guilty; he had gone behind her back in an attempt to find help. And, once again, his intentions were good but his actions weren't exactly "appropriate."

Eric nodded and he tried to read Calleigh's reaction, but her expression was well constructed, a perfect poker face, and she wasn't allowing any emotion to seep through, leaving him unable to detect how she felt.

"And she is just as worried about you as I am," he said, softly, sliding his hand down to her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Calleigh, I hate seeing you in this much pain and I want to help."

Still unable to look at him, Calleigh kept her eyes fixated on the wall and rolled her lips as the only visible sign she had heard him; internally, however, Calleigh winced at his words. Eric never seemed to want to give up on her, every day talking to her and still saying her loved her, now he was saying he hated seeing her like this and was willing to help, despite all of her previous reactions when the word "help" was brought up in the conversation. Other than comforting her, Eric had unknowingly and unintentionally gave her another reason to feel guilty, the exact opposite of his intentions.

"Alexx knows some people who can help us; they can try and help you feel better. But I only want you to go if _you _want to go, I don't want you to because you feel you _have _to go," he whispered, giving her hand a final squeeze. "Okay?"

"Okay," she breathed, her voice devoid of emotion and it sent another pang of agony through him. He slid off the bed and onto his knees, leveling himself with her head, making a point to meet her eyes. Eric had gazed into those beautiful green eyes so many times and seen a variety of emotions from happiness to pain, excitement, anger, sadness and, in this case, he saw emptiness. He had found it difficult to believe these were the same eyes he had looked into on their wedding night, those eyes had been full of liveliness and joy, her irises sparkling in the lighting and the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiled. They had been the eyes he had hoped to look in to until the day he died, but the eyes looking back at him now had lost their liveliness and joy and Eric was willing to do anything to get it back.

"You know I'll support you, no matter what you decide," he said, softly, as he slid his hand to grasp hers; Calleigh's hand flinched a little when his skin first made contact, but then relaxed within his. "Just say you'll think about it."

Calleigh just looked at him for a moment, her expression unreadable before she slowly moved her head into a steady nod. Eric gave her the best smile he could muster—it was more of a grin than a smile, really—and leaned in to put a gentle kiss on her lips. He could sense her surprise, but she did, to his immense relief, put some return into the kiss before he leaned out.

"I love you," Eric breathed. "So much."

Calleigh's eyes had now fallen to the sheets, certain she would be able to keep her emotions at bay were she to continue to look into those gorgeous brown eyes of his, but she would able to mutter, "I love you, too."

Eric didn't want to overstay his welcome or risk saying the wrong thing and he lightly squeezed her fingers before getting to his feet and walking out the door. Calleigh's eyes followed him out, she had open her mouth to call him back, but something stopped her and her mouth closed. She wanted him in here with her, in this bed with his arms around her and his lips against hers. Calleigh missed that, she yearned for it, but something refused to let her have any form of happiness that her husband may have offered and she was left alone once again.

* * *

"I want you to stay and rest for at least ten minutes, then a nurse will bring in your discharge papers," Alexx said to a patient in the ER who had come in with dehydration after running a 5K race. He had been on IV fluids and now Alexx felt it was acceptable for him to leave; the patient gave Alexx a grateful smile as she walked away.

Eight days had passed since she had talked to Eric and he had yet to call. She had thought about calling him herself, but decided it was best to let Eric call her, let them handle this in their own time. She tried to push the thought of Eric not calling out of her mind as she grabbed another chart from the nurses' station when…

"Hey, Alexx," she heard Ryan say as made his way towards her in the ER.

Alexx turned around, giving him a smile as her eyes traveled up and down his person. "Well, I don't see any nails, so I'm guessing you are here for a case."

"I'm never going to live the nail down, am I?" Ryan asked with a sigh.

"No," Alexx shook her head with a cheeky grin. "But what can I do for you, baby?"

"Can you tell me where your Dean of Medicine is?"

"He's in the conference room. They're having a meeting about how a few of the doctor's here are constantly mixing up files, tests and giving their patient's the wrong diagnosis," Alexx sighed, shaking her head. "You can wait for him in his office, if you'd like."

"I may just have to give him my number and call me later," Ryan said, checking his watch.

"In a rush?" she asked.

"Yeah, Natalia has the flu, Horatio is at a meeting and Calleigh is still M.I.A and so Eric, Frank and I the only ones currently working and have to be at five places at once."

Alexx nodded her head in understanding, however her lack of surprise in Calleigh not being at work instantly made Ryan suspicious and he narrowed his eyes at her.

"What's going on with Calleigh?" he asked.

"How would I know?" she asked, coyly, as she filled out information on the chart, an excuse to not look Ryan in the eye.

He sighed and leaned against the counter; obviously able to notice Alexx knew more than she was letting on. "Look, I don't want to pry and I don't want to put you in an awkward spot, but is she okay? Eric doesn't tell us anything and we're all getting concerned," he explained. "She isn't normally one to skip so much work and people at the lab are starting to spread rumors."

"What kind of rumors?" Alexx asked, furrowing her eyebrows when she looked up at them.

"Well, one is that Eric and Calleigh secretly got divorced and she's back in Louisiana," he said, rolling his eyes.

Alexx scoffed. "We all know that's not true."

"Another is Calleigh went undercover without saying anything and Horatio and Eric are keeping it a secret. Some think she has a terminal illness," he looked Alexx square in the eye, "she doesn't have one does she?"

Alexx sighed in defeat, Ryan knew that she had information about Calleigh and there was no use denying it. "No, she doesn't."

Ryan let out a breath of relief; he seemed to have thought that this rumor had some potential for truth.

"You don't have to tell me exactly what's wrong with her. But is she okay?" he asked.

"She's Calleigh, of course she's okay," she said with a shrug. "She just has a lot on her mind."

He nodded in understanding. "Okay, thanks….Well, I gotta jet. I'll see you around."

Alexx smiled after him as he left the ER, still astounded by the gossip circulating in the lab. For a place swarmed with scientists dedicated to finding facts, they didn't seem to have a problem spouting off fictional theories about their own colleague. Alexx pushed the thought out of her mind and attempted to press on with her day, vowing to herself to call Eric herself if he didn't within the week.

* * *

Alexx, however, wasn't the only one with something haunting her mind; later that very afternoon a few towns over, Calleigh's mind was fighting its own battle. Calleigh had yet to awake any morning this week without something on her mind. She knew Eric wanted her to think about getting help, but that was the furthest thing from her mind, she was thinking about Eric. He had yet to give up on her and a part of her had believed he was just dealing with her, but he said he would support her, no matter her decision. But most importantly, Eric still loved her, something she had almost stopped believing. She wondered how he could still be in love with her, despite the tension, their inability to have a baby and how their situation had been the last several months. But none of that seemed to change the fact he loved her and that much was clear. However, something else was quite clear too; she had a choice. She could get up and get help or to stay in bed—to stay in pain. Calleigh realized she was sick, she had known for a while that what she was doing was unhealthy and needed to stop, but it wasn't that simple.

This bed had been the only stability she had had in the last few months. Here Calleigh could attempt to elude the terrors and pain of the outside world. Yes, her hurt remained no matter where she was, but in the bed she could stay secure, warm and safe; this was her sanctuary.

She couldn't believe she felt that way. Calleigh had always believed triumphing pain was one of her fortes; she could mask any hurt or weakness that haunted her. Now, however, she had fallen into a trench and she was unable to pull herself up. How long would it be until people started coming up with theories of where she was? Had they already assumed she was gone? She could hear them now: The once strong, independent, firearms expert Calleigh Duquesne vanished without warning to everyone's surprise.

Calleigh could prove them wrong; she overcame pain before, she could sure as hell do it again. Taking a shaking breath, Calleigh pushed herself up, breaking the magnetic force between herself and the bed. She pulled on her dressing gown and wrapped it tightly around her. She left the bedroom, her bare feet barely registering the coldness of the floor. Calleigh didn't look at the empty room—the one they had hoped to transform into a nursery—and kept her eyes ahead.

Eric was at the dining room table with the checkbook, receipts and bills in front of him. The whites of his eyes were bloodshot and were complimented by the dark circles under his eyes. Calleigh's heart thumped with guilt; she had been so engulfed in her own sadness that everything else fell on Eric's shoulders, and never once did he complain.

Calleigh sneaked into the kitchen, checking the amount of water in the kettle before switching it on, Eric yet to notice her presence; had he been that used to being alone? Had he grown so used to the lifestyle they were living that any sounds that could very well be another person moving were shrugged off because they just couldn't be real? Eric still didn't notice her as she made a cup of coffee or as she walked towards the dining room table. Only when she set the steaming mug by him did he finally look up.

At first, he looked slightly confused, as though this couldn't possibly be Calleigh he was seeing. The expression soon changed into pleasantly surprised and hopeful, hopeful that everything would now change; however, in his eyes Calleigh could tell he wasn't getting his hopes too high. Then Eric seemed to realize he was just staring up at her, not saying anything. He looked from her to the cup of coffee then back up to her, a smile grin tugging on his lips.

"Thanks," he said, praying his voice didn't sound too surprised.

Calleigh smiled back in reply, Eric noted how the smile didn't remain long, but it was a smile nonetheless. She took a seat beside him, yet to say anything, but it was a comfortable silence, the type the used to enjoy together when they would rest on the couch in each other's arms, the type he missed. Eric would occasionally turn his head in Calleigh's direction, just to glance at her for a moment before turning back to the bills.

"Need any help?" Calleigh asked, softly, as she placed her hand on top of Eric's. Her simple touch was anything but simple; this was the first time she had been the one to make any form of physical contact with him in months and it made his heart stop beating for a moment. An automatic smile came to his lips, her skin was just as soft and silky as he remembered and it still contrasted with his own, but simultaneously was able to beautifully blend.

"Um…no, thank you, I'm almost done," he grinned, turning his hand over to interlock his fingers with hers, giving them a gentle squeeze. In all honesty, he didn't give a damn about the bills; all he wanted was to savor this moment for as long as possible, everything may not have been normal, but at least it no longer felt like they were stuck in the pit of Hell.

"Okay," she nodded, staring at their hands and, for the first time in months, Calleigh felt a genuine smile touch her lips, the ache that remained in her body made it fall quickly, but it was there for at least a short while. Eric noticed the smile too and it was in that moment Calleigh silently told him that she was ready to try to get better, to move on…to try living again.


	15. From the Ground Up

Chapter 15

From the Ground Up

There weren't words to describe Alexx's immense relief when she received a phone call from Eric two days later. According to him, Calleigh had been getting out of bed and, though she hadn't going to work, she had been working around the house and would even talk to Eric in small talk conversations. He had said it was apparent that everything wasn't healed within her, for there had been moments he had caught her lost in her own thoughts and his heart sank when he saw that hollowness in her eyes would return in those moments. But Calleigh had accepted she needed help, consenting to going to talk to a professional and Alexx gave them the number of Dr. Sandra Chandler, who Alexx referred to as "one of the best therapists in Miami." A week had passed since then and now Calleigh and Eric sat in the waiting room of the practice Dr. Chandler and seven other psychologists resided. They sat in the room surrounded by other patients, numerous faux plants and a few framed pieces of art (many involving landscapes of mountains, the sea or covered hills) hung on the beige colored wall. The only sounds that could be heard were the almost silent murmur between a few patients, the receptionist making appointments over the phone and an episode of _The Simpsons _playing quietly on the TV hanging in the corner.

Calleigh, however, wasn't paying any mind to the whispering patients, the organizing receptionist or the complaints from Homer Simpson; she was too preoccupied attempting to distract herself from her nerves. Everyone said the first session would more than likely be the hardest and that fact wasn't exactly comforting as she waited for her first appointment to begin in about five minutes. Eric had his hand resting supportively on Calleigh's knee as she pretended to read an article about Mt. Fuji in a slightly out dated issue of _National Geographic_. She attempted to read each paragraph without her mind wondering, attempts that constantly resulted in failure and only heightened her nerves. She flipped the page of the magazine as a woman came from down the hall in a pair of black dress pants and a purple cardigan. She had a pretty heart-shaped face and short dark hair that framed it perfectly.

"Calleigh Delko?" she asked, looking around the room for her newest patient. Calleigh let out a slightly shaky breath before closing the magazine and putting it back on the table beside her. She and Eric got to their feet and the woman came towards them, a friendly smile on her face, before she stuck out her hand.

"I'm Sandra Chandler," she said, shaking Calleigh's hand.

"I'm Calleigh, this is my husband, Eric," Calleigh introduced them.

"Nice to meet you," Eric said as he shook Dr. Chandler's hand, though his greeting was to only be polite. He hated the fact that his wife was in so much pain they had to see a grief specialist to attempt to help her and though he was pleased Calleigh was getting the help, he would have rather her never having needed it to begin with; he would have rather them never need a reason to meet Dr. Sandra Chandler.

"Likewise," Dr. Chandler said before turning to Calleigh. "Shall we begin?"

Eric gently grabbed Calleigh's fingers and gave them a reassuring squeeze as she nodded.

"Okay. Please, follow me," Dr. Chandler said with a kind grin as she started down the hall. Calleigh took a few steps after the doctor, turning back to Eric at one point, who gave her a comforting smile before they she continued after Dr. Chandler.

The hallway was narrow and heavily air conditioned, Calleigh noted as a chill ran down her spine. Strangely, Calleigh suddenly felt as though she were in a parody of _The Silence of the Lambs_. She felt as though she were in the scene in which Jodie Foster was passing the numerous lunatics on her way to the prime candidate for her investigation; only instead of lunatics staring at her were many doors. Each door closed held the promise that on the other side was someone who could have sworn they were fine until they realized they should get help because their lives, like Calleigh, felt so out of control. Not being able to have control of her feelings was what terrified Calleigh more than anything and she was willing to do anything to put that to rest, even if that meant facing her personal closed office door; her personal Hannibal Lecter.

Finally, they reached Dr. Chandler's office and they stepped inside; Calleigh was relieved to notice it was much warmer in here than it was in the hall.

"Please, make yourself comfortable," Dr. Chandler said, gesturing to the couch.

The office was small, consisting of a desk, an armchair that matched the sofa, a ficus and a table in between the couch and chair that held a lamp and a bowl of Jolly Ranchers, Lifesavers, peppermints and Double-Bubble. Certificates and various framed awards were on the pale blue walls as well as a calendar just above the desk. Dr. Chandler pulled out her desk chair, clipboard in hand and started the timer behind her.

"So, when I spoke to Dr. Woods on the phone, she expressed concern about you being depressed. Do you think she's right?" Dr. Chandler asked.

Calleigh looked at her hands, rotating her engagement and wedding rings on her finger as she nodded, unable to say the words aloud.

"Okay. If you are depressed, what would be the reason behind it?" Dr. Chandler delivered the question casually, yet with a hint of professionalism, the perfect therapy technique. However, that wasn't enough to make Calleigh open up, she couldn't seem to find her voice and wasn't certain she would use it even if her voice were available.

"Is it because of stress? Loss of a family member, maybe?" Dr. Chandler asked, attempting to coax an answer out of her patient. But Calleigh was immediately reluctant to say anything to the therapist; she had been living in solitude for months, not even being able to open her heart to the man she loved and trusted with her darkest secrets. She had been struggling to talk to Eric, so how could anyone expect her to pour her heart out to a stranger? Even in her silence, Dr. Chandler was making notes on her clipboard. Calleigh kept her eyes on the movement of the pen, unable to open her mouth to answer the question.

But the doctor seemed patient and capped the pen and placed it and the clipboard on her desk, folding her hands in her lap.

"Tell me some things about yourself. Where do you work?" she asked.

Calleigh recognized what it was Dr. Chandler was doing, this was a tactic to gain Calleigh's trust; an attempt to make her feel more comfortable and to open up. She realized this was Dr. Chandler's way of helping her repair the holes in her life—one step at a time—and that it would be beneficial for Calleigh to at least _try _to trust her. Her mind once again returned to Eric saying this first time would be the longest and one of the more difficult sessions, but everything would be easier once Calleigh spoke; thus, with Eric in mind, Calleigh answered Dr. Chandler's question.

"I'm a CSI," Calleigh said, thinking it was a miracle she was still employed after all her absences.

Dr. Chandler smiled. "You must know Lt. Caine, then?"

"Yeah," she nodded, unsurprised to find someone who knew Horatio; he had met a fair amount of Miami's citizens.

"So, at CSI, do you have a specialty?"

"Ballistics and Tool marks," Calleigh said, instantly, she hadn't even realized she had said it until the words rested in the air for a moment.

"That's interesting," Dr. Chandler commented with a grin. "Not many women in Miami are interested in that kind of thing."

"I'm from Louisiana, originally," Calleigh shrugged, continuing the conversation. "Pretty much everyone loves guns over there."

Dr. Chandler chuckled lightly as Calleigh's eyes traveled to the timer on the desk; barely five minutes had passed.

"Tell me about your home life. Do you and Eric have any children?" she asked.

Calleigh's breath became lodged in her throat and pain shot through her as she hung her head. "I, um," she said to the ground. "I have a severe case of endometriosis. I...I'm infertile."

Calleigh hadn't spoken to anyone about the diagnosis in months and she had forgotten how hard it was to talk about it.

"When did you find this out?" the doctor questioned, her voice soft and kind.

"A few months back," Calleigh managed to choke out, studying the pattern of the gray and blue carpet as to not meet the eyes of the psychologist. "After we, um…after trying to get…get pregnant for a few years." It was a single statement, but Calleigh found herself struggling to muster each word to complete the sentence; never in her wildest dreams did she imagine it would be this hard.

"That must have been difficult for you," Dr. Chandler inferred, sympathetically.

Calleigh didn't respond, the agony from the day she received the diagnosis—the day she had allowed herself to block from her memory—came back to her in a miserable flash and she wanted more than anything to return home to the comfort of her bed.

"And the doctors can't do anything?"

Calleigh shook her head, yet to look back up. She tried to hold herself together as she took a deep breath before talking, her voice thickening. "He said that treatments are lengthy and I would have more than likely started menopause before they could start taking affect."

"Do you think this has had a hand in your depression?"

Calleigh closed her eyes and nodded, admitting this fact to herself for the first time.

Dr. Chandler could see the patient in front of her was attempting to hold herself together—Calleigh's body language and inability to meet her eye told her that much—and that Calleigh was probably revealing information to her now she had been harboring for God only knows how long. This infertility was clearly a heavy subject for Calleigh and one they would have to thoroughly discuss in the future, but she wouldn't make her tell the whole story today; this was Calleigh's first session after all and she had feel comfortable revealing certain information at her own pace.

"How about work?" Dr. Chandler asked, slightly swaying away from the subject of infertility. "Have you been going lately?"

Calleigh shook her head; this was one of the facts in which she was most ashamed. _Nothing _had ever stood between Calleigh and her job, a fact well known throughout PD, yet here she was unable to remember the last time she had gone to work.

"Are you close with your colleagues?" asked Dr. Chandler; Calleigh nodded. "Do they know about your situation?"

"No," she whispered. "I haven't seen most of them in a while."

Dr. Chandler nodded as Calleigh's mind became engulfed in the faces of her friends, of Horatio, Ryan, Natalia and Frank and how she hadn't bothered to make contact with any of them as of later. How much had changed with them since she'd been gone? Was there something new happening with Kyle that Horatio may have told them about? Had anything life altering occurred in Natalia or Ryan's life? What about Frank, Valera or Travers? She really had been detached from the world…from the people that mattered.

"Depression normally does manifest itself in ways such as detachment. Some drown themselves in work, some can't get out of bed, some become anxious and angry 24/7 and some have combinations, depending on the individual. How else does yours show itself?"

"I normally stay in bed the majority of the day and I sometimes get angry…sometimes about irrational things," Calleigh sighed, talking to herself more than to Dr. Chandler. She was thinking about Eric again, about all the times he reached out to help her and she would always take offense, shutting him out due to his want to comfort her.

"Do you want to be in bed right now?"

Calleigh shook her head and it caused the doctor to ask. "Why?"

She took a deep breath, took a peppermint from the bowl and held it delicately in between her fingers, staring at it as she spoke. "During the last week, I noticed that when I'm out of bed and working around the house, I realize staying in bed was unhealthy. But if I'm in bed, I just don't care."

"That must make the mornings difficult," Dr. Chandler commented.

Calleigh nodded as she unwrapped the peppermint before popping it into her mouth.

"How many the mornings in the last week did you get up?" Dr. Chandler asked.

Calleigh, looking back, was very much ashamed of the answer. She swished the peppermint to the side of her cheek before sighing, "Three."

Dr. Chandler nodded thoughtfully as Calleigh bit down on the mint. "And what were those three days out of bed like?"

Calleigh laughed, darkly. "Just as miserable, I just didn't feel guilty for staying in bed the whole day."

"Does your depression reveal itself in any other way?" she asked.

"Um…" Calleigh thought for a moment. "I've not called friends or family in the longest time…. I've lost interest in my job, in hobbies and getting out of my house. I just stay in bed and sometimes get up to clean either my guns or the house."

"Okay," Dr. Chandler nodded before leaning over slightly, looking Calleigh directly. "Now, Calleigh, I'm going to ask you something and I need you to answer me honestly, okay?"

"Okay," Calleigh said, she had a feeling she knew the question the psychologist was about to ask.

"Have you ever wanted to cause any physical harm to yourself?" Dr. Chandler asked, her voice professional and level, however there was a hint of intensity which implored the question to be answered.

"No," Calleigh replied, truthfully.

"Have you had any suicidal thoughts, even in the slightest?"

"No," she repeated with just as much honesty as before.

Dr. Chandler seemed to believe Calleigh, for she pressed on with the session. She asked Calleigh about any abnormal sleeping and/or eating patterns she had developed, she asked how long Calleigh had had negative emotions and how her energy levels had changed before she asked her more questions about her background. Calleigh told Dr. Chandler about her father's alcoholism and his divorce from her mother, however she gave vague details and neglected to mention the numbness of her mom; she couldn't allow all of her skeletons out of her closet at once, not now. Dr. Chandler also asked about any hard experiences she had endured at work and it sent Calleigh's mind reeling with hardships in her past. From Speedle's death, John's suicide, the kidnapping, the hospitalizations and anything that had occurred with Eric. Once again, Calleigh couldn't find it within herself to offer too much detail and didn't deliver the whole tale behind each.

Dr. Chandler raised her eyebrows in surprise at some of the experiences Calleigh spoke of.

"You seem like a magnet for trouble," she commented.

Calleigh chuckled in agreement, eyes traveling over to the digital timer; there was only eleven minutes and twenty six seconds remaining in the session.

"Speaking of your husband," Dr. Chandler said after Calleigh briefly told her about when Eric got shot. "How about your marriage, has anything changed?"

Calleigh throat swelled with emotion at that question and she felt her lips uncontrollably begin to tremble. She bit down on her lip to cease the movement and to collect herself. Eric had been the main source of all her guilt; the guilt she felt for first not being able to give him a child and now the knowledge that she had forced him to watch her deteriorate before his eyes; Calleigh still would look at him every now and then to feel that stabbing pain the guilt bestowed on her.

"We still love each other….I just have been shutting him out and somehow he's been able to put up with it," Calleigh said, her voice cracking on the last part; she took a deep breath to collect herself before daring to continue. "But I can't help it. There are days I can hardly look at him."

"Why do you feel that way?"

"Because…." Calleigh blinked her eyes repetitively to prevent any tears from forming, causing her eyes to lightly sting. "Because he's always wanted a house full of kids."

"And you feel as though you are depriving him of that?" she inferred; Calleigh nodded. "Has he said anything to you about that?"

"He always says that he's fine and we'll figure something else out. But he's always wanted to be a dad and because of me he won't have that," she sighed, unable to stop her heart from tearing itself apart.

"Calleigh, it's not your fault," Dr. Chandler said, comfortingly.

"No, but it is my body," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "And with the infertility and this…this depression, I feel like I just keep letting him down."

By this point, Calleigh noticed her hands were shaking with emotion. She balled them into fists, crossing her arms in front of her as she leaned back into the couch.

"How do you feel being depressed has let him down?"

Calleigh heavily exhaled, reaching up to tuck in a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "He thinks I'm this strong person who can handle anything and I used to be able to…but now I've…." Calleigh didn't know how to explain how she felt, there weren't enough words that could spell out her emotions or how guilty she felt.

But Dr. Chandler seemed to understand. "Calleigh, just because you were hurt and you slipped into depression doesn't mean you're not strong."

Calleigh scoffed. "I don't feel very strong right now."

"Well," she sighed. "I guess that's something we can work towards. But tell me, does Eric act as though he's disappointed by your depression?"

"No," Calleigh shook her head.

"So, do you feel like you let _him _down, or do you feel like you let yourself down? Because it seems to me you have been putting too much pressure on yourself," Dr. Chandler stated.

"How do you figure?"

"Well, your job seems very demanding. You've been through a lot with your family, friends, your health and your husband. And it from where I'm standing it seems that you want to smile and march on, not allowing yourself to deal with it. And endometriosis is painful, life-altering news; especially when you wanted a child so badly. Maybe that was the straw that broke the camel's back and all of it caught up with you," she explained, keeping her tone friendly.

Calleigh wasn't sure how to respond to that. There had been so much truth that single statement; a bit too much truth and something within Calleigh told her that Dr. Chandler was right. Maybe she had been putting a lot of pressure on herself, to be the indestructible Calleigh Duquesne and never give into pain, sadness or fear. She put pressure on herself to give herself and Eric a baby and to just muddle through any pain that was handed to her because that's all she knew…never stopping to allow herself to hurt, for it was sometimes easier to forget her pain than it was to actually deal with it; now she was paying the price.

"But back to Eric for a moment; is it safe to assume you lost interest in sex?" Dr. Chandler asked.

"Yes," Calleigh nodded, her voice thick from the emotion that had welled up within her, only now noticing somewhere between the beginning of their conversation and now that Dr. Chandler had resumed to taking notes on her clipboard; Calleigh couldn't even remember her picking it back up from her desk.

The questions kept coming and the numbers on the timer dwindled until the last few seconds ran out and the beeping began, alerting them time was up. Dr. Chandler hit the reset button and turned back to Calleigh.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Chandler inquired.

"Okay, I guess," Calleigh sighed with a light shrug.

She gave Calleigh a comforting smile. "I know this is difficult, but it'll be worth it in the long run."

Calleigh hadn't really thought about the future as of late, too fixated on the pain she had been enduring in the present, and it was odd to think that in the future things could be different, that things could improve.

"Until then," Dr. Chandler continued. "Try setting certain goals for yourself each day. Start off small and work your way up. If you were to set a short term goal for yourself, what would it be?"

"Um…" Calleigh mused. "To get out of bed at a suitable hour each day."

"See, that's good," Dr. Chandler grinned, jotting something down. "And long term?"

That question was easier to answer. "To return to work," she said, instantly.

"Okay. We can just work towards those a little at a time. Also, I would like to, if impossible, have Eric come in with you. Just so I can get his perspective. Would you be comfortable with that?"

Calleigh nodded, though her stomach twisted itself into a series of knots at the idea. Dr. Chandler nodded as she turned in her chair to open her drawer and pull out a prescription pad; Calleigh sighed when Dr. Chandler began to fill it out.

"That bad, huh?" she asked.

Dr. Chandler gave her a comforting smile. "By my observation, you are clinically depressed; these in hand with therapy should make managing your condition easier."

"Should," Calleigh repeated. "I guess getting better is easier said than done."

"I'm afraid so," she nodded. "But if we work, you keep talking and take this medicine, things can get much better."

The doctor tore out the sheet and gave it to Calleigh. "This is for Zoloft, an anti-depressant that you can take once a day."

Calleigh stared at the prescription, never once thinking in her life she would be holding this piece of paper in her hand.

"Am I going to be on these forever?" she asked.

"Depends on how everything goes," Dr. Chandler replied; Calleigh nodded. "I'd like to start seeing you twice a week and if you have any questions or problems, just give me a call," she said, handing Calleigh her card.

_Here we go, _Calleigh thought as she took the card from her doctor's hand.

* * *

Calleigh leaned back against the headboard that night, arms crossed over her chest and looking at the bottle of meds on her nightstand, her mind replaying her therapy session over and over. Calleigh had thought when she made the appointment she would feel some form of relief after she left Dr. Chandlers office or at least something would make sense; instead she was left with her mind in an utter scramble and too many emotions arising within her.

"It'll get easier," Eric said after she confided in him, after a bit of coaxing on his part. "And slowly things will get better."

There was so much confidence in his voice as he said this that Calleigh couldn't help but believe him, but the cloud that still remained over her head made it difficult to find comfort in his reassuring words.

"And I'm here, if you want to talk to me," he promised, resting a supportive hand on her thigh. He could feel her muscles tense up under his touch, but as the simple touch transformed into a caress, she relaxed.

"Why are you so patient with me?" Calleigh sighed, uncrossing her arms and letting them fall limp at her sides.

To Eric the answer was fairly obvious, but he smiled nonetheless, slid his hand over and wrapped his fingers around her hand.

"Because you're worth it," he whispered.

Calleigh opened her mouth to disagree but thought better of it and remained silent.

"Have you ever been…angry because of this—this depression." The word was difficult to escape her lips, but Calleigh had to accept it; she was clinically depressed. Eric rolled his lips, looking at their interlocked hands.

"I wouldn't blame you if you were," Calleigh assured him.

"I haven't been angry, exactly. I sometimes get frustrated because I feel like I can't do anything," Eric sighed. "And that's scary."

Calleigh's eyes rested on the sheets of the bed, the throbbing pain in her heart and the haze of her mind didn't ease at his words. A single droplet of water fell from her eye and lightly smudged the sheets.

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "I'm sorry for putting us through this."

Eric shook his head and pulled her into him. He felt her arms snake around his torso and her forehead rest against his chest.

"Calleigh, don't do that to yourself, okay," he whispered, voice wavering. "This is out of your control."

Calleigh felt his palm slowly run up and down her spine. She had forgotten how good this felt, to be held and comforted like this by Eric and to hold him in her own arms. She had forgotten how peaceful and just how amazingly perfect it felt to be this close to someone she loved. How had she lasted so long without this?

"I want to get better," she said, shifting slightly so she was lying with her head against his chest.

Eric put his lips to the top of her head, there wasn't a doubt in his mind that she would succeed in doing just that.


	16. A Fresh Start with Open Scars

Thanks for the reviews and a special thanks to lovely **ladyd10 **for her help when I was in a sticky situation in this fic. Thanks chica!

* * *

Chapter 16

A Fresh Start with Open Scars

_Three months later…_

Things did get better…with time. And things continued to get better; they just tackled each day one-by-one. Calleigh eventually returned to work and was putting in full time, everyone buying the story that she was depressed due to the loss of someone she was extremely close to, while the true reason she preferred to keep secret from her friends and colleagues. The first day back had been difficult, but not because her emotions had once again painted her into a corner. The looks of shock and mild amazement many in the lab gave her made Calleigh feel as though everyone around her viewed her as a stranger, despite the fact she had been a major part of CSI: Miami since it began and everyone was aware of that. Calleigh pressed through her day, despite the glances she received from her colleagues—well, most of her colleagues. After the initial reaction of surprise when Calleigh stepped into the locker room that first morning, Ryan, Natalia and Frank didn't comment on her sudden reappearance, they merely went about the workday as though nothing had ever changed and that Calleigh greatly appreciated.

The only member of the team who did briefly mention her return was Horatio. She was in the Firearm lab (which she had greatly anticipated returning to) after test firing a .22 caliber pistol they had hoped would be their murder weapon; unfortunately, that wasn't the case. But the look on Horatio's face wasn't as disappointed as she had expected it to be, instead he merely nodded and said, "Thank you, ma'am." He began to exit the lab, walking passed Calleigh in the process, but he paused behind her.

"We missed you here," he whispered. "Glad you're back." Horatio left without another word, but Calleigh found herself smiling.

"Glad to be back," she said aloud.

But nights were the one of the more difficult parts of the day, her mind would be given too much time to wander and she would be forced to remember everything that had made her this way to begin with. But she had gotten better and better at blocking out the dark thoughts until she would be able to sink into sleep without having to think about the curse that had plagued her mind, body and soul. However, there were nights when her walls against those thoughts wouldn't be enough. The day would usually be long and a therapy session would probably be piggybacked onto the already hard day. Those nights were when Calleigh's mind would start being consumed by pain again and tears would roll down her face, tears clearly visible to Eric. She no longer denied his comfort and love whenever the tears did come, instead she allowed herself to be taken within his arms and let her head lay against his chest. He held her long after her tears stopped and didn't let her go until the morning light.

The therapy was probably the hardest part of the whole ordeal. After the first session she gradually became comfortable with the idea of not holding back in therapy and with that came discussing more pain. And, as decided, sometimes Dr. Chandler would speak to her alone and on the odd occasion Calleigh _and_ Eric would go in. Calleigh remembered a particularly hard session when Eric had come in with her. Dr. Chandler asked Calleigh how she felt her infertility and her depression had affected her relationship with others.

"_My depression has extremely affected my relationship with my friends and my family," she began. "But…"_

_No one urged her to keep going, giving Calleigh her own time to continue; she may have become better at opening up to her therapist, but there were still some issues she couldn't discuss with ease. _

_Calleigh took a deep breath and let it out, looking at her feet. "But my infertility _and_ depression…it's affected my relationship with Eric the most," she whispered. "I mean…we both wanted children so badly and…by not giving him that and then just…giving into the depression," Calleigh choked back tears. "I feel like I've let him down."_

_Calleigh felt Eric take her hand and wrap his other arm around her shoulder. He put his lips to her hair as she leaned against his shoulder, both forgetting that they were sitting in front of Dr. Chandler._

_"You have _never _let me down," he whispered into her hair. _

_At his words, Calleigh's eyes filled with tears and intertwined her fingers through his; he had kept his promise, he was still here for her._

_"But I feel like I did," she sighed. "I can't give you anyth-."_

_"You have given me everything," Eric gently cut across her._

_Calleigh still found herself arguing that point, she had difficulty most days finding what she had given him, while what he gave her was obvious. He gave her love, comfort, support and, despite all she had put him through, he still looked at her as though she were the only one holding him to this earth. When she confessed this—in not so many words—Eric leaned in closer and kept his voice down as to keep the moment private._

_"You have been my best friend for almost twenty years, Cal. Do you have any idea how happy you've made me in that time?" he asked. "Being here for you now is the least I can do."_

_Calleigh lightly laughed and shook her head, a few tears now spilling over. Calleigh reached up to whip them away with the back of her hand as she cleared her suddenly dry throat. _

Calleigh had no idea Eric could be this understanding and supportive, but she knew none of this was easy for him, making her feel worse. She always felt as though there was some other woman beyond the wall's of their home that could give everything she wasn't able to give right now; a baby, happiness, peaceful nights, sex.

Calleigh's therapist had said that she would lose interest in making love for awhile, especially under the circumstances that pushed Calleigh into depression, but that didn't ease her guilt. But guilt was one of the many issues she worked on, learning how she can't keep taking all the guilt and thrust it upon herself.

Each day was a process, an effort, but it was worth it if she could get out of bed, look at her husband and was slowly able to rebuild her life.

The alarm rang as Calleigh was pulled out of yet another dreamless night. Eric hit the alarm as she reluctantly opened her eyes and rolled over to look at Eric, his arms still around her.

"Good morning," she whispered, a light smile on her lips.

Eric smiled back at her, glad to see she was wearing one. Though the smile wasn't quite touching her eyes, it was still genuine. It wasn't long ago it was Eric greeting her when she awoke in the morning and she wouldn't smile nor reply. The smile and her use of the phrase 'good morning' was enough to make Eric's day. He gently cupped Calleigh's chin and put his lips to hers, she lightly returned his kiss.

"It is now," Eric whispered to her.

Calleigh chuckled and didn't protest as he leaned in to kiss her again. "I'm going to make coffee," she grinned, getting out of bed and sliding into her slippers before heading towards the door.

Calleigh didn't look at the empty room across from theirs as she left their bedroom; she hadn't in weeks. Calleigh had always said that room had only had one purpose and that was the purpose it would always serve, even if it were never fulfilled. She wasn't quite ready to totally think about the possibility of adoption yet, but she was certain one day, one agency, one judge, one mother, would trust Eric and her to give a baby a home. However that was for later, still another year or so away before becoming possibility.

On her way to the kitchen, she made a quick detour to the bathroom, pulling open the medicine cabinet and pulling out the prescription bottle of anti-depressants. She filled the glass by the sink with water before unscrewing the lid and tipping the container for one blue-green pill to slide out onto her palm. She stared at it for a moment, taking a second to once again wonder how life had been so seemingly good one day and then all go to hell the next. But she didn't allow herself to linger on that thought for long and placed the Zoloft on her tongue before taking a drink of water and lightly tossing her head back to swallow; now she was prepared to face the day.

* * *

Work had once again become a place of sanctuary, for she could wholly invest herself in and Calleigh now found herself unable to believe she had been able to stay away for so long.

After a morning of test-firing weapons, dusting a few casings for latent prints and successfully identifying their Jane Doe, Calleigh now sat in the break room, eating celery sticks on her break while she wrote in a spiral notebook she had thought to grab before she left the house. There would be times Dr. Chandler would ask Calleigh to do certain tasks or exercises while outside of therapy, such as writing lists of ways to improve life day-by-day or writing out all her frustrations in a letter to herself. Yesterday, she had been assigned to record her typical twenty-four hour routine, summarizing each hours with various information from emotions she felt and the cause for those feelings. For this twelve to one PM block, Calleigh wrote she had felt happiness when her friend (Ryan) made a comment that came across to her as funny, she later felt relief to learn two of her other friends (Horatio and Natalia) weren't harmed when a suspect opened fire on them during his arrest and how she had felt frustration when a lead in the case ran dry.

As she sat recording the details of the last hour, Eric stepped into the break room to see her scribbling hurriedly across the page.

"How're you doing?" he asked.

"Good," she grinned, taking another bite of her celery stick. "Just finishing this up for my next appointment."

Eric smiled; Calleigh was slowly becoming more open about her depression and that she was getting help for it, as opposed to when at first she could barely mention it. Whenever Eric would look at her, his heart would always leap to see her getting better—to see her happy, or at least in a better place than she was.

"Did we get something new for the case?" she asked.

"Not exactly, H and Frank are still interrogating our suspect," Eric said, coming to take a seat beside her on the couch.

"So what's up?"

Then one of those smiles that always made Calleigh's heart freeze in mid-beat spread across his face and his eyes lit up in a medley of excitement and mild uncertainty.

"When was the last time we went on a date?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"A very long time," Calleigh grinned, closing her notebook.

"Well, are you up to one tonight?" He asked the question almost hesitantly, they really hadn't done anything together in the longest time and he prayed that suggesting they go someplace together wouldn't bring a negative effect. Eric only asked now because he felt she was in a good enough place, but there was always the typical "what if" in the back of his head that held fear of tipping the scale they only just got balanced.

However, his mind was put at ease when Calleigh turned towards him with her eyes narrowed playfully in suspicion. "What did you have in mind?"

"Something simple," Eric shrugged a shoulder. "Maybe we can go see a movie or something?"

Calleigh grinned. The last time herself and Eric had been on that type of date, she vaguely remembered how happy they had been to be somewhere and doing something so enjoyable and uncomplicated; the exact same simplicity she craved now.

"That sounds great," Calleigh said, smiling broadly. "I'll meet you in the locker room after work?"

"Sounds good," he smiled before looking around to make sure no one was looking in their direction before leaning in to touch his lips to hers for a short, albeit sweet, moment. "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied, allowing that single kiss, but when he went to recapture her lips, Calleigh placed her index finger against them. "Not a work."

Eric playfully rolled his eyes and chuckled; that was just classic Calleigh, all business at work and romance would have to wait.

Yes, things were gradually getting better, but only in delicate balance and the slightest dilemma could throw them off their path.


	17. Taking Chances

Chapter 17

Taking Chances

One night as Eric worked over time, Calleigh reached up to turn off the knob and the sound of water hitting the tiled shower floor ceased. She reached out to grab her towel to wrap around her; the chill of cold air ran down her spine as she opened the shower door. As she stepped out of the shower, she caught a glimpse of herself in the slightly fogged mirror.

She wasn't sure if the water vapor on the glass was making her see things or if she had utterly lost her mind, but when she looked at herself with wet hair and a towel wrapped around her, she almost felt…pretty. More than that, she felt good. She felt as though she were back to about three years ago, when life was uncomplicated and simple. The times when she would get out of the shower before work, be brushing out her hair and Eric would come behind her and would begin to dot kisses along her neck; slowing down the process of getting ready for work, however making her morning more enjoyable.

Calleigh had missed that version of herself, the kind who felt as though she could take on the world, do anything and feel unstoppable. The kind whose life was very much devoid of so much pain, who didn't have to find it a struggle to get out of bed some mornings and who would be able to handle all those playful, romantic moments with her husband; tonight, she felt was the perfect opportunity to recapture some of that romance.

Dr. Chandler had said that Calleigh wouldn't feel the need to become sexually active again for some time and, thus far, she had been right. Over the last several years, sex had been more about attempting to make a baby more than the two sharing intimate moments and loving one another. But not tonight; tonight was going to be about the two of them or she was going to die trying.

Knowing she only had about half an hour before Eric came home, she rushed to make herself look as attractive as possible. She blow-dried her hair and ran a brush through it until it was silky and smooth before proceeding to her bedroom and opening one of the drawers, digging out from the bottom something Valera had given her at her bridal shower all those years ago. The night dress was black and backless with spaghetti straps, not to mention extremely short in length. When she pulled it, the material perfectly complimented her curves and landed well above the knee and brushed against her upper thigh.

Calleigh looked at herself in the mirror on the vanity and smiled a small smile. She hadn't felt this good in the longest time and she had the inkling she was about to feel even better. She heard the sound of a car pull up in the driveway and she began to lightly tease her hair with her fingers after she pulled on her nearby robe. The sound of keys turned in the lock and the door opened, Calleigh's breath stilled for just a moment as she heard the clanking of keys against the table where Eric would have put them down.

"Cal?" Eric called out.

"Bedroom," she replied, her heart suddenly quickening in pace. She stepped out into the hall as he approached their bedroom door. "Hey," she grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck. "How was overtime?"

"Long," he sighed, placing his hands on her hips. "How're you doing?"

Calleigh shrugged a shoulder. "Fine," she smiled. "Just fine."

She stretched up to put her lips to Eric's, starting off soft and normal, leaving him unaware of intentions. Calleigh back out of the kiss to twine her fingers through his and led him into their bedroom. He was smiling, though only to see her in such a good mood and oblivious to her purpose. Calleigh again rose to her tip-toes to press her lips against his, this time his lips froze in surprise as Calleigh began to untie the belt of her robe.

"Calleigh, what are you-?"

"Take a wild guess," she whispered, seductively, as she shrugged out of the robe and allowed it to fall into a mess on the floor.

Calleigh snaked her arms around Eric's neck, stretching up to kiss him once again. He hesitantly put his hands on her waist as he kissed her back. Calleigh realized he was probably unsure she was ready for this, but Calleigh knew she was, despite the slight nerves that began appearing. She tugged on his bottom lip as she slid her hands down the collar of his white dress shirt and undid one of the buttons.

"Calleigh," Eric mumbled against her lips. "Are you sure you-?"

"Hey," she cut across him as she parted her lips. "I know what I'm doing."

By this point, Eric wasn't sure which would be a greater risk: refusing to make love to her or giving in to her. But his will power to resist was already waning, especially with that dress and the contagious smile on her face, plus the fire in her eyes he hadn't seen in ages—it was all simply addictive. They hadn't been intimate with one another for so long that Eric hadn't even thought about how he would feel the first time the opportunity was available for them to make love once again, but right now he was confused and worried and yet at the same time felt as small tinge of excitement.

_But is Calleigh really ready for this?_ He thought as she finished unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders.

"Babe-."

"Shh," she whispered before kissing him forcefully as she placed her hands on his broad shoulders and guided him to sit on the foot of the bed. Her hands cupped around his neck as her lips moved with his and her tongue delicately brushed against his lower lip. Her heart was racing and something in the back of her mind was confused, spinning; probably from feeling like a stranger to these touches and emotions. She focused on the excitement of the moment as Eric wrapped an arm around her middle and pulled her to the center of the bed as he simultaneously removed his jeans. Smiling that Eric finally seemed convinced that she was fine, Calleigh grabbed the hem of his undershirt and slowly peeled it off of him.

Her hands ran over his muscular torso, his body warm under her fingertips. She put her lips to his chest and began to dot tender kisses against its planes while Eric's hands softly caressed her body and ran his fingers through the strawberry scented hair that drove his senses wild. Calleigh's lips now kissed his collarbone and her neck was close enough to kiss. He laid a pair of lips against her pulse point, hearing her release a shaking breath at the action. Eric withdrew his lips and was about to ask his classic question as to whether or not she was fine, but Calleigh stopped him before he ever had the chance. Straddling Eric's waist, Calleigh slid the thin straps of her dress off her shoulders and let the remaining material slither off of her, leaving her body bare in front of him.

Calleigh's mind was becoming more confused by the millisecond; however she wasn't going to let that minor detail stop her. Calleigh's hands once again began to explore his torso, his muscles trembling under the feather-light touch of her fingertips, as she leaned back down to grace his lips with another kiss. Eric's mouth parted against hers, giving Calleigh's tongue better access to explore his mouth. Eric's hand gently cupped around her breast, his touch red-hot and her breath wavered as his thumb brushed over her nipple.

Calleigh's hands grasped his hips with her hands and turned them over, leaving Calleigh leaning against the pillows, Eric's warm palm still tenderly caressing her breast as he leaned in and pressed his lips to her sternum, careful not to put any weight on her. The adrenaline was pumping through Calleigh furiously, strong enough to make her already hazy mind spin; something within her was screaming to back out of this before it went any further, but Calleigh ignored it as she slid Eric's boxers down his legs.

* * *

Calleigh had expected to awaken the following morning to some form of joy and comfortable to be wrapped in Eric's arms, but instead she was wrapped in her own miserable darkness. This feeling was awful, she was lost and confused; none of the emotions running through her were simple. Those little feelings she had last night weren't due to adrenaline or the fact she hadn't had sex in a while, but rather her body telling her to back off, telling her to quit before she was in too deep.

Calleigh felt Eric's arms tighten around her, she squeezed her eyes closed, trying to find composure. He felt his fingers run down the length of her hair and once passed the ends of the strands, his fingertips ran over the skin of her back and slid them across her stomach until his whole arm wrapped around her waist until she was right against him; each second was torture for Calleigh as she opened her eyes.

"How're you feeling?" he asked.

Calleigh took in a slightly shaky breath before attempting to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Fine," she said and it almost sounded convincing; almost being the operative word. Eric leaned over to look at her as she rolled onto her back to glance at him, but regretted it instantly. Uncontrollable tears automatically stung her eyes and Eric's face quickly turned serious.

"Calleigh?" he asked, his voice now heavily concerned.

"I'm sorry, I-." She didn't know what to say, all she did know was that she needed to get her mind straight, thus she grabbed her robe and pulled it on before leaving the room in a stressed manner and heading down the hall to the bathroom.

Eric's worry levels by this point had definitely intensified and he pulled on his boxers and his undershirt before heading towards the bathroom himself. He lightly knocked on the door and when he didn't get a response, he gave the handle a twist, but the door was locked.

"Cal? Calleigh, please let me in." Still she didn't respond, Eric only heard the sound of the water from the sink running briefly before shutting off.

"Babe, it's okay," he assured her.

Eric heard the sound of a glass be placed on the side of the sink, followed by a click to signal the door was being unlocked and then the handle slowly turned and Calleigh pulled the door open. She stood in the doorway, her eyes glistening with tears and her nose turning slightly red in comparison to her pale skin. There weren't tear stains trailing her cheeks, leading Eric to believe she was doing everything to keep the tears from escaping.

Eric desperately wanted to take her in his arms, but under the current circumstances he wasn't sure that was entirely wise. Testing the waters, Eric took a step towards her and, to his relief, Calleigh copied his action and let her head fall against his chest. Consumed by instinct, Eric wrapped his arms around her, fingers tangling in her hair in one hand while his other hugged her waist.

He didn't push her to talk, held her until she exhaled a wavering breath and began to speak.

"I thought I was ready, but….I'm sorry," she breathed.

"Don't be sorry, Cal," he whispered, lips touching the top of her head.

"I just feel so…stupid," Calleigh admitted with a heavy sigh as she leaned out of Eric's chest. "I should have known that I wasn't…." She trailed off and ran a pair of frustrated hands through her hair. Calleigh wasn't sure if she was being rational or if she was over reacting, but her mind had become scrambled and making Eric watch another one of her issues manifest itself wouldn't be fair. She could see he was racking his brain for words of comfort to give her, however Eric couldn't know the answer for every situation—he wasn't _that _good—and Calleigh didn't want him stressing about comforting her, especially when she knew she was going to be fine once she stopped thinking about the situation.

"We're going to be late," Calleigh finally said, walking passed Eric and back down the hall towards the bedroom. She could feel Eric's worried eyes following her and could sense his distress, thus she turned around to give him a slightly strained smile she had intended to be reassuring. "I'm fine," she promised.

The doubt was painted clearly on Eric's face; however he did nod in acceptance before watching her proceed back to the bedroom.

* * *

I will update again before the week is out, I promise.


	18. Against All Odds

Warning: This will have continue to have angst, more sad moments as well as happy moments, so if you can't take the angst, stay out of the fanfiction (ha, my buddy made that one up and I love it;))

* * *

Chapter 18

Against All Odds

The weeks dragged by and Calleigh didn't speak to Eric about their sexual misadventure, in fact she only brought it up once to Dr. Chandler who assured her that testing boundaries and experimenting at which pace to travel was natural for what she was going through and part of the process.

"Unfortunately, it won't always be easy and it'll hurt every now and then," Dr. Chandler said. "You'll just have to keep getting back up."

Luckily, getting back up was a skill Calleigh had pretty well mastered and it wasn't long until Calleigh was marching on once again. She began to take up running again twice a day, once in the morning before work and then again when she returned home. Running simply fit into her routine and the exercise was probably the best possible distraction she could have had from any unpleasant thoughts that could have potentially harbored in her mind. With her iPod in hand and a pair of Nikes on her feet, running had practically become her new religion and seldom was her routine involving running broken.

Unfortunately, the cycle was broken today for her body had turned against her so that she didn't want to stand, let alone run. Practically second Calleigh arrived home from work, she plopped down onto the couch in old sweats and Eric's college hoodie, hands caressing her lower stomach. She had been experiencing these painful cramps the majority of the day and, no matter what position she was in, they didn't ease. She supposed it was just her endometriosis acting up, this was one of the symptoms and probably the reason her periods had gone from bad to worse as she aged, as the endometriosis spread.

Calleigh closed her eyes and nestled deeper into the couch cushions. She heard the door leading into the garage open—Eric had been fixing his broken down car—she heard the refrigerator door opening and closing before the sound of footsteps approached the sofa. Calleigh opened her eyes to see Eric leaning over the back of her couch, giving her a light grin, a can of soda in one of his hands.

"How's the car coming?" she asked.

"Good." He was wearing his half-smile that Calleigh couldn't resist smiling back at, despite how uncomfortable she was. "Are you feeling okay?" He sounded concerned; she must have looked as bad as she felt.

"Yeah," she assured him. "It's just," she gave him a look, "woman problems."

Eric nodded, having been married long enough to understand when he should just let that issue rest, simply replied, "Okay, 'nough said."

Calleigh chuckled and reached up to take his hand, bringing it to her lips to kiss his palm.

"Quit worrying about me. You've got a car to fix." Calleigh gave him a playful wink as she said this before releasing his hand.

Eric chuckled. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

She nodded, not admitting the only thing she needed at this moment was sleep as Eric headed back to the garage. But with these cramps, sleeping wasn't going to be an easy task. She rolled to her side and curled into a fetal position, flipping the television on to an episode of _NCIS _to distract herself from the ache her body was giving her.

* * *

Eric found himself feeling triumphant at the successful repair of his car as he stepped back inside the house later in the evening. In the living room, he saw Calleigh fast asleep on the couch as the credits of the show she had been watching began to roll. He couldn't resist smiling at her sleeping form; she looked so unbelievably peaceful with her head laying on her hand and one arm tucked under her. He took the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over her sleeping form. Subconsciously, Calleigh wrapped the material tighter around her, sighing contently as she slept. Chuckling soundlessly at the sight, Eric gently stroked the golden locks of her hair and kissed her forehead, just light enough for her not to be disturbed.

"I love you," he whispered to her sleeping body before straightening up to head back towards the kitchen. Eric began to prepare dinner for the two; now that he thought about it, this was the first time he made dinner for them in a while. Calleigh had been making it her mission it seemed to cook every night since she began making progress in her recovery. Normally this consisted of recipes—new and old—Calleigh would attempt to perfect, a task in which she more often than none succeeded in. Whenever Eric dared to offer his assistance, he would usually be met with an "I've got it" from Calleigh and if he tried again, she would narrow her eyes at him, playfully, and say, "Go away." However, if he just stood by her and talked as she cooked, Calleigh wouldn't make him leave the kitchen and sometimes allow him to assist her. But now he stood in silence, save for the murmurs of the television characters in the other room, and cooked the spaghetti single handedly as Calleigh continued to sleep on the couch. Her mind traveled through a dreamless sleep, free of stress or ache of the physical or emotional situation; she slept soundly until the scent of food being prepared began to circulate around the household and beckoned her to awaken, her stomach growling.

Eric had just finished the spaghetti when he heard the soft steps of bare feet walking towards him. He turned to see Calleigh with a light grin on her face and heavy eyelids as she tiredly came up to him, wrapping one of her arms around his waist.

"Have I ever mentioned how happy I am that I have a husband who knows how to cook?" Calleigh asked. "Because I am."

Eric chortled at the compliment as he served the noodles onto one of the plates before handing it to Calleigh, who took it gratefully and proceeded to put the vegetable filled sauce on top.

They sat at the dining room table beside one another and began to eat their dinner, Eric occasionally glancing over at Calleigh, half certain she was going to fall asleep right on the spot. Her eyelids were drooping slightly and she wasn't in a very talkative mood.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked with the same amount of concern as earlier.

"Yeah, I'm just tired," she assured him, twisting her fork to collect some pasta.

"Still?" he lightly teased.

Calleigh laughed and nodded. "I know, it's awful."

"It's all those early mornings and constant running catching up with you," Eric said.

"Yeah, the price I pay for trying to be fit," she sighed, playfully, as she put the forkful spaghetti into her mouth. "This is really good, by the way," she commented after swallowing.

"Thanks," he smiled, pleased to hear she was enjoying the meal.

The sound of forks against the china plates was the only form of conversation that brewed until Calleigh unthinkingly spoke something that had been lingering in the back of her mind for the last week.

"You know, I was thinking the other day after my appointment with Dr. Chandler," she said. "And I realized something."

"What's that?" Eric asked.

Calleigh grinned a little. "About how much better everything seems to be now. You know, compared to before. I'm just a lot happier."

Eric couldn't help but smile widely as she said those words; it did his heart good for her to admit she was in a better place. He went to say this aloud when the sound of his cell phone rung through the evening air, much to his annoyance.

"Uh-oh, work," Calleigh chuckled; she didn't need to wait for Eric to answer his phone to know this call was related to an occurrence at CSI.

"Yeah," Eric said, briefly glancing at the caller ID before answering. "What's up, Wolfe?...Yeah….Yeah, okay." He then rolled his eyes in a typical manner and let out a lightly frustrated sigh. "I'll be right there."

Eric ended the call and smiled apologetically at Calleigh. Eric was devoted to his job and helping people who lost a loved one did give him satisfaction in his life, but there were times when work would step in during moments like these when they were connecting (or about to connect) with one another on a deeper level and ruin any chance of connection happening.

"Duty calls?" Calleigh assumed with a grin.

"Yeah," he nodded with a sigh. "A case Ryan and I were working on has just had our good friends the Feds get involved."

"Good luck," she said, empathetically; Federal Agents stepping onto an investigation practically always made for a bad day, or in this case a bad night.

"Thanks," he replied, though he was certain the luck wished would be in vain. He reached over to her, and tucked a lock of beautiful golden hair behind her ear as he adjusted his hand to cradle her face. "I'll see you later," he said, softly, before leaning in and pressing his lips to hers. "I love you."

"I love you," she echoed.

Eric put the remaining food on his plate into the refrigerator and grabbed his wallet and car keys as Calleigh ate alone at the table, suddenly feeling very alone. Calleigh wanted to tell Eric how it had been _him _who made her recovery possible, how he was her rock and how she seemed to have fallen more in love with him than she had already had, something she didn't realize was even possible. Calleigh wanted to tell him just how much she appreciated his love and support, despite all the sacrifices he willingly made. Though Calleigh knew Eric may have replied with a modest statement that would have gone along the lines of "she didn't have to thank him", Calleigh had wanted to tell him that anyway. Alas, she would have to wait.

She finished her dinner in silence, put away the leftovers and washed the dishes before dragging herself to the bedroom and lying on the quilts, not bothering change into some pajamas. Despite having already slept the majority of the evening, Calleigh found herself exhausted and full; making for the perfect recipe for sleep.

She rested her head against her pillow and closed her eyes, once again finding comfort in the realms of her subconscious. However, that peace was short-lived, for it felt as though a second after she closed her eyes the piercing sound of her alarm cruelly ripped her from her slumber.

* * *

Calleigh stepped into the woman's restroom that morning, digging out of her purse the back-up Zoloft she carried with her just in case she forgot to take one that morning, which had happened today as a result of the rush they had been in after falling asleep just after Calleigh had shut the alarm off, Eric still exhausted from the night case he had to work and Calleigh was still beat for no reason other than her body craved those last few moments of rest. They had managed to wake up just in time to hurriedly get to work and arriving before they could be classified as late. But the darting out of their house had resulted in letting a few things fall through the cracks and Calleigh dug the pill out of her purse the same time she heard a very angry Natalia.

"Stupid piece of junk!" she stated, heatedly, as she hit the side of the tampon dispenser on the wall; a piece of equipment Maintenance frequently neglected and left the women of PD without spare change and without certain hygiene products.

"And the battle continues," Calleigh sighed with a smile.

"What's the point of offering this when is doesn't work?" Natalia asked, gesturing to the dispenser.

"We're still women in a man's world, babe, sometimes our feminine needs are bound to be overlooked."

"Well, I over looked my date on my calendar and I'm left unprepared." Natalia turned to the wall and turned the knob again in vain.

Calleigh laughed light, empathizing for her friend, and pulled out a tampon from the bottom of her purse.

"Here," Calleigh said, handing it to Natalia.

"Thanks," Natalia said, gratefully, before disappearing into a stall.

Calleigh smiled, placing the Zoloft on her tongue before getting a handful of water to help her swallow.

"But what about you?" Natalia asked.

Calleigh threw her head back to help get the pill and water to go down her throat before replying. "What about me?"

"Well, we usually assault the dispenser at the same time," Natalia commented as she stepped out of the stall.

"Oh," Calleigh nodded in understanding. "Um…Mother Nature just hasn't been visiting lately."

Natalia froze for a moment at the news before pulling herself together and began to wash her hands. "So, you mean you're late?"

"Yeah," Calleigh said and Natalia was surprised by just how nonchalant Calleigh answered this. Being late normally set off a red flag in a woman's head as to the cause of menstrual delay.

Calleigh could hear the gears grinding in Natalia's head; she should have known their girl-talk would lead to this and she wanted to nip the assumptions Natalia was making in the bud.

"I'm not as young as I used to be," Calleigh shrugged; menopause was the only logical explanation Calleigh could develop and she was willing to accept it for what it was.

"Don't you think you're a bit young to be menopausal?" Natalia asked, turning the water off.

"Most of the women in my family are like that," she said, simply. "And you know better than anyone how DNA goes."

"True, but maybe you should take a test just in case you are-."

"No," Calleigh cut across her. "Because I'm not."

Natalia blinked in surprise at the sudden shift in Calleigh's tone. The hostility was very unlike Calleigh, especially for it to arise quickly and on a personal matter, and Natalia found herself slightly concerned for her friend.

"Is everything okay?" Natalia asked, drying her hands on a piece of paper towel.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just…." Calleigh trailed off, not allowing her mind to wander out of rationality and into aspects of false hope; she had accepted her fate months ago and she wasn't about to withdraw from that acceptance now. "I have a case to work on," she finally said before leaving the restroom, leaving a slightly worried Natalia in her tracks.


	19. Paranoia

Chapter 19

Paranoia

Calleigh was unable to meet Natalia's questioning eyes in the days to come, the thoughts on Natalia's face were all too apparent and Calleigh wasn't interested in having this conversation in fear of the memories it would arise and how she would have to relive the bitter truth about the infertility. Calleigh had rounded off all these "pregnancy symptoms" she was having to age, stress and side-effects of her anti-depressants, they were the only logical explanations and Calleigh's certainty of this not being a pregnancy never waned.

She attempted to continue with her normal routine and, despite her everlasting cramps, began running every day, twice a day. This evening she ran down a street, her feet hitting the pavement to a beat of a Bon Jovi song that rang clearly through her headphones. However, her stomach was doing a number on her, churning uneasily and felt as though it was repeatedly collapsing onto itself. Calleigh attempted to shrug it off at first, thinking it was caused by her excessive running and continued. But by the time she reached the end of the street, simply ignoring the pain in her stomach wasn't an option as a bout of nausea came over her. She stopped and leaned against the nearby telephone pole, pulling her iPod headphones out of her ears and wiping perspiration from her forehead. Calleigh took a deep breath through her nose, forcing herself not to vomit, not here on the street. The sound of her heart beat thudded noisily in her ears and a wave of vertigo washed over her. Calleigh closed her eyes and leaned her head against the telephone pole, praying the dizziness and nausea would ease; she really didn't want to have to call Eric to pick her up.

Calleigh waited until the thumping in her ears died down before daring to open her eyes once again. Her stomach was still twisting a bit uncomfortably, however it was tolerable. She was able to see straight and the nausea had slightly eased. Taking a light sip of the water from the bottle in her hand, Calleigh proceeded around the corner and walked, not taking the risk to run again, reminding herself she was only two blocks from her house.

Two blocks eventually became one, then one block dwindled to a street, then a few yards and then she was home.

Eric had been answering an e-mail on his laptop on the couch when he heard the door open and the sound of shoes being kicked off and placed in the hall closet.

"Hey, Cal," he greeted her.

"Hey," Calleigh replied before she came into view. Something in her voice was off to Eric; it wavered slightly as she spoke. When she stepped into the living room, Eric was surprised to see how livid her skin was, all blood seemed to drain from her face, despite the fact she had been running.

"Are you okay?" he asked as she came to take a seat beside him on the couch.

Calleigh nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You just look a bit pale, that's all."

"Well, don't worry, I'm fine," she assured him. "Except for the fact I've been sweating and I need to take a shower," she added, lightheartedly, as she got off the couch to head in the direction of the bathroom.

He could hear her feet lightly padding down the hallway in a steady, slow rhythm. But halfway down the hall he heard the footsteps quicken, almost as though she began sprinting down the hall.

"Cal?" he called out to her, confused by her sudden haste. Eric didn't receive a reply; instead he heard the door of the bathroom door being pushed out of the way followed by the gruesome sound of severe vomiting.

Eric closed his laptop and got to his feet and rushed to the bathroom. The door stood open and he could see Calleigh hunched over the toilet, vomiting violently into the bowl as she attempted to keep her hair out of the way of her mouth.

Eric came to stand behind her, gathering some of her hair in one hand, the other hand soothingly stroked her back.

"Easy, easy," he whispered as the vomiting continued. Eric could feel her body trembling uncontrollably beneath his hand.

Calleigh coughed and took a shaky breath, waiting a moment before raising her head. She got to her feet, Eric releasing her hair and placed his hands on her upper arms, as though afraid she'd collapse if he didn't hold tight to her.

Calleigh flushed the toilet and, gently walking out of Eric's touch, went to the sink to rinse out her mouth.

"Babe-."

"I'm fine," Calleigh assured him before he had the opportunity to ask; her voice was scratchy and dry, slightly contradicting her words. "I'm probably just coming down with something."

Eric skeptically looked down at her; Calleigh sensed his uncertainty and pecked him lightly on the cheek.

"I'm feeling better," she said, she wasn't even lying; her stomach's churning had subsided due to the unpleasant episode of vomiting.

She remained in the same stability for the rest of the night, plagued neither by nausea or vertigo.

The following morning, still she didn't feel any form of illness; in fact, she only felt one unpleasant phenomenon: exhaustion.

Calleigh had been in a deep sleep, completely absorbed in the warmth of her dreamless subconscious, but she felt herself being pulled out of her slumber by a voice—his voice.

"Calleigh," Eric whispered in the distance.

Calleigh tried to stay within the darkness of sleep, but she could feel the daylight gaining on her. She could now feel the warmth that was the sheets and her husband's arms.

"Calleigh." His voice was closer now.

"Mmm…" Calleigh groaned as she came to, determined to keep her eyes closed, she felt as though she had only received ten minutes of sleep. She felt Eric's knuckles lightly brush against her cheek and along her jaw as he laid his lips to her temple.

"We have to get up," he said, softly. Calleigh felt his warm breath against her skin; all of the warmth wanted her to fall back into sleep. She reluctantly blinked open her eyes and, after blinking a few times, she could see she had slept through the buzzing of the alarm; she may have slept in a mere seven minutes, but it still made her feel slightly uneasy.

"I'm up," she sighed, rolling onto her side to look up at him.

"How're you feeling?"

She shrugged a shoulder. "Okay, I guess. I may have just had a twenty-four hour bug."

"Well, maybe you should stay home, just in case," Eric suggested.

"And miss _another _day of work, have you lost your mind?" she asked as she determinedly got out of bed, but maybe she was a bit too determined. Her head spun and she staggered a little before slowly lowering herself back onto her bed, closing her eyes to center the room.

"What's wrong?" Eric asked, his concern all too apparent in his voice.

"Got up too fast," she turned to give him a smile, taking his hand and gently squeezing it, "that's all."

* * *

Regardless of her assurances, Calleigh could sense Eric's worry throughout the morning. While at the crime scene (a man had fallen victim due to arson) he constantly glanced over at her, waiting for any sign of illness. But all dizziness seemed to have eluded Calleigh by that point, she was pressing on with her job professionally without fail and Eric gradually relaxed.

Calleigh walked into the morgue to find Tom working over a partially charred cadaver. He looked over the body with the intensity of any good M.E, he didn't even register that Calleigh was there until she spoke up.

"Hey, Tom," she greeted him with her usual smile. "Have you got anything on our John Doe?"

"I do, starting with he is no longer a John Doe," he reported. "Dental records identify him as Jeremy Cunningham."

"Excellent. Do I need to ask cause of death?" Calleigh asked, her eyes glancing at Cunningham's face and how the flames had engulfed his body; the COD seemed fairly apparent.

"Ah-ha, indeed you do." Tom pulled the sheet down to reveal the torso of the corpse, the stench of burnt, rotting flesh filled Calleigh's nostrils and a wave of nausea hit her; sweat began to form on her palms. "His lung was punctured. See this?" he asked, pointing to the revealed rib, sure enough there was a scrape caused by a blade against the bone. "He was stabbed and all burns occurred post-mortem."

"He was killed before the fire," Calleigh nodded, attempting to keep her stomach steady for a few more seconds; she took a shaky breath. "This fire was a cover-up. Thanks, Tom." Without another word, she darted out of the autopsy theater and towards the nearby restroom.

Natalia came from the opposite direction, glancing up from the file she had in hand. "Hey, what did Tom get on-?" But Calleigh rushed passed her, pushing open the restroom door. "Our vic," Natalia finished to herself. Confused and a little worried, she stepped into the woman's restroom.

Calleigh was in the final stall, leaning over the toilet, losing the contents of her stomach. Eventually, she was able to stop, her head pounding and the fowl taste of vomit lingered on her tongue and lips.

Standing up slowly on slightly unstable legs, Calleigh flushed away the grotesque remains and stumbled out of the stall and towards the sink to begin rinsing out her mouth, unaware someone was watching her.

"Cal?" Natalia asked, concerned.

"I'm okay," Calleigh croaked in reply. "It's just a stomach bug."

"Stomach bug?" Are you sure it's not something else? You know, like morning-."

"It's _not _morning sickness," she said, firmly, as she shut off the water. "I'm not pregnant."

Natalia sighed and stepped towards her. "Listen, Calleigh, you're late, you're sick and you always look exhausted, all the signs are there."

Natalia waited for Calleigh to answer with another defense, but she didn't and Natalia pressed onward. "Okay, let's say you're right and you're not pregnant. Something is making you sick, something that's probably not just a stomach bug."

"I'll be fine," Calleigh insisted, but she was beginning to lose confidence in her answer. With the tiredness, vertigo, and constant vomiting, Calleigh realized her body was trying to tell her something, she just wasn't sure what it was yet. But of one thing she was certain, she wasn't pregnant, there was no doubt in her mind about that.

"I know the concept of maybe being pregnant is terrifying, but pretending it's not happening won't fix it," Natalia said, empathetically.

"I'm not pretending," Calleigh sighed.

"Then why won't you accept that there is the chance you could be pregnant?" she asked.

"Because I'm not."

"Cal, the only way you can know that is of your-." Natalia cut herself off as the truth dawned on her and she felt her heart sink. Never once had it crossed her mind that Calleigh was infertile, now it appeared quite obvious. The Eric and Calleigh had, in the early years of their marriage, had said in conversations "one day when we have kids" and they had seemed very serious about the idea. But years had gone by and they didn't have a baby and Natalia thought she finally understood why. "Oh, Calleigh, are you?"

The look on Calleigh's face said it all, her green eyes darkened in sadness and she quickly looked away from Natalia, grabbing some paper towel and dabbing her mouth.

"When did you find out?" Natalia asked, softly.

"Almost a year ago," Calleigh confessed.

"So, you guys had been trying for a while, then?"

Calleigh nodded, rolling her lips as the emotions she reserved for her therapy appointments came over her.

"God… Calleigh, I'm so sorry," Natalia breathed, she could sympathize as a woman to how Calleigh felt; to have the right to bear children taken away without any say in the matter.

But Natalia had a gut feeling that there was the chance Calleigh could be pregnant and it wouldn't ease; despite this news.

"Its fine," Calleigh shrugged. "We've accepted it."

"But you hear stories all the time about women who have babies when they thought they couldn't get pregnant," Natalia pointed out.

Calleigh pursed her lips, anxious for this conversation to end. Even mildly accepting pregnancy would be difficult. She was finally at peace with her infertility and straying from that path towards false hope would be too much to handle.

Natalia hesitated on her next question, not entirely sure it would be appropriate to ask, but took a chance in asking. "Would it hurt to take a test?"

"Why bother?" Calleigh sighed with a shrug.

"Because if you are pregnant, you're going to need medical-."

"I'm not pregnant, Nat," she stated, starting to feel as though she was constantly repeating the same statement.

"Then you shouldn't mind taking a test," Natalia said, simply.

Calleigh couldn't understand why Natalia was so determined for her to take the tests and refused to let it go. Calleigh could easily and correctly predict what the results were going to be and couldn't see the point of taking yet another pregnancy test and reopening old wounds.

Natalia could see that Calleigh seemed to have made up her mind and wasn't swaying; Calleigh had always been too stubborn for her own good.

"Look, Calleigh, in college I had a friend who refused to get checked out when she thought she was pregnant. She miscarried and was devastated. I don't want to see the same thing happen to you and Eric," she explained, her voice soft and kind. "Please, take the test, just so you're certain and don't regret it later."

Calleigh took a moment to think about it, Natalia's concern seemed legitimate and she was certain that Natalia wouldn't forget about this moment until she was certain of her pregnancy status. Nibbling for a moment on the inside of her cheek, Calleigh gave it some thought.

"Okay, I'll take the test," she reluctantly agreed. "But when they come back negative, will you please let this go?"

"I'll never bring it up again," Natalia promised.

"And not a word to Eric," she warned, Calleigh didn't want to give Eric false hope or start him worrying about her again, causing more harm than good.

"You got it," Natalia smiled, reassuringly.

Thus, on her lunch break, Calleigh went to the nearby store and bought three of the claimed "most reliable" tests—meanwhile experiencing a case of déjà vu—before returning to PD and disappearing into the same bathroom stall from earlier and, also like earlier, Natalia was waiting for her outside.

Calleigh came out of the stall and put the three tests on the side of the sink as the three minute countdown began; a countdown Calleigh didn't plan to stick around for. She washed and dried her hands, not looking at the tests.

Knowing that time was winding down, Calleigh turned on her heel and began to leave the restroom.

"Calleigh, the results?" Natalia spoke up, taken aback.

Calleigh looked back at Natalia and gave her a sad smile. "I already know the results." And with that she left without looking back.

Slightly bemused, Natalia waited in the restroom, thinking about how odd this scenario was; she was waiting for her the results of her friend's pregnancy tests without her friend present.

Finally, the three minutes were up and Natalia looked at the results on each screen.

"Oh my God," she gasped.


	20. No Expectations, No Disappointments

Thanks for the reviews! Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I won't let there be one in this chapter, but that seemed like the perfect time for a good cliffy and I couldn't resist. Yes, I'm evil ;) Few hours until season 10!

* * *

Chapter 20

No Expectations, No Disappointments

The Cunningham case had taken an interesting turn. His Tox screen revealed heavy amounts of arsenic in his remaining tissues, the dosage high enough that he should have been dead due to the poisoning. They also discovered information he had been the victim of several assaults and had even been in a hit-and-run a few months back.

"Someone really wanted this guy dead," Ryan sighed when Calleigh delivered this information to him.

"Yeah, he seemed to be a tough one to kill as well. Must be a modern day Rasputin," Calleigh said as they walked into DNA. Natalia looked up at them and her eyes instantly fell on Calleigh, who looked away before Natalia could speak. Calleigh didn't want to hear about how her prediction was confirmed and Natalia didn't have to tell her.

"Natalia, we need some good news on that knife," Ryan said, referring to a pocket knife tossed in the street outside of the charred remains of the victim's house, a knife which contained blood.

"Well, unfortunately the only blood found on the knife belonged to the vic," Natalia said. "But I did get some epithelial cells from the hilt. I'm still running them."

"Okay, call us when you get the results." Ryan and Calleigh turned to leave, but Natalia spoke before they were out of earshot.

"By the way, Calleigh," she began, "those tests you wanted me to run, two of them came back positive."

Calleigh felt as though all oxygen had been extracted from her body and all her limbs turned numb. At first she wondered how that could be possible as she tried to keep composure, but she knew there had to be a logical explanation; one that didn't involve the word "pregnant."

"There has to be a mistake," Calleigh concluded, shaking her head before turning to leave, followed by a confused Ryan.

"What was that about?" he asked.

"Nothing, just another case," Calleigh lied, convincingly.

* * *

Calleigh remained certain the tests displayed false positives…well, she tried to. But visions of pink lines were uncontrollably swarming around in her brain. She couldn't believe she agreed to those tests, now she was paying the price with her anxiety at an all-time high.

As she stood in the bedroom that evening, folding clean clothes, her mind was reeling and she was consumed in her own world. Consumed to the extent that when Eric came up from behind her to wrap his arms around her middle, she all but jumped out of her skin and she gasped in surprise; her reaction caused Eric to reflexively hold up his hands.

"Sorry," he chuckled.

"It's okay," she grinned, waiting for her heart to slow back to normal rhythm.

"How are you feeling?"

Confused. That was the honest answer, but she couldn't find it within herself to tell Eric the truth, not when she was so uncertain herself.

"Fine," Calleigh replied as she folded a pair of sweat pants.

Eric leaned down and kissed her neck as he slowly—almost cautiously—wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Are you going to run tonight?" he asked between kisses.

"Nah," she shook her head. "I don't want to push my stomach."

"Good idea," he grinned, resting his chin on her shoulder. Not a second after he said this, the buzzer for the washer machine sounded a few rooms away. After glancing at the clothes she still had to sort through in this basket, Calleigh turned to Eric and gave him a smile, silently asking him to take care of it; part of her knew he wouldn't be able to resist her smile.

"I'll put them in the dryer," he sighed with a playful roll of his eyes.

"Thanks," she smiled as he left. Calleigh put down the pair of shorts she had finished folding and exhaled in exasperation (more about her situation than the laundry) as she reached up to adjust her shirt.

Her fingers brushed against her stomach as she pulled on the hem; she froze.

Without even realizing it, her feet carried her across the hall and she hurriedly locked the bathroom door. She stood in front of the mirror and, hands trembling slightly, she raised her shirt up to reveal her stomach. The bump was small, barely noticeable, however the beginning of a convex bump was present. Calleigh turned to the side, the bump barely stuck out, one would have to look closely to identify it, but it was there and no one could deny it. She slowly ran her hand horizontally across the swell, there was no use denying her stomach wasn't level and this sudden addition wasn't an oddly formed muscle.

Calleigh had been trying to round all of this off as coincidence, for stress and menopause causing her symptoms had been more probable—and easier to accept—than a pregnancy. At first, those symptoms and two positive results out of three home tests hadn't been enough to outweigh Dr. Benson's diagnosis of her never being able to conceive children, but her reflection was now showing her something she couldn't ignore.

Yes, as Natalia had said, all the signs of pregnancy were there, a whole range of them. However, Calleigh couldn't accept anything until she heard a doctor confirm, otherwise she would just be setting herself up for unnecessary pain were this turned out not to be a pregnancy or begin to become anxious about the safety of the baby were this a pregnancy.

Calleigh needed to get this straightened out; she needed an answer proven by blood.

She left the bathroom and proceeded back into the bedroom, Eric yet to return. She grabbed her cell phone and dialed in a number, the number for the hospital.

"Miami-Dade General," a voice answered.

"Yes, I'd like to make an appointment," Calleigh said into the receiver.

* * *

Two days later, forty-eight hours of nonstop nerves escalating, had come down to this moment. Calleigh sat in the doctor's office, anxiously wringing her hands as she waited for her doctor to arrive with her blood test results. Calleigh had been in the day before to have the blood drawn and had been requested to come in again today for the results. She had yet to tell Eric about this appointment or anything related to her body in fear of him building up his hopes and having them torn down.

Thus she waited alone and every second felt like an hour and every hour felt like a century. Needless to say, Calleigh greatly relaxed when the door opened and Dr. Cameron walked in with the results in hand.

"Hey, Calleigh," she grinned at her.

"Hey," Calleigh replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "So, um…what did the tests say?"

Dr. Cameron gave Calleigh a small smile. "We ran the test twice and we received the same answer each time. They show you're pregnant."

There it was; the answer Calleigh had been wanting to hear for the last five years. But this definitely not how it would have been a few years ago, when she was younger and she wasn't on anti-depressants, both she knew were risky in a pregnancy. A mixture of complicated emotions overcame her. On one hand, there was the fear and sheer shock that came for apparent reasons, while on the other hand Calleigh couldn't help but feel a small sense of joy in the fact in knowing she was having the baby she and Eric had been wanting for years, sadly that joy was greatly shunned by the fear.

"Are you okay?" Dr. Cameron asked after Calleigh's prolonged silence.

"It's just…how is that possible? Dr. Benson said I couldn't have children."

"With your severe case of endometriosis and your age, it was a slim chance you would get pregnant, not impossible," she explained. "Or sometimes miracles happen and there isn't a medical explanation as to why it happens."

Calleigh wasn't sure if she could fully wrap her head around that aspect right now, that she was one of the people on the Health Channel who were magically cured overnight; it just seemed all too unreal for her to process right now.

"You should get started on prenatal vitamins right away and schedule an appointment for some time next week to check on you and your baby," Dr. Cameron said as she filled out a prescription.

Calleigh mechanically nodded, stunned by the way Dr. Cameron said "your baby." There was a baby with her—her and Eric's baby—the child they had given up hope on ever conceiving now grew within her. However, she had expected this moment to be more of a more joyous event, one that would have her and her husband smiling uncontrollably with tears of happiness in her eyes and their biggest concern would be if they would be good parents. Instead, Calleigh was more worried for the baby's safety as opposed to her parenting skills and the bliss she did have was greatly oppressed by that fear.

"I'm on Zoloft for depression. How risky is it to be on those during pregnancy?" Calleigh asked, fearing the answer.

"Well, there are definitely risks. They are low for the most part, but there is the chance of autism, various birth defects and things of that nature," Dr. Cameron explained.

"Would it be safe to go off the meds?"

Dr. Cameron hesitated on that question and sat down in the computer chair to face Calleigh, looking her right in the eye.

"It is ultimately your decision," she sighed. "However, there are risks involved for you and your baby were you to go off them. With pregnancy comes hormones and hormones can affect depression in a negative manner, the Zoloft can keep you on track with your depression being at a manageable level. You would still have the energy to take care of yourself and the baby, if you aren't on them, you may lose that want to stay healthy, which holds great risk for the child. Also, the chance of postpartum depression is decreased if you stay on the meds. As for the baby, low birth rate and developmental problems can become an issue were you to go off them."

All this information was a lot to take in during the course of one afternoon and by the time she returned home (vitamins in hand) and was waiting for Eric to get back from work, nothing seemed to make sense. Calleigh called Dr. Chandler and left a message asking if she could reschedule the next appointment she had for earlier in the week, wanting to get this out in the open with her therapist and wanting to express her concern of how she was uncertain how to cope with pregnancy as well as depression. But before she could tell anyone else, Calleigh knew who she had to tell first, the man who had just walked into their house; her husband.

Eric walked into the kitchen to see Calleigh with her back to him, standing at the counter with her shoulders hunched. Calleigh had told him she was going to the doctor's to see if she truly had a "stomach bug." But there was something about her stance that seemed sad and it greatly worried Eric.

He came up from behind her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Cal," he whispered as she turned to face him, giving him a weak welcoming grin in the process. "What did the doctor say?"

Calleigh rolled her lips and took in a stabilizing breath, though it did little to decrease her heart rate. "You're, um, you're not going to believe me," she said, nervously.

"Why? What's wrong?" Eric asked, anxiously. "Are you okay?"

"Yes…and no." The fear in Eric's eyes began to grow. "She said I'm….that I'm…." Calleigh faded out, unable to construct the words and she folded her hands over her stomach, covering the small bump that appeared on her torso. "That I'm having…"

Eric's jaw would have dropped, but the shock was so incredible that his entire body froze, uncertain for a second he understood this correctly. But the look in Calleigh's eyes confirmed his suspicion.

"Calleigh, you're…you're pregnant?"

Closing her eyes, Calleigh nodded.

"But the doctor-."

"I guess something changed," she shrugged, opening her eyes.

Eric let out a laugh, completely surprised by every aspect of the situation. "Well, that's just…wow, that's just amazing."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is." Calleigh voice cracked with awe.

But Eric could see the fear in her eyes and the corners of her mouth were pulled down in a frown. "Calleigh, what's wrong?"

Calleigh could tell Eric was excited, the glowing in his eyes made it clear one of his long forgotten prayers had been answered. She was sure he had some of the risks circulating in the back of his mind, but the joy and excitement outnumbered his fears; the case was reversed for Calleigh.

"None of this makes sense. They said I never would be…." She couldn't find it within herself to say it.

"But you are, I thought you'd be happy-."

"I am," she replied, honestly. "I'm thrilled. That's just it. This is wonderful and it's not going to last."

"Cal-."

"Eric, I'm on antidepressants and I'm in my forties, it's risky. It's just a matter of time before something goes wrong." The distress rang clearly in her voice and it worried Eric, for only when Calleigh was worried beyond belief would she show the severity of her fear.

"Cal," he said, gently, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him. "I know you're worried, but this doesn't have to end badly. Women older than you, women with diabetes and other conditions have healthy babies all the time."

Calleigh sighed. "I know. But this past year has had a bad track record."

"This year hasn't been all bad," he shrugged.

Calleigh looked up at him. "What's your definition for depression and infertility then?" she demanded.

"Bad," Eric admitted; she rolled her eyes. "But we were able to work through the depression and…" Eric paused to place his hand on her stomach, feeling a small bump there; he was in complete awe that their son or daughter was just behind his hand, the child he had given up hope on ever having. "…apparently infertility isn't an issue," he grinned.

Calleigh looked down at her stomach and placed her hand over Eric's. She weakly chuckled and leaned into the center of his chest.

"Something is going to go wrong. I just know that-." She broke off; there was this awful feeling of negativity lured over her and all she could think was how anything that could go wrong will very well go wrong.

Eric threaded his fingers through hers, giving them a gentle squeeze as he kissed her hair. "I'm not going to let anything happen to either of you."

"Eric, some things we can't control," Calleigh shook her head.

"But we can try," he whispered. "We're going to be okay…all of us."

Calleigh looked at their hands as he said "all of us" and how she had been waiting for there to be a third member of their family for years, but this moment would have been perfect those years ago when these obstacles weren't in the way. Now she was horrified at the thought one of those obstacles was going to jeopardize her son or daughter. But Eric was right, nothing was going to happen…it simply couldn't; not after the baby they had been wanting, and already loved so much, was mere months away.

"Eric. I'm pregnant," Calleigh breathed the words she thought she would never say.

"You are," he whispered back.

The moment would be short lived, but for a moment she forgot the past years of failures, the endometriosis, the depression and everything else negative and a smile, yet grateful, smile graced her lips as a single tear traveled down her cheek. It had fear, happiness and every other emotion she had endured in this last year.


	21. The Only Exception

I've always loved DuCaine…well, the friendship, not so much the romance aspect. I feel Cal and H are two of the best characters on the show that had a good bond as friends, something the writers have let slip away, unfortunately. Because H is such a complex character, I'm normally very reluctant to write him, simply because I feel he is the most amazing leader in the CSI franchise (I'm a tad obsessed, I even own a similar pair of shades) and I don't think I could do him justice. But I decided while watching a good DuCaine friendship episode that I should give it a shot and put a small scene with them in this chapter, since I miss the DuCaine friendship _so _much.

* * *

Chapter 21

The Only Exception

"That's quite a turn of events," Dr. Chandler commented at Calleigh's therapy appointment; Calleigh had just informed her about the unexpected pregnancy. "Are you excited?"

"I'm excited… but very nervous at the same time," Calleigh sighed. "Mostly I'm still in shock."

"Because you never thought you'd be able to get pregnant?" she assumed.

She nodded. "Yeah, I mean, I just accepted that I would never have children, but now…now I'm having a baby."

"And how are you handling that change?" Dr. Chandler asked as she made notes on her clipboard.

Calleigh exhaled through her nose and shook her head, looking at one of the walls as she ran a hand through her hair; in all honesty, she wasn't sure how or if she was handling this. Her mind had suddenly had to adapt to so much so quickly that she honestly didn't have time to think about how she was dealing with any changes that were occurring; she simply lived through them, never questioning how she would cope, she just did it without thought.

"Okay," Dr. Chandler proceeded. "Let's try figuring out how you can handle it. You said you were nervous, why don't you elaborate on that."

"Well," Calleigh mused for a second before continuing. "I'm nervous because of the risks that come with Zoloft and how they can affect the baby."

"So it's not the baby you are anxious about, it's the process of pregnancy and what can happen to the baby during that time," she clarified.

"Yeah," Calleigh sighed. "If I had a way to know that this time next year the baby is healthy and safe, I'd definitely feel better. But there is no way for me to know that and so I'm left with the suspense."

"Do you know how high the risks are for you being on antidepressants?"

"I asked my doctor and she said the risks are small, but there was also a small chance of me getting pregnant with my case of endometriosis, so…" Calleigh shrugged.

Dr. Chandler nodded, understandingly. "I can see how that isn't reassuring. But try to keep in mind that many people feel some kind of concern when they learn their pregnant, so some form of fear is normal. On the other hand, you said you were excited. Tell me about that."

Calleigh licked her lips. "I'm happy, deep down, but…it's difficult to get excited about this when you don't know how it'll end."

"You don't want to get your hopes up?" Dr. Chandler inferred; Calleigh nodded. "So you think something will happen?"

"God forbid, but…." She took a deep breath and blinked away the tears that began to sting in her eyes. "But if I get excited and something happened," Calleigh's voice thickened, "I don't know how I'd handle it."

The therapist gave her a sympathetic smile. "Calleigh, it'll be hard to handle whether you let yourself get excited or not."

"I know it would be; it's just…" Calleigh faded out and shook her head at herself; the tears weren't able to be blinked away at this point and were on the verge of spilling over, despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. "God, I don't know," she sighed, her head falling into her hand in pure frustration, none of her emotions were making sense and this situation was becoming too overwhelming. The stability she used to have and had only recently regained now felt as though it were slipping away once again and the prospect of that was terrifying. Calleigh knew she needed to hold it together and attempt to rationalize everything in her mind or else risk losing that security she had gained, and she couldn't afford to lose that now.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, laughingly, as she captured a tear that left the corner of her eye.

"No, it's okay," Dr. Chandler said, tenderly. "It's okay to be scared, Calleigh, this is a scary situation….And depression during pregnancy can be difficult to handle, so you have to keep talking, okay?" The doctor had by this point noticed her patient had a slight tendency to omit how she was feeling at times, a habit she had been trying to get Calleigh to break, at least in here. "What about Eric? How's he taking the news?" Dr. Chandler asked as she took a sip of coffee from her ceramic mug.

"He's concerned about the risks, but he's remaining more optimistic than I am. He's mostly excited, I think," Calleigh said, unknowingly making the last sentence sound bitter. Eric certainly had the same worries, but he allowed his optimism and excitement to shine through. Calleigh almost envied his ability to remain so positive and not let his mind become engulfed with the negative.

"And does that frustrate you?"

Calleigh thought about this for a second and thought back to the previous night when she sat up in bed after about an hour of tossing and turning.

_Eric turned in his bed at the sound of keys rapidly being tapped on a laptop beside him. He rolled to his side to see Calleigh staring at the laptop screen, eyes darting back and forth as she read, sheer determination in her eyes._

_"What are you doing?" he mumbled tiredly._

_"Research," she said, not looking away from her computer._

_"On?"_

_"How antidepressants can affect pregnancy," she sighed, scrolling down to continue reading the article she had found via Google. _

_Eric propped himself up on his elbow and rested his hand on her thigh, gently caressing it. "Baby, you're going to stress yourself out over this," he said, the worry in his voice very clear. _

_"I'll be more stressed if I don't learn all the information possible," Calleigh insisted as she went back to the search engine page and clicked on the link below the one she just read. _

_Though he didn't tell her, Eric disagreed, for her eyes contained more uneasiness now that she was doing the research than they did beforehand. This would only heighten her stress levels and cause her anxiety, neither of which she needed right now. Eric thought focusing on potential negatives would be unhealthy, for Calleigh and the life growing within her._

_Calleigh could see the worry in Eric's eyes, not to mention the objections he had to having _this _conversation again. Seldom did the conversation of the pregnancy occurred and when it did the main topic of discussion always centered around the risks that came with the pregnancy. She supposed he would rather be talking about finally being able to fix up that room across the hall and transforming it into a nursery or discuss the ultrasound pictures they'd soon be getting, but she couldn't get excited about those things, not yet. Calleigh couldn't get excited about the joyous aspects of pregnancy when there was the possibility of downfall. She had to brace herself for more disappointment; it wasn't so much a choice anymore as it was an instinct. _

_"What have you found?" he asked, the reluctance of asking was apparent in his voice. _

_"Well, I wanted to know how bad the risks would be if I were to stay on or go off the Zoloft," she sighed. "And, if I go off antidepressants, the risks are preterm birth, low birth rate, a higher chance of postpartum depression and developmental problems. But if I stay on them, there's the increased risk of autism and birth defects."_

_Every article Calleigh read had similar content and any effort the author had made to comfort the reader was remiss on her. She closed the laptop and placed it on her bedside table, leaning back against the headboard. _

_"I can do everything right. I can stay away from alcohol, eat all the right foods and take every prenatal vitamin on this planet and it still not make a difference," she declared. _

_"But it puts the odds in your favor," he pointed out._

_"I know, Eric, but…."_

_"It could be worse," he pointed out, helpfully. "And at least we are having a baby."_

_Calleigh wanted to say it could be worse, that they were having a baby under unfavorable circumstances, but she could see she had already extinguished some of the excitement Eric had with this new information and continuing to discuss wouldn't help matters, it was apparent to her that she and Eric weren't going to share the same views of this situation. Thus she let the subject rest and fell into an uneasy sleep. _

"So, basically you're saying you don't know how he can be so excited and optimistic when there are so many risks?" Dr. Chandler clarified.

Calleigh nodded. "I mean, I know he's worried…just not as worried as I'd expected him to be."

The doctor nodded and continued to write more notes onto her clipboard. As Calleigh patiently waited for Dr. Chandler to finish, she unthinkingly placed her hand on her belly. As she did so, Calleigh realized that this position felt right, natural—but if this was so right, why did everything else about this situation feel so terribly wrong.

"You know," Calleigh unthinkingly said, not speaking to anyone particularly. "I've always wanted kids, but I never thought it would actually happen until I started seeing Eric. After we got married, it just felt…right."

"It doesn't feel right anymore?" Dr. Chandler questioned.

Calleigh hesitated. "It feels right, just not in the way I anticipated."

"What were you anticipating?"

"Um…I'm not sure. I thought when I got pregnant I'd be concerned more of how I'd be as a mother than worrying about how my lifestyle would affect the pregnancy. I thought I'd be younger, I wouldn't be depressed or on meds and seeing a therapist. No offense," she added.

"None taken," Dr. Chandler assured with a grin. "Basically, you're telling me this isn't how you envisioned a pregnancy?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "And I'm pretty sure Eric didn't envision it this way either, but he's not acting like it."

"Well, maybe Eric's just trying to focus on the good," Dr. Chandler suggested. "And you're focusing mostly on what could go wrong. The worry you seem to have is overshadowing the brightness of the situation."

"Doctor, I can't stop myself from being concerned about these risks," she shook her head.

"You don't have to, considering possible outcomes is wise, but you can't let one element dictate all your feelings. You can be happy and excited but still be worried about your baby," she said, kindly. "Now, maybe once you get used to the idea of this pregnancy, maintaining that balance will get easier. Just keep in mind that it wasn't too long ago you thought you'd never have children. This could be a blessing."

Calleigh nodded in understanding. "I'll have to keep that in mind." Meanwhile praying that she could find that balance sooner rather than later.

"Until then, you have made excellent progress over the last few months and lowering your antidepressant dosage does seem like a possibility." Calleigh's ears perked up at these words. "Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to your OB, get her opinion and we will see if we can work something out, okay?" Dr. Chandler said.

"I have my first prenatal appointment in a few days," Calleigh said. "I can ask her then."

"Perfect."

"Can that make a difference?" she asked.

"Studies have shown it can decrease the risks. But if we do this I would like you to still see me twice a week, just so I know you are managing your depression with a lower dose."

"Okay," Calleigh nodded, however uncertain of how much a lower dosage would aid her situation. Then again, Calleigh was uncertain of a lot these days.

* * *

Calleigh's session came to an end and she stepped outside, the air cooled as evening approached and the sun began to set, turning the sky a vibrant orange and the wispy clouds a light pink. The sight was gorgeous, one of those sunsets in which one simply has to stop and stare at its beauty; Calleigh couldn't help but wonder how some aspects of the world could be so simple and beautiful yet everything else was so complicated and ghastly. She headed towards the parking lot, started her car and drove towards PD, clocking back in to tie up some loose ends in a few of her cases. She had hoped to complete the task before her appointment, however the morning sickness and kept her stationed in the bathroom a fair part of the time she could have been working. Thankfully, the nausea had subsided within the last hour or so and she could now manage to focus on her job.

Just as she began to draw up the final report, she heard the door open and a familiar face stepped into Firearms. Horatio greeted her with a warm smile and approached her workbench.

"You're still here," he observed.

Calleigh grinned. "For about five more minutes, I just had to finish up a few things."

"Okay," Horatio nodded. "Everything going okay?"

"Yeah, I'm nearly done with this report. Hey, did you guys ever get who murdered Torres?" Calleigh asked in regards to the case that had been worked by the team today, the case she didn't get to assist in completing due to her appointment.

"Mr. Wolfe managed to get the security tapes from the store and we got a visual of the killer's face," he explained.

"Was it Davis?" she asked, Rodney Davis being the prime suspect from when Calleigh had been there, his fingerprint having been on the murder weapon (crowbar).

"Not exactly, he was held at gunpoint by a man named Rufus Johnson and was forced to kill Samantha."

"What was his motive?"

"He didn't say."

Calleigh shook her head. "A killer without a motive is the scariest kind."

"Sure is," he agreed. As the conversation continued, Calleigh was tempted to tell Horatio about the pregnancy, knowing she was going to have to tell him eventually. Calleigh had yet to tell anyone on the team about the pregnancy, the news had been so completely overwhelming to her that telling her colleagues had more or less slipped her mind. Besides, they would more than likely express happiness and excitement for her and Eric, the very excitement greatly subdued within her due to the risks that existed. Her friends wouldn't want to talk about the chances of birth defects, but rather if they knew the sex of the baby or if they had thought of any names, carrying the similar attitude Eric seemed to have.

However, to be practical, she couldn't keep this pregnancy a secret forever, many of her pants were starting to fit her tightly now and it would only be a matter of time before speculation began.

"You have a good night," he beckoned before turning back towards the door.

"Actually, Horatio, I wanted to talk to you about something real quick," Calleigh said.

"Okay," Horatio nodded, coming back over to her. "What's up?"

Horatio waited patiently for Calleigh to speak, but the words seemed lodged in her throat. She took a deep breath and swallowed before saying the revealing words. "I'm pregnant."

She hadn't really thought about what Horatio's reaction would be or how it would appear on his face, but the one he had wasn't one she ever would have expected. He didn't appear the least bit surprised or shocked, his response didn't hold indication that this news was new to him; either Horatio had already started to speculate about a pregnancy or someone who had come to him to tell him the news—and only one other person knew.

"Eric told you?" Calleigh assumed.

"He did," Horatio nodded with a smile. "Congratulations."

This was the first congratulations she had from a friend and the sudden attention to the pregnancy made her blush uncontrollably. "Thanks," she said with a weak grin.

Horatio noticed something off putting in Calleigh's voice, a certain sadness that underlined her tone which made him wonder if there was reason for concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked, gently.

"Yeah," Calleigh assured him. "Um…the news was just…just unexpected, that's all."

Horatio chuckled and nodded; he didn't say it out loud, but he was more than certain that Eric and Calleigh were going to be terrific parents; he felt the two had such a natural kindness and caring personalities that would make them ideal parents.

"So, um, how long have you known?" she asked.

"A couple of days," Horatio admitted; Calleigh gritted her teeth in frustration, Eric hadn't even told her that much and he had every opportunity to do so. "He wanted me to know because he was getting concerned," he added after seeing the stern look on Calleigh's face.

"I know," Calleigh sighed as she continued to fill out her report. "But sometimes he gets a bit too overprotective."

Horatio rolled his lips as he placed his hands on his hips, looking at the floor. Calleigh had always been the more independent of the CSIs, never revealing her problems or imploring help and always detesting it whenever too much concern was surrounding her. This in a way gave Horatio peace of mind, for he was assured Calleigh could handle herself in the most dire of situations, a good trait to have in this business. However it would occasionally cause Horatio worry, seeing as she wouldn't allow herself to be protected in the times she probably needed some type of shield, as everyone did at some point in their lives, but she wouldn't accept it—even if it was offered by her own husband.

"Calleigh," Horatio began, "you mean more to Eric than I think you realize." Horatio had how destroyed Eric had been during Calleigh's depression, how withdrawn his eyes had been and how he sometimes looked as though he were on the verge of going mad with worry. Watching a loved one suffer—something Horatio himself was too familiar with—before you while powerless to help was a feeling that gave the entire world a sense of hopelessness. When Calleigh eventually began to get better, the life in Eric slowly returned and Horatio could gather why Eric would want to prevent anything from dragging her back to that state again. Though Horatio had never seen Calleigh during that time, he understood how drastic her situation had to have been, for it was _Calleigh _who was suffering, the team's Bullet Girl who could take on the world had fallen victim to the illness. The emotional trauma she had to have been in wasn't one he'd wish to imagine, but he was certain Eric had imagined it and would have torn him apart had her condition worsened.

Calleigh didn't quite know how to respond to this, on one hand Horatio was correct and Eric's concern was from a good place, but on the other he told Horatio something that had been between the two of them without even discussing it with her. How was it he could discuss the pregnancy with Horatio without her knowledge out of concern, but he wouldn't even begin to talk about the risks with her at home?

"You let me know if you or Eric need anything, okay?" Horatio said, kindly.

She nodded and with a smile grin said. "Thanks, H."

"Take care," he said, softly, before turning around and leaving her alone in Firearms with a half-completed report.

* * *

Eventually her work was completed and Calleigh returned home, taking note that the lights were still on when she pulled into the driveway. She walked up to the door and into her house, she could hear the shower running down the hall as she made her way to the living room and sat on the couch. She lightly kicked off her shoes as she flipped on the evening news, uncertain if the frustration was apparent on her face; she had been thinking about her and Horatio's conversation the entire drive home and the aggravation she had towards her husband wouldn't cease. Calleigh realized Eric had the best intentions, of course, but the way he went about it she wasn't pleased with; they could have at least talked about this first.

The sound of water running down the hall silenced and she heard Eric head towards their bedroom as the weather man on screen went on to tell the viewers about the humidity. But Eric's footsteps soon returned, only this time they were heading towards the living room where Calleigh sat.

"Hey," he greeted her with a smile; he was in an old T-shirt and sweats, his short hair damp from the shower.

"Hey," she replied, nonchalantly.

"What's wrong?" Eric asked, sitting down on the couch beside her, bemused by the indifference in her tone.

Calleigh picked up the remote and switched off the television before turning to Eric and calmly asking, "When were you going to tell me you told Horatio about the baby?"

Eric sighed, he knew this tone in Calleigh's voice all too well, the quietness of her tone made the threatening element all the more prominent. "I was concerned he'd send you on a dangerous case," he explained.

"All the cases have the possibility of being dangerous or turning dangerous without warning," she reminded him. "And if I was assigned to work somewhere I know would put the baby at risk, I would have said something. But I was going to tell him and everyone else when the news wasn't so fresh to me. Besides, couldn't you have talked to me about it first instead of going behind my back and telling Horatio?"

"If I talked to you first you would have wanted to wait longer before telling him, I was concerned about you being in the field and-."

"Okay, Eric," she cut across him, firmly. "I can take care of myself in the field and, whether H knows about the pregnancy or not, I would still be able to handle myself."

"And what if you were put in a dangerous position in the field?" Eric demanded.

"Eric, for God's sake," she grumbled. "I'm probably in as much danger at the lab with some of those chemicals we use, but there are protocols in place there and in the field that you know I would follow, okay?"

"Okay," he shrugged. "I was just worried."

Calleigh leaned back into the couch, not looking at him. "Sure, now you're worried," she mumbled, bitterly.

He gaped at her. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "It's just you are concerned enough to go talking to H, but the second we start talking to each other about the risks in this pregnancy, forget it, suddenly there is nothing to worry about."

"You're mad at me for trying to be optimistic?" he asked in disbelief.

"I'm not mad, I'm frustrated, alright," Calleigh snapped. "I'm frustrated that those risks don't seem to mean anything to you."

Eric scoffed and shook his head. How could she begin to think that? He had woken up in the middle of the night countless times, reviewing over in his mind the risks that their baby was at and she thought he wasn't worried? He had all but driven himself crazy with worry.

"Nice, real nice," he said, bitterly.

"What else am I supposed to think when I'm on my laptop doing research and all you can say is that things could be worse?" she demanded, getting to her feet.

"Well, what do you want me to say, Calleigh? Do you want me to say I'm unhappy about this baby because of what may happen?"

"No," Calleigh shook her head, suppressing a groan, unable to believe he would put those words in her mouth. This wasn't how she wanted to have this conversation, with the two of them being so hostile, this wouldn't resolve anything. "I just think you are being a bit too optimistic."

"You know," Eric said, joining her standing. "When we found out we could never get pregnant, you were devastated and I understood that. But now miraculously we did and you're still not happy."

Calleigh's stomach dropped at the accusation. "I never said I wasn't happy. I'm just…I'm scared," she reluctantly admitted; it was still sometimes tough for her to admit her fears to him, especially after the depression and she felt she had to redeem herself and not show the slightest form of weakness.

Eric sighed, controlling his temper, regretting his choice of words after seeing the brief flash of hurt in her eyes that followed them.

"Look," he calmly started again, "we're both scared, but we can talk to the doctor and-."

"Eric, that's your solution for _everything_. Do you really think a doctor or my therapist or anyone is going to tell us anything different?" Calleigh demanded. "That there is going to be someone who turns around and tells us that there is nothing to worry about, that there are no risks to the baby because I'm old and taking meds for depression?"

"You're not old-."

"I'm older than the age they say it's safest to get pregnant," she reminded him. "The point is that no one is going to tell us anything different."

A tension filled silence echoed through the living room, Eric crossed his arms over his chest and Calleigh stressfully teased her hair with her fingers. She didn't want to argue with Eric, especially not now when everything else was so stressful, they were in this together and she knew that, but they were on completely different pages.

Calleigh sighed and, without looking at her husband, stated, "I'm going to bed."

Without looking back, she proceeded to their bedroom and left Eric standing alone with his arms still crossed. He exhaled heavily and sat down on the couch, leaning his head on the back of the couch and closing his eyes. His intentions had been good when he confided in Horatio and Eric had hoped to tell Calleigh he spoke to Horatio about it, not factoring in the possibility she would find out beforehand. Now this had escalated into a heated discussion of what they hadn't been seeing eye-to-eye on for days. He realized Calleigh was worried, he had concerns of his own, but he couldn't stop thinking about the fact there was the possibility that they could have a very healthy baby in a few months, the son or daughter that had only appeared in dreams was just in their grasp. Perhaps there was the chance of Calleigh's age and medicine having an unhealthy effect on the pregnancy and he hadn't exactly been embracing that possibility, but how could she expect him to linger on the negative when what they had been praying for had been unexpectedly answered?

Eric got to his feet and, shutting off the lights on the way, proceeded down the hall towards their bedroom.

Calleigh was sitting up in bed when he arrived, reading a novel and her eyes reading each line slowly, not looking up when Eric entered.

"You're still up," he observed coming over to the bed.

"Yeah," she nodded, her eyes still on her pages.

He got in bed beside her, pulling the sheets over him and glancing over at her. "What are you reading?" he asked.

"_In Cold Blood,_" she replied, nonchalantly.

"That's a good one," Eric commented, attempting to keep things friendly.

"Yep," Calleigh said.

The strain between the two was thick, Eric waited patiently for her to say something, wondering if she _was _going to speak to him again in more than just brief phrases. Meanwhile, Calleigh was no longer able to focus on her Truman Capote novel and eventually released a heavy sigh and closed her book.

"This just isn't the way I pictured it when we got pregnant, okay?" she spoke up. "I'm thrilled about the baby, you know that, but he or she is at risk because of my age and the Zoloft."

"The risks are low, Cal."

"But they _exist_," she affirmed. "And you just keep denying them. I mean, it seems like you aren't worried at all."

"Of course I'm worried, but," he paused to rest his hand over top of hers, "I'm more worried that you are going to stress yourself out too much about this and you don't need it."

"So I should just pretend there isn't the chance of something going wrong?" Calleigh asked, incredulously.

"No, but we can't really prevent anything," he pointed out.

"I know, Eric, but…." She trailed off, completely and utterly lost in her thoughts. Calleigh had just became used to having some form of structure in her life again, now that structure was thrown off balance.

Eric gave her hand a soft squeeze. "Listen, I hope this baby and you stay healthy. But if anything should happen and this baby isn't in the best condition, I'll still love him or her, no matter what."

"I know and I'll love him the same, but we'll have to wait nine months until we learn whether or not he is healthy and I can't stand not knowing."

Eric grinned a little on the inside. Classic Calleigh, always having to know the absolute answer, never content and will remain unsettled until she has the answer, whether it was the answer she wanted or not, at least it was an answer. The jury could say guilty or not guilty and, though she wouldn't necessarily accept the verdict, at least there had been a decision; she _detested_ hung-juries.

"I know the suspense is awful, but no matter what happens nine months from now, we'll get through it together, as a family. Okay?"

Family. They would get through this as a family. The family element of father, mother and child in Calleigh's time hadn't been a pleasant one, it was always tense in the Duquesne household and, until Eric came around, that's all the family she thought she would ever possess. Now she was getting chance of an actual family with the man she loved; she'd be lying if she said the thought wasn't endearing.

Calleigh allowed herself to half-smile. "Hopefully the only thing we'll have to get through is diapers and late night feedings," she said in an attempt to joke.

Eric's face pulled into a small half-smile. "Yeah, hopefully."


	22. Close Your Eyes and Leap

Chapter 22

Close Your Eyes and Leap

"That was nice," Calleigh commented as they pulled into the driveway Sunday afternoon. They had stayed at a bed and breakfast a few miles out of Miami-Dade. They hadn't been gone for twenty-four hours and it was a relatively short getaway, however the night out of the house had done them some good. Eric grabbed their only suitcase from the trunk and they headed inside. Eric flipped on the lights as he made his way to the bedroom and placing the suitcase on the foot of the bed, removing the clothes they had worn the previous day from the bag and tossing them in the hamper on his way back down the hall towards the kitchen where Calleigh stood.

Eric came up behind her as she finished listening to one of the messages on the machine, his arms wrapping around her middle to pull her into him.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked Calleigh.

"I am, actually," she grinned, her usual nausea having declined over the last few days.

"Good," Eric whispered, his hand smoothing over her still tiny baby bump as he leaned down to gently kiss her neck and began to softly sway from side to side, rocking her with him.

"You're in a good mood," she observed.

"I am," Eric nodded. "I had a great time, Cal."

"Yeah," she beamed, looking up at him. "Me too. But what made you think it would be a good idea to get away for a day?" Calleigh asked, having been surprised when Eric suggested going to the bed and breakfast last night.

"I just thought we needed it," he shrugged. "We have been hit with a few surprises the last few weeks for a while we weren't exactly eye-to-eye and….I just thought we needed a break from all the craziness."

"Well," she grinned. "It was a good idea. And you were right, we did need it."

Eric smiled a little at himself, pleased to see Calleigh was just as relaxed now as she had been the night before. All the tension seemed to have been removed when they were away and it was nice to see her at ease and not as worried or stressed as she had been the last few days.

Calleigh had told him about the possibility of lowering her dosage of Zoloft and, though there were definitely benefits for the baby, he feared how her depression would be affected. Eric had heard stories of how depression with a lower dose of medication coupled with pregnancy hormones could have a potential negative result on the mother, but the baby would be healthy. None of the options that had been offered to Eric and Calleigh were easy and all of them had their share of pros and cons, however lowering Calleigh's intake of Zoloft seemed the most intriguing and least dangerous, Dr. Chandler had said it would be a very possible option and if their OB/GYN approved of the idea it would be the route they would pursue. But Eric still feared the chance of Calleigh sinking back into the depression and he was willing to do anything to prevent it.

"You know, that could have been our last getaway before we become parents," Calleigh pointed out.

"Maybe," Eric nodded. "Or maybe we could do it again sometime."

"That could be fun," she grinned, turning in his arms to face him, his hands gently pressing against the small of her back. "If I can still fit into a car in a few months," Calleigh added, jokingly, knowing it was only a matter of time before her belly expanded enough for her feet to disappear from view. Eric didn't admit it to Calleigh, but he secretly couldn't wait for that, to see his wife heavily pregnant with their baby; that had been a sight he had wanted to see ever since he realized he wanted to settle down and create a family with her.

Eric only had to lean down in the smallest motion for his lips softly touch hers. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," Calleigh replied, smiling back up at him

"Want some tea?" Eric asked, sweetly.

"I'd love that, thank you," she grinned.

He leaned down to kiss her once again before making his way to the kettle and filling it with water as Calleigh slipped into the living room and settled on the sofa. She leaned into its all too comfortable corner and allowed her mind to wander through the pleasantness of the previous night, but Calleigh had known their problems would be back here when they returned. Especially seeing as the following morning was going to be her first prenatal appointment and she would have the opportunity to ask her doctor any questions she had about this pregnancy and any risks.

"Here you go," Eric said as he entered the living room and handed her a steaming mug of herbal tea.

"Thanks, babe," she grinned, gratefully.

Eric's heart automatically dropped; there had been a shift of mood in her voice. Beneath the thanks was a certain detachedness in her tone that instantly made him worry, whether or not the worry was rational he wasn't quite sure yet.

"Everything okay?" Eric asked as casually as he could manage. He took a seat on the couch beside Calleigh and draped his arm over her shoulders.

Calleigh took a small sip of her tea before answering. "Yeah, I'm just tired and, um, I'm a little nervous about the appointment tomorrow," she admitted. "And about what the doctor may tell us."

"You know that they probably won't be able to detect anything tomorrow, right?" Eric pointed out.

"I know," Calleigh nodded. "But I have a few questions and we're bound not to like a few of the answers."  
Eric didn't want to admit it aloud, but he knew Calleigh was right; he gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze as she took a drink of tea.

"We'll just have to hope for the best," Eric sighed, regrettably unable to draw up any alternative words of comfort for his wife.

"I just wish hoping was enough," she said with a half-smile.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Me too."

They sat in silence as the fear of the unknown future surrounded them…and there was no hiding from it, if anything it would chase them until the facts were put on the metaphorical table months down the road.

* * *

Calleigh and Eric sat in the waiting room of the Obstetrics wing at Dade Memorial the following afternoon. The room was painted a light blue and professionally taken black and white pictures of pregnant women and babies covered the walls. Calleigh's eyes scanned the other patients of the room, many of them had rounded bellies with their husband or boyfriend beside them, however some sat alone. She was slightly discouraged that she seemed to be the oldest woman in the room, most of these women that surrounded her had to be in their twenties or thirties and Calleigh felt miserably out of place.

Eric could sense the tension around Calleigh as she fiddled with the wrist band of her watch and he reached over to take her hand. Calleigh looked over at him and smiled, twining her fingers through his.

"We're going to be okay," she said, mostly to herself than him, but she continued to hold onto his hand as though it were her anchor of hope.

A nurse in Piglet scrubs stepped though the double doors. "Delko," she called, her eyes sweeping over the waiting room. Eric and Calleigh exchanged a look before getting to their feet and followed the nurse into a room where Calleigh sat on the small bed and Eric occupied the chair beside her. She took Calleigh's temperature and blood pressure, recorded her height, weight, all the usual information before giving them a friendly smile and promising that Dr. Cameron would be there to see them soon.

"God, I don't know what takes longer, waiting for a doctor or waiting for a hit in IBIS," Calleigh chuckled as an attempt to break the suspense filled silence they had been sitting in for five minutes—however, it felt more like five hours.

Not a moment after the words escaped her mouth did the OB/GYN enter the exam room, her blonde hair pulled back into a clip and a warm smile on her face.

"Hey, Calleigh, how are you feeling?" Dr. Cameron asked.

"Um, okay, I guess," Calleigh replied. "This is my husband, Eric."

"Nice to meet you, Eric," she greeted him as she shook his hand.

"You too," he said with a nod.

"Okay, so Calleigh today I'm just going to do some exams, you know just to see how you and the baby are doing, to see exactly how far along you are and I'll run a few blood tests. But first I just want to ask you a few questions about your history and let us get an idea what we're dealing with here," Dr. Cameron explained as she sat down in the desk chair and pulled open a file on her computer.

"Okay," Calleigh nodded.

"Now, you've been diagnosed as clinically depressed, correct?" she asked.

"Yes," Calleigh replied.

"And how long have you been getting treatment for that?"

"I'd say about six months now."

"Okay," Dr. Cameron nodded as she filled out the file on the computer. "Is there any history of depression in your other family members?"

"Not that I'm aware of," Calleigh shook her head.

"Can you tell me about any history of illness from your mother's side?"

"Um." Calleigh took a moment to think back to gather her family history. "My grandmother was a diabetic."

"Okay," Dr. Cameron nodded as she typed in the information. "And your father's side?"

Calleigh awkwardly cleared her throat and said, softly, "Alcoholism."

The conversation continued into questions concerning Calleigh's previous medical conditions (especially her lungs) as well as going into further detail about her depression. Eventually the questioning ceased and Dr. Cameron had Calleigh give her a blood and urine sample to be sent to their lab before proceeding with the physical examination. She started by giving Calleigh a general exam, followed by an internal exam and then went onward to examining the baby.

Dr. Cameron pulled out the Fetal Doppler and placed the tip of the microphone onto Calleigh's abdomen and, after a moment of adjusting, the sound of a quick paced, soft heartbeat began to circulate around the room from the speaker in the doctor's hand. Eric felt a rush of excitement run through him and a smile came to his lips, his own heart began beating as first as his child's when the beautiful sound came to his ears, in complete awe that he was listening to their baby for the first time.

Eric looked down at Calleigh, she was transfixed on the ceiling, looking half mesmerized however also half terrified. He rested his hand over her smaller one and her eyes moved over his face; Eric seemed so utterly happy and Calleigh couldn't help smiling back up at him, despite the fear that lingered within her. The fear she had within her must have been apparent on her face, because Eric's fingers gently squeezed her hand and his lips moved slowly to whisper the words, "It's okay," to her without the doctor hearing him.

Dr. Cameron had been timing the beats on her watch for a minute before declaring. "We've got a perfect heart rate."

Calleigh couldn't resist releasing a relieved sigh at those words. Perhaps the heart rate was one of many details that had to be factored into the baby's health, but at least she had this knowledge about their child, that his heart was beating perfectly and he was alive within her; it may have been strange, but Calleigh managed to find some form of peace in that.

Dr. Cameron proceeded to the ultrasound and, after applying the cold gel, gently slid the transducer across Calleigh's stomach.

"Okay, guys, let's see what we've got here," she said as she flipped on the ultrasound machine. On the screen appeared a tiny baby who quivered slightly within his/her mother's womb and, once Dr. Cameron zoomed in, they could see the small beginnings of arms and legs forming. Seeing their baby on the screen gave Calleigh a blend of joy and anguish; how was she supposed to protect this little baby within her from her age and her medicine?

"Well, it looks like you are about eight weeks," Dr. Cameron reported. "It's too early to tell the sex, but if you look here," she pointed to an area on the screen, "you can see the heart beating."

Sure enough was the rising and falling motion of a little, albeit strong heart; a heart that lived within Calleigh, who glanced up at Eric before her eyes rested back on the screen. There was a look on his face that slightly resembled the worry Calleigh had, however his brown eyes held that fatherly joy she had always wanted to see on him and, despite the circumstances, she was glad she was seeing this side of him, the side emphasized more now that he was finally going to be a father.

"Well, everything looks good on the ultrasound, so far everything looks fantastic," Dr. Cameron said as she printed a few pictures of the sonogram before wiping away the gel from Calleigh's abdomen. "I'll schedule your next appointment for about a month from now and you can call me if you ever have any questions. Speaking of which, do either of you have any now?"

"Um," Calleigh hesitated. "You know about our situation and, um, is there going to be a way to find out before the baby is born if anything is wrong? Just so we can prepare ourselves."

"Well, some things we can detect during pregnancy," she nodded. "We can't detect Autism or certain birth defects, but if we run, for example, an amniocentesis when you're in your fifteenth to twentieth week, we can test for Down Syndrome, any of the trisomy variations and you can have the information from that to contribute to preparing yourselves should there be cause for concern. I can give you some literature for you to look over and you two can decide to participate in any tests if you choose."

Calleigh nodded, finding a small sense of comfort knowing it would be possible to identify any imperfections in their baby's health and they could be given the opportunity to brace themselves should any negative events come their way.

"And, um, my therapist said that it may be possible to lower my dosage of Zoloft. Will that decrease any risks?" Calleigh asked, hopefully.

"Well, decreasing the dosage does make the risks lower, but it depends if _you _are in a good place with your depression. I'll get in contact with her and get her opinion and if she says you're set, there shouldn't be a problem," Dr. Cameron grinned as she handed Eric and Calleigh each a still of the ultrasound.

Calleigh nodded and glanced down at the sonogram picture in her hand, her eyes glued to the image of the tiny being that grew inside her; her stomach began to uneasily twist at the thought of the journey ahead.


	23. Time After Time

Chapter 23

Time After Time

The months pressed onward, the globe still rotated and the sun still set as though nothing would change. The reality was, however, plenty could change in the small space of a few months. Calleigh's Zoloft intake had slightly been decreased to the level her doctor and therapist agreed was appropriate and slowly her clothes became tighter, causing her to make alterations to her wardrobe to cover her now twenty-four week pregnant belly. Her need for food and rest had increased, not to mention she had gained a constant throbbing pressure in her lower back and ache in her feet. But Calleigh was able to cope with the discomforts pregnancy gave her; she couldn't handle the suspense so easily. Her anxiety had increased due to the decreased amount of medication in her system and increased want for her due date to arrive; Calleigh found herself tossing and turning several nights a week by her becoming completely consumed with the negative "what-ifs."

For a brief moment, the amniocentesis results from a few weeks ago and offered her some comfort, for there hadn't been any indication the baby had any genetic abnormalities. For one night, fear had been lifted from their shoulders and Calleigh found herself whistling tunelessly as she prepared a casserole for dinner.

"You don't have to cook tonight," Eric had said as he entered the kitchen.

"I'm in a good mood," she shrugged. "And when I'm in a good mood, I get energized."

Eric chuckled but didn't protest her cooking or her joy, not when the day before she had been worried over the results of the test.

Time had passed since that day and the comfort of the amniocentesis started to wan. Genetic variations in their baby had just been one of many issues they had to consider, and though it did offer some comfort, they weren't out of the woods yet…they wouldn't be until the day their baby arrived and the doctor declared a clean bill of health; then she would exhale.

Until then, it was still a matter of operating day to day, night to night. Speaking of night, Calleigh wasn't having what one would call pleasant. Her mind was slowly being drawn out of her subconscious until she was staring at the digital clock, its scarlet letters numbers read 3:02 AM looking back at her; she had barely received two hours of sleep. Eric's arm was still wrapped around her torso, his hand resting over her softly rounded belly, almost protectively, as though even in sleep he was trying to guard his wife and child.

Calleigh shifted her weight to rotate in his arm until her head rested against his chest, her expanded abdomen leaned up against his and attempted to find sleep there, only to be disappointed.

"Eric," she whispered; his eyes fluttered open and his tired eyes rested on her.

"Can't sleep?" he mumbled.

Calleigh shook her head. "No."

"Is she kicking?" Eric asked as he gently pulled her closer, softly caressing her pregnant belly.

"No," Calleigh grinned. "She, or he, is being good tonight."

"Are you uncomfortable? Is your back hurting again?"

She chuckled a little at her husband's concern and adjusted her head on his chest. "Not right now."

"So what's wrong?" he questioned, worriedly.

"I just can't sleep," she sighed. "I shouldn't have woken you, I'm sorry."

Eric merely grinned and shook his head in the slightest motion before softly kissing her hairline. "Don't be, it's fine….Do you want anything?"

"No," Calleigh said, quietly, as she slowly got up from the bed, taking note that getting to her feet becoming more difficult. "Maybe if I just walk for a bit, I'll get tired again," she said as she pulled her black robe onto her shoulders. Calleigh leaned over to lightly kiss Eric's lips, giving the final reassurance that she was, indeed, fine. "Go back to sleep."

Just about everything within Eric told him to get up with her, but he had learned long ago that sometimes being alone was what was best for some individuals at certain times and he nodded his head as Calleigh walked out the door with one hand gently pressing against her swollen torso.

Calleigh strolled from their bedroom to across the hall where the room they could now officially call the nursery; it was so surreal for her to look around this room that was slowly being transformed into a place for their baby when not too long ago they though it would never accommodate a baby. Now the once spacious room was in the primary stages of developing into a nursery. Two of the walls where covered in a soft yellow hue with the third and fourth still awaiting the attention of the paint brush; the unassembled crib, still enclosed in its cardboard box, leaned against one of these walls. Beside the crib stood a white dresser whose drawers were currently empty, however had a few crocheted blankets from Eric's mother folded neatly on top. Calleigh walked over to the dresser and picked up the top blanket and unfolded to look at it in full view. Carmen had given this to them when they told her Calleigh was pregnant. Tears of joy rolled down Carmen's cheeks and she bestowed upon them the blanket she confessed to making years ago, always hoping for the arrival of her baby boy's first child. The yarn weaved into a pattern of multicolored fish, verdant seaweed and bright coral to form the underwater jungle that was the reef; it was beautiful and pure perfection, there weren't any other words to describe it.

Calleigh folded the blanket back up with care and smoothed out the wrinkles as she placed it back on the dresser, the image of Carmen's smile engraved in her mind. Calleigh had known it hadn't been just herself and Eric who had been waiting for them to have a baby, but also Eric's family. They had never pressed the issue or brought it up in conversation, for they knew the situation the two were in, but it was apparent they had been waiting for Calleigh to say the words "I'm pregnant" for the longest time. Though his family was aware of the risks that came with the pregnancy, they couldn't seem to restrain any of the joy within them and were simply praying for the best.

Calleigh glanced around the unfinished nursery again as her hand smoothed over her belly. She wondered for a moment if this ever-present fear was in all expectant mothers or if it just came as a result of her medical conflicts. She briefly thought about how her fears would differ if she had become pregnant earlier in life before her depression, perhaps then her concerns would only center around her ability to be a mother. Would she be pacing around this room early in the morning had circumstances been altered? The questions swimming in her head were a lot to take consider and it seemed to be enough to make her the least bit drowsy; drowsy enough that now it seemed that sleep could be a possibility.

The baby gave her a gentle nudge from within her womb and Calleigh reached up to softly rub the area the baby's foot had struck her.

"We should be getting to sleep," she whispered with a light grin as she looked down at her belly. With that, she wandered out of the nursery and back to her bedroom, a little surprised to see Eric sitting up in bed; he gave her a weak smile as she approached.

"You didn't have to wait up," Calleigh grinned as she awkwardly worked around her belly to get back into bed.

"I was worried," Eric admitted, pulling her into him with one arm while his other hand tenderly rested on her abdomen.

"That makes two of us," she murmured, unthinkingly; she hadn't noticed she had said the words until they had escaped her lips and rested in the air for a moment.

Eric recognized the tone in her voice instantly, this had been her primary cause of stress as of late and it was a safe assumption that it was once again causing her a sleepless night. "Cal, are you worrying about the baby?" he asked.

Calleigh sighed. "Maybe a little." There was a silence that rested between the two of them as Eric put his lips to her temple in a reassuring kiss. "I know what you're thinking," she said, softly, looking up at him. "You're thinking I'm going to end up driving myself crazy with worry, but I can't help it."

"It's okay, I'm worried too," he admitted, his hand running protectively over her belly. Calleigh found comfort in that, it was nice to know she wasn't alone in her fears and someone was there to understand; Eric was there for her—Eric had _always _been there for her. "But, Cal, you've been listening to the doctor, eating right, staying healthy, that's going to count for something."

"Hopefully staying healthy is enough," she sighed, adjusting her head on his chest.

"Me too," he agreed before softly placing a kiss to her hair line. "But do you want to know something?"

"Sure."

"This is what's going to make you such a great mom," he said, a smile forming on his lips.

"Being worried?" she asked.

Eric lightly rolled his eyes. "Being concerned and only thinking of her well-being…or his well-being. I have a feeling that this baby is going to be crazy about you."

Calleigh chuckled and a piece of her heart warmed a little at his words. "Not as crazy as she'll be about her daddy," she said as she interlocked her fingers through his and allowed her eyes to close.

Eric watched Calleigh as she drifted back into sleep, her body relaxing against his as Eric's thumb brushed against her belly.

"Everything is going to be okay," he whispered to Calleigh, their baby…and himself. "It has to be."

* * *

The next chapter will be longer, but it won't be up until after the New Year, I'm currently on vacation with family and I just wanted to give you guys one more update before Christmas. Happy Holidays!


	24. Breathe

Since you guys have been great at dealing with the angst, I've decided to cut y'all a break and decided to write a levity chapter for good measure ;).

* * *

Chapter 24

Breathe

Calleigh had never once thought of this experience as a typical pregnancy, how could she when there were so many risks facing them? But there were rare, precious moments in which Eric and Calleigh found themselves able to enjoy the events of pregnancy such as feeling their baby move for the first time and gradually working on the nursery. Seldom the opportunity for such joy came into their lives without a tinge of fear accompanying it and today they hoped to have another of those moments as they drove down the highway. Calleigh would be lying if she said her spirits weren't high today, she had even gone as far as to allow herself to be excited and put all perils out her mind; just for one day she would let the weight of the situation be removed from her shoulders.

"So," Calleigh turned to Eric. "Do you want a boy or a girl?" The day had come when they would hopefully find out the gender of their baby and there was definitely an increased level of excitement in the car as they approached the hospital. The topic of conversation may have been expected of a pregnant couple and was perhaps a little too typical and regularly she would have taken notice, but today she couldn't be bothered to care.

"Healthy," was his automatic response.

She rolled her eyes. "That is the oldest parental cliché in the book."

"Maybe, but it's the truth. That's all I'm hoping for," Eric shrugged. "Why? What are you hoping for?"

"Healthy," she replied.

"What happened to that being a cliché?"

Calleigh lifted her shoulders into an innocent shrug as her palm slid down the curve of her belly, an element of excitement brewing in her; the same excitement was growing in her husband, both ready to find out if the child she was carrying was a son or daughter.

"Honestly, all I'm hoping for is a healthy baby," Eric promised. "And I want you to be healthy."

"Okay, so let's assume we are both perfectly healthy," she suggested. "Would you want a boy or girl?"

"I'd be so happy you are both healthy that it wouldn't matter," Eric smirked, once again avoiding giving her a direct answer; Calleigh shook her head and let the subject drop as they pulled into the parking lot.

"How're you feeling?" Dr. Cameron asked when their appointment began.

"Good," Calleigh replied, honestly. "Really good."

"Excellent," she nodded in approval and flipped through Calleigh's chart. "And your weight and blood pressure are at a great level."

Calleigh's eyes fell onto her rounded torso at the mention of her weight. She was beginning to fill out and she was recognizably pregnant at this point, there was absolutely no denying that fact, but she already felt enormous and she still had approximately sixteen more weeks to go. Calleigh was beginning to wonder how she was going to feel when that time did come and how she would look when her belly expanded even more; secretly, Eric couldn't wait for that.

"Has anything new come up?" the doctor proceeded. "Any spotting or cramping?"

"No," Calleigh shook her head.

Dr. Cameron requested for Calleigh to lie down and roll up her shirt; Calleigh did, sliding back the material of her blouse to reveal her growing belly.

"Does your baby move frequently?" she asked as her hands gently pressed Calleigh's abdomen, following the positioning of the womb.

"Yeah, sometimes all night," Calleigh said, laughingly.

The doctor warmly smiled at the answer. "That happens, but it's a good sign that everything is going swimmingly," she said, approvingly, as she pulled fabric tape measure over Calleigh's rounded abdomen.

The questions continued in the normal routine and the questions eventually ran into the regular exam, including once again hearing the baby's heartbeat that made their own hearts thud even more. Then they moved on to the ultrasound; Dr. Cameron applied the cold gel to Calleigh's belly and, as usual, Eric reached over to take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze as he smiled down at his wife. They had to admit, it was the slightest bit strange how they were here about to find out the sex of their baby, seeing as it wasn't so long ago that they thought these appointments would never be possible for them.

"Okay, you two," Dr. Cameron smiled as she placed the transducer on Calleigh's stomach. "Let's take a look."

* * *

"Twenty bucks says it's a boy," Valera said to Natalia in the break room as she opened her bottle of apple juice.

"I'll take that bet," Natalia said as she pulled out her own lunch to eat in haste before getting back to work. The door to the break room opened and Ryan and Travers stepped in.

"So the flakes you found on the clothes of the vic were lead paint?" Ryan asked Travers as he opened the mini-fridge and withdrawing a soda.

"Yeah," Travers replied. "She was absolutely covered in it."

"So why would a socialite be around that much lead paint?"

"You're the investigator, I just ran the samples," he joked, his British accent coating every word.

"Guys, do you think Baby Delko is going to be a boy or girl?" Valera asked.

"Boy," they replied in unison.

"Want to place money on that?" Natalia spoke up. "I think it's going to be a girl."

"You're on," Ryan instantly responded.

"Why does everyone think they're going to have a boy?"

"I'm hoping for the sake of the kid it's a boy," Ryan shrugged as he took a seat.

"Why?" asked Travers.

"Because if it's a girl, when she starts dating Delko will go berserk and the poor girl will be miserable."

"She won't be miserable, that's just the way dads are when they have girls. It's kind of sweet in a way," Valera grinned.

"Maxine, you never told your dad if you were dating, did you?" asked Travers.

"Not if I could help it," she replied, to which they all laughed.

"What's so funny?" Calleigh asked as she entered the break room.

"Valera's secret romances as a teen," Ryan shrugged.

"Ooh," she swooned, impressed; a smile seemed to be permanently attached to her lips as she grabbed a bottle of water.

"How did the appointment go?" Travers chimed in.

"Great, thanks," she grinned as she unscrewed the lid. "Everything is looking great so far."

"And could they tell you guys the sex of the baby?" Valera asked, eagerly.

"Yeah, I texted Natalia to tell her earlier, didn't she tell you guys? It's a girl," she declared with a wide, proud smile, still in complete awe of the fact. "I'll see you guys later," she said before continuing towards CSI, the three gaped at Natalia.

"You cheated," Valera accused. "You betted and you knew the answer."

"I didn't cheat," Natalia defended herself. "I simply used my resources wisely….Now I believe I just hit an early payday."

The three groaned and reluctantly began to dig out the money from their wallets.

* * *

Calleigh resealed the evidence she had completed examining as one of her cases came to a successful close. She initialed the envelope before moving to the next bullet that needed to be repackaged; the door into her lab opened and she heard the sounds of footsteps approaching from behind her. Calleigh looked over her shoulder to see her husband beaming at her.

"Hi," she greeted him. "Heard our bus driver was guilty."

"Yeah, they're booking him right now," he informed her, though truthfully his head was anywhere but on the current case.

"Excellent," Calleigh said as she turned to face him. "It's been a good day."

"Yeah," he agreed as she turned back to her work. "Hey, come here for a moment," Eric whispered, pulling her away from the workbench and into his arms.

"We're at work," she reminded him, though her actions of resting her hands on his biceps contradicted her words.

"This will only take a sec," he promised as he rested his forehead against hers.

"Okay," Calleigh permitted and she felt the palms of Eric's hands press against her back. "What's up?"

His lips lifted and grew into a broad smile and the light in his eye was dancing widely; Calleigh could tell he was trying desperately to maintain his excitement.

"We're having a girl," Eric said in a sing-song voice, the tips of his eyes crinkling as the smile widened.

"Yeah," Calleigh breathed in awe. "I take it you're happy about that."

"Very," he replied.

"Let me guess, she's not dating until she's twenty-five?"

"She's not dating _ever_," Eric corrected instantly; as far as he was concerned, not a single boy was going to come within ten feet of his baby.

Calleigh released a hum of amusement and shook her head. "I have a feeling she is going to be a little bit of a daddy's girl."

"What's wrong with that?" he questioned, his lips curling up into a playful smirk.

"Not a thing. Oh," Calleigh quietly gasped and her hand flew to her belly, she stood frozen for a moment before exhaling and a smile spreading on her face.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked.

"Yeah. Feel this," she whispered, taking his hand and bringing it to the peak of the swell. Instantly, Eric felt a light series of kicks or punches collide with his palm.

He had often felt the baby kick before, but he it was their _daughter _he could feel and Eric couldn't describe the immense pride and joy that circulated merrily within him.

"You're a strong little baby, aren't you?" Eric cooed towards the belly he began to affectionately rub.

Calleigh laughed and longed to have this moment with her husband last just awhile longer, however the evidence on the table was getting neglected and she needed to return to it.

"I've got to get back to work," she sighed, regrettably.

"Yeah," he nodded, straightening up. "Me too, but I'll see you later."

"You will," Calleigh agreed, allowing herself to stretch up and give him a kiss despite the environment.

"I love you," Eric whispered to her when the kiss broke. "Both of you."

"We love you," she grinned before they drifted back to their work and looking forward to tonight when they could bask in the joy they had felt since their appointment earlier today.

* * *

Later that night when they returned from work, Eric wandered into the living room to encounter Calleigh asleep on the couch and she looked so peaceful that he didn't have the heart to wake her. Her face was completely relaxed and she was curled comfortably with one hand draped over her pregnant belly. The sound of her steady breathing was the equivalent to music in his world, it was the lullaby he had fallen asleep to for years and he had thought he would have fallen out of love with it after so long; he was relieved to learn that was not the case by any means.

Eric took a seat on the floor and reached up to tenderly stroke Calleigh's belly. "Are you letting Momma get some sleep, baby?" he whispered, his lips pulling into a half-smile as he thought back to some of the previous nights when the baby would be moving so frequently it gave Calleigh difficulty getting to sleep and staying asleep. Now the baby's movements seemed to pause for a while, just enough for Calleigh to manage to get some well-earned shuteye.

"Do you want to know a secret?" Eric asked his daughter. "We have been waiting for you to come for a long time, a very long time."

But Eric knew with great certainty that the baby had been worth the wait; Calleigh, were she conscious would completely agree. Every negative pregnancy test, every sleepless night and every round of bad news was worth it now that they had a daughter that would be making her appearance in a few short months.

"We can't wait to meet you," he said, his voice quiet and touch soft as to not disrupt Calleigh's slumber. "Now, I'm going to warn you, I can be extremely overprotective," Eric admitted. "Your mom can tell you that, because I've been crazy with that when it comes to her. But it's only because I love you two more than _anything_ and I don't know what I'd do if something ever happened to either of you."

He could already see himself years down the road fretting about her crossing the street or riding a bike as a young child, then obsessing over her curfew and watching the clock anxiously awaiting her to come home as a teenager, not to mention all the other worries in-between, including the remainder of the pregnancy.

His eyes were completely transfixed on her belly, on the tiny being within, thus he jumped a little when he felt some fingers run over the short hair on the back of his head and he turned to see Calleigh smiling down at him.

"Do _you _want to know something?" she asked, her voice a little tired.

"Sure," he replied as her fingers now brushed over the light stubble on his cheek.

Her thumb brushed against the corner of his mouth and said, "You are going to be an incredible father."

Eric felt a shift of movement within Calleigh's womb and the baby kicked the hand he still had resting there, almost as though she was agreeing with her mother's statement.


	25. Balancing the Scales

Chapter 25

Balancing the Scales

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Chandler asked with a smile as they entered her office.

"Huge," Calleigh replied with a chuckle as she slowly lowered herself down onto the couch. The heaviness of her stomach was the first thing Calleigh noticed about herself whenever she walked or looked at herself in the mirror. When she walked into a place with the intent on talking to someone, the individual would look at her belly first before looking at her face, always making her feel the slightest bit self-conscious.

"How far along are you now?" she kindly asked, taking a seat in her computer chair and pulling out her clipboard.

"Twenty-five weeks," Calleigh replied, her hand smoothing over the side of her belly, where the baby was constantly kicking her side. "Less than halfway there."

"Have you guys decided on any names yet?" she asked, keeping things friendly before easing into the session.

Calleigh grinned at herself a little and nodded. After a few playful debates, followed by several moments of serious thought, they finally settled on what they felt was the perfect name for their daughter. "Brooke."

"That's a pretty name," the therapist commented with a smile as she picked up her clipboard. "Getting excited?"

"Um…" Calleigh hesitated, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "I think more nervous-excited."

"Understandably so," she nodded. "So, how've things been the last few days few days? You know, has anything major come up or changed?"

"No," she said, truthfully. "Everything has been pretty routine."

"Why don't you tell me about that routine?" Dr. Chandler requested, a curious spark in her eye.

"Well, um, basically, I get up, eat and then get ready for work. I'm there most of the day and by the time I get home, I'll relax and go to bed. There's not really a whole lot of extra time with my job," she sighed.

"But it's a more structured way of living than it was a few months ago when you were first diagnosed as depressed?" she clarified.

"Yes," Calleigh nodded, almost sounding relieved. "Definitely."

The therapist noticed Calleigh's optimism as she admitted this and she jotted down on her notes how Calleigh seemed to notice there had been definite improvement in her life, an improvement she probably didn't even deem possible several months back, but it was one she was now fearlessly embracing.

"Now," the therapist continued. "We haven't gone into much detail about your dosage being decreased. How're you coping with that?"

"Pretty well, I think," Calleigh answered.

"Have you missed any work recently?"

"Only for appointments," she said, inwardly quite proud of herself for that fact.

Dr. Chandler jotted down another note on her paper that Calleigh could not see before pressing on to the next question. "Have there been any times you've felt unnecessarily upset or frustrated with any situations since the dosage has decreased?"

Calleigh smoothed out a crease in the fabric of her shirt as she absorbed the question. There had been instances in which she felt disheartened or angry and there wasn't a valid reason behind it. Had Dr. Chandler asked her that question a few months ago, pre-pregnancy, she knew it would have linked back to her depression, but things were different now; she was pregnant and that could affect her moods in the same way the lack of Zoloft could.

"Sometimes I do," she admitted. "But I get confused of whether it's due to of hormones or the depression."

Dr. Chandler nodded. "That is the dilemma with this situation, I'm afraid. How do you handle those moments?"

"I try to keep my mind off it, if I can. I'll go for a walk, I'll read something, or I'll take nap if I'm tired enough."

Dr. Chandler scribbled another note down. "Do you sleep a lot of the time?"

"Not a whole lot. I'll sleep a bit after work and I have been going to bed a bit earlier," Calleigh said, resting her hand beneath her belly.

"But you're sleeping because you're going to bed because of being tired from pregnancy, right?"

"Most of the time, but sometimes I just get stressed and need to be alone, so I go to bed," Calleigh admitted, reluctantly, not exactly proud of the fact now that she said it out loud. "That's a bad thing to say for this situation, isn't it?"

Dr. Chandler hesitated. "Well, it's normal for people to sometimes want alone time and want to go in their room and take a moment to collect their thoughts."

"But?"

"But," she continued. "As I said, this is the dilemma of your situation. We can't be sure if this is a reaction to your decrease in medication for your depression or if you're pregnancy hormones make you want to be alone or you may just be under typical stress. We can't determine it and so we can't necessarily say if this is a problem or not."

Calleigh's heart sank and uncertainty swarmed her, now having more questions and confusion than she had when the session began.

"How often do you get that stressed that you want to shut the world out?"

"Um…" Calleigh thought. "Not very often, maybe once every few weeks."

"Is there normally a reason behind it?"

"Normally because I've been thinking about the risks of this pregnancy or maybe something that happen at work," she said.

Dr. Chandler nodded with compassion as she wrote that down; being a CSI couldn't have been an easy career, especially to a woman that was under stress in her personal life. However, it was good to see Calleigh admitting where the stress came from so freely to her; at least she wasn't harboring any emotions that could be having adverse effect to her progress.

"After you sleep for a moment, do you feel better afterwards?" Dr. Chandler asked.

"Yeah, most of the time. But if I don't, Eric usually tries to cheer me up," Calleigh said, laughing a little bit at the mention of Eric.

"How does he cheer you up?" Dr. Chandler questioned with a friendly smile.

"He'll just do simple things. We'll go for a drive or he'll try to make me laugh, and normally I'd feel a lot better after that," she admitted.

"It's always good to have someone like that," Dr. Chandler nodded in approval. "You're very lucky."

"Yeah," Calleigh said, mostly to herself, as her eyes rested on her belly. Her mind drifted back to the previous week when Eric managed to notice her dreariness and had made it his mission to change it.

_The day had been too long, too many murders and not enough evidence. Her back and feet were aching mightily and the atmosphere was dark, dull and lousy, matching perfectly with the rest of her day. She lied there in her bed, tired but unable to achieve sleep; thus she stay within the dark room within the warmth of her sheets and waited for yet another day to start._

_The bedroom door opened, the light from the hall seeped in and illuminated a portion of their room. Eric stepped in and took a seat on his side of the bed, switching on the nearby lamp. _

_"Hey, you," Eric whispered, wrapping his arm around her slightly enlarged middle as he leaned over to softly kiss her cheek. "Are you okay?"_

_"Great," she mumbled, not looking in his direction; Eric didn't believe her. _

_"What's on your mind?" he asked._

_"Nothing, I'm fine," she insisted, this time attempting to sound a tad more convincing but Eric continued to see through it. _

_Eric had been become relatively used to the highs and lows and was trying his best to take them as they came. She was allowing him to hold her; that was a good sign and perhaps he would be able to shift her sadness into a more optimistic mood. _

_"Do you remember the Christmas I asked you to marry me?" he asked, snuggling closer to her. _

_Calleigh's lips tugged into a small smile at the memory of Christmas so long ago. She woke up to Eric not being by her side, but rather a note on his pillow that told her to go into the kitchen. She had been a mixture of amusement and confused as she entered the kitchen to see a small wrapped gift on the table, the words "open me" scribbled on a note beside it. Calleigh removed the wrapping paper to reveal a box of bullets, which gave Calleigh immense joy to see, and another note that asked her to go to the tree. _

_The game continued with a series of notes, all which tagged along with a small gift. By the time Calleigh reached the rose in the foyer, she had already acquired the bullets, some chocolate, a pair of earrings and a book she had wanted to read but could never find a copy of. The final clue directed her outside and when Calleigh stepped onto the back patio, Eric stood there with a satisfied grin on his face and pulled out the ring before Calleigh could get a word out. _

_The memory still brought a wide smile to Calleigh's lips. "Yeah, I remember," she recalled. "I must admit that it was very romantic."_

_"That's me," Eric smirked. "I'm a sucker for love."_

_Calleigh couldn't resist laughing at the romantic, slightly cheesy line from the man who was usually too masculine to deliver such a sentence._

_"A sucker for love, huh?"_

_"Mm-hmm," he mumbled, softly nuzzling he, which only made her giggle a bit more._

_It had been a few actions that were so simple, but they were enough to turn her from being in a heap of confusion and somberness back to the lighter hearted person she could be, something she would be eternally grateful to Eric for. _

"Well, you have my cell number, right?" the voice of Dr. Chandler bringing her back to Earth; Calleigh nodded in response. "Next time you feel this stress building up and you want to escape to your room, please call me, just so I can get a better insight to your thoughts and feelings during that time, okay?"

Calleigh agreed, however secretly hoped there wouldn't be a reason for her to call Dr. Chandler.

"But, speaking of Eric, how are things going with you two?"

"Great," Calleigh immediately answered. "He's still being incredibly supportive and we're still getting through everything."

"How about as far as sex is concerned?" she asked. "I remember last week you said that you were tempted to try having sex again. Did you?"

Calleigh had grown comfortable talking to Dr. Chandler about many subjects, her depression, her fears and even her childhood to an extent, but she still felt herself blush a little bit every time the topic of sex came up; there were some subjects that seemed too personal, even embarrassing, to discuss, even if it was a necessary part of therapy.

"No," Calleigh admitted.

"Why not?"

"I guess I'm probably just worried about having a repeat of last time and…I really don't want to handle that aspect of it right now," she sighed. As far as Calleigh was concerned, there was a bulk of situations she couldn't control, a variety of stressors that affected her without her say; if there was a form of stress or pain she had the choice of avoiding, she would certainly take it, despite the wants of her greedy hormones.

"That's understandable," she nodded. "Would you mind bringing him in next time so I can get his insight about everything?"

"Not a problem," Calleigh assured her, making a metal note to bring the subject with Eric later.

* * *

"How'd it go?" Eric asked, turning down the TV when his wife walked through the door.

"Good, you know, same old, same old," she shrugged about to take a seat on the couch, however Eric put his legs in front of him, creating a space wide enough for Calleigh to sit. He gently pulled her to sit with him, allowing her to relax into his chest. "We just discussed my meds, the baby and we even talked about you a bit."

Calleigh had started to feel more comfortable talking to Eric about what she would discuss her therapist, always by her own will; Eric had never pressured her to reveal the words said within the office.

"Me?" he repeated, a little confused.

"Yeah, and how you make me feel better or make me laugh whenever I'm feeling down," Calleigh said with a grin.

"Speedle once suggested I pursue a career in comedy," Eric smirked, jokingly.

Calleigh shook her head. "Watch it, Delko," she teasingly warned. "Or your head is going to start not fitting through the door."

Eric chuckled at the dig as he held her just a little bit tighter. "Seriously, though, I'm glad I can make you feel better."

"You always do. You always have made me happy."

Eric's heart was touched and warmed by the words, for he had had a secret fear that maybe sometimes he wasn't doing enough for Calleigh to help her cope with the never ending changes in their lives, but her words put him at ease .

"How are you two feeling?" Eric asked, his palm caressing her rounded abdomen.

"Good," she grinned, her hand sliding over to rest atop his. "But she keeps bouncing around, so I probably get much sleep tonight."

Eric gave a sympathetic laugh and began to feel the light shuffling of the baby beneath his hand, causing his heart to flutter. "You'll let your momma get some sleep, won't you baby girl?" Eric smiled.

Calleigh happily chuckled a little at his pure devotion to their child. Over the last several months, he seemed unable to keep his hands, his lips or his eyes off of Calleigh and her ever-growing belly. The fact was clear to Calleigh that Eric's excitement was constantly escalating and everyone they knew was realizing this to. The other day Calleigh had entered the break room to find Natalia on her laptop as she ate lunch. She appeared to be on her Facebook page, something Calleigh and Eric had each created, however had been dormant for several months…well, so she thought.

"I like this picture of you two that Eric posted," Natalia commented to Calleigh.

"What picture?" she had asked curiously, coming to look over Natalia's shoulder. In the center of the screen was a picture that had been taken at Carmen's during a family dinner just a few days prior to that day. They had been standing in the kitchen, Eric had his arms wrapped around Calleigh from behind with his hands gently pressed to her belly with his chin resting on Calleigh's shoulder while her fingers intertwined with his; they were both smiling in the direction of the camera, not a trace of fear visible on their faces. A caption had been inserted at the bottom of the photo in white letters, reading _"It's a girl." _The pure excitement in Eric's eyes alone was enough to make Calleigh happily laugh along with Natalia at the sight of the picture.

He now continued to softly rub her belly as she adjusted her head against his chest. "By the way, would you mind coming in for the next appointment?" Calleigh asked, remembering the promise she had made to Dr. Chandler. "She just wants your view on how things have been and stuff like that."

"Sure, I'll go," he nodded. "Absolutely."

Calleigh smiled gratefully before closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around his torso, letting out a soft sigh. Eric began to stroke her hair, she had been up and on her feet since early that morning and it was clearly all beginning to catch up with her pregnant self.

"Tired?" he asked.

"Only a little," Calleigh sighed.

Eric put his lips to her ear. "You've been working too hard."

"I have not," she protested. .

"Have so," he teased, gesturing to the increasing heaviness belly.

"Are you implying that I'm fat?" Calleigh demanded, playfully narrowing her eyes.

"No," Eric promised. "You're beautiful."

Calleigh laughed, approvingly. "Good save."

"I mean it," Eric smiled, truthfully. "I love you." He punctuated the statement with a kiss on her forehead, then he whispered in the direction of their baby, "And I love you, Brooke."

Calleigh smiled and cuddled closer to her husband. "We love you back."

"How do you know that she does?" Eric questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Easy," she stated, taking his hand and sliding it to the peak of her stomach where a series of light kicks were occurring. "Maternal intuition," she sighed, unable to stifle a yawn in the process.

Eric chuckled and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, draping it over his wife. "Comfortable?" he asked as she closed her eyes.

"Mm-hmm," she mumbled contently as her eyes began to close.

Eric held her in his arms and felt her body relax into his own as her breathing became deeper and she disappeared into her subconscious.


	26. Nothing Gold Can Stay

Chapter 26

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Calleigh didn't find it quite fair that a moment of peace could be disturbed so easily. She had been enjoying a very pleasant nap on the couch, a blanket wrapped around her and her feet resting in Eric's lap. The aches of being twenty-six weeks pregnant had lessened for a few hours and she had been completely at ease, only for it to be ruined by a mere muscle cramp in her side.

Eric had spent the good part of two hours watching his wife sleep, one hand resting adoringly on her belly while the other was tucked under her head. Now she groaned as she came to life, her hand rubbing the side of her abdomen as she switched from her side and onto her back; she had yet to open her eyes and her nose had wrinkled in discomfort.

"Are you okay?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah, just a cramp," Calleigh assured him tiredly. "It's nothing."

Eric looked at her with apprehension, seeing her in any form of discomfort often caused him worry even if she assured him that it was "nothing." Calleigh could sense his unnecessary worrying and, with the pain in her side fading, she reached over to take his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I fell asleep before they revealed the killer," Calleigh said with a nod in the direction of the TV, referring to the crime drama they had been watching and the ending she had missed. "Who did it?"

Eric grinned a little at her subtle change of subject. "The store owner."

"Ha, I knew it," she declared in triumph. "What are you watching now?" Calleigh asked, noticing that it was only a commercial for a car dealership appearing on the screen right now.

"Just catching up on the news," Eric replied.

"Well, as much as I'll miss the news," Calleigh sighed sarcastically as she slowly sat up, "I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Still tired?" he smiled as he helped her to her feet.

"Yeah, all my energy is being sucked out," Calleigh joked as she looked down at her ever-growing belly; her feet appeared to be slowly vanishing from beneath her.

Eric laughed as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Well, I'll be back there in a few, okay?"

Calleigh nodded. "By then, I'll probably already be out of it."

"In that case," he said, leaning in to tenderly kiss her lips. "I love you."

She chortled. "I love you." But no sooner had the words escaped her lips, Eric noticed her face begin to fall. Calleigh felt the uncomfortable sensation return, only it was different this time round; it was painful and slowly intensifying. Eric heard her take a sharp, sucking breath through her teeth and she hunched over a little bit, her head pressing into Eric's chest, his arms still wrapped securely around her waist.

"Cal?" Eric asked, worriedly. "Babe, what's wrong?"

Calleigh didn't answer instantly, she was too busy holding her breath and keeping her lips pressed in a thin line. She closed her eyes and rested a hand on her belly; she could feel the tightness and strain of the muscles.

Eventually, though she didn't know how long she stood there, she exhaled and straightened up.

"What's wrong?" he repeated, still strongly concerned.

"I-I'm not sure," she softly panted. "I think—I think I that may have been a—a contraction."

Fear instantly flooded into Eric's eyes, but otherwise any trace of that fear remained hidden from his wife.

"Here, sit down," he said calmly, holding her upper arms as she lowered herself back onto the couch. "How are you feeling now?"

"Fine, now it's over, but…." Calleigh hugged her stomach in a protective manner, though knowing it wouldn't necessarily be enough. "Did you happen to catch the time that started?"

"Around five after," he said, having happened to get a glance of his watch when it started.

"Okay," she nodded, keeping calm and hoping that it was just a Braxton Hick contraction and another wouldn't come back.

That hope was shattered when the same pain came back seven minutes later. "Oh, God," she sighed as the pain coursed her body; every fiber in her body was screaming that this shouldn't be happening, she shouldn't be getting Braxton Hicks contractions _this _painful, _this _early_. _

They had been doing plenty of research and reading throughout the pregnancy about the situations that could happen before and after the baby was born; preterm labor was definitely one of the risks. They had talked to Dr. Cameron about handling that situation if it were ever to rear its ugly head, however always hoping their knowledge was just a precaution and never had to be used, but as the contractions began to occur in the same seven minute pattern, the knowledge they attained would have to be taken into action. Calleigh lay down on her side and drank some water as was the procedure, trying to keep herself relaxed despite the fears that were steadily rising with every contraction. They kept an eye on them for an hour, hoping they would fade out within that time frame, but to their disappointment they didn't.

Eric crouched down by Calleigh's head, watching her carefully over the last hour and his stomach was beginning to twist with fear, though he didn't let it show; Calleigh didn't need to see him lose it when she too trying to not let her fears get the best of her. Eric just held her hand and whispered reassuring words to her every time a contraction returned, his heart thumping furiously against his ribcage.

Calleigh released his hand as another contraction ended and they shared a look, a look of sheer terror and they weren't going to sit around and hope her body would stop on its own.

"I'll call your doctor, okay," Eric said, smoothing his hand over her hair. "Try and relax."

Calleigh nodded, keeping an eye on her watch and one hand resting protectively over her belly.

_Don't let this be happening, don't let this be happening. Please let us just be overreacting, _she kept repeating in her head.

Calleigh heard Eric dial the phone in the kitchen and she tried to listen to everything he said to distract her. She listened as Eric asked for Dr. Cameron and she could hear him trying to keep his worry contained as he began to explain the situation.

"She's been having painful contractions for about an hour and they've been coming about every seven minutes," Calleigh heard Eric say, and then there was a silence before Eric spoke again. "She's been drinking water and lying down, but they aren't going away."

Another silence came and then she heard Eric release a heavy sigh and say, "Okay."

Calleigh heard the beep of the phone, ending the call, and then Eric's footsteps coming back towards the couch. He kneeled down beside her head and brushed his fingers against her cheek, his eyes confirming what she already knew.

"She thinks this is preterm labor, doesn't she?" Calleigh assumed, her voice trembling in a way she couldn't control.

Eric nodded. "She wants us to head over there."

Suddenly, all the fears and worries Calleigh had had over the last few months were being realized. All of the sleepless nights when she'd lie awake and think of all the things that could possibly go wrong in this pregnancy, only to be reassured that the chances of any complications arising were slim; all that comfort had been in vain and now their baby was in danger of being born far too early.

Calleigh's eyes stung with tears as she slid on her flip-flops and Eric helped her to her feet.

He tenderly kissed her forehead. "Everything is going to be fine," he whispered to Calleigh, trying to reassure her, and himself, as they made their way out of the house and towards the hospital.

* * *

The hospital instantly admitted Calleigh, she had a belt strapped around her belly to monitor the contractions and was started on an IV to try and stop the labor as well as a corticosteroid to mature the baby's lungs.

"Just in case we do have to deliver," Dr. Cameron had said. "You're three centimeters right now, but hopefully you'll stop dilating soon. Now, you're water hasn't broken, correct?"

"It hasn't," Calleigh shook her head.

"Good," she nodded. "These drugs should start working in a few hours. Now, I know it may be difficult, but try to relax, okay," Dr. Cameron said soothingly.

Calleigh nodded as she slumped back into the pillows, slightly dizzy as a side effect of the medication and completely terrified as a side effect of the situation. Eric gave the hand he was holding a soft squeeze, letting her know he was there as she closed her eyes, attempting to shut out the world around her. She heard the doctor leave the room, leaving Eric and Calleigh to do nothing but wait.

Eric kept his eyes on her face, which she was currently attempting to keep relaxed while one of her hands rested on her belly. He prayed the medication could stop her labor and the baby wouldn't have to be delivered tonight; he had heard countless stories of babies being born prematurely and he didn't want their daughter to fall into that category.

Calleigh suddenly hissed in a breath through her teeth and her grip tightened on his hand.

"Contraction?"

"Mm-hmm," Calleigh nodded, her jaw clenched tightly and her eyes pinched closed.

Eric hovered over her, allowing her to cling to his hand as he brushed away the beads of sweat that appeared on her forehead. He whispered softly to her comforting words as his eyes briefly traveled to the monitor where the contraction was being recorded.

"It's almost gone, babe," Eric assured her.

Eric felt Calleigh's fingers release his palm as the contraction passed and she exhaled. He kissed her lips and rested his head by hers; she opened her eyes to meet his deep brown ones and sighed.

"Just when I thought we were done with all the twists," she breathed.

Eric didn't quite know how to respond; she was trying to hide her fear from him, but he could see it scorching in her eyes. Eric knew all he could do was sit here and try to comfort her, _he _couldn't stop her labor, _he _couldn't take away the pain of the continuing contractions and _he_ couldn't erase her fear.

All he could do was sit with his wife, his unborn child and wait.


	27. Battle of Karma

Chapter 27

Battle of Karma

By three that morning, Calleigh had shifted to her side and Eric's hand was sliding along her lower back to ease some of her pain built up there. The contractions still weren't distancing in time or decreasing in pain, in fact quite the opposite; the contractions were coming at just over five minutes apart.

Calleigh wished she could still be home, curled up in her bed with Eric by her side without contractions continuously pounding upon her, trying to force her baby out of the safety of her womb.

Her doctor came back in and with a comforting smile headed over to the machines to check the printouts of recorded contractions; she didn't appear satisfied with what she saw.

"Time for another check," Dr. Cameron said as she pulled on a pair of latex gloves. Eric helped Calleigh roll onto her back and took her hand, praying she had stopped dilating, but the doctor dashed that hope by sadly declaring. "You're at six centimeters."

Calleigh moaned in the back of her throat and glanced up at the ceiling, trying to keep her tears at bay.

"We'll up your dosage, hopefully we'll be able to slow labor enough for your body to stop by itself," she said as she pushed more drugs.

The stress and utter fear in the room was tangible, the prognosis of this situation was looking dismal, yet somehow Calleigh couldn't allow herself to think their daughter could be born prematurely…it wasn't a fact she was willing to accept at this moment.

"Let me know if the pain increases or if the contractions get closer together, okay?" Dr. Cameron said softly, placing a comforting hand upon Calleigh's shoulder.

Calleigh looked up at the woman and nodded, feeling Eric's fingers give her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I know this is a lousy situation, but right now all you can do is just try and keep relaxed, okay?" the doctor advised. "Just try and keep your mind off of it."

_That'll be simple_, Calleigh sarcastically thought, but she vowed to herself to try, regardless.

Dr. Cameron exited the room, assuring them she would be right down the hall if they needed her. Calleigh shifted back onto her side to become more comfortable and to have a clearer view of Eric's face, which she kept her eyes on to give her some shred of comfort.

"You know," she sighed. "It took us five years, a diagnosis of infertility and a depression before we got pregnant….I think it only makes sense now if we got cut a break and everything turns out okay."

Eric gave her a warm grin and reached up to caress her cheek. "Exactly."

So badly they wanted to believe that, to have trust in the force of karma and think it'll play fairly.

Calleigh gasped as another contraction raged through her and she automatically had Eric's hand in a severe grip.

"God, my back," she hissed under her breath, the words having spilled out of her lips uncontrollably.

"It's okay, it's okay," Eric whispered, his hand once again firmly rubbing her lower back. He kissed her knuckles as she squeezed her eyes closed and clenched her teeth. She tried to get her mind off of the excruciating pain that tore through her, trying to focus on something completely different, something that didn't bring her pain or fear. Her thoughts landed on the memory of their wedding day and how the day had been one absent of any horrors.

She tried envisioning the scene as the contraction began to peak. The ceremony had been at the Catholic Church, a humble gathering of the closest of friends and family since they weren't fans of over extravagance. Calleigh stood in an elegant white dress and watched as her small bridal party began to move down the aisle until the final bridesmaid reached the alter. Then the aisle was clear and she could see her soon-to-be husband with Horatio standing by his side as his best man. The classic melody announced the time to head down the aisle, Eric stood there with the widest grin on his face as she approached and she was smiling just as wide behind her veil.

The contraction eased and she released a breath. She let go of the memory as she opened her eyes, her grip on Eric's hand loosening. His knuckles ran along her cheek in a soothing motion. She leaned into his touch, finding comfort in the softness of his skin. He was offering so much comfort without so much as a word, he placed his lips against her hair and nuzzled the locks. His presence and his caress made the discomfort of labor ease, but he couldn't remedy the pain that came every time she thought of the baby being born too soon. Her knowledge of babies being born at less than forty weeks gestation was limited, but she knew many of the outcomes weren't favorable—some even fatal.

Another contraction reared its ugly head and she once again squeezed her eyes shut, and again she saw their wedding.

She remembered when she slid the ring onto Eric's finger as she said her vows, an action Eric would repeat. Their eyes had remained locked the entire time as they said 'I do' before they were declared husband and wife and Eric was allowed to kiss his bride. He slowly lifted her veil and instantly leaned in to touch his lips to hers, holding the kiss for as long as possible. The joy that had erupted within her at that moment couldn't be matched by anyone on Earth, but now in the present as the contraction waned it was difficult to imagine having such joy when currently there was so much pain.

* * *

By late afternoon the following day, Calleigh had been on the medication for almost twenty hours; however there was any decreasing in the contractions.

Dr. Cameron had just finished examining one of her other patient's and had been about to meet another expectant mother for her check-up before going to look in on Calleigh, but a nurse in Strawberry Shortcake scrubs approached her before the OB/GYN could reach the appropriate exam room.

"Dr. Cameron," she said. "I just checked on Calleigh Delko."

"Has her labor slowed?" Dr. Cameron asked.

"No," the nurse shook her head.

"Did anyone up her dosage?"

"Yeah, about two hours ago, but she's already dilated to eight centimeters."

Dr. Cameron sighed and ran a hand over her scalp; this wasn't looking too bright right now.

"Well, all we can do is wait," she said as another nurse in bright pink scrubs hurried passed them and into one of the rooms; the room the Delkos were in.

Dr. Cameron began to head in that direction, but before she could enter the nurse stepped out.

"Why did she hit the nurse button?" Dr. Cameron asked professionally.

"Her water broke," the nurse answered solemnly.

* * *

There was no stopping the labor now and everyone knew it. Calleigh felt nauseous with fear and she kept hoping she'd wake up and this was nothing more than a terrible nightmare. But Calleigh was becoming painfully aware this wasn't a dream and soon she would be taken to the Operating Room for a Caesarean section, seeing as the baby was still in a breech position and the doctors didn't want to risk delivery naturally, and their baby would arrive far too early.

The nurses prepped her for surgery, giving her a spinal block and keeping a close eye on her and the baby's vitals. Calleigh watched the print out of the baby's heart rate from the machine, her hand resting against her baby waiting for her to kick, to experience some movement from her daughter externally seeing as she was deprived of feeling internally thanks to the epidural.

Eric stepped back in her room as the nurses continued to work around her. He was in a set of scrubs and a surgical mask that he had to wear to be allowed in the OR with Calleigh. Eric took her hand as Calleigh's eyes traveled to meet his; with the rest of his face shielded, she could clearly see the intense worry in his brown eyes and the brave front he had been trying to uphold was fading.

"Can you promise me something?" she whispered, low enough that the surrounding nurses couldn't hear their conversation.

"Sure," Eric said, leveling his head with hers.

"Promise me that you'll go down to the NICU with Brooke," she breathed, her eyes were pleading and it made Eric's heart ache that much more. This shouldn't be happening; this shouldn't be how they were going to meet their daughter. They should been meeting her months down the road without the help of a surgeon and the baby would have been held by her mother instead of being whisked away from her.

Eric promised he would go with their daughter, though he hated having to leave either of them alone, but Calleigh needed to know one of them was by their daughter's side and it was apparent that it couldn't be her.

Calleigh took in a shuddering breath. "When you see her," she began, her voice thick with emotion, "tell her that I love her, okay?"

"I'll tell her," he whispered. "But I think she already knows."

Her lips trembled as she tried to give him a grin of apprehension. The door to her room opened and Dr. Cameron came in, also dressed for surgery, and Calleigh's stomach did a nervous somersault while the speed of her heart increased.

"Is everything ready?" she asked the nurses, who nodded in response. "Okay. Calleigh, we're going to take you to the OR now, ready?"

Calleigh wanted to give the doctor an answer, but a question came out instead. "What are her chances?" It was the question on both of their minds and Calleigh wanted the answer. She needed to prepare herself for the worst because she knew, with her track record, the worst would most likely be what they got served.

Dr. Cameron looked between the couple and sighed. "I'm not going to lie, having a baby this early isn't ideal and sometimes…sometimes the consequences are very, very grave. But I have seen multiple babies survive even if they were born this early, some grow up to have disabilities and some don't. However, it really just depends on how well the lungs, heart and brain are all functioning. The good news is that you've had excellent prenatal care and with the leaps in medical developments, there is a chance for your baby," Dr. Cameron comforted.

Calleigh hated knowing that their baby was now in the hands of chance, there was a _chance _she could die, a _chance_ she would survive and there was the _chance _that their answered prayer was going to be torn away from them.

"Let's get you down there," Dr. Cameron said as they began to wheel Calleigh down the hall.

* * *

There was a divider blocking Calleigh's view from the rest of her body; Eric stood beside her head, smoothing back her hair and looking into her fear-filled eyes.

"Can you feel this?" one of the doctors asked Calleigh.

"No," she replied, not having felt anything.

"Okay," one of the people obstructed from her view said.

The surgery began and Calleigh could feel every touch and motion the doctor's made as they operated, though the pain was completely absent. Calleigh kept her eyes on Eric; somehow looking at his face would keep her holding onto some form of hope. Calleigh knew all the hope he had was probably just a façade to keep her spirits up, but it was enough for her to remain the least bit optimistic despite the grim reality of the situation.

"You're going to start feeling some pressure," the voice of Dr. Cameron warned.

Calleigh hadn't realized how long she had been lying on the table and now their daughter was moments away from being brought into the world. For years she had been waiting on this moment, though she never quite saw the scenario playing out like this.

The pressure the doctor mentioned began and she took a deep breath as the nerves began to pile even higher. Calleigh's eyes moved to the ceiling, listening to the operating staff mumbling incoherently to one another as she waited for a tiny cry. She felt the sensations of the surgery continue, then a strange pulling and then….

"She's out, Cal," Eric whispered to her.

"Clamp," a doctor said, a hint of urgency there.

But Calleigh listened carefully and she heard the machines, she heard the doctors, but not a peep from her daughter.

"Why isn't she crying?" she choked, still staring at the ceiling.

A doctor assured the parents that the baby may not have been crying, but she was breathing; the breathing may have been weak, but it was breathing. Calleigh could barely comprehend that news, there was so much new information and reality crashing around her at once and it was all starting to blur together. She heard something about the umbilical cord being cut, she tried to process the fact her child had now been separated from her and she was now in the hands of someone else; the next phrase her ears caught was that the baby was almost ready to be transported to NICU. A group of people in scrubs surrounded the clear carrier the baby was placed in, one having put an oxygen mask over her face, and were heading to the door.

"Go," she rasped, looking up at Eric with pleading eyes.

Eric, forgetting he had on a surgical mask, leaned down and kissed her forehead. "It's going to be okay," he promised before rushing over to the team of nurses, who now started to push the baby out of the room.

Calleigh craned her neck to try and get a glimpse of the baby, but she was blocked by the team who was rushing her out. Calleigh looked back up at the ceiling and closed her eyes; there weren't enough adjectives to describe the fear she felt and she just tried to ignore the world around her as the doctors sewed her back up.

* * *

Eric had not been allowed in the NICU for several moments while a team worked over his daughter, he watched through the glass, his heart felt as though it were vibrating because it was beating so incredibly fast and he was having trouble preventing his hands from shaking. He didn't want to believe this was happening, that his daughter was being hooked up to machines and having needles inserted while his wife was lying on an operating table, the three of them separated. In reality, however, this was happening and he had to accept it; his eyes stung a little every time he reminded himself of that.

Down the hall came the sound of hysterical crying and Eric turned to see a woman, a Kleenex clutched in her hand, absolutely sobbing and he husband had tears in his eyes as he supported her. A doctor appeared then and placed a comforting hand on the woman's shoulder, who flinched away. The doctor's mouth moved and he was also talking with his hands, Eric could tell it was a form of comfort.

"It doesn't matter!" the woman cried, cutting across the doctor. "H-he's still d-." The woman broke off, unable to continue, though Eric knew she had been about to say dead. The doctor ushered them into what appeared to be his office and closed the door; Eric had lost all feeling in his body.

It was apparent that the couple had lost a child and that their whole world had just been ripped from them in a foul swoop. Eric's mind automatically fell on his daughter inside the glass and didn't even allow himself to think that that could happen to him and Calleigh, though it was certainly a possibility.

"Mr. Delko," a nurse softly said, poking her head out. "You can see her now."

His breath caught and he stepped inside the NICU, his stomach twisting itself into painful knots. He was asked to slide on a plastic covering over the scrubs and then the nurse led him to the incubator where his daughter lay. A mixture of nerves and excitement bombarded him just before she came into view, then he saw her.

His beautiful baby girl rested before him and his heart melted; little Brooke Delko was the gift they had been waiting on for years, now she was here and separated by him by a clear barrier.

Brooke had little hair on her head, but what she did have was dark, and Eric could easily identify features on her face that were Calleigh's. She was covered in tubes and wires that looked incredibly uncomfortable and it painfully tugged at Eric's heartstrings with the slightest burning of tears in his eyes. She was incredibly tiny, not even the size of his hand and some of her bones were visible through the skin that seemed too big for her.

Eric reached through the opening in the glass and touched her too tiny hand. Her reaction was a little delayed, but she did eventually wrap her fingers around one of his.

"Hi, baby," he croaked. "I'm your daddy."


	28. Bittersweet

Chapter 28

Bittersweet

Calleigh remembered being taken to the recovery room when her surgery had ended, none of the doctors or nurses around her seemed to be able to tell her anything about Brooke. Having the baby no longer inside her made Calleigh uneasy, knowing she wasn't sheltering the tiny life anymore and it was in the hands of someone else.

Calleigh tried to wait up for Eric or a doctor to come to her room and give her some details as to the health of her daughter, but the wait continued and she was fighting to keep her drooping eyelids open. She told herself that no news was good news, however knowing absolutely _nothing_ was putting her on edge. Her heartbeat was being monitored on the machines and she could see how fiercely fast it was beating in utter fear. Her head began to ache with tiredness and the numbness was fading and the pain of the surgery was being revealed; she didn't know exactly when she fell asleep.

When she did awake, it was well into the night; there wasn't light coming in through her window. She felt her hand being held, a burning in her abdominal region and her eyes were heavy as she blinked them open; Eric was looking down at her when her tired eyes met his.

"How is she?" were the first words that came out of her mouth.

Eric sighed. "The doctors said that her brain is in good shape…"

"But?" Calleigh encouraged, her stomach jolting uneasily.

He rolled his lips. "But her lungs and heart are severely under developed and…and it's just a matter of waiting." His voice broke on the last word; the idea of waiting longer to determine whether or not their daughter would be safe was almost too much to handle.

Calleigh's chest tightened with emotion, she detested the suspense almost as much as Eric, but tried to bear in mind that Brooke's brain was functioning and that definitely increased her chances at least slightly.

"Can I see her?" she asked, hopeful.

Eric hated knowing he was going to have to deny her that for now, but the NICU didn't allow visitors at this late hour and Calleigh wasn't permitted to leave her bed after just having surgery. He told Calleigh this; her eyes misted over for a moment, but she understood.

"How was she when you left?" Calleigh asked.

"Stable," he assured; it was the best news she received all day. "She was sleeping."

Calleigh's lips tugged at the image of her daughter asleep, only to realize she didn't know what her daughter looked like.

With care, Calleigh shifted over in her bed, creating just enough room for Eric to climb on next to her. He wrapped both his arms around her and drew her closer, Calleigh's head leaning against his collarbone as his fingers intertwined with hers.

"Tell me everything about her," she whispered, her voice thick; she needed some idea as to what their little girl looked like if she couldn't see her.

Eric chuckled, though the foundation of the sound was heavy. "She's tiny, but God, she's really beautiful."

"Who does she look like?" Calleigh asked eagerly.

"Well, she's got brown eyes and dark hair," he began. "But she has your nose, your ears and most of your facial features." Eric could still easily see the perfect little being that was Brooke Marisol Delko and his heart continued to melt even more, but at the same time fear still rushed through his veins.

Calleigh tried to picture her baby, though she was certain the visualization was nothing compared to the true sight of their daughter.

_A few more hours, _Calleigh told herself. _A few more hours and you can see her._

Eric sensed her distress and held her a little tighter, kissing her hair. He wanted to say something to distract her and ease her mind of all anxieties.

"Horatio called," he said. "And my mom, my sisters, Ryan and Natalia. They send their love and prayers."

The corners of her lips twitched at the sentiment of her friends and in-laws. "That's sweet." She hadn't meant for her voice to sound so indifferent, but her throat was so thick it naturally flattened.

Calleigh sighed and relaxed against her husband, attempting to ignore the sense how trapped she felt in this room.

"Why don't you get some sleep," Eric gently suggested, smoothing his hand down her hair. "I'll wake you up when NICU opens and we'll see if you can go see Brooke."

Calleigh was too keyed up to be tired, but sleep seemed the only way to escape this pain filled world and she was willing to take it. She closed her eyes and forced herself into an uneasy sleep.

Eric found sleep a bit more easily; then again he couldn't remember the last time he slept, though he knew it had been over twenty-four hours. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes; he fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

Eric awoke to the feeling of being lightly shaken and a voice, Calleigh's voice urging him to wake up. Eric opened his heavy eyes and lifted his head; his neck was stiff and sore due to the position he slept in.

"What time does NICU open?" Calleigh asked, appearing wide-awake.

"Nine," he said, his voice groggy; Eric looked at his watch. "We still have an hour."

"My God," Calleigh groaned; nowadays that's all her life seemed to be, waiting and waiting and more waiting.

Eric kissed her temple comfortingly before getting to his feet; it took everything Calleigh had not to pull him back towards her.

"I'm going to go and see how she's doing, okay?" Eric whispered; Calleigh nodded, also wanting to learn if their daughter's condition had altered overnight. "Do you want me to pick you up something from the cafeteria while I'm gone?"

Calleigh shook her head, any hunger or thirst she may have had nourished by the fear in her body. She didn't move after Eric left, her eyes stayed transfixed on a spot on the ceiling and not until the door opened did she avert her eyes.

Dr. Cameron came over to her with a sympathetic grin on her lips. "Hey, Calleigh, how are you feeling?"

Calleigh shrugged. "Okay." She answered just to describe how she felt physically; if she were to describe her emotions, she'd of used an adjective less optimistic than "okay."

Dr. Cameron seemed to understand this and didn't press the issue as she examined Calleigh, making sure her stitches from the surgery were healing properly.

"Everything is looking fine so far," Dr. Cameron declared upon the ending of the examination.

"So it would be okay if I went down to NICU to see my baby, right?" Calleigh asked eagerly.

"It should be," she nodded. "As long as you go down in a wheelchair and I wouldn't recommend standing, the stitches are still fairly fresh."

"Okay," Calleigh promised, a blend of excitement and nervousness accelerating through her. "Thank you."

Dr. Cameron gave her a smile and assured her that she'd be back to check on Calleigh later. The doctor stepped out and closed the door; she turned and almost ran into Eric.

"I'm sorry," they both said immediately.

"My fault," Dr. Cameron insisted.

Eric grinned a little before asking. "Is Calleigh okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Everything is healing nicely. She's going to have to take it easy in the next six weeks to recover fully, but I told her she could go down to NICU later if she went in a wheelchair."

Eric knew Calleigh well enough to know that getting her to "take it easy" for six weeks when their daughter was going to be in the hospital for God only knew how long wasn't going to be possible. But Eric nodded anyway and Dr. Cameron walked up the hall as he entered the hospital room to see that Calleigh had barely moved since he had left.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"How is she?" Calleigh asked instantly.

Eric sighed. "Same, according to one of the nurses, but apparently, she didn't sleep too well last night and so she's resting now."

Calleigh sadly looked down at the thought of Brooke being awake and crying for somebody and her parents couldn't be there to soothe her. "Poor baby," she whispered.

"Yeah," Eric quietly agreed as he sat by the bed, gently taking hold of her hand.

This separation was lasting what seemed like forever and Calleigh was becoming more and more frustrated by it; she longed to meet her daughter and it didn't seem fair that she had to wait to meet the baby she had prayed for, carried and now hadn't even set eyes on.

Eventually, the hands on the clock began to move and the NICU was about to open. Eric left the room briefly and returned with a nurse at his side that had a warm smile and, more importantly, a wheelchair. They slowly helped Calleigh out of her bed; she ignored the light burning in her side as she sat in the chair. Calleigh felt her heart thudding and her breaths increasing as the nerves and excitement increased. Eric was allowed to push the wheelchair towards the NICU and he noticed Calleigh's fingers anxiously tapping the arm of the wheelchair.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Calleigh nodded, not trusting her voice enough to talk; NICU was in her line of sight and she could feel her throat becoming tight. The room was coming closer and closer with each step Eric took and Calleigh had to remind herself to breathe when she became dizzy due to lack of oxygen.

"Ready?" Eric whispered at the door; Calleigh felt him tenderly squeeze her shoulder.

"Yes," she breathed with pure certainty.

"Okay," he warmly grinned. They entered the NICU and slid on the plastic blue scrubs; Calleigh noticed her hands were trembling as she slid her arms through the sleeves.

Brooke's incubator was one of the closest to the window and Calleigh's breath caught in her throat as they got closer; finally, Calleigh was able to meet her baby.

Brooke was wrapped snuggly in thick blankets, her body unable to keep warm on its own. Her little face was visible through a little space in the blankets, a tube in her mouth to assist her breathing and her eyes closed in a peaceful slumber. Calleigh felt a small smile tug at her lips in happiness as her eyes filled with hot tears.

With a shaky hand, Calleigh reached through the hole in the side to softly touch the baby with her fingertips, running them from the soft dark hair, over her blanket concealed body and to the tiny feet, being careful of the wires; Brooke didn't stir at the touch and continued to sleep.

"She is beautiful," Calleigh whispered to Eric, who stood at her side and smiled at the sight of his wife and daughter finally meeting. "How much did she weigh?" Calleigh randomly asked, realizing she had neglected to ask that question earlier and was surprised by just how small she looked.

"Two pounds, one ounce" Eric said softly. "Nine inches long."

Calleigh nodded to show that she heard him; the baby being so underweight was just one of many concerns the medical staff and her parent's had, but Calleigh couldn't help looking at her daughter and not see anything but perfection. She wanted to gather this little piece of perfection in her arms and hold her close to protect her from harm, but she was barely allowed to touch her, let alone hold her.

Finally the baby opened her eyes and looked at her mother for the first time; automatically, Calleigh's fingers moved to gently brush against Brooke's cheek.

"Hey, Brooke, I'm your momma," Calleigh whispered.

Brooke wriggled in her blanket and her eyes pinched at the movement for a second and then relaxed again. Calleigh felt a tug at her heartstrings and her eyes briefly left her daughter to look up at Eric, the pain and fear his eyes revealing what she felt in her heart. Now that Calleigh saw Brooke and touched her, the reality of the situation felt very real indeed. Brooke's chances weren't exactly what one would call favorable and it was dawning on her parents that they may never hear her speak, see her crawl or walk, watch her grow and miss out on life. The little miracle they had been wanting for years was now resting before them and could be snatched from them at any moment. Calleigh's deepest fears she had throughout the pregnancy had been realized and now there wasn't anything she or Eric could do to help their daughter except tell her how much they loved her.

Eric took a seat beside Calleigh. "She's a strong girl," he whispered.

"You think so?" Calleigh asked, though she had no doubt about it.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Genetics are a powerful thing."

Calleigh couldn't resist smiling a little; the smile slightly ached on her face.

Eric hadn't any doubt in his mind that little Brooke was a strong fighter, how could she not be with Calleigh for a mother? Fighting to survive had been a task Eric and Calleigh alike had to overcome more than once in the years they'd known one another and he knew the same strength ran in Brooke's blood now; she had already survived her first night in this world and that had to count for something.

One of the nurses came over to check the wires and tubes, soothing the baby when she fussed, but she only truly settled when the nurse walked away and she was left with her parents.

They didn't leave the baby's side for literally hours. Every movement, whether it were the flexing of fingers or how her chest moved when she breathed, was so intoxicating for them to watch and they couldn't vacate their eyes if they tried. They sat and, even though there was a definite fear lingering in the air, the Delko family enjoyed their first moment as just that…a family. The three of them together, sharing their love and expressing the joy they felt to be here together, even if the circumstances weren't desirable.

But that moment soon came to an end and they didn't even realize how quickly the NICU visiting hours had ended; a nurse came over to them and kindly reminded them what time it was.

Eric and Calleigh exchanged a sad look before looking at Brooke and reluctantly nodding.

She brushed her thumb against the back of the baby's hand. "We'll see you tomorrow, sweetheart," Calleigh breathed, her heart aching at the fact there was the chance of there being no tomorrow for her. "I love you."

Then Eric leaned in a bit closer. "We love you very much, sweetie," he whispered. "So…try and get better for us, okay?" He put his fingertips to his lips and then gently put his fingers to her forehead. "Sweet dreams."

Eric got to his feet and got behind Calleigh's wheelchair and they began to leave the NICU; Calleigh kept her eyes on Brooke as she was wheeled out of the room until she couldn't see her any longer.

The trip back to her room was a blur and once she was back in bed she tried to sleep, unsuccessfully. The image of Brooke was infixed in her mind and her heart burned.

* * *

Calleigh sat in her hospital bed that night, leaving the food a nurse had brought in untouched. Her mind was with Brooke and how she was in a little box, hooked up to machines with needles prodded into her and her parents weren't allowed inside to offer any form of love and comfort. That concept made Calleigh's heart shred into pieces and tears continued to sting her eyes, yet they were unable to fall. She had no idea she could be in love with someone so intensely after seeing them for such a small amount of time, yet her she was hurting because of the fear she had for her daughter.

Several people had stopped by since they left the NICU, but Calleigh wasn't particularly up for seeing anyone. They may have meant well, but she couldn't handle the sympathetic looks and condolences they had to offer right now. Eric was the opposite, he needed the interaction from loved ones and talking to them gave him a sense of relief and even hope. Anyone who came by seemed to understand Calleigh's disinterest to socialize and settled for talking to Eric in the hall. He had just taken his mother and father to peer at baby Brooke through the window of the NICU. Carmen's eyes had instantly filled with tears to see her grandchild in such a terrifying situation; she had quietly whispered a prayer as Pavel placed a supporting hand on his son's shoulder.

"Tell Calleigh we love her, okay?" Carmen said softly, giving her baby boy a hug when they decided to take their leave.

"I will," Eric promised.

She leaned out and put her hand against the side of his face. "She's going to be fine," Carmen whispered. "I know it."

Eric simply nodded, hoping with every fiber in his body that his mother was right. He and his father said their goodbyes and his parents looked in on their granddaughter one last time before leaving; Eric thought he heard his mother sniffle, but that may have just been his imagination.

He turned to the glass and sighed. Brooke was fast asleep, she looked completely and utterly content in her sleep and it made his pained heart warm a little.

"Abuela and Abuelo already love you," he smiled, though he knew Brooke couldn't hear him. "And you've got so many cousins who want to meet you and aunts and uncles. Not to mention your extended family at the Crime Lab," he chuckled. "There's Horatio, Ryan, Natalia and Frank and I can go on. There's a lot of people out here who love you and are praying for you to get better, okay? So, just keep holding on, okay? I love you."

He lingered a little bit longer before sighing and heading towards Calleigh's hospital room; when he entered she was curled up on her side and he took his seat beside her bed.

"How're you feeling, babe?" he asked, reaching up to stroke her slightly untidy hair.

Calleigh shrugged. "Lousy."

Eric nodded in understanding. "Me too. Mom and Dad wanted me to tell you that they love you."

Calleigh's lips pulled up a little and briefly thought about calling her own parents to tell them what had happened, but decided against it; she wasn't sure if she could handle them right then, but would reach them when her thoughts were more composed.

Eric's eyes landed on the untouched food on the hospital tray and his concerned instincts instantly took control.

"You have to eat something, Cal," Eric whispered, trying to hide the urgency; he had seen her in a state of not eating and excluding herself before and he wasn't about to see it repeat.

"I'm not hungry," she said, her voice almost inaudible.

Eric reached up to give her fingers a soft squeeze. "You not eating won't help her get better, Cal," he said, keeping his voice gentle. Her eyes briefly met his and she saw how desperate he was to ensure her safety. She could sense where Eric was coming from; neither of them couldn't do anything to help their daughter, but he could certainly make sure that Calleigh didn't return to being so miserable that she refused to eat. Thus, more for her husband than herself, Calleigh reached over to the tray the nurse had brought in and grabbed the bag of carrot sticks. She opened the bag and ate them slowly, not tasting anything; it may not have been the square meal that she probably needed, but it was something.

Calleigh looked out the window and allowed her mind to wander. How had so much changed in such a short space of time? How had the baby, safe and protected by her mother's womb just days ago, become expelled into the world under such ghastly conditions? How had a dream come true suddenly become every parents' worst nightmare?

Calleigh put down the empty bag and only then did she realize she was shaking a little and that tears were slowly filling her eyes; Eric noticed and he moved to the side of the bed, inviting her into his arms. Calleigh didn't bother to attempt to hold back the tears that led into light sobs; what was the point? Her being strong wasn't going to save their daughter. She pressed her face against Eric's chest, softly sobbing into his shirt. He could feel her shoulders shaking and he could feel water seeping through his shirt; he placed a gentle hand on the back of her head and his other arm snaked around her torso to hold her tighter, allowing her to cry. Eric put his lips to her hairline and kept them there, another bullet penetrating his heart to see the woman he loved so full of pain and to know his daughter was in pain; he was determined to keep himself together for Calleigh's sake right now, but he let one tear escape his eye and land in Calleigh's hair.


	29. Something to Believe In

This is a filler chapter and so it's kinda short. Longer chapter next time, I swear.

* * *

Chapter 29

Something to Believe In

One of the nurses brought Calleigh's release papers to the hospital a few days later, but Calleigh had no intention of leaving the building, just the room she had been forced to stay in. Calleigh changed from her hospital gown and met Eric at the NICU where he sat with Brooke, his knuckle ever so gently brushing along her cheek. Calleigh sat approached them in the plastic scrubs and Eric pulled up a chair for her, still determined to make sure she took it as easy so she could make a full recovery.

"Hey, baby," Calleigh whispered to Brooke before looking at Eric. "How's she doing?"

"Same," Eric said softly; there was good and bad news in that statement, she wasn't any worse…nor was she any better.

Calleigh sighed as she watched Brooke, moving her arms and legs in tiny motions; she seemed restless from being trapped in the plastic box and unable to escape to see the world around her. They could only hope one day she would grow, she would get better and the world would be ready for her. When Calleigh tried hard enough, she could see Brooke sleeping in the nursery (which, now that she thought about it, was still unfinished back home), she could see Brooke's brown eyes transfixed on the mobile that hung overhead and smiling in fascination. She wanted the nights when the baby cried down the hall and one of them went to the nursery to feed her, change her or just soothe her; they yearned for those moments and could only hope one day they would get them.

"She's really beautiful, isn't she?" Calleigh smiled in awe at her baby girl, still unable to believe this wonderful creature before them was theirs.

"Yeah," he agreed. "She gets that from her mother."

Calleigh rolled her eyes and smiled at Brooke. "Daddy's being silly, isn't he, Brooke? You'll learn that Daddy is always silly."

"Oh, really?" he grinned, raising an eyebrow. "Well, Brooke, let me tell you a story about Momma. The first day I met her, I was already in love with her-."

"Please," she playfully scoffed.

"Then," he continued as though he hadn't heard her. "I asked her for her number, but she turned me down because she would never want to date someone she worked with. Now _that _was something silly to say, because here we are, years later, married and we have you."

"And it took us a long time to get you," Calleigh whispered. "You have no idea how long we waited for you. No, you don't have any idea, baby girl."

Eric felt a sadness swell up within him at those words; they had waited far too long for Brooke to come and it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that their hopes of raising a child could be dashed or that their innocent baby was going to endure so much pain now and possibly in the future (if she survived the hospital).

Brooke just looked at her mother and father, holding their gaze for a moment before stretching her limbs again and closing her eyes.

"That was a big stretch for someone so small," she grinned. "Are you getting sleepy?"

Brooke blinked her heavy eyelids in their direction, on the verge of sleep but somehow unable to get there. Calleigh then heard a soft tune, a lullaby being sung by a female voice; she realized that it was coming from her own lips. Her instincts appeared to have taken over and she was singing the same song her grandmother would soothe Calleigh with when she was a child; she couldn't believe she had remembered all the words.

"That's right, get plenty of sleep so you can get better," Eric whispered as Brooke drifted away into her dreams; he turned to Calleigh. "Who taught you that lullaby?" Eric asked curiously.

"My grandmother," she sighed. "I used to love going to her house and spending the night there before she died. She was so stable and sweet and it was so different from my house. She taught me how to cook and a few prayers. Thanks to her I can play a few songs on the piano and, best of all, she showed me how to clean a long rifle."

Eric chuckled; seldom Calleigh had positive stories about her childhood, but now there was a lullaby that had emerged from Calleigh's past that now helped Brooke sleep, just going to show how some good comes out of all bad situations.

"Makes me wonder what she would say if she were here right now," Calleigh admitted sadly as she stifled a yawn and rubbed her sore eyes, her body craving sleep; for the last few nights, sleep had been eluding her due to worry and the limited sleep she did have was plagued with nightmares about her daughter and an undesirable future.

"I can drive you home if you want to get some rest," Eric said softly, reaching up to stroke her hair.

Calleigh vigorously shook her head. "No, I want to stay here."

Eric nodded, not at all blindsided by the answer. "Just let me know if you change your mind, okay?"

"Okay," she said, her eyes never leaving the baby.

* * *

"I feel like we should do something," Natalia admitted as she, Ryan and Valera stood in DNA as they worked.

"But what can we do?" Ryan asked, his voice deflated.

"That's what makes me feel so lousy, there isn't anything," Valera sighed. "We can't magically make Brooke better and there isn't anybody who can."

"But maybe we can do something for them," Natalia suggested. "I don't know, maybe we can set something up to get donations for Brooke. It'll probably help them out a little and give them one less thing to worry about."

Valera and Ryan exchanged a look, considering the idea; Ryan nodded. "I like it; it's something at least."

"We should fill Horatio in and spread the word," Valera said.

"I'll look into having a memo sent to everyone," Natalia volunteered. "Has anyone heard from them today?"

"Horatio called them earlier," Valera sighed. "No change."

The disappointment was apparent on Ryan and Natalia's faces. Natalia's mind briefly returned the that day in the restroom when Calleigh told her about the infertility and when Natalia saw the positive pregnancy test that Calleigh didn't want to see the results for. Natalia realized the Delkos had struggled with the challenges the had brought to them by infertility and it didn't seem right that they should be enduring this now, not after all they'd already been through.

"Well, maybe tomorrow things will change," Ryan said optimistically.

The women tried to believe this hope, but hope was something that seemed to be running low in their world as of late.

* * *

The NICU closed for the evening and they reluctantly said goodnight to Brooke; the nights were always a bittersweet prospect, on one hand it meant Brooke survived another day while on the other it meant another fight through the next day.

They left the NICU and went to the near deserted waiting room. They sat down in the less than comfortable chairs and their eyes rested on the television hanging on the wall; it was some infomercial they quickly began to ignore.

"Do you want to go home?" Eric asked.

Calleigh shook her head. "Maybe tomorrow night, but for now I'd just feel better being a few minutes away."

Eric nodded, his feelings the exact same as hers; he wrapped an arm around her and invited her to rest her head against his shoulder and he placed a cheek rest against her hair.

"I'm having a small case of déjà vu," Calleigh chuckled a little in spite of herself. "Only originally we were in an airport."

Eric chortled. "Oh yeah, the night we returned from our honeymoon."

"Yeah," she said with a smile; their flight back home had been delayed due to severe weather and they ended up spending the night there, sleeping in the same uncomfortable chairs. "Remember the days when that was our biggest worry?" Calleigh sighed sadly.

"Sure do," Eric nodded, his tone just as dismal and it was apparent the simplicities of life had long since eluded them. "Hopefully soon our worries will consist of diapers and midnight feedings."

"Hopefully."


	30. Ache

Chapter 30

Ache

Calleigh found herself sitting in the cafeteria of the hospital after NICU closed a few days later; she hadn't been hungry or thirsty, but knew she had to get some nourishment from somewhere. Eric had been sitting across from her, but was now somewhere getting coffee for each of them and she found herself sitting there, just staring at the world around her with disinterest. Her mind was left with the baby girl they had to say goodnight to and it left her feeling completely and utterly hollow; by this point the half eaten sandwich before her had been forgotten.

The sound of her phone rang and she answered it, not bothering to look at her caller ID.

"Yeah?" she asked, not caring if her voice sounded hard to the person on the other line.

"Calleigh," a female voice said, sounding very concerned and slightly taken aback. "This is Dr. Chandler. You missed your last appointment, is everything okay?"

Calleigh looked down at her sandwich to prevent tears from coming to her eyes. "Um…not exactly," she replied, her voice had uncontrollably turned thick.

"What's happened?" she asked, keeping her voice tender and kind.

"I, um…." Calleigh tried to swallow the lump in her throat without success. "I w-went into preterm labor a few days ago and…and they had to deliver the baby."

There was a pause of sympathy from her therapist who then gently asked. "Is the baby okay?"

"We can't exactly say, I mean, preterm is never good, but it's just a-," she stopped to clear her throat, "it's just a matter of waiting to see if she…." Calleigh trailed off, not allowing herself to finish that sentence. Eric returned and sat across from her, placing two mugs of coffee on the table.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Call whenever you feel you need to come in and I'm sure we can work something out, okay?" she said softly.

"Thanks you," Calleigh said as gratefully as she could before ending the call.

"Who was that?" Eric asked.

"Dr. Chandler," Calleigh sighed, wrapping her chilled hands around the warm mug of coffee. "She was concerned about why I was missed my last appointment."

"Oh," he said quietly. "So, um, did she make another appointment for you?" he asked.

"I don't want to leave here just for some therapy appointment, I went to spend every moment possible with Brooke," Calleigh explained.

Eric rolled his lips. "It'll only be an hour or two, Cal."

"An hour or two I could be here."

Calleigh found herself unable to pull away from the hospital save to go home for a shower, otherwise she and Eric didn't leave the hospital.

"Is that really…a good idea, to skip appointments?"

Calleigh pursed her lips and glared up at him, unable to believe his line of thinking. He was concerned about her slipping into depression while their baby was sick; he should realize her emotions were under control and that this wasn't an appropriate conversation to have right now.

"It's fine," she promised, trying to keep calm.

Eric begged to differ; the situation was weighing heavily on them and he feared for his wife as well as his daughter.

"I'm just saying, this is stressful, you haven't had your meds-."

"My God, why are you doing this now?" Calleigh demanded; she then lowered her voice when a woman at the next table over briefly glanced in their direction. "I'm fine; it's Brooke who you need to be worrying about."

"Believe me, I am," he replied quietly.

"Good, keep it that way." Her pain had been boiling over within her and it was getting difficult to contain; it was getting harder to keep her emotions in control and she didn't want to unload on him…though he was making it difficult.

"Well, what it she could fit you in once NICU closes," Eric suggested. "It'd probably be better than you just sitting around here thinking about the negative."

"Fine, I'll make a damn appointment, will you let it go now?" she demanded, her eyes ablaze with aggravation.

They remained silent with their eyes locked in a tense mutual anger, then, without so much as a word, Eric got to his feet and left the cafeteria.

Calleigh sighed and put her face in her hands; she never meant to lose her temper with Eric, who lately seemed to be her only ally. Guilt and pain erupted within her, but she didn't allow tears to form, if they did she wouldn't be able to keep it together. She kept her face in her hands, her eyes in the dark to block out the world surrounding her and grasp control of her emotions; she felt herself on the brink of success when she felt a presence occupy the space across from her. She looked up to see the gentle smile and warm eyes of her mother-in-law.

"Hi," Calleigh said softly, dropping her hands.

Carmen didn't say anything; Calleigh could tell by the look on her face she already knew about the spat she and Eric had had; Calleigh must have been sitting in the same position longer than she had anticipated. The older woman tenderly placed her hand over Calleigh's and smiled kindly.

"You are both scared, you are both stressed, there is no shame in that," she whispered.

"Then why do I feel so terrible?" Calleigh asked with a sigh.

Carmen sadly shook her head. "Because it's a terrible situation, Calleigh."

"Yeah," Calleigh agreed, her voice thick with the emotion she had just tried to get a handle on. "I can't help my baby, Carmen, I feel so…."

"Useless?" Carmen offered. She looked into Carmen's eyes to see them glistening with tears; Calleigh didn't know, however, that the tears were there because Carmen hated seeing her son and daughter-in-law in so much pain, not to mention for the fear of her youngest grandchild.

Calleigh nodded; she knew if anyone could remotely empathize with her, it would be Carmen. The baby she lost may have been a grown woman, but she had lost a child and had almost lost her only son more times than she cared to count and some of the feelings Calleigh was having now Carmen must have shared to some extent.

"I know Eric is just worried, but…but," Calleigh swallowed. "It's not _me _he should be worrying about."

Carmen gave her a tiny grin as she reached up to pat Calleigh's hair. "You're his wife and he's just scared of seeing you go down that road again.

Calleigh bit her lip, once again fighting to maintain composure before exhaling. "I know I shouldn't have gotten mad, I'm just so…so…."

"Scared," Carmen finished for her.

Calleigh nodded. "I can't remember the last time I was so scared."

"And that's okay," she assured her daughter-in-law, knowing fear wasn't something Calleigh would normally admit to. "And I know someone who knows exactly how you're feeling right now."

Calleigh knew she was referring to Eric. "Where is he?" Calleigh asked.

* * *

Calleigh found Eric leaning against the wall across from the window that peered into the NICU and onto a sleeping Brooke. His eyes were fixed on her and he didn't look at Calleigh when she approached him; she wasn't sure whether or not that was intentional.

She stepped in front of him, forcing him to look at her; his eyes rested on her and only then did she speak.

"I didn't mean to lose my head back there," she whispered. "I'm sorry." She looked at her feet, not wanting to chance seeing anger or, worse, hurt in his eyes. Then she felt a pair of arms wrap around her and pull her into his chest; Calleigh returned his embrace and buried her head in his chest, finding immediate comfort.

"We're both getting stressed and…and scared," he sighed.

"Yeah, but we shouldn't take it out on each other," Calleigh said mumbled into his chest. "Not now."

Eric nodded in agreement and she leaned out to look at him.

"I'm really sorry," she whispered.

Eric pressed his lips to her hairline and held them there for a while before saying, "Me too."

They stood there holding one another for a moment before Calleigh was pulled out of the moment by Eric's voice "I think she looks like you," Eric said, smoothly changing the subject to Brooke.

Calleigh could tell he was trying to shift the mood and she allowed him to do so, appreciating that he didn't bring up Dr. Chandler again.

"Do you think?" she asked, turning in his arms to face NICU.

"Yeah, except for the eyes and hair. But I think she's going to look even more like you the older she gets," he smiled. "And I think she's going to be just like you; smart and tough, but at the same time gentle and lovable."

Calleigh laughed at his attempt to cheer her up as they watched Brooke sleep soundly.

Every time they watched Brooke, the fears numbed a little and enormous joy consumed them. Calleigh watched her now as she explored her dreams and her mind slowly drifted to Dr. Chandler. She knew she would have to talk to her soon and Calleigh also knew she had to get back on her medication to stay on track or risk losing precious time with her baby by relapsing back into a state of depression.

Calleigh didn't say it out loud, but she promised to speak to her therapist soon; for the sake of her family.


	31. Hopes and Dreams

Chapter 31

Hopes and Dreams

Almost a week and a half had passed since the unexpected birth of Brooke and her parents, as well as the medical staff, had expected to see some positive change in her at this point, but her condition hadn't altered since the day she was born. Calleigh and Eric hoped that Brooke would show improvement soon and held on to hope each day, but one afternoon Dr. Cameron pulled them aside to speak with them in the hallway.

"Here's what we are looking at," Dr. Cameron said in a sympathetic voice that day. "Brooke may just be a late bloomer and may start getting better very soon, but it is more likely that she won't improve if we don't see a change within the next few days."

This was the news they had been dreading since Calleigh went into preterm labor and now the possibility of Brooke not surviving was very real. Eric felt as though the air had been knocked out of him and his body went completely numb at the news; the idea of losing their baby girl now, especially after spending so many hours by her side, was heartbreaking.

He looked over at Calleigh to see her lips pressed in a firm line to stop her lips from trembling. Her eyes were glassy with tears and she reached over to wrap her hand around Eric's, trying to capture some stability.

"So what happens now?" Calleigh asked.

"Well, her brain is still functioning, but her lungs are just not capable of breathing alone and she's not gaining weight. I'm afraid all we can do is see if she starts becoming less dependent on the air and starts gaining weight. But…." Dr. Cameron kept her voice gentle. "But I'll warn you that many cases I've worked that are like Brooke's have not ended favorably. Now, there's still hope, however I'd advise you not to let them get too high. I'm sorry."

The doctor excused herself, giving the parents time to absorb the news. Calleigh rose shakily to her feet as the news hit her like a ton of bricks. She leaned against the pale blue wall and looked at the ceiling, rolling her lips and trying to stop her hands from shaking.

Eric stepped in front of her and placed his hands on her upper arms. "It's okay," he whispered.

"No, it's not," Calleigh shook her head, chuckling darkly.

There was a pause between them then Eric agreed. "No, it's not."

They took each other in their arms, supporting and comforting one another. Eric could hear Dr. Cameron's voice echoing through his head, hearing the negative outlook of the prognosis and pain rushed through him and it caused him to grip tighter to Calleigh.

She took a deep breath and leaned out. "But she said there's still hope," Calleigh reminded him…and herself; they had to keep optimistic and not lose faith, for Brooke.

"Exactly," Eric nodded, though his voice was still thick with fear.

* * *

It was close to midnight the following night and Eric left to call his parents, who insisted on an update each day no matter how late.

Calleigh stood alone at the window and watched as Brooke blinked her eyes open. Calleigh saw Eric's eyes glint on her daughter's face; there was some form of recognition there, almost as though the baby knew the woman looking upon her was her mother. Brooke made a motion with her arm, almost as though she were reaching out for Calleigh, but Calleigh knew she wasn't allowed inside and her eyes filled with pain she gave Brook a weak smile.

The movement Brooke made with her arm tugged heavily on one of the various wires attached to her. She winced and tears began to fall out of her eyes as she choked uneasily on the tube in her throat; Calleigh knew if the plastic had been absent then Brooke would have been screaming and it still wouldn't be as loud as Calleigh's heart was screaming right then. She bit her lip as tears cascaded down her cheeks; her daughter was crying and she couldn't comfort her. Instead, a nurse came over to whisper comforting words to Brooke, doing exactly what Calleigh longed to do. Calleigh felt a pang of jealousy and gratefulness to the woman standing over her baby; grateful for soothing her daughter's pain, but jealous she had a right to be near her while Calleigh wasn't allowed to get any closer than this plated glass she stood outside of. Calleigh was Brooke's mother, the mother who once thought she'd never be, but she couldn't do anything now to help the crying baby other than cry herself.

The nurse looked up to see the woman, her eyes red and glistening with tears, her face was tired and she appeared to be overrun by fear. The nurse saw that the woman's eyes were fixated on Brooke and she instantly knew this had to be her mother. The nurse, Stephanie, had seen the look a thousand times from many women and every time she did, even though it was against regulation, she had to allow the women in after hours. She was too familiar with the pain felt from seeing their baby in NICU; her son had been born with a heart defect and only survived a few days. Ever since that day, she was unable to resist letting the parents in after closing. Stephanie saw the woman turning and lowered herself into one of the chairs under the window.

Stephanie left the now silent Brooke to step outside; the woman had let her face fall into her hands and she was beside herself with silent sobs, which tugged at Stephanie's heartstrings. She put a hand on one of the woman's shoulders; the blonde jumped a little bit and she looked up surprised.

"Hi, my name is Stephanie, I work inside the NICU," she introduced herself. "You're Brooke's mom, aren't you?"

The woman nodded, quickly drying away her tears.

"Well, I'm the only one on deck tonight; I can let you see her if you want to see her for a few minutes."

A sad smile came to the woman's face. "Really?" she asked, her voice thick; Stephanie nodded. "Thank you."

Stephanie gave her a warm smile and led her into the room; Calleigh thanked the nurse again and instantly went to Brooke's side.

"Hi, baby," she whispered, taking a seat next to her. The same realization filled her eyes when she saw Calleigh. She reached inside to touch her hand. Brooke's fingers gripped Calleigh's ring finger; the touch, as usually, instantly melted Calleigh's heart. Calleigh reached her through one of the other holes of the incubator to touch her soft hair atop her daughter's head. By this point, Calleigh completely forgot she and Brooke weren't alone.

"It's going to be okay, it'll be all right," Calleigh whispered; Brooke moved and flinched again, tears escaping her eyes once again.

"Shh," Calleigh calmed her. "It's okay, it's okay. Momma's here, it's okay."

The tears soon subsided and Calleigh brushed her knuckle along Brooke's soft cheek; she hated knowing this sweet, tiny body was in so much pain and there was nothing that could be done to change that. She hated that the medical staff seemed to only see the lack of improvement in Brooke and not how strong she was. The hope they had seemed hollow and Calleigh couldn't understand how they can be so ready to give up. Calleigh couldn't/wouldn't do that; she refused to let any hope escape until it was declared there was no chance.

Calleigh kept her hand near her daughter, never not allowing contact between them. She ran her fingertips though her hair, over her skin or held Brooke's tiny hand. Eric came to join them, saying nothing as he took a seat beside her, not bothering to question how she was allowed in here at such a late hour.

They barely spoke and just soaked in every last moment possible with their baby; they didn't want to think about it, but these moments could well be numbered.

* * *

Eventually they left the NICU and Calleigh could feel the walls closing in around her as she was emotionally and physically exhausted; she knew she needed time away from the hospital and a moment to get a real night's sleep; before she drove her home and Eric promised he would call were anything to change.

Calleigh made a beeline for the bathroom, making sure not to look at the nursery, and took a shower, making sure to wash away the scent of the hospital and replacing it with vanilla. She didn't know how long she stood in the shower, letting the hot water rain down on her, but she didn't care; it was a way to kill time and the less time she had, the less chance there would be to venture into the uncompleted nursery.

It was late enough when she stepped out of the shower to be called bedtime; she towel dried her hair, changed into an old pair of sweats and one of Eric's shirts before grabbing her bottle of Zoloft and slid it into her purse to have with her for the days to come.

She proceeded to the bedroom and crawled into bed, pulling her covers over her. The house was eerily quiet and she didn't like it; she forced her eyes closed and sank into an uneasy sleep.

The following morning, Calleigh didn't even eat breakfast, her stomach still tied in a series of knots; she simply got up, dressed, grabbed her purse and was out the door. She arrived at the hospital to see Eric outside the NICU, looking through the glass where Dr. Cameron and a nurse examined Brooke.

"Hey," he greeted her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her hair.

"Hey," she replied, resting her head against his shoulder, letting him hold her as tight as possible. "What's going on?" she asked, nodding towards the two women over Brooke.

"Morning check-up, that's all." He said this to not cause her worry, but anytime a doctor came around Brooke, they felt a sudden rush of panic.

They waited patiently for Dr. Cameron to come out and talk to them; when she did, her eyes were serious, but a smile hinted on her pink lips.

"Well, it's not a whole lot, but we are starting to see some improvement in Brooke," she said kindly; the parents exchanged a quick glance of surprise and relief. Calleigh felt her breath catch in her throat; she was certain this was just a good dream, one destined to end at any moment.

"And that's a good sign?" Calleigh asked, needing confirmation.

"Yes. Now the question is if she will keep improving," the doctor said. "This is a good start, but it'll just depend on if she continues down this road."

They realized it was still going to be quite a journey ahead, but at least now that light at the end of the tunnel had significantly brightened.

"You can head in and see her," Dr. Cameron smiled.

"Thank you," Eric replied gratefully before they stepped inside the NICU to see their healing baby.


	32. Holding On Together

I'm sorry this chapter is short, but due to the recent cancellation, I'm not all that inspired, but I felt it would only be appropriate to update and I tried to make this chapter as decent as possible.

* * *

Chapter 32

Holding On Together

The days rapidly developed into weeks and each day Brooke grew stronger, steadily gaining weight, growing and her breathing became easier. They tried to spend every moment possible with Brooke, even though Eric had to return to work while Calleigh stayed on maternity leave, still taking it easy due to the C-section. Calleigh also eventually called Dr. Chandler back and scheduled an appointment.

One evening she stepped into the familiar setting of the therapist's office and it was strangely calming; it was nice to know that at least something remained the same when so much had changed.

"So, how are you?" Dr. Chandler asked as they sat back.

"Well, now that Brooke's getting better, I'm great," she smiled truthfully. "I mean, she still has a way to go, but her condition had definitely improved since she was born."

"That's really great," she said, her voice genuine; Calleigh gave her an appreciative smile. "All this couldn't have been easy on any of you, so tell me about how you've been coping."

The last few weeks, especially early on when all seemed lost, became such a blur and it was difficult to remember how she dealt with the pain; Dr. Chandler seemed to understand this from Calleigh's silence and attempted a different approach.

"Did you stay on the medication while this was happening?"

"I didn't at first," she confessed. "It was at home and her life was in the balance and we didn't want to chance leaving the hospital."

"Understandable," Dr. Chandler nodded.

"But I did get back on them and have been taking them every day."

"That's good, but we only lowered your dosage during your pregnancy. Are you functioning well with it being lower or do you think it needs to go up to the original level?"

"No, I think I'm okay with the level it's at," she said confidentially.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because I feel I'm in control of my emotions and, despite all that has happened, I'm functioning," Calleigh explained.

"Good," Dr. Chandler nodded, making a note on her paper. "And how about Eric? How are you two as spouses handled this?"

"Um…."Calleigh thought over the last few weeks, how much she and Eric had gone through and how this experience had affected them. "Well, we handled everything together and we were there for each other. But I really haven't had the chance to see him lately."

"Why not?"

"Because he is either at work or one of us is home getting some sleep while the other is at the hospital, which is great because someone is always with Brooke, but…"

"But you lose that support and comfort from one another because you never seem him?" Dr. Chandler assumed.

Calleigh nodded sadly. "I mean, he doesn't want to work right now, but with medical bills, car payments, insurance payments…we just couldn't ignore it anymore."

The therapist seemed to understand and gave her a look of empathy before scribbling down a few notes and proceeding with her questions.

* * *

Calleigh's conversation with Dr. Chandler carried with her as she pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. She was realizing how much of the family aspect she had been missing since the three of them seldom had time together anymore. Ever since Eric went back to work, they had been alternating shifts between the hospital and elsewhere and she couldn't remember the last time they had taken a moment to just be a family.

Calleigh was about to remedy that.

She entered the NICU to find Eric holding Brooke by her incubator; she still had to be hooked up to machines and tubes, but the number of them had been reduced and they were now allowed to hold her. Calleigh smiled at the sight and stood far enough away for him not to notice her; she wanted to take in this moment.

He had his head bent over his daughter, inches separating their faces and he was whispering tender words to her.

"When we take you home, you're going to get to sleep in your own crib and Momma and I will get to be with you all night," he whispered, holding her closer, knowing soon the NICU would close and he'd have to say goodnight.

Calleigh smiled and stepped closer to them, only then did Eric notice Calleigh and looked up to smile at her.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hey," Calleigh replied, taking a seat beside them. Calleigh smiled. "I can't get over how tiny she looks in your arms."

Eric chuckled and adjusted the blanket a little to be sure Brooke didn't catch a chill. Fathering had come natural to him, something Calleigh wasn't the least bit surprised about, and she adored just how sweet he was towards Brooke; she had him already wrapped around his finger. "How was your appointment?" he asked.

"Fine," she said. "We talked and she said that she thinks I can keep my meds where they are now instead of boosting them up to the original level."

"That's good," he grinned.

"Yeah," she agreed; Calleigh sighed, looking again at the sight of him and the baby in his arms, and she smiled a little.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded, reaching over to take her little girl's hand, Brooke's tiny fingers curling around her own. "I just can't wait to take her home and then maybe things will quit being so hectic."

Eric laughed. "You think life won't be hectic with a newborn at home?"

"Okay, it'll be hectic," she admitted with a smile. "But at least we'll be home."

Eric nodded, having too missed spending time simultaneously with his wife and daughter. "That'll be nice…Now, what's on your mind?"

Calleigh knew there was no use lying and saying that nothing was bugging her. She met Eric's brown eyes, the ones identical to her daughter's, and told him. "I just wish we had a few more moments like this, you know? Just the three of us."

"I know," Eric nodded. "I was thinking the other day about how we're never in the same building anymore."

"Yeah," Calleigh sighed, her eyes falling to her feet. "But there's not a whole lot we can do to change that is it?"

"Hey," he whispered, catching her eye and making her look at him. "Only a few more weeks."

Calleigh grinned at the thought. Not too much longer and they would be home with their baby girl and, though they may still only see each other for a few moments at a time, at least they would be sleeping in the same bed. Calleigh couldn't remember the last time they had slept in the same bed, sensing his presence beside her as she dreamed and had the knowledge he would be there when he woke up; knowing their daughter would be close by the next time this occurred was the icing on the cake.

Brooke released Calleigh's finger and shifted in her blankets to curl closer to Eric and closed her eyes.

"Someone's getting sleepy," Calleigh observed with a smile.

"Yeah, you've been awake for a while, haven't you, baby?" Eric cooed at Brooke, tenderly rocking her to ensure she slept peacefully. Calleigh placed her head on his shoulder, allowing herself to enjoy the moment, that she missed so much, with her beloved family.

But of course the moment had to end when the nurses announced that visiting hours in the NICU were over; they reluctantly said goodnight to Brooke and left to sit in the waiting room.

"When are you heading home?" Calleigh asked, knowing it was his turn to go home and rest while she stayed in case something changed.

Eric smiled and put his arm around her. "I think I'm just going to stay here tonight."

Calleigh tried to refrain from showing just how pleased she was at the suggestion. "Are you sure?"

He nodded and kissed her hair, inviting her to rest her head against him again.

"Eric?" she said softly.

"Mm?"

"Things are finally working out, aren't they?"

He squeezed her shoulder. "Finally."


	33. United We Stand

Yes, I am still alive! Sorry for the lack of updating recently, for obvious reasons I haven't had much luck in the inspiration department and now I've managed to conjure up a little to write and update. Again, sorry and I hope you guys will stick with me.

As for this fic, it is coming to an end and an epilogue follows after this chapter!

* * *

Chapter 33

United We Stand

"I can't get over how cute she is," Natalia smiled when she and a few members of the team came to visit its newest member. Often they would come by, though in the beginning the visits were often more sad than enjoyable, now it was almost as though they were stopping by to see a perfectly healthy baby at home. Natalia was holding Brooke, who was swaddled in a pink blanket with only a few wires attached to her now.

"She likes you, Nat," Calleigh grinned at the sight.

"But we all know I'm her favorite," Ryan joked.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Natalia retorted, playfully squinting her eyes; Eric, Calleigh and Horatio laughed a little at the light-hearted "fight" between the two. "But she really is so prefect."

"Something else she gets that from you," Eric whispered to Calleigh, who just shook her head at her husband's flattery with a smile on her face.

"Any word yet on when you can take her home?" Horatio asked.

"Hopefully a couple more weeks, but it all depends," Eric sighed.

"I'd bet you guys are ready," Natalia said sympathetically.

"Yeah," Calleigh nodded, her smile a bit sad. "It'll be nice to see her sleeping in a crib instead of an incubator." Eric reached up to rub Calleigh's shoulder, reminding her that soon that dream will be a reality. "But, you know, soon enough."

"Well, when she does get home and you two want to go out on a date or something, I'll babysit," Natalia volunteered.

"Thanks, Natalia," Calleigh smiled gratefully.

"Wow, a date," Eric said, as though the idea were foreign. "When was the last time we had one of those?" he asked Calleigh.

Calleigh shook her head, unable to remember herself. "We may have to take you up on that one, Natalia."

"Just give me a call," she assured them, then she turned towards Horatio. "Okay, Brooke, how about you go say hi to Uncle H."

"Come here, sweetie," Horatio whispered as the baby was placed in his arms. "Hey. Do you remember me?"

Brooke stretched a little in response and Calleigh smiled. "That's a yes."

"It's the hair, isn't it?" he grinned at the little face sticking out of the blanket. Brooke definitely seemed to take well to the team; she always relaxed in their arms and never started crying just because she was switched to another member. And it was no surprise the team took well to Brooke; they had seen Eric and Calleigh's relationship grow through the years and had witnessed their union through matrimony, having a baby together was the icing on the cake. They were in complete awe of how the baby born too soon was healing and how they wouldn't have to see Eric and Calleigh endure the pain of losing a child.

"So, have you guys got the nursery done?" Natalia asked, striking up conversation.

Calleigh hesitated. "Well…the crib and everything is set up, so she can sleep in there, but it's not done."

"But we'll probably end up having her sleep in our room the first few weeks anyway," Eric said; he was standing behind Calleigh, his hands gently placed on her shoulders. They were both excited and nervous at the aspect of bringing Brooke home. On the one hand, it _would _be nice to see Brooke in her own crib without having limitations on how long they could see her, but there was also the anxiousness and fears many parents had when bringing home a preterm baby. But they were trying to remain optimistic and not show their concerns; this was supposed to be a day of friendly visits.

"But Calleigh," Natalia said, her face pulling into a smile that made Calleigh nervous. "Since this little one was in such a rush to get here, Maxine and I never got to throw you a baby shower."  
"Oh, darn it," Calleigh frowned sarcastically. She didn't even want to imagine how over the top the shower would have been with Valera and Natalia in charge; she still remembered how crazy they planned her bridal shower/bachelorette party to be.

"Don't worry, we have plans to fix that," she said with a sparkling in her eye.

Eric snickered at the fixed smile on Calleigh's face; Calleigh gave him a glare and elbowed him in the ribs.

"You know something, Brooke? You're a very lucky little girl," Horatio whispered quietly to Brooke.

He looked up at Eric and Calleigh and everyone knew he wasn't talking about how she had survived despite being born too early. He was referring to how lucky she was to have Eric and Calleigh as her parents; Horatio knew this little girl was going to be the most loved, most cared for and safest baby in Miami.

The team remained for at least half an hour, then Brooke yawned a little and closed her eyes. "Someone's getting tired," Natalia commented with a chuckle.

"Yeah, so that's probably our cue to go," Ryan said.

"Thanks for coming," Calleigh smiled at them as Horatio gently handed her Brooke.

"Of course," Horatio grinned at her. "Goodnight Brooke, goodnight Calleigh."

"Goodnight," she replied before taking a seat; Eric volunteered to walk them out of the hospital.

In the lobby Eric said goodnight to Ryan and Natalia, who proceeded to leave, but Horatio remained; Eric could always tell when Horatio wanted to talk about something and he had that look on his face right then.

"What's up, H?" he asked.

Horatio didn't instantly reply, but rather reached into his pocket to pull out an envelope and handed it to Eric. "From all of us," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Eric, now very curious, opened the flap and pulled out, to his surprise a check; what was more surprising was the dollar amount his eyes rested on. He blinked several times, just to confirm that what he was seeing was real, but he still couldn't force himself to believe what he was seeing.

"What is-?"

"For Brooke," Horatio answered, knowing what Eric had been about to ask.

"H, we can't-."

Horatio held up a hand, halting the sentence. "Her whole family wants her better," he said solemnly.

Family was the only word that could really describe the relationship of the team at MDPD, not a unit, not merely a group of friends, but a family; and to his family, Eric felt a surge of amazement and gratitude. Horatio gave Eric a final smile before too leaving the building, sliding on his sunglasses to protect his eyes from the remains of the setting sun.

Eric remained frozen in the lobby for several more minutes before getting a grip and sliding the check inside the envelope before heading back up to the NICU. When he entered he saw Calleigh holding Brooke and was softly singing to her in a loving, tender voice. Brooke seemed to be falling asleep in her mother's arms and it made Eric smile as Brooke cuddled closer to Calleigh.

"We're going to end making her one of those babies that can't sleep unless someone is holding them," Eric said, only then did Calleigh notice him.

"I'm not too worried about that right now," she replied. "Not when she's this little. What's that?" Calleigh asked curiously when she noticed the envelope in Eric's hand.

For some reason, he couldn't find himself able to say the words out loud and he slid out the check and handed it to Calleigh, grinning a little as he said, "From the team, to go towards Brooke's medical bills."

Calleigh looked at the numbers and her jaw dropped a little. "We can't-."

"That's what I tried to tell H just now," he sighed, taking a seat. "Not that he listened."

Calleigh's heart warmed and she smiled, looking down at Brooke. "You've sure got a lot of people who care about you, baby."

But by now Brooke had slipped into her dreams, not fully knowing that there was literally a team of people who were willing to do everything in their power to help make her better.


	34. Epilogue: Holding On

Finally, this story comes to an end. Thanks everyone for reading, all the reviews, alerts, etc., and for the great patience you've had because I suck when it comes to frequent updates.

Thanks again and I've hoped you've enjoyed this.

* * *

Epilogue

Holding On

An alarm ripped through the silence of the night and Eric's heavy eyes opened to face the blurred red numbers of the alarm clock; he blinked his eyes and 2:30 read clearly to him as he reached across to turn off the crude sound. His eyes adjusted to the dark room, the silhouette of Calleigh lay in bed beside him and beyond her, just beside their bed, was a bassinet that held their baby daughter; Brooke, unlike her mother, stirred at the sound of the alarm and was whimpering at the sound it had made.

Eric got to his feet and rushed to the bassinet, gently lifting out Brooke and holding her against him.

"Shh," he whispered to her soothingly. "It's okay, baby, it's just time for your bottle."

The doctors had given specific instructions at the hospital to feed Brooke every three hours and they had maintained that for the two weeks they had been home. Eric hadn't really thought of it as two weeks, however, due to the rush and blur of the fortnight, Eric felt like it was just yesterday Dr. Cameron had bestowed upon them the news.

* * *

_A total of ten weeks had passed since Brooke was born and now Dr. Cameron was looking over Brooke and her progress, the parents watching with minor anxiety as the doctor checked her reflexes, listened to her heart and ran the appropriate tests. When the examination was complete, she faced Eric and Calleigh and a smile spread across her face._

_ "Two more weeks and you should be able to take her home," she declared; the parents let out a breath they had been holding for the ten weeks and their hearts swelled. "She has met all the requirements for discharge, but we would like to keep her a little longer, just to be sure, and to help you two get ready for taking her home, because obviously pre-term babies may have a different life at home than a regular newborn."_

_ Dr. Cameron instantly started discussing ways to be prepared for when Brooke came home. "We would like to send her home on a heart and breathing monitor that I recommend you use for a few months, just as a way to keep track," she said at one point. Then, "She's going to have to eat every three hours," at another. She recommended for them to take a refresher course in infant CPR and first aid, as well as taking other classes that specialized in bringing home infants that had been in NICU. _

_Throughout it all, they listened carefully as Dr. Cameron explained the precautions and gave them the literature to read to prepare them further. _

"_This should help you two get ready, but if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask," Dr. Cameron said with a smile; she left shortly after, leaving the parents alone with their baby._

_ There certainly was a lot of information to digest and they were certain that caring for Brooke at home wouldn't always be an easy task, but in that moment they just looked at each other and embraced, smiling in delight._

_ "She gets to come home, Eric," Calleigh laughed, her voice thick with emotion._

_ Eric couldn't respond; there were no words to convey the relief, the joy or pure amazement he felt. He smiled into Calleigh's hair as his heart raced in excitement; all of the pain they endured over the last few years came to this, the promise of taking their daughter home. _

_ "You get to come home, Brooke," Eric smiled down at his daughter when he and Calleigh leaned out of the embrace, though their arms were still wrapped around one another. "Yeah, you finally get to see where you're going to live."_

_ Brooke stared up at her parents and, as Calleigh looked into those warm brown eyes, her own began to fill with tears. _

_ "You're crying," Eric observed, knowing the source of the tears didn't come from grief._

_ Calleigh laughed again and looked up at him. "I'm just so happy."_

_ Then the day finally arrived for them to take little Brook home; they put her the car seat and as they pull away from the hospital, the car was saturated with joy and the butterflies most parents felt when it was time to bring their child home. Somehow though, when they showed her around the house and placed her in the bassinet, their worries melted away and they experienced the full impact of knowing their family was now whole._

_ The high Calleigh received from that was cut short, however, as the issue of work presented itself; it was demanded Calleigh return to CSI or risk her employment being terminated. The heads at IAB had been lenient when it came to her depression and the leave she and Eric took when Brooke was born so suddenly, but they decided enough was enough. They told Calleigh to start working full time again right away, however Horatio managed to convince them to let her only work part time to begin with, knowing how important it was to Calleigh to spend as much time with Brooke as possible. _

_ Calleigh had been grateful to Horatio for persuading them of that, as well as everything else he and the rest of the team had done, however it was with a heavy heart she returned to work. On her first day back she found herself unable to completely concentrate, her mind always traveling back to the baby who was being watched by her grandparents. All she could see that day was Brooke's perfect little face, with big brown eyes and soft dark hair, her small body fitting in her arms; her heart ached whenever the image became too tangible and the part time hours began to feel like a grueling twenty-four hour shift. _

_ Eventually, her time at work would be up and she would be allowed to pick up Brooke from Carmen's and gladly invest hours and hours into holding her daughter in her arms, this time knowing she wouldn't soon have to put her down and leave, as the case had been in the NICU. Calleigh soon became used to the arrangement at work and was able to put forth the dedication in her job she was renowned for, though sometimes her mind would wander back to Brooke and the dull ache would return. Then she'd remind herself that at least they had a baby that was home, safe and much healthier than they could have hoped for; that would usually make her smile and forget about any pain she'd feel._

* * *

Eric walked out of the bedroom as quietly as possible as to not disturb his wife, who looked completely at ease during her sleep. Eric couldn't blame Calleigh for being so utterly exhausted, with working part time, taking care of Brooke when home and running on minimal sleep anyone would be exhausted, but he knew Calleigh wouldn't trade those exhausting hours of mothering for the world, he knew she cherished them for all they were worth. How could she not with all they had been through to achieve their tiny miracle?

The highlight of Eric's day was coming home after a work to see Calleigh walking around the kitchen or living room, Brooke swaddled in blankets and being tenderly held in her mother's arms while Calleigh softly sang her to sleep. By this time of day, Calleigh would have changed from her work clothes and was in sweats and an old shirt, her hair would be pulled back into a ponytail that wouldn't necessarily be flawless and every inch of her face would suggest she was tired; then he would see the smile on her lips and any trace of exhaustion would vanish.

Eric crept into the kitchen to prepare Brooke's bottle, careful to make as little noise as possible while doing so. The bottle began to heat and Eric walked around the kitchen, his baby cuddling into his chest; the blanket Carmen made was wrapped loosely around her, one of her tiny hands clutching the edge. He wrapped the blanket around her a bit more and kissed her forehead. Brooke was looking at him, her eyelids drooping slightly over her eyes as she began to contently suck her thumb; the simple action made his heart melt.

"I think you get more adorable every day," he smiled down at her.

Once the bottle was prepared and Eric tested the formula on his skin, he sat on the couch, Brooke resting perfectly in the crook of his arm. He offered her the bottle, but she turned away from it, still sucking her thumb and looking on the verge of sleep.

"I know you're tired, sweetie," he whispered. "But you have to drink this and then you can go back to bed."

With his pinky, he gently removed her thumb from her mouth and tried the bottle again, this time she accepted it.

"There we go," Eric smiled, tipping the bottle to the appropriate angle. "You see, having this will make you grow big and strong."

These were the moments he had always fantasized having during his future with Calleigh, feeding their baby late at night as Calleigh slept due to sheer exhaustion; sure, the journey to this moment had been very different than he pictured, but the destination was almost the same and felt just as incredible as he expected.

Eric sat there until the final drop of formula was gone and it was time to put Brooke back to bed, but now she seemed determined not to close her eyes and stare up at her daddy.

"You wanted to sleep a few minutes ago," Eric sighed, smiling and rocking her in a soothing motion. "Are you trying to mess with me?" he asked playfully; Brooke simply began sucking her thumb again in reply. "Okay, you can stay up for five more minutes, but don't tell Momma I let you, okay, or we'll both be in trouble. We can have this be our first father-daughter secret, sound good?"

Eric got to his feet and walked down the hall, turning into the almost-completed nursery; how they'd managed to bring the nursery together with everything that was going on he'd never know. The walls were now completely painted, the crib assembled, the changing table done, and, thanks to Natalia and Valera's promised baby shower, they acquired many of the odds and ends such as clothes and pacifiers. Slowly but surely the room was coming together and it would soon be possible for Brooke to start sleeping here—though they would probably still keep her in their room longer anyway.

"How're you liking the nursery?" Eric asked, turning on the light to bring on the room's full beauty. "You know, one day you're going to be sleeping in here and playing in here. You're going to have a lot of fun," he added, kissing her forehead.

He walked over to the crib where there was a musical mobile; he pressed the button and a soft lullaby circulated around the room.

"I'd sing to you, but my voice isn't as soothing as Momma's," he whispered.

"Oh, I don't know about that, you've managed to sing her to sleep a few times." Eric turned to find Calleigh in her robe, smiling and leaning against the doorframe.

"What are you doing up?" Eric asked her with a smile at her untidy hair and the circles beneath her eyes.

She shrugged and approached them. "I woke up and had a feeling you'd be in here."

Brooke saw her mother and stretched her arm out to her. Calleigh leaned over Brooke and kissed her as her tiny finger wrapped around her own; Calleigh smiled and leaned against Eric's arm.

"You look tired," he commented.

"We'll all go back to bed soon enough," Calleigh said. She just needed a moment to absorb the room that had developed into a nursery. A room that had once contained hope then bitter disappointment had transformed into one of joy and practically perfection.

The music from the toy began to soften and fade as the lullaby came to an end; Brooke's eyes began to close and her grip on Calleigh's finger loosened.

"She's starting to doze off," Calleigh whispered, sliding Brooke's arm back into the warmth of the blanket; without words, Eric transferred Brooke into Calleigh's arms, who held her close and began to rock her gently. She loved holding her baby so close and feeling her relax as Brooke fell into a deep sleep; Eric knew that and adored seeing the smile that appeared on Calleigh's face.

He lowered his lips to her ear and whispered the words that he had said countless times and would never quit saying…and that Calleigh would never get tired of hearing.

"I love you," Eric breathed. "Both of you."

Calleigh smiled up at him, "We love you too."

Eric wrapped an arm around her, letting her lean into him as they looked down at their beautiful daughter who had now vanished into her dreams. They weren't sure how long after Brooke fell asleep that they stood in the nursery, though it truly didn't matter; all Eric knew was that he was holding on to the family he had longed for years and he would never let go.

**The End**


End file.
